Imagine: you find out that Dean sold his soul to rescue Sam.

*19 years old*

I sit on a worn down chair my hand still in Sam's. His skin is so cold, so empty. I wipe away a tear trying my best to remain strong for Dean. I know he blames himself for what happened to Sam, but nobody knew what Azazel would do.

The door opens and Bobby walks in with a bucket of chicken. He sets it down behind me on the table.

"You guys need to eat," he softly speaks up as he puts his hand on my shoulder.

"We're fine," Deans voice cuts through the silence, his voice sounding cold and dry.

"Why don't you both come with me. We need to figure out how to stop the world from ending," Bobby's grip tightens on my shoulder and I look up to Dean who uncrosses his arms.

"Let it end," he yells harshly and Bobby takes a step back his eyes wide.

"You don't mean that," Bobby replies shaking his head.

"Don't you think I've sacrificed enough?! That I've given enough? Let the world end; its not grateful for what we do anyway," Dean walks around Sam getting closer to Bobby.

"Dean-,"

"Get out of here! Leave Bobby," Dean pushes him.

Bobby just stands there shocked from deans outburst. I don't dare say anything as I watch my brother who's one step away from a breakdown, and all I can do is watch. Bobby shakes his head sighing then walking out the door not looking back.

.........

I splash my face with the cold water from the river. The first time I left Sam's side since the incident, but I needed fresh air. Dean wanted a moment alone with him so I decided to come here. I can't even bear the thought of burning Sam's body, but it's what he wanted.

I stand up making my way back to the shack. I open the door to see Sam examining his wound in the broken mirror. My eyes go wide as I watch my once dead brother lower his shirt looking at me.

"Y/n," he asks his voice sounding dry.

What the fu-

"Sammy," I hear deans voice behind me as he goes around me hugging Sam.

I know I should rejoice but I'm completely in disbelief. A part of me knows how he's alive... but I don't want to accept it. Because that would mean I lost both of my brothers, and I can't.. I can't lose both of them.

........

"Hey Dean can you help me carry something in," I speak up looking at my oldest brother.

He hasn't made eye contact with me since we left that awful shack in the woods. Dean just nods and follows me out the side door. Once we made some distance from Bobby's house, I turn around shoving him with every ounce of strength I have.

"You idiot! What did you do," I yell anger starting to reach the surface.

"You know what I did y/n. Sam was dead what did you want me to do," Dean doesn't raise his voice.

"We could've found a different way Dean! I lost Sam and now I have to stand back and watch as you get ripped to shreds? Do you think about anyone but yourself," tears start to fall as I lash out.

I let out all those emotions I had buried. Watching Sam get stabbed in the back after sparing someone's life, watching as Dean broke himself and I didn't step in. Watching my father sacrifice his own life over a year ago.

"I couldn't let him die y/n. I couldn't," Dean hangs his head looking like a sick puppy.

"Why are you itching to get yourself killed? First dad and now you? I mean how do you expect me to continue this life without my brothers? How is Sam going to feel once he finds out you sold your soul for him? Do you even care how your choices affect your loved ones," my voice breaks as I continue to yell at him.

"You can't tell him y/n. He doesn't need to know,"

"Of course he does! If you won't tell him I will. I mean- god Dean you can't just make someone care about you then just check out! What am I suppose to do," I scream pushing him once more.

My breath becomes short and I step back putting my hands on my knees. I cry out for my brothers, for my father, for this damn forsaken life. I fall to my knees punching the ground ignoring the pain in my hand.

Dean kneels down putting his hand on my shoulder. I look up at him his eyes flooding with tears. He finally meets my eyes and I can finally see how broken he is, not just because of Sam.

"I'm sorry y/n. But it's my job to protect you and Sam. If it was you on that table I wouldn't think twice of selling my soul for you. I don't expect your forgiveness but I would give my life for you and Sam in a heartbeat. I love you both with my whole being," he tells me.

Without a second thought I back away from him standing back up. I wipe my tears looking at the ground.

"You promised me years ago you would never leave me. That you would fight heaven and hell for me. You swore to me Dean. Now what am I going to do when you go to hell leaving me here alone? You broke your promise.. you betrayed me Dean," and with that I walk away my heart breaking.

I lower my head putting my hand over my mouth. I don't go back inside, instead I make my way to the impala and take a seat beside it. I bring my knees close to my chest letting the emotions run free.