BOOK TITLE: Just One Puff.

REVIEWER: jes_uba123

AUTHOR : B00kworm_22 /Grace Archer.

GENRE: Teenfiction.

COVER: 10/10

Your cover was good. It really described the man in the picture which I believed to be Aiden.

I could tell he was a dark person - someone going through something hard and difficult, so yes, it really matched his character.

It was simple and gave off a teen fiction vibe which I liked. The font used was a good one too! Kuddos to you because some authors find it difficult to get a good cover to match their storyline.

TITLE: 10/10

Great title! I liked how short and simple the title was. It was easy for readers to easily capture and know what the book is actually about.

Last and not the least, it differed from other book titles on Wattpad. *thumbs up*

STORT DESCRIPTION : 5/10

Your story description was good but I wouldn’t say it was the best either. I’d be glad if you can remove the ‘Halcyon’ part and add it as the last thing rather, not to confuse the readers.

The thing you were using to separate the ‘Come on, it’s just one puff man’ from the other paragraphs, should be changed to something else. Something more appealing than using the plus sign.

This sentence I picked, has the absence of punctuation marks and without these punctuation marks, it changes the meaning of the sentence, so the one above clearly meant that he’s a ‘proud man’ but the one I’m about to show you, means, he was talking to a man not describing him. This is how it’s supposed to be:

“Come on, it’s just one puff, man.”

Your description wasn’t really realistic. Having a perfect life? That’s just not possible. Whether rich or not, there are always flaws with human beings.

I’d love if you could also tell the readers more about what the book contains, we haven’t really gotten much information (e.g what makes him a perfect person? His girlfriend, how did they meet?)

I quote from your book:

Aiden Novak had everything. Perfect body with toned abs and a lean figure. Perfect marks in the perfect college, The University of Chicago for Oncology and Cancer. The perfect internship at the Northwestern Memorial Hospital.

The position of words and how to combine them using conjunctions, really matters. The use of comma after ‘college’ in the above paragraph isn’t supposed to be there since you started with a capital letter in the next word. This can be:

Aiden Novak had everything. An ideal body with toned abs and just the right lean figure. He was able to grab for himself, perfect marks in college which made him eligible for a scholarship at the University of Chicago for Oncology and Cancer and then, the internship at the Northwestern Memorial Hospital.

Nonetheless, nice description. Keep it up!

PAGE LAYOUT : 8/10

The way you structured your paragraph was good but some were too long. It would be best if you used a maximum of four (4) to five (5) lines for the long paragraphs because most readers get bored or lose excitement to read on when they see a long paragraph ahead of them. Keep in mind that you are trying to draw people to read your book with enthusiasm to the end.

Your spacing was good, keep it up! It made the book fluent but there’s a part that needs to be fixed. I quote from your book:

Aiden shrugged. He conflicted against the urge to shout
“That was nothing…”

This is supposed to be:

Aiden shrugged, he conflicted against the urge to shout, “That was nothing…”

I love the neat work! Not all books can be kept neat, some are disorganized and messed up but yours was perfect. Kuddos to you!

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT : 8/10

I love your character, Aiden. The way you were able to express his thoughts, his actions and describe him for the readers to have an idea of how he looks like, was tremendous.

He started off as a quiet person, one to ignore people and their unremarkable actions. He kept his thoughts to himself but then at the ending (chapter 7), the girl that triggered him to replace the absent doctor, took him out of his comfort zone. I thought he was going to ignore her and maybe walk out but he didn’t! That’s what brought your character to match with reality and differ from other characters because most authors on Wattpad would have made him walk out (cliche).

The same thing goes to the rest of the characters, Isabelle and the green eyed girl. You brought them to life and they matched with reality perfectly. Amazing!

You keep changing Isabelle’s name. From the description, her name was Isabelle but at a particular point in the book, you used the name Isabella. I quote from your book:

…his cronies laughing, joking about Aiden liking Isabella.

But overall, outstanding character development!

Grammar/Vocabulary/Spelling: 6/10
~ Your vocabulary was great! Bravo! Excellent! You used the words correctly and your spelling of words were fantastic.

~ The grammar was okay! Firstly, I’ll talk about the use of your tenses. You have to be stable. If you’re starting with past tense, be consistent with it, if present tense, then do the same. I quote from your book:

He had donned the baby blue garment which was requisite. In his hands lay a clipboard.

This should be:

He had donned the baby blue garment which was requisite. In his hands laid a clipboard.

There are more but this was the only one I could pick for now, so please correct them.

~ The use of comma too: If commas are not used properly or where they’re supposed to be used, they can make a reader read a text wrongly, disrupt the fluency and make it difficult to read the text. I quote from your book:

His mind was in disarray as it floated among the thick outlandish fog, evergrowing confusion making his wild feeble heart jump in a flurry, trying to create the divide between dreams and reality.

This should be:

His mind was in disarray as it floated among the thick, outlandish fog, ever-growing confusion, making his wild, feeble heart, jump in a flurry, trying to create a division between dreams and reality.

~ Before uploading a chapter, kindly read through it to make sure you haven’t missed any word or else it confuses the readers. I quote from your book:

The fellow students were ones the world could take sight of…

This should be:

The fellow students were the ones the world could take sight of…

~ The point of view you decide to use should to be stable. I quote from your book:

…she slipped her hand in his, the soft skin gliding across my skin smoothly, making his heart flutter.

This should be:

…she slipped her hand in his, the soft skin gliding across his skin smoothly, making his heart flutter.

However, the vocabulary used in describing was fantastic! Keep it up!

Communication with readers: 5/5
Your communication with readers was phenomenal! I looked through your comment section and noticed that you reply to most of them and such habit can keep a reader to continue reading your book.

GENERAL SATISFACTION : 12/15

I was really satisfied with your work! It was interesting to read, especially the descriptions but sometimes you have to keep in mind that, a lot of description can pull readers away. At least, try to insert more conversations in between. It was a pleasure reading your book.  The pleasure I got from reading your book is still wobbling in me in an exciting state.

Nevertheless, try as much as possible to look through the corrections and advice I gave in this review. Kuddos to you once again!

TOTAL: 64/80

THANK YOU FOR SUBMITTING YOUR WORK FOR REVIEW. WE WISH YOUR WORK MORE SUCCESS- TSC