YO! yeah, you!! reader of this story [and hopefully avid commenter/voter] thanks for still being here at ch 29 (dayum) and if you are just here bc you are having TLH withdrawals, please note that it still exists, I will eventually get round to it and I love your endless support <33333 

enjoy the chapter !!!

- from the sleepiest girl in the whole wide world

Its like a million fireworks have been set off inside my body and I find my breath again, opening my mouth to gasp for air only for him to claim my bottom lip, taking the action as permission.

I stop myself from making a sound as he deepens the kiss and find myself dropping his poem to the floor to sift my hands through his hair, pulling him closer to encourage it. He tastes sweet like vanilla and he smells of salt and the ocean—something I never noticed until being so close. How didn't I notice that before?

His hands are so close to me, one supporting my neck whilst the other cradles my waist and it's like time itself has stopped dead in its tracks. I pull back slightly and the moment my lips aren't connected to his, a furrow forms between his brows and he quickly sweeps in once more, his grip on my waist tightening.

What am I doing? I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't. But I want to. I want to do this forever, every single thing about how I feel right now places me on top of the damn earth.

He takes his lips from mine for a moment before they come crashing down onto my neck, grazing over a spot that makes my whole body tremble with pleasure. How could I never have known that just kissing him would feel like this? What have I been depriving myself of?

As though he reads my mind, he places his lips gently over that intoxicating part of my flesh, just where my neck and collar bone intersect and in a flash, faster that I can even make sense of, my body tightens entirely and an image of teeth piercing my skin shadows all the thoughts raging in my mind.

I think of the woman I saw down at the markets when I was a child. How she had no time to react before she was bitten and I pull back immediately, shoving onto Micah's chest as my breathing becomes rapid.

He draws away like I have shot his heart, erasing our contact completely but maintaining the small distance between us. I know my face is pulled in fear, I can feel my hands shaking at my side and to him, right now, I probably look as terrified as I feel. And it only takes him a moment to register that, his features twisting into panic, pain and guilt all twisted into one at the mere sight.

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to stop hyperventilating like a complete freak over one damn kiss. I just sit in front of him utterly shell shocked. "I wasn't going to mark you," he confesses, pure sincerity in his words. "I'm sorry, Thea I didn't even think about that, I got carried away. I'm sorry. I shouldn't—are you okay?" He rushes, his hand half hanging in the air like he has no clue whether to calm me with it by touching me or pulling away entirely.

I shake my head and my heart beat slows with his words, with the honesty in his eyes. "I shouldn't have done that," I admit, the colour completely leeched from my face.

I glance to the couch between us, hating the thick tension of the silence.

But the thought of a mark resting on my skin is all the clarity I needed. I don't want that at all. So why the fuck did I think it was a cool idea to kiss the guy? To lead him down my path which has a very different end in sight than his. His devilishly good looks and the fact that it felt like pure heaven give some explanation but it was dumb, so, so dumb.

I kissed him like I meant it after he wrote me maybe the most beautiful collection of words anyone has ever associated with me. And then punched him in the gut. This is torment. Everything he wrote, all that I do to him... its wrong. As wrong as his feelings towards me may be, I'm truly no better. I just twisted the knife in a situation that is already bleeding out everywhere and for what? A moment of pleasure?

I bring my gaze to his. "I— I'm sorry." My words just shatter the edges of his bronze eyes.

"There is nothing to apologise for, Athena. Don't apologise for that. Please. Please don't ever apologise for that. You can kiss me whenever you wish," he says and I drop my head, thoughts raging in my clouded mind. The gentleness of his palm draws me back to him as he makes contact with my skin once more, forcing me to look into his sincere gaze. "I didn't mean to scare you, Athena. I would never mark you without consent, I swear to you on the goddess above you don't ever have to fear me like that."

His words are a beg, a plea to make me understand because the reality of if I don't... he knows I'd never touch him like that, get close like that again if I thought for a moment he might mark me. My reaction said as much.

I nod, trying to erase the agony in his eyes with the small action. "I know I just..." I let out a shaky breath, gulping as I do. "I shouldn't have done that."

"No, its fine Thea. I didn't mean to escalate it, I was just caught up in the moment—I thought that maybe... I should've stopped at the kiss. It was a perfect kiss, you are perfect." I can't even argue with him. It was a perfect kiss.

He is quite honestly the most beautiful, stunning man I have ever laid eyes on and that kiss only gave me a taste of the crafted chemistry this bond creates. But he isn't just some hot human boy I can kiss, maybe sleep with and date for a while. He isn't a guy I can just break things off with if anything goes south.

If I take things any further and he does bite me, or even should we sleep together—it would signify something more meaningful than I'm ready for. Every part of the bond is a sacred, holy experience and I wouldn't be surprised if even that kiss just then altered something spiritual.

And I don't want to be bitten. I don't. I can't.

"As right as it felt, was a mistake," I reaffirm, knitting my brows together. I don't miss the flash of hope that my words ignite in his gaze, or reassurance if nothing else.

