"Ano ang kakantahin natin, Samuel?" tanong ko sa kasama ko habang inililibot ang mga mata sa sala nila.

He didn't answer me quickly. Ipinagpatuloy niya ang ginagawa niya at hindi man lamang ako tinapunan ng tingin para sagutin ang tanong ko sa kanya.

I wasn't thinking that he was going to bring me here. Sa bahay nila. We didn't talked about practicing here and he didn't mentioned it either. Kaya nabigla ako nang yayain niya ako rito at sabihing dito na lang mag-rehearse.

"Accept me," rinig kong sagot niya sa akin.

I stopped on my track when I heard him said that. I slowly turned my face to face him. And I caught him already staring at me.

Sa mga mata niyang iyon na nakatuon sa akin ay muli ko na namang naramdaman ang kaba sa aking dibdib at pagkabalisa dahil sa kanyang mga titig na animo'y sinusuri at pinapasok ako't maging ang kaluluwa ko.

I was not used of Samuel looking at me like that. And I wasn't used yet with that kind of look he has on his eyes. Dahil pakiramdam ko, pakiramdam ko ay may ibang pinapahiwatig ang mga tingin niyang iyon sa akin.

I just shook my head to disregard my thoughts.

"I don't know if they will like it though," he said as if he wasn't sure.

Napaangat na lamang ako ng aking kilay at hindi na nagsalita pa. I continue roaming my eyes around their living room.

Malaki pala talaga ang bahay nila. I thought it was really not this big. Maluwag din iyon at malaya talagang gumalaw. They have swimming pool at the back of the front door of their house.

"Nasaan ang parents mo?" muling tanong ko nang mapansin kong wala ang magulang niya.

Naramdaman kong tumingin siya sa akin saglit.

"Manila," he answered.

Dagli akong napalingon sa kanya nang sumagot siya.

"Manila?" kuryusong tanong ko. Tumango siya. "So you're alone here..." it was a statement and not a question.

Kaya pala ang lakas ng loob na yayain ako sa bahay nila. I thought that Kairos and Eric will be going but they didn't arrived yet. Even Niko wasn't there.

Tumalikod na siya mula sa akin at inayos ang gitarang gagamitin niya.

"I have Manang Clarita with me here," aniya.

Nagkibit na lamang ako ng aking balikat sa sinabi niya. He sure has an answer for everything I asked him.

Hindi na ako nagsalita at tinitigan na lamang siya. While staring at Samuel, I couldn't deny even to myself that he's good looking. Not to mention that he's comfortable to be with.

I was back on my trance when I heard him talk again.

"Are you related with Eunice? The nursing student?" he asked that made me glanced at him again.

What's with the question?

Tinitigan ko muna siya nang mahigit isang minuto nang magtanong siya sa akin nang gano'n.

Based on his expression, he was curious. But... Was it that all? Only his curiosity?

"Bakit? Gusto mo ba?" I didn't mean to seem bitter when I asked that but my tone was kinda like that.

Kumunot ang noo niya sa akin nang magtanong ako rin ako.

"I was only asking if she's related with you. Tapos ngayon gusto na kaagad? That doesn't make sense," masungit na sagot niya.

Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong mapatawa nang parang biglang magsungit siya sa akin. Kasalanan ko bang 'yon ang labas sa akin? He's just being denial for his feelings. Tsk, pathetic.

I walked and sat on the sofa. Crossing my legs as well as my arms on my chest while waggling my brows at him.

"What kind of stare is that, Poresa?" tanong niya sa akin.

I pursed my lips to stop myself from grinning.

"Gusto ka yata ng pinsan kong 'yan, eh. Bakit hindi mo ligawan?" bagkus ay saad ko.

Inirapan niya lang ako na parang katawa-tawa ang suhestiyon ko. Napakunot naman ako ng noo ko dahil sa reaksiyon niya sa sinabi ko.

"She like me. But am I suppose to like her back and worst, court her? It's just absurd," tanggi niya pa.

Talaga ba? Denial ka lang, eh.

I just shrugged my shoulders at him. He looked at me with his menacing eyes. I just stuck my tongue out at him.

"Weh?" angal ko sa sinabi niya. "You don't like Eunice?" tanong kong hindi naniniwala. He nodded. "Maganda naman ang pinsan ko, ah? Classy and sexy—"

"Pero hindi siya ikaw, Poresa," aniyang nakapagpatigil sa akin.

"H-ha?" natanong ko na lang.

"I told you that I like you. And I am damn serious with that," he blurted right after my face.

Biglang napawi ang ngiti ko nang marinig ko kung gaano siya kaseryuso nang sabihin niya iyon. Sa ilang segundo ay bigla hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko.

It can't be. He shouldn't be liking someone like me. I-I can't let him be.

Nagpakawala na lamang ako ng isang malalim na paghinga bago muling tignan siya. He was still piercing his eyes on me and staring at me with seriousness.

"Kasinungalingan kung sasabihin kong hindi kita gusto, Samuel," I uttered. "Ngunit pagiging makasarili kung gugustuhin pa rin kita kahit alam kong hindi tama," I added.

I don't deserve anyone to be with me. There is no one that I deserve to be with. Dahil kapag nangyari 'yon, hindi lang ako ang magiging tanga kung hindi ay maging siya. A woman like me don't deserve a man like him. I will give nothing but shame in regards with his existence.

"Don't be so rightful, Poresa. It won't guarantee a joyful and meaningful life," he muttered.

Hindi nga ba?

"You should—"

His cellphone ringed.

Nilingon niya iyon mula sa puwesto niya at kinuha malapit sa may akin. Dahil halos isang dangkal lang ang layo no'n mula sa kinauupuan ko ay kita ko ang pangalang nakarehistro ro'n.

Si Kairos.

I followed the movement of his hand with my eyes. Inilagay niya iyon sa kanang tainga niya bago sagutin.

"Where are you?" I heard him asked to the person who was on the phone. "Okay. Niko's not here yet—the fuck?! Eric?! Gago huwag mong itatanim sa loob!" malisyuso siyang tumawa. "Tsk, make it quick!" he said as if something was silly.

I got curious because of his way of talking the reason why I kept staring at him and observing the way his lips curved. Don't tell me... W-why do it sounds g-gross?

"Pupunta raw ba sila, Samuel?" tanong ko upang putulin ang iniisip ko.

He looked at me and stared at me for seconds before nodding his head while grinning playfully.

"Yeah, they're coming..." aniyang parang natatawa.

T-talaga?! But why do I suddenly felt h-hot and a-ashamed?! Bakit parang biglang nag-init ang mukha ko sa senaryong naiisip ko?!

What the heck?! Bastos lang ba ang iniisip ko o sadyang tama ang pagkakaintindi ko?! Bakit parang... Bakit parang ibang 'coming' yata 'yon?! Anak ng ipis naman, Poresa!

He turned off his cellphone and put it back on the table near me. Napayuko siya dahilan kung bakit napa-atras ako nang wala sa oras. Tumingin siya sa akin at nagsalubong ang mga mata namin. Sa ilang gahiblang layo niya sa akin ay narinig ko na naman ang dahan-dahan at papabilis na pagtambol ng dibdib ko habang parehong nakatitig sa isa't-isa ang mga mata namin.

"Namumula ka? Are you hot?" he suddenly asked.

Napapikit na lamang ako dahil sa hiya sa tumatakbong ideya sa loob ng utak ko.

How come that I became opened about that thing called sex when I loathe it at the same time?!

"Have you had sex?" he asked that.

Napabuka ako ng bibig ko dahil sa naging tanong niya.

"Ano?" tanging nasabi ko.

"I'm on my twenties but I haven't experience shooting my load on someone's private part," aniya pang nakatingin sa akin.

Ano ba ang pinupunto niya?

"Do you know the feeling of wanting to experience it first hand but you feared to do it likewise?"

Hindi ako sumagot.

I didn't know. Because even though I didn't want that to happen, it happened. And it became the most terrifying part of my life.

He sat on the couch in front of me.

"I don't know if I am making any sense right now but..." he trailed off. He look at me intently. "I want to do it with just one woman in my life. I want to experience it only with her even if takes years until I finally do it," seryosong saad niya sa mukha ko.

Hindi ko alam ngunit parang bigla akong nahiya para sa sarili ko.

"Gusto kong malinis ako kapag dumating ang puntong malalaman ko na ang sarap na mayroon ang buhay."

Then she's lucky. That woman he's going to love, is absolutely lucky.

"I don't call it sex. I called it making love," he uttered straight.