Light. Something Ashley never thought she'd see.

I thought I died. Shit.

Ashley felt a hand on her forearm, and felt something poke it.

She was still groggy, so her fingers rose slightly.

"She's up! Queenie?"

Ashley could barely open her eyes, but when she did, she saw wet brown eyes, and a mess of blonde.

"Rin?"

Ashley couldn't speak clearly, but Erin heard her. She gasped gratefully and gave Ashley a hug.

"Thank God. Thank God."

"Erin? What-"

Ashley coughed fervently. She couldn't stop, and Erin gave her a bottle of water.

"Drink. You've had a hard time."

Ashley nodded and drank as much as she could. Soon, she was stopping.

"Rin, are you-"

"Ashley, what the hell is wrong with you?!"

Ashley began coughing again, and she turned to Erin.

"Huh?"

"You went off and tried to kill yourself! Again! Ashley, I was so damn worried this time was it! That you were-"

Erin didn't finish. She burst into tears and Ashley felt guilty.

"Rin. I.. I don't know what's wrong with me! Every time I try, nothing works! Someone ends up hurt! Sara just died, and it's because of me! I just didn't want you to go through anything because of me."

Erin sat up. "Ashley. You are not the cause of any of this. You're kind, and smart, and sweet. I know terrible things have been happening to you, but that's just life."

"Why is life so cruel?!"

Erin wrapped Ashley in a protective hug. "Because it's a test. Life is only like this to test you. To see if you'll change, or if you'll grow. And Ashley, you've grown."

"No, I haven't. I've only gotten worse."

"Ashley."

Erin's voice was stern, and Ashley stopped.

"You don't deserve this. You never did. But things happened, and it was not your fault. You need to understand that. But you grew and told us. You went above and beyond expectations, and it is not your fault if you don't feel OK. You can always tell someone. What else am I here for?"

Ashley sniffled. "I just- I don't know what to do. It's my fault for being selfish."

"Trying to get help is not being selfish, and if I made you feel that way, then I'm sorry. But you need to tell someone instead of bottling things up. OK?"

Ashley nodded. "Where's the Queens?"

Erin bit her lip. "They don't know about this. I just found you on the floor in the bathroom. So I called and an ambulance took us here. I didn't get to tell them."

Ashley blinked back a few tears. "So, what now?"

"Hmm?"

"We gotta tell the Queens, and you need help. I can't always be there for you, but you need something be to watch your back."

"I'll be fine, Rin. I just need you."

Erin smiled, and she gave Ashley a small squeeze.

"You're amazing, RedHead. Don't ever forget that."

***

It's been a while since Ashley's discharge from the hospital. She had been working out a system, and she was really finally feeling better.

It was about a week before Christmas, and shows were closing for the holidays. Ashley couldn't wait for her first Christmas in London, and the Queens kept that excitement going.

"You're going to love it," Millie was saying, as she and Ashley were prepping for the last show of December.

"We're all gonna come over, and we'll be eating and singing and having a great time!"

She gave Ashley a hug, and raced out of the dressing room. Ashley touched up on her Parr outfit, hair, and makeup, then raced out.

After the show (Grace, Millie, Courtney, Vicki, Aimie, Ashley), they all ran to their separate dressing rooms, and they came out grinning.

"Great show, everyone! We really brought the chaos," Ashley yelled.

"Our first four-Alternate massive," Grace exclaimed, "I hope we'll have a five-way with Shekinah!"

Ashley laughed. "Calm down, Gracie!"

Erin arrived in Ashley's dressing room. "Heyo, Ash!"

Ashley grinned and gave Erin a hug. "Hey, Rin!"

"I've got a surprise for you," Erin said, and left. She returned with a big box full of holes.

"Rin, what's this?"

"Open it!"

Ashley shrugged and took off the top. And she squealed.

"PUPPIES!! Aww, they're so cute!!"

Ashley picked up one of the two little Border Collies that yipped in her face.

"Aww!! Are they ours?"

Erin grinned. "Yup! I found them and knew I had to get them for you. I haven't named them."

"What genders?"

"A boy and a girl," Erin replied. Ashley thought about it she pulled both of them out of the box.

"Umm. I got it! The little girl will be called Ronnie, because I love Veronica Sawyer. And the boy.."

She smiled at the little pup. "Rascal."

Erin tilted her head. "Why?"

Ashley giggled like a child. "So when he's dirty, I'll be able to yell 'Get down, you dirty rascal!'"

They both broke into laughed and Ashley and Erin played with their little puppies after they got home.

And Ashley truly felt home.