They had been flying along at a good clip for quite awhile now and Fabian was pretty sure they'd make it back to Wooglebury in a few hours at the rate they were going. Then all of a sudden the carpet made a little sputtering sound and came to a dead halt in mid-air. Then it began to fall out of the sky.

Brandon finally managed to free himself from the princess's lips just long enough to ask what happened.

"Uh, we might have pushed it a little too hard. I think this thing might have run out of juice. Damn it, Scrote, you shouldn't have been showboating so much back at the battle. You drained this thing of all its magic. Well, better brace yourselves for a crash landing."

They came down hard in the middle of a rocky outcropping near a deep ravine. Fabian went tumbling towards the edge of the ravine but managed to come to a stop before he toppled over. Brandon and Princess Wartha landed a few feet away from him.

"Oh man, that's going to leave a mark tomorrow," Fabian moaned as he slowly lifted himself to his feet. "How's everyone else doing."

"I'm fine," Brandon said before noticing that his pinky finger was bending off at an unnatural angle. "Oh wait. I think I might have messed up my finger."

"What that?" Fabian said. "That's nothing. I can take care of that. Come here." He grabbed Brandon's finger and wrenched it back into place.

Brandon let out a scream that reverberated off the walls of the nearby ravine.

"Don't worry, you'll feel much better in the morning. Princess, how are we doing?"

"Actually that was really fun," Princess Wartha said. "Can we do it again?"

"Well we could if Scrote here hadn't used up all the magic in that thing. Now it's just a worthless ordinary carpet. It won't be taking us anywhere anytime soon. As it is it's starting to get dark out and I don't know about you, but I'm a little bit chilly. I say we use that thing to start a campfire and rest here for the night. Come morning we'll try to figure out where the hell we are."

"That sounds good," Brandon said as he held his bad hand gingerly. "I'm getting pretty tired. It's been a long and exhausting day."

"All right, you can take second watch then. Princess, you get first watch."

"What's a watch? Oooh, is that one of those fancy things that tells time? My father has a collection of those. I've never really seen the need for one, but if you want to give me one I always like presents."

"No, you idiot. You're going to stay up and make sure no monsters eat us while Scrote and I sleep. We all have to pitch in and do our part around here. Even princesses. After a few hours, Scrote will relieve you and you can sleep for a few hours. The two of you should be able to cover all night between you. See y'all in the morning." He managed to light the carpet on fire by pounding a couple of rocks together. Then he found the most comfortable spot he could near the campfire and fell asleep almost instantly.

He was awakened by the feeling of something heavy on his chest. He opened his eyes and saw a large buzzard sitting right on top of him. It let out a raspy squawk and then proceeded to peck at Fabian's forehead.

"What the-?" Fabian sputtered as he managed to shoo the buzzard off of him. It hopped onto a nearby rock and stared at him ominously. He blinked his eyes. It was broad daylight and the height of the sun in the sky indicated it had been up for quite some time. The campfire had burned itself out and all that remained were a few charred bits of carpet. Brandon and Princess Wartha were sound asleep curled up against each other.

"Hey, wake up, morons," Fabian said as he gave them a few not so gentle kicks.

"Huh, what's going on?" Brandon said as he awoke with a start. "Ow! Why does my finger hurt so bad? And why has it swollen up to the size of a cucumber?"

"Oh just shake it off, you big baby. You'll be fine. Wake up, princess!"

"Just five more minutes," Princess Wartha mumbled as she rolled over.

"Which of you lazy idiots fell asleep during your watch?" Fabian asked.

"I don't know," Brandon said. "I slept through the whole night. She never woke me up."

"Hey, princess lazybones!" Fabian said as he shook her awake. "What the hell happened? You were supposed to stay awake and make sure we were safe?"

"I tried staying up but it was boring and hard and I got tired so I just closed my eyes for a couple minutes. What's the big deal? We're all fine. There's no need to spazz out."

"Somebody came into our camp during the night and re-injured Scrote's finger after I pretty much completely healed it last night. That's on you. Not cool, princess. Not cool."

"Whatever. You're old and ugly and totally lame. I'm glad I don't have to marry you."

"Well, first of all I'm totally awesome so that just shoots down your argument dead in the water right there," Fabian said. "And let's be clear. I'm the one who's glad I don't have to marry you. You wish you could marry me. But old Fabes can't be tied down to just one woman. Also I'm extremely good looking and surprisingly youthful for my age, which to be fair, isn't that much older than you. Speaking of which, is that a gray hair I see? And perhaps a few wrinkles? You'd better start taking better care of yourself, princess."

