It's been 4 months, it's December now, Ritsu has progressed as a drummer, Rinka does her best to manage our group and I do my best to write the songs.

It's Sunday, Rinka and Ritsu take this day for them. I'd love to be like them, but I can't.

I still dream of Haru at night, I know it's wrong, I don't know why I can't stop thinking about her.

It's only 10am, I need some fresh air.

 I go outside, it's so cold and it snows. If I didn't leave, I would have been inside, training or hurting others to be the number one.

It's almost Christmas, there are decorations everywhere I go. There's also couples everywhere I go.

I get reminded of Haru often, it still hurt.

The cold is really strong, I always loved the cold, but it's a lot, even for me.

I take refuge in a library, there's no one in it, and it's pretty warm here.

There's only the librarian at the counter. She looks and smiles at me, I wave at her.

I might as well read a book if I'm here, I've never read really any.

There's a book named "dear diary", I'm not sure what is it about.

I read a few pages and quickly lost interest, Reading isn't for me.

"You're not a fan of the book I wrote, I see."

The librarian sneak up on me, I didn't notice she was here.

"You wrote it?

"Yes, I wrote some of the books here, but you don't seem interested in books."

"How can you tell?"

"You're picking books, reading one page, and putting it back in for an hour now."

It's an hour, I'm here? I mean, it's pretty relaxing here.

"It's true, I should leave now."

I was planning to, but the winds are really strong outside.

"You should stay here. You don't have to read, you can just use your phone if you want."

"I'd feel bad coming here and not reading at least a book."

"Then you can read shorter stories, or read a genre that interest you."

"I don't really have anything that interest me."

"Reading books is like escaping to other worlds, it's impossible that there isn't one you'd like!'

She seems really passionate about books, we talked for a few hours.

After a while, I don't if it was because of fatigue or sadness, but we talked about my past. I only talked about it to Rinka before.

"You did bad things, but I feel bad for what happened to you."

"Don't be, it's over now."

"I know you still feel bad."

She suddenly hugged me, I have my head on her chest, I can feel her boobs against my face. It's soft, I feel safe but not like with Haru, it's like I feel so much this time.

I hold her back, and we stay like that for a while.

I fell asleep, when I wake up I realize I was sleeping in her arms.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine. You're cute when you sleep." She smiles at me gently. She continues to hold me and caress me, I don't feel any fear with her.

My phone ring, it's Rinka. She sent a text to ask where I am, it is late, and I didn't plan to stay that late.

"I'm sorry, I need to go now."

"You can come here again whenever, even if it's not to read books."

She kisses me on my cheek and give me one of her book.

"You'll read it when you have time."

"Thanks."

I go and return home for today, I don't understand why she made me feel like that.

Maybe I like her too.

I'm back at home. Me, Rinka and Ritsu decided to share one. As idols, we weren't rich, but now that we aren't idols it's even harder.

"Where were you, Fuyuko?" Rinka seemed worried about me.

"I'm fine, I was at a library."

"A Library? Are you sure you're okay?" I know I don't read often, but not that much.

"It was cold, and I met a friend there."

"Really? How is he?"

"It's a she. She's nice, calming, caring, cute."

Rinka looks at me with a suggestive face and get closer to me.

"A "friend"? I think there's more. And what's her name?"

I forgot to ask her, I look at the name on the book she wrote.

"Ren. She's named Ren."

"That's her book?" She takes it from my hand and open it.

"She even gave you her number, I see."

"She did?" I look and see her number with written call me with a heart next to it.

"She wants more than being friends, you know?" She still has that dumb look on her face.

"No, she doesn't."

"You don't want either?"

It's true that I don't want to get involved with love after what happened with Haru, but I do feel something with her.

Especially when she held me against her chest, I really felt something I didn't before. I really want her to hold me again.

"Fuyuko, you're drooling." I quickly wipe my mouth and act like nothing happened.

"Anyway, I'll see how it goes with her, there's no need to rush."

"I already know the end though."

"Don't you have a boyfriend to annoy instead?"

"If I can't annoy my friend, is it really my friend?"

My phone ring again, it's Ren, she sends a text. Rinka come closer to read it.

"She wrote, "I really enjoyed our time together, I hope we'll be able to spend time together again <3". She's really into you."

I blush and put my phone away.

"Isn't it time to eat anyway?"

After eating, I go to sleep, should I go see her again?

I watch the snow fall over the window. She's pure like a snowflake, maybe it's better I get away from her. I don't want to hurt her.