━━━ ꧁ད ✶ ཌ꧂ ━━━

CHAPTER 17

━━━ ꧁ད ✶ ཌ꧂ ━━━

Why did he have to stop at that place?

I pulled my limb away.

My cheeks, facing him, burned with embarrassment for the second time that day. It was a point in my favor that I couldn't see his face right now.

"I'm sorry," I proceeded to apologize.

Silence, an uncomfortable one that accentuated the beating of my heart.

"Why the hell did you come in?"

"You said my name."

"I didn't want to touch you. I promise it wasn't intentional."

"I'm aware of that," he replied simply.

"Oh..."

Why didn't he sound affected by the situation? By a demon, I was about to run away. I could still feel the sensation of having touched... I hoped it wasn't what I was thinking, but I also didn't dare to ask.

"Whether during a performance or training, accidents always happen in the circus, so I can be sure there were no ulterior motives," he explained, trying to reassure me. However, that didn't make me feel better. "But there's something that truly worries me." He took my hand in the darkness. "You're trembling."

Why was my trembling concerning him?

This guy had issues, but I had even more for not thinking clearly.

He pulled me gently, filling my body with a cool, eternal, and pleasant sensation. However, when his arms delicately held onto my waist, sadness also seeped into that unexpected gesture, and the cold breath that brushed my ear made me shiver.

"What are you doing?" My voice broke at the end. His cinnamon fragrance overwhelmed me.

"I'm sorry. It shouldn't be like this, involving you... I don't want to tell you anything. I don't want you to be by my side, or at least not like this. Zara, feeling your warmth makes me happy. I don't want it to fade away. I can't let something like that happen."

I started to feel dizzy.

Why was everything so real and yet so utopian? I couldn't understand why his words suddenly disheartened me so much.

"What's wrong? I feel like you're hiding many things because instead of trying to leave the room or turn on the light, you're hiding in the darkness and under the sheets."

"It's not easy."

"It can't be that complicated. I'm here. We both are."

"That's true."

"Then why is it so difficult for you to talk to me?"

He leaned back and held my shoulders with his hands. I thought I saw his eyes in the dim light, as unstable as a plank pretending to be a bridge.

"Because I feel desperate trying to hold on to a shooting star," he answered, and I moved away. I wanted to understand him.

Ashton kept his hands stretched toward me, and that made him look melancholy.

Had he even considered how I felt?

"Just like you, I'm not used to accidentally touching... anything. Will you let me pass? I want to leave."

"You can go now." His breath close to my nape pushed me toward the door. However, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't turn the lock. It bolted and refused to give. "I should apologize properly. I deeply regret involving you in all this."

How many times did he apologize for that? I had lost count.

I stood still, and then the door gave way, and I could open it.

I suspected he had been the one holding me back.

"You're afraid to tell me the truth," I conjectured.

"Your warmth," he insisted, "you have no idea what it can bring about for someone who, for so many years, hasn't even been able to kick an insignificant stone on the road. I don't want that flame, which is your life, to suddenly extinguish, Zara. Do you understand now what I'm truly afraid of?"

I knew that his desire wasn't to bear the weight of another death.

"Is that the real reason why you don't tell me everything you know?"

"Yes."

"It's clear that you need me too, as the medallion doesn't plan to let me go. But then you say those things as if your end, rather, is to captivate me with words. And before you rush with something else, if I remember correctly, the first night in the garage, what did you mean by finding me?"

"After I held the medallion in my hands, it disappeared when I moved away, and that made me go back to you, the only person who could see me. I came to believe that it was all in my imagination. Also, thanks to the medallion, I was able to find you in less than three seconds."

"Is that all?" I felt like I was going around something big but not getting anywhere.

"The medallion only works when you're close," he revealed, and that changed many things. "Every time it lights up, it means..."

"Something beyond any scientific explanation is about to happen," I finished for him, and he nodded. "Then, you have to start by telling me everything you know. Absolutely everything about the circus, but also yourself."

"I can't understand you. Even though it's evident that you feel fear, you dare to dance between the arches of life and death."

"Do you think I have any other alternative? I want to save my family, but you're making it harder. Is that so bad? What you avoid telling me."

"I'm still trying to figure out what's going on."

"If you want me to trust you and for things to work between us, you have to make an effort. Just like I try, at least, not to fall apart since the fair."

"From now on, I'll talk about everything I know, I promise."

An idea came to me to test him.

"About your death... What do you know about it?"

"That's a bit cruel, don't you think?"

"And haven't you been cruel to me too?"

"I don't remember it," he admitted moments later. "I have no memories of how it happened. In my mind, there's only a trunk and a person: Reidar."

"The lunatic from the station?"

"The very same." It took him a moment to confirm, and I wanted to think it was because of how I called him.

"So, that's a reason to start moving." I left the bathroom.

In Thomas' room, I put on my Converse at lightning speed, and just before crossing the hallway, Ashton stepped in my way.

"That's an important reason," he hurried as if he needed to say it before regretting it. "The same reason you should stay away from him."

"Is there something else you want to tell me?" I crossed my arms.

Without much enthusiasm, he replied, "Reidar was one of the trapeze artists."

That froze me to the bone.

I thought about the shadow in the gym, the music box, and... Everything fit quite well, except for one particular detail: Reidar was still alive.

"What's the possibility that he has another medallion?" I asked, and he thought about it. "Could it respond to his bad intentions?"

"My father owned all three medallions. Only he could grant permission for someone else to use their magic. Reidar already had that authorization, just like everyone else in the cast, simply because they had been part of the circus for generations. Even their descendants would have obtained such permission at birth."

While it was true that Reidar could also use the medallions as Ashton did, it made him the prime suspect.

My desire to know what happened with that circus was greater than anything else, even the hunger I felt when Thomas yelled at me from downstairs.

"It's my turn to ask you a question," Ashton said.

"Go ahead."

"Who was the sender of the gift?"

"It came in the name of the circus. Do you think it could be a clue?"

"The box belonged to one of the trapeze artists. That's all I know," he replied.

"Who was Sir..." I stopped before finishing. I didn't dare say his stage name again.

"Zara!" Thomas sounded annoyed.

"You should eat something," Ashton suggested. "Say my name, and I'll be by your side in the blink of an eye."

I understood that he was capable of that.

I moved away from him, and just before going down the stairs, I heard him humming a melody that quickened the beating of my heart. His vocal cords transmitted a bittersweet sensation, a combination of fear and sadness.

It was possible that he felt that way right now.

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