"It felt right because it is right. It's natural to want that and it's just a kiss, Thea. That's all it has to be," he speaks from the heart, and some innate part of me believes him because of it. "I know you want to take things slow, to date and get to know each other before making the commitment that comes with this bond. We can do that, if you want to kiss me you can, if you want to go get ice cream and hear my most embarrassing stories we can do that too—as little or as far as you want to take this I am happy with that."

"I just... I don't want to be marked," I tell him again and a similar expression to the one he held the first night I told him that crosses his features. But I haven't changed my position since we signed that contract. The thought of his teeth sinking down into my flesh and connecting me to him on a cosmic level... a shudder envelops my body at the thought.

Micah just heaves a sigh and leans back into the couch. "Can I... can I ask you why? I know it's all a bit different for humans but you looked terrified, like I was going to seriously hurt you." It's difficult for him to even manage those words.

I avert my gaze from him and pull into myself, pushing my back into the crevice of the couch. "I saw it happen, when I was young. I remember it so well, how much pain she was in, how she blacked out and was just dragged off. I didn't even know who she was but she was just running on a beach and then she was grabbed and bitten and it looked awful. It was awful."

He gulps, nodding slowly before leaning back into the couch himself. "That'd probably do it," he says, more to himself. "I know that was it common a while back—it still happens from time to time, I know that. I was actually drafting policy around it a few months back, studying it with the Alpha of another pack as part of my training."

"Really?" I ask and he nods.

"Yeah. It's not a practice that I am proud of. The main cause was generally found to be fear and interestingly it was pack members who served in the forces that had a higher tendency to do that. We chalked it up to the fact that they saw enough human mates fleeing to push them into an irrational decision upon meeting their own. But in over half of the cases where mates were marked without consent, the couple separated and are now in the pack program for mediation."

"The pack program for mediation?" I repeat, genuinely intrigued by what he has to say.

He glances at me, his features furrowing slightly before smoothing out, like he figured this is something I'd be well versed in. "Yeah. The bond isn't something that mates can just cut off, especially after marking. Without contact things just get messy so the pack intervenes when asked, usually by the wolf of the pairing. It's mostly a series of therapist sessions and a planned schedule for rehabilitation. It's always worse where kids are involved but in any case, it's never good."

I think about Gabe immediately, about his siblings and how his family must function with it all. His mom was bitten without consent, something that was far more traumatic an experience than what I went through. But to have kids involved, children who are wolves... I can't imagine going through that, despite the fact it could very well become my future.

"Is that... is that what we'd have to do?" I murmur, the comfort of the soft couch doing nothing to mould the tenseness of my bones.

A certain tiredness overcomes him as he gives me a desperate look. "Goddess, I hope not. I really, really hope not. I don't want a relationship like that, I don't want to ever put you through anything like that. Things are hard enough as it is for you, there is absolutely no way I will push a mark on you." His certain eyes soften. "But I like you, Thea. I really, really like you. And it's honestly not like I am blinded by the bond or just saying these things because of that, I mean it. I think you are the most beautiful person I've ever met, and you are funny and kind and you like Fire and Fury and I already know there is so much more about you that I haven't found out that I will love just as much. I don't want you to think that I'm just a crazy creature that is just feeling this way out of thin air. Some wolf mates don't always get along—not every single aspect of it is predestined."

There he goes again, with smooth words and endearing comments that make me look at the softness of his features, the sheer beauty of him as a whole and question it all. I can't even lie to myself. If he was a human I'd probably date him in a heartbeat, I'd likely be his girlfriend by now without hesitation.

"But I don't know how I feel about you," I confess. "I can't decipher between what I feel and what the bond wants me to. I haven't even figured out what I want to do with my life, where I want to go, what I want to see—there are endless wonders that just become limited if I accept this."

His face scrunches in disagreement. "I don't know who keeps on telling you lies like that but it's not true. I want to experience life with you Athena, if you want to see the world I will gladly come and if you want to explore on your own then that's fine too. We have time before I take my fathers title, and even then, the pack responsibilities of Luna can easily be taken up by a delegate. Being with me doesn't have to be a life trapped. My father and other members of the pack might disagree with me as your parents would if you accepted this but it's not their decision to make."

"And what about an heir?" I press, my mind flicking back to his parents blatant comment that it was a given at our first dinner. "What about the appearance of a united front? What about the effects everyone says separation will have?"

He winces and his shoulders slump inwards. "I want kids, of course I want kids, Athena. I want a family and a life full of joy and love and to secure an heir for this pack so that we can raise a child to take my title knowing that my families legacy will continue. It's not just in my nature or duty, I want that for my life. But I physically cannot have it without you and if you don't want it then that is something that I will have to accept. And I will."

His face is full of pain, like the words burn him. "If you decide you never want kids then after our rule the title will pass to Joey and his family and then to Charlie if Joey doesn't produce an heir. And then to the Beta's. The system of the pack will not crumble, it may be less strong but it won't suffer as much as you might think. And as far as appearance, I want for us to be a united front, to be happy and have a good relationship, it doesn't have to be a show. It can be real. We can be real if you just give me a chance."

