Chapter One

I woke up groggily. My eyes looked around the brightly lit room. The walls were all white with posters that had information on them. My bed was white and uncomfortable. Everything was white. My head was pounding and my body ached.

I looked at my hand and I saw a needle, an IV. My left arm was wrapped up nice and tight. My ribcage hurt and I could hardly breathe. Something was in my nose. A beeping noise was coming from where in the room. I looked to my right to see a figure sleeping on the couch.

Her face was covered by her blond hair. On the table, next to her, was different kinds of balloons, a vase filled with flowers, and a big teddy bear. I looked out the window and it was dark outside. Where am I? I tried to talk but my throat was dry. What happened?

The door opened and a nurse walked in, smiling.

"Look who's up." She said, standing beside me, checking my vitals.

The figure who was sleeping woke up, revealing her face. Teri, my cousin. What was she doing here? She gave me a small smile. She looks like she's been here for days.

"Did you tell her?" The young nurse asked.

Teri shook her head. "She's been in and out. I haven't had the time to tell her."

I frowned, confused. I finally found my voice. "Tell me what?"

Teri glanced at the nurse and then she took a deep breath before exhaling. Her brown eyes turned sad and serious.

"Aud, you've been in a car crash and had some injuries." She stopped, then she continued."We knew you where in pain so the nurse knocked you out for a couple of days."

"Okay." I said, trying to remember."I was in a car crash. What else happened?"

She shallowed then grabbed my hand. It pained her to say what she had to say."While you were out, your parents and Ryan died. Their injuries were worse than yours."

I jerked my hand back and stared at her, looking in her eyes to see if she was making a mistake. That she was wrong. But she wasn't.

Tears rolled down my checks. "What? No." I shook my head, not wanting to believe it."That's not true."I tried tearing at my IV. "Mom! Dad! Ryan! It's not funny. Where are you!"

Teri held me while I sobbed on her shoulder. Why did they leave me? Why didn't I go with them?

I blink back tears that threatened to fall out. I close my eyes and let out a shaky breath. I glance at my clock. 5:30 am. I throw the covers off me and get up.

I throw on running shorts and a tank top. I put my hair in a ponytail and grab my keys as I walk out the door.

I look around. The streetlights are still on. The street is quiet, everyone is still sleeping. I pick a way to run and jog. Having no real destination, I run to clear my head.

I listen to the sound of my feet hitting the pavement. It follows its own beat. It's been two weeks since I lost my family. Two weeks I've been drowning in dark waters. There's no surface. I feel pain and sorrow everyday. I wake up hoping it's a dream but it's not. This is reality. My nightmare.

In the past two weeks, I build so many walls. My feeling,and passions aren't allowed out and nothing is allowed in. Everyday, I wait for the numbing.

It makes everything better. I don't feel the pain or sorrow. But it only last for a while. Then the feelings are back.

I try to forget but I feel horrible, guilty. I feel like I'm cheating them out of remorse. If I'm not thinking about them, who is? They deserve at least that, right?

I don't expect everyone to think about them everyday or feel sorry for me. No, I expect them to remember them. To remember all the good memories they made. They deserve much more. They shouldn't have died.

Teri thinks it's better if I move with her to California. She said it'll help me move on, help ease the pain.

I have doubts about it, but I agree to move with her. We waited until after school was over to pack.

Those two weeks were unbelievably hard. I fake a smile, through the tears. Petending I was okay even though I was breaking down on the inside.

Everyone gave me sympathic looks as I walked down the hallway. But no one dare to talk to me. They feared they would say they wrong words or didn't know what to say. My friends, stopped talking to me. I was lost. Never to be found. To them I'm a ghost. I could hear their voices.

"Dude she lost her family..."

"She's at the edge. It's only a matter of time before she jumps."

"She's gone. She's in too deep."

And I wonder if they are right. Will I jump?

No, Audrey. A voice tells me. You are a fighter. Stay strong.

Stay strong? How am I suppose to stay strong when I feel so weak?

I stop running, and fall to my knees. I'm on the verge of tears. I wrap my arms around me. I'm falling back into the black waters. And there's no one to save me.

Once I can catch my breath, I walk the four miles back to my house. The sun is breaking through the horizon. The stars are starting the fade. The birds are up, chirping away joyfully.

I dread for this day to come. I don't want to leave but it's already set. Teri has everything ready. The movers will be here at noon.

Everything is happen so fast and here I am, slowly fading into the background.

I open the front door and walk in, silently, closing the door. I head to the bathroom and take a shower.

As soon as I get out, Teri is waiting for me outside the door. She's still in her pajamas and her blond hair is a wreck.

"Where did you go?" She asks, stepping aside, letting me go by.

"I went for a run." I tell her, walking out the bathroom."Dr. Scotts says it can help ease some of the pain."

He didn't exactly say that. He told me I need to stay active and heathly. He worries I might fall into a deep depression if I'm left alone or doing nothing. He also told me that I need to never stop playing music. That it'll keep me strong. Give me comfront.

I never felt so much rage in my life. How did he know what will give me strength and give me comfront? He doesn't. He doesn't know one thing about comfront. Music is one thing I know isn't going to help me.

Music was always a place I could escape to. But now it's a constant reminder, that they're not here with me. I'll never see their smiling face or hear them laughing. Music is a memory I want to erase, completely. I never want to sing or play music again.

You'll think it'll bring you closer to them, knowing they're listening from above. But yet I feel so far away from them.

I get dress and head to the kitchen. Teri made oatmel. I don't feel like eating but I don't want Teri to worry.

I sit down and take a spoonful of oatmel and shove it in my mouth.

Teri's talking but I don't hear a word she says. I just nod and agree, eating the oatmel, not tasting it.

There's a knock on the door and Teri frowns, getting up.

It's barely 7:30 am. I stir my spoon around the bowl, losing my unexisting appetite. I push the glass bowl away and turn to look who's at the door.

Teri is nodding her head and talking quickly. She blocks the door from my view. Sparking my curiosity. I stand up and slowly walk behind her. I peek around her shoulder and rage shoots through me.

His eyes shifts to me and Teri knows I'm standing behind her.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, icily.

Teri moves, opening the door wider.

"Aud. Audrey" He corrects himself. "I come to see if you were alright. I just got back, last night. I heard about what happened."

Standing in front of me is Jason Shaws. My cold hearted ex. He hurt me in way that I can never forget or forgive. He's the reason why I won't allow myself to fall in love.

When I needed him the most, he betrayed me in the worst way possible. It's bad enough hearing about what happened but seeing happen with your eyes, is a whole nother story.

I watched him sleep with the person I was suppose to trust. I trusted her with everything. She was my best friend or I thought she was.

Everyone knew about them. Everyone except me. He didn't even have a reason why he did it. He just did it. And as for Kara, she wouldn't even look me in my eyes.

"Why do you care?" I ask. "If I remember correctly you never cared about me. You were too busy sticking your tongue down Kara's throat."

He can't say anything. He's stun. Finally he finds his voice.

"I did care for you." He says, softly. "Even after all I did to you, I cared about you."

I snort. "You sure had a funny way of showing it." I shake my head. "You're pathetic. Good for nothing." I stop. "No I take that back. You know what you're good at?" I cross my arms."You're good at opening my eyes to see how sad, lonely and desparate you are. You showed me how better off my life is without you."

He doesn't say anything. He just stares at me.

I smile. "Tell Kara I said hi." I slam the door in his face. Teri doesn't say anything. I'm glad she doesn't.