CHAPTER ELEVEN

The ache in Ryan's chest was unlike any he had ever known before. He was numb. Marie had just died in his arms. What the hell was happening?

"I... I didn't know," Janna said in a horrified whisper.

Ryan forced himself to release Marie's body. He kissed her forehead before wiping away his tears. "This is your fault," he spat at Janna as he stood up. "If you had answered me, she'd still be alive."

"You didn't tell me it was Marie..."

"You didn't give me the chance to." He wanted the anger. Where was it? Why couldn't he feel angry? Instead, he simply stated facts.

"This isn't Janna's fault. What was Marie even doing here?" Dean asked.

"She went to the bathroom. They must have grabbed her. They called me and told me they had her. I came. They still killed her." Ryan took a final look at her body. He adjusted his jacket over her so she would stay warm and safe. "I'm going home now. I need to clean myself up."

I need to wipe her blood off of me before I go insane, he added silently. He walked away, barely hearing Dean shouting after him and Janna telling Dean to let him go.

Ryan had nearly reached the subway when Mark appeared with his car. "Get in," he said.

"I'll get blood all over your car," Ryan replied numbly.

"I can afford to have it detailed. Get in."

"She's gone."

"I know. Zane felt her cross. Get in the car, Ryan."

"No thanks. I think I'll walk."

"To Queens? No. I don't think so."

"I don't want company."

"Maybe not, but you need it, Kid. Get in the car. Seriously. I'm wasting gas here."

Ryan knew Mark wasn't going to go away. "Fine," he said. He got into the passenger seat.

Mark reached out to touch his arm. "Don't," Ryan said firmly.

Mark nodded. "I'm sorry, Ryan. I really am."

"So am I." The rest of the ride was silent.

*

When Ryan woke up the following morning, he was not in his apartment. He recognized the décor. It was Mark's place. He didn't remember going there.

"You're up. Good," Mark said. "How do you feel?"

"Like hell," Ryan replied.

"That's about right." Mark handed him a cup of black coffee. Ryan downed the caffeine in less than thirty seconds.

"I'm clean," Ryan commented. "And these aren't my clothes."

"You blacked out in my car. I decided you'd be better off here with me than alone. I cleaned you up. You can keep the clothes. I've got more."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

"What are we doing today?"

"Meeting at Zane's."

"I figured that much."

"I don't know beyond that."

"Did they get her home? To her parents?"

"Yeah. They're pretty devastated. I have no idea how Zane explained away her death considering they're mortals."

"Is there going to be a funeral?"

"Yeah. They're in shock but of course they're planning her funeral."

"I mean with us."

"Considering we even had one for Lily, I'd assume so."

"I don't want Janna to run it."

"What?"

"She shouldn't have anything to do with this funeral." Slowly, the entire story spilled out of him. Mark watched him in horror that soon turned to anger.

"Isis always was a sanctimonious bitch. You're right. She shouldn't preside over the ritual and she shouldn't write it, either," Mark said when he had finished. "She has no right after what she pulled."

Ryan nodded. He had no more words.

"I'll make it happen," Mark promised. "I know a guy. She'll have the send-off she deserves."

"She was only eighteen."

"I know."

"She didn't even unlock her soul."

"I know, Ryan."

"This shouldn't have happened."

"Agreed."

     "Mark..."

     "Yeah?"

     "This sucks."

     "I know that, too."

     "This is my fault..." Ryan said softly.

     "Like hell it is," Mark replied sharply. "If Janna hadn't ignored you, Marie would have had a chance. You did everything you could for her, Ryan. You can't blame yourself. You'll drive yourself insane."

     "I'm already there."

     "Need a good shrink? I know a guy."

     "No thanks. I'm not a big fan of therapy."

     "How can I help, Kid?"

     "I don't know if you can... But thanks for trying, Mark. You're about a thousand times better than Janna right now."

     "No problem. I'm the last person to judge someone based on the actions of their soul."

"Let's hurry up and go to Zane's," Ryan said suddenly. He knew it seemed abrupt, but what else could he say? They had business to attend to. There was no time to mourn or blame himself, and on some level, he knew Mark was right. It wasn't his fault... But then why did he feel so guilty?

Silently, he vowed, They'll pay, Marie. I promise you that.