My words become choked in my throat. "I don't know," I manage, barely. My heart feels like its on fire and as much as how I act might torment him, this is also unpleasant for me. "I'm just not ready to be public with any of it." The idea of us holding hands or hugging or acting anything near the mushiness of mates for others to see is so far from what I am ready for. "Theoretically, could we..." I start but how do I finish the statement that lingers on the edge of my mind, on the feeling that his lips left over mine.

He stares at me intently, leaning in ever so slightly. "What?" He presses, his words soft.

"Can we not just have some parts of the bond?" I ask, moving around the point I am trying to make and his irises darken.

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean do we need to do it all? The marking and the whole luna thing or can we just... you know, kiss?" I ask and as awkward as it is to say aloud I need to understand this shit. If I ever what to move further than kissing and know I'm not going to get a bite mark at the end of it, I need to understand.
He looks shocked my my statement. "You are my mate, this," he says, pointing between us before closing his eyes briefly. "Is sacred. Mennison, if you want casual I can give you casual but are we not just avoiding calling this what it is? I don't think it would be possible for you to deny the bond if we went any further. And as far as marking, like I said that does not need to happen until you are ready." He sucks in a harsh breath and puts his hands on his legs before looking straight at me. "Can I speak bluntly?"

I bring my legs up underneath me, bracing myself with more stability for where this conversation might head. "Sure."

"I don't know how much you know about the mating process, so if I am repeating knowledge you understand then stop me by all means. But theoretically, us sleeping together isn't going to fundamentally alter your chemistry in the way a mark does. It will change your scent to other wolves, it will make you somewhat recognisable as my mate to them and it will probably bring us closer together. That is what you are asking about isn't it? Sex?" Heat rushes to my cheeks but he did ask permission to be blunt.

I move my hands into my lap, a sharp sigh filtering through my teeth. "Why couldn't we just hook up like normal teenagers and call it at that? If I were without this bond there would be no shame in having some fun, in having a friend with benefits." I sound crazy even to my own ears, even if what I say is incredibly sound. Part of me wishes that I had experienced it before him just so that I could.

Now he's the only person capable of giving me that.

It's the reality though, if he is the only guy I'll ever be able to be with then is it not inevitable? This conversation is definitely inevitable and though maybe a discussion about sex from a single kiss is a slight leap, here we are.

He furrows his brows in frustration. "There is no shame in us being together, Athena, that's not what I am saying at all. I just don't think that something casual between us is a good idea, nothing about what we have is casual or flippant. Besides we are barely friends, you hate me half of the time and yet you want to be friends with benefits?"

"I don't hate you," I say firmly, annoyed instantly at tears that prick behind my eyes at the mere thought of such a thing. But I hold them back, the last lot of tears is what created this new mess. "I just can't commit to being who you want me to be without sacrificing so much. I get that everyone already sees us publicly as an item but I don't want to add to that deceit. And I am trying to be your friend, I consider you friend enough to kiss you. So what we aren't besties?"

"Athena if we are friends, who sleep together, and happen to be bound by a divine responsibility to be loyal and faithful to one another—why can't I just be your boyfriend? Hell even be dating you at least?" He makes quotation marks around the term that was so important to me initially as if it means nothing to him. "Why can't we just be happy? There doesn't need to be some big secret about the way we feel for one another. If you just accept this then maybe your family and your friends might too because I know that's who you are most afraid of."

The desire of the bond obviously pulls him as much as me, if not more, but indulging carries the risk of fracturing the very foundations of our relationship. He understands that,

"I'm only asking in a hypothetical sense," I remind him, despite the gnawing that begins in my stomach. "I'm just trying to understand how this works, how it could work."

He nods. "Of course," he says, glancing down. "You can always ask me about the bond, whenever you wish—I know that this is all new to you. And I can set you up with someone to teach you about it all, if that's better. But you don't have to fear kissing me," he says with absolute sincerity, his eyes flicking over my slightly swollen lips. It makes my heart skip a beat all on its own. "I'd never do anything to hurt you. Whatever this is, it goes as far as you want, and if it's something you want to keep private I won't tell a soul. I get that you have other things to consider, and I'm making it my personal mission to prove to you and your family that I am worthy—but I just want to make sure you to know that what I wrote in the poem is also true. I'm not going to stop fighting for a future where we are both happy, whatever that arrangement may look like. And I'm gonna keep being entirely annoying and still ask you to hang out or come on dates—so apologies in advance."

He says the last part with a small smile. "I think you'd find that hanging with me isn't all that interesting," I tell him honestly, thinking about the utterly odd things Henry and I end up doing and questioning my own words. It wouldn't be interesting to him.

"I don't believe that for a minute, you are far too cool for that." I nearly gawk at his words. But I'm grateful for the sift in the discussion, for the lightness that dissolves any lingering tension.

He grins as he looks over my confused face, like he genuinely believes it. "Cool?" I question, the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of my cheeks.

"The coolest," he grins before he glances at the tv. "What time is it?" He asks and I grab my phone from the coffee table, ignoring the literally insane amount of spam messages Henry has sent me on all platforms under the sun.

"Nearly seven."

"Theres still time to watch a movie. How about I run down to the lobby with my super human speed while you shower and we just watch some cartoons?"

I smile at his suggestion, curling my legs out from underneath me. "I'd like that."