"Uh, guys, not to interrupt," Brandon said. "But does anyone have any idea where we are?"

"Not at the moment," Fabian said. "But I will use my superior sense of direction to find our way. Now we've lost a lot of daylight already so we should get moving."

"I'm hungry," Princess Wartha said. "Is there anything to eat?"

"Scrote, you want to try to catch that buzzard over there?" Fabian asked. "I'm kind of hungry, too. Damn. Where's Mikey when you need him?"

Brandon lunged at the buzzard but it hopped out of his way and settled down on another rock. "Why is that buzzard hanging around us anyway?"

"No idea," Fabian said. "Usually they hover around when they sense easy pickings, but obviously we're not that. Now, if you can't catch it we might be feasting on twigs today."

"Uh, I caught a little lizard," Brandon said as he held it up.

"All right, excellent. They're a good source of protein. We'll split it up and then let's hit the road."

They each barely got more than a couple mouthfuls and there wasn't enough left of the carpet to restart the fire so they ate it raw. Then after Fabian looked at the sun and licked his finger to test out the wind, he led them off in a seemingly random direction.

He led them on an arduous trek over brutal terrain. There wasn't much in the way of a trail to follow and they spent much of their time climbing up or down rock formations of various sizes.

"Are we there yet?" Princess Wartha asked.

"Not yet, but being the master navigator that I am we will be soon. I've figured out exactly where we are and I guarantee we'll be back in your kingdom by this time tomorrow."

"Hey guys?" Brandon asked. "Why is that buzzard still following us?"
"How the hell should I know?" Fabian asked. "Maybe it thinks you're cute or something."

The buzzard let out a loud raspy screech as it suddenly flew towards them. It grabbed Brandon's swollen pinky in its beak and ripped it right off his hand before flying off over a hill.

"Oh, tough break," Fabian said. "Good thing you've got nine more of those. You might want to bandage that up though. Here let's rip a piece off your cloak." Fabian quickly wrapped up Brandon's hand and then insisted they continue on their way.

"Are we there yet?" Princess Wartha asked again.

"Does this look like Wooglebury to you? No, we're not there yet. But trust me I know exactly what I'm doing. I'll have you home in no time."

"This is boring and my feet hurt," she complained.

"Well maybe your boyfriend there will do the gentlemanly thing and carry you for awhile."

"Would you really do that, Brandon?" she asked.

"Uh, I don't know if I can carry much of anything with my injured hand," Brandon said but the princess had already leaped into his arms. "Oh goodness," he said.

"You okay there, Scrote? You're looking like you might pass out."

"Just dandy, sir."

"Are we there yet?" Princess Wartha asked again.

"No, but we've made amazing progress today thanks to me," Fabian said. "Now, it's starting to get dark again and I believe I see a suitable place to stop and make camp tonight on the rocky outcropping up ahead near that giant ravine."

"Is it just me or does this place look familiar?" Brandon asked.

"Nonsense," Fabian said. "Nature is boring and 99 percent of it looks the same. That's all."

"Uh, why does it look like there's been a campfire here with burned pieces of carpet?"

"Obviously a coincidence of some sort," Fabian said with a sniff.

"There's also three sets of footprints leading off that look remarkably similar to ours. Did we just walk all day in a giant circle?"

"Um, no," Fabian said. "I'm sure people burn carpets to make campfires all the time. And then of course they would leave footprints as they walked away."

"There's also a big pile of buzzard feathers on the ground."

"Circumstantial evidence at best. Look, damn it. We made a ton of progress today and it's all thanks to me so I really don't want to hear any more of this nonsense. Let's just start making camp, okay?"

"What is that disgusting smell?" Princess Wartha asked as she wrinkled her nose.

"Hmm. There is a little bit of a troll odor in the air. You'd better do a better job of keeping watch tonight, princess."

"Wait, are you saying there could be trolls in this area?" Brandon asked.

"Yeah, well lots of hill trolls live in terrain like this. They probably passed by hours ago and are miles away by now. I'm sure there's absolutely nothing to worry about."

There was the sound of heavy footsteps as three very large creatures came from around a boulder. "You see, Golgoth?" one of them said in a deep resonating voice. "I told you I smelled human nearby."

"So you did, Myrinrok. Looks like dinner is served."