"Poresa, nakapagbayad ka na ba ng tuition mo para sa second semester?" bungad na tanong sa akin ni Yumi.

Tinapunan ko nang tingin si Yumi bago sumagot.

"Not yet. Hindi pa ako binabayaran ni tita Hilda sa utang niyang five thousands, eh," sagot ko.

I already saved my money for my tuition fee last month. But tita Hilda asked me if I can lend her some. Kailangan daw lang ni tito Erwin dahil may kailangang bilhin para sa shop niya rin. Hindi na naman ako nagtanong kung ano at pinautang na lang si tita kaagad.

Ang sabi niya kase ay babayaran niya rin sa katapusan kapag nakabawi na ang flower shop niya. But another month came in yet she didn't pay me. Maayos naman ang takbo ng negosyo niya kaya napapaisip tuloy ako.

"Paano 'yan? Ilang buwan na lang matatapos na ang taon na ito. You need to pay for it before the registrar kick you," she said.

Naisip ko na rin 'yan. Ilang buwan na lang at tutungtong na ako ng fourth year.

"I will ask tita later. Baka naman may pambayad na 'yon. Naibili nga nila si Eunice ng bagong laptop, eh," ani ko.

Mabilis na napalingon sa akin si Yumi.

"Seryoso ka? Ang bubuyog na 'yon may bagong laptop na naman?" tanong niya.

Nagtango lang ako ng aking ulo sa kanya.

Wala naman akong magagawa roon. Eunice is their daughter so they spoil her so much. Kaya nga minsan hindi ko maiwasan ang mainggit.

She's lucky that she have her parents. Hindi kagaya ko. If it wasn't just because of that, my mother is probably combing my hair until now. May nanay pa sana akong matatawag.

Tumayo ako at inayos na lang ang uniform ko.

"Alis na ako, Yumi. Magbabantay pa ako sa shop ni tita, eh," ani ko.

Tumayo na rin siya mula sa bench at kinuha ang bag niya.

"Sige... May lakad pa rin kase kami ni Nathan," aniyang ikinaismid ko.

May lakad na naman sila? Halos araw-araw na lang, ah? They went on a date yesterday and they're going again? Aren't they sick with each other's faces?

From school, until they went out. Magkasama na sila. Magtatawagan at lalabas ulit. Uuwi at magti-text ulit bago mag-date na naman. And then the next day, they'll see each other again since they're studying in one university. And take note! They are in the same course! BS in Business Administration major in Financial Management!

Kung ako 'yon, baka hindi ko nga tagalan ang kahit ilang oras lang.

Nagkibit na lamang ako ng aking balikat bago muling magsalita.

"Mag-ingat kayo," I said before turning my back at her.

Mabilis akong naglakad palabas ng eskwelahan at tumawid sa kabilang kalsada. Pumara ako ng tricycle bago nagpahatid sa Dalakit kung nasaan ang shop ni tita.

Nagbayad ako nang bente pesos bago bumaba. Nang nasa harap na ako ng shop ay dumiretso ako ng lakad sa may pinto. I opened the door gently. I immediately saw tita Hilda on her table wearing her reading glasses.

"Tita," I called her.

Mula sa suot niyang salamin ay kita ko kung paano mapunta sa akin ang mga tingin niya. I did my best to stay calm as I stared at her back.

"Ayusin mo na ang mga bulaklak sa labas," utos niya agad sa akin.

I nodded my head at her as an answer but I didn't move yet. Nakatayo pa rin ako sa may pinto at nananatiling nakatitig sa kanya.

"Do you need anything?" Tita Hilda asked me.

Nagdadalawang isip pa ako kung magtatanong ba ako o hindi. Baka kase magalit na naman siya kapag hindi niya magustuhan ang itatanong ko.

"Nakatayo ka pa rin? Do you have something to say?" she asked me again.

I played with my fingers on my back.

"Ahm, tita," panimula ko. She looked at me with furrowed brows. "Can I ask for the money you borrowed last month?" ani ko.

Bigla siyang lumingon sa kabila nang magtanong ako.

"Wala pa akong pera, Poresa. Ginamit ko kay Eunice, eh," tanging sagot niya sa akin.

Hindi na lamang ako nagtanong pa at tumalikod na lang mula sa gawi niya. Lumabas ako ng shop ni tita at inayos ang mga bulaklak na nasa labas.

Bandang ala sais na nang makauwi ako galing sa shop. Nanguna na kase si tita na umuwi pagkarating ko lang. Kaya naiwan akong mag-isa roon.

Malayo pa lang mula sa hagdan ng bahay namin ay dinig ko ang tunog ng palabas na pinapanuod nila. Bigla akong napatigil sa paglalakad at halos mangatog ang mga tuhod ko nang marinig ko nang mas malinaw ang boses ng isang babae.

No... It's okay... Don't mind it that much, Poresa. Hmm?

Dahan-dahan akong naglakad papalapit sa pinto at maingat na itinulak iyon pabukas. But I almost fell from where I was standing when I saw the scene on the TV.

"H-huwag... P-please... H-huwag po..." I begged.

Ang nakakatakot niyang ngisi ay mas lalong nagpapangatog ng mga tuhod kong hirap nang makatayo. I was trying to cover my body with my thin arms. I was too afraid with the sight I was seeing that moment.

"L-lolo... M-maawa ka po sa amin ni m-mama," iyak ko habang nagmamakaawa sa harap niya.

He already had my mother. Binaboy na niya si mama kaya bakit heto na naman?! Bakit hindi pa siya tumitigil?! Paulit-ulit na lang. Hindi ba siya nagsasawa? Naaawa?

"P-papa! P-please stop it now, Pa..." it was my mother.

Hagulgol naming mag-ina ang pumupuno sa silid kung saan kami lang tatlo ang naroon. Si lolo habang walang saplot at may hawak na kutsilyo habang palakad-lakad sa harap namin. Si mama na nakahilata sa sahig na punit-punit ang suot na damit. At ako, ako habang walang pang-itaas at puro pag-iyak lang ang nagagawa.

I couldn't fight. Both of us couldn't fight. Takot kami pareho. Takot na takot kami pareho ni mama na hindi namin magawang mag-isip kung paano kami makakalaban.

I was too shocked. I wasn't expecting that night to happen. I didn't ready myself to witness how my grandfather showed his evilness. I wasn't because I thought he wouldn't do it.

Nilapitan niya si mama na iyak din nang iyak at marahas na hinatak ang buhok niya. He slapped my mother harshly that I saw blood coming from my mother's mouth.

"Lolo!" angal na sigaw ko.

I couldn't stand it anymore. Ngunit kahit gaano ko kaayaw nang panuorin 'yon, hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko magawang alisin ang mga mata ko kay mama.

He tied my mother's hand on her back and put a blind fold on her eyes. Sumigaw si mama nang gawin iyon ni lolo. Habang ako naman ay pakiramdam ko mawawalan na ako ng malay dahil sa sobrang takot.

Lumakad siya palapit sa akin. He walked slowly towards me with a devilish grin plastered on his demonic face.

I took my step backwards. While he was walking towards me, I was stepping backwards until I felt the cold wall touched my back. My tears instantly fell.

I was hopeless.

In a brief moment, I felt his hand landed on my breasts. I cried. I cried even more when he traced my nipple down to my navel until it went on my feminine part.

"M-mama! H-help me, Mama..." I didn't know what to say anymore.

Alam kung wala na kaming pag-asa. That it was the end of everything. And the moment he pulled down my shorts together with my panty, I knew from then that my life had shattered.

Just a speedy move, I felt my entrance ripped that earned a cry of agony from me. I let out a scream of agonies the moment I lost the most precious thing I was keeping for my entire life.

And from that very moment, I didn't move. I didn't protest for what he was doing on top of me. I didn't make a move to defy him. I stayed still. Numb and impassive.

The only thing that was coming from me, it was my tears. It was my tears that reflects how shattered I was. It was the only thing that showed how badly I want to devote myself to all of the evil just to get myself and my mother even.

I and my mother, we are the victim of rape.

We were raped by the person who gave my mother a life. A person who gave me a life. My mother's father whom my grandfather. Yet, my father as well.