Annie's POV

"Annie, do you remember what I called you after you got diagnosed? Do you remember what I said to you?" Brennan asked one day when he visited me at the hospital after the birthday incident.

I sniffed, still crying a little bit. "No. What did you say?"

Brennan reached out and held my hand as we locked eyes.

"I told you that you were a self destruct button." He said with a slight laugh. "That became your new nickname from me."

I nodded, thinking about that. "I-I think I remember. I'm sorry..."

Brennan hugged me. "It's okay. If you feel it's time to press the button, then do it. It's your choice."

He pulled away and looked into my eyes; I could tell he knew I was feeling sad and alone, and just confused. I was trying so hard to remember who I was, but I just couldn't; it was too hard.

"A-are you sure?" I asked, more tears forming in my eyes.

Brennan nodded and gave my hand a small squeeze. "I'm sure. And I know you don't remember us together, but...I love you, Julianna." Then he stood up, still looking into my eyes, and left.

I started to think about what he said, about the self destruct button. Then, finally, I remembered our conversation.

When we were alone, Brennan asked me, "So, I'm not very knowledgeable on cancer and chemotherapy. What's it do?"

I thought for a moment. "Well, chemo's kinda hard for me to explain. It's basically what's gonna help keep my cancer under control and try to get rid of it. But, the chemo can also have some not so great side effects, and I think one of them is blood problems. So, it's kinda keeping me alive, yet it could harm me."

"The self destruct button." Brennan said.

"What?"

"You said it's keeping you alive, yet it can hurt you. It's kinda like a self destruct button; you can harm yourself, or you can live." Brennan explained.

I shrugged. "I guess, but I can't control what the chemo does to me."

"Well, if you're taking care of yourself, it should do its job. You have a bit of control on it, just like a self destruct button." Brennan replied with a smile.

His smile was so contagious. So, I smiled back. "Yeah. I guess I'm the self destruct button."

I smiled at the memory and felt more tears swell in my eyes. I wiped them away.

"I'm sick of the pain." I said to myself. "I'm done with suffering, I really am, and...I-I think I'm ready to push the button. I'm going to live up to my name; I'm coming home, Caleb."

Then I closed my eyes and laid back, not even trying to fight. I heard my machines start beeping wildly, and I faintly heard Katie open the door to my hospital room and call out my name. And finally, I closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

Everything was black at first, but then I saw a bright light.

"This is the light that everyone talks