BOOK TITLE : Suspicious Evidence

REVIEWER : ruh_says

AUTHOR : Dorcasdeke

GENRE: Mystery

COVER: 7/10

This one is decent. Font is good but it would have been better if you increase opacity of it as this one is not clear enough. I think can do better with cover.

TITLE: 9/10

I like the title. Gives an adequate thrill to click read for mystery lovers. Well trust me, I read lot of mysteries. It’s kinda my soul genre. So I was definitely excited to read it.

BLURB: 7/10

Blurb is intriguing. But there are some grammatical errors, I would like to bring them to your notice. I think you should discard Unknown’s pov from blurb, it will do better without it.
In next para, you have used encounter twice in single sentence sounds bit weird. Instead I suggest if you could use some other synonym. For instance-
‘what happens when all men she meets dies right after their encounter '

PAGE LAYOUT (paragraphs, spacing, lines, order of sequence, neatness): 7/10

As your story lacks in descriptions, there are more of dialogues. So few paragraphs here and there are decent. But chapters are shorter than the average length. Maybe you could work on length of chapters. Overall neatness is average too.

GRAMMAR / VOCABULARY / SPELLING: 7/10

Writing style is extremely simple, no high-ended vocabulary is used. As the story falls under mystery and crime, I suggest to be more creative with vocabs and writing style. There is place where past and present tenses are jumbled together please choose one and edit according to that.
There are few sentences, like
“it is morning already?”
as you see Ema is asking a question you can better write
“is it morning already?”
there are few more sentences like such in later chapters
There is a sentence where Ema says
“you don’t know nothing”
I think you meant either of these
‘You don’t know anything’ or ‘you know nothing’
When Ema narrates about her father, it has written on the faithful day... I think it should unfaithful day, as the following events of that day were nothing near faithful.
You must look for some more creative speech tags other than yells, says, asks, etc.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT : 6/10

I think this story would have earned best antagonist, but was chose to kept unknown till the end. I did not witness much of character development. Except in one place where Ema gets ready to surrender herself for a bit moment, but even that blew away. I’m not glad about the characters though, they are pretty dysfunctional. I found Devina and Ema’s mother character lousy on other hand I pitied Ema.
Only character which kept me sane was Luke, though at some point I felt he was way too optimist. As it is showed that he had feeling for Ema, I think you should have given the sneak peek into part while Ema got engaged to Smith.
Devina and Slyvia I despise their characters most. Maybe a sneak into their past would help reader to understand their cold characters.
I found it absurd when Ema says she would blame it all on uncle john instead of finding the murderer.
I wonder how she was hiding at her co-worker place after being accused of 3 murders, any sane person won’t ever do that until and unless he or she is truly connected to the person, even her blood sister left her.

COMMUNICATION WITH READERS : 3.5/5

Quite decent. I appreciate that you connect to your readers.

GENERAL SATISFACTION (pleasure derived from reading, intriguing?) : 10/15

When I went through the blurb I found it to be really interesting. It has so much thrill and suspense, but I am bit disappointed with the writing style. Although I admire the basic storyline, I can’t abandon the plot hole I encountered. Your story is going way debauched. You must add some descriptions regarding Ema’s and her family’s past.
Even on the Ashley’s hand, you should have shown some weird aura, as when she came into the story, she clearly appeared like kid.
I even felt Kevin’s death was absurd, as he was FBI agent, he should have been on alert mode, knowing that he was sharing roof with murder suspect, but he was bit too casual. And it’s quite foolish to keep probable assassin at his home in first place, no police departments allow that.
I cherish the storyline yet I think you should work on taking it to its true potential.

TOTAL: 56.5/80

MESSAGE FROM THE REVIEWER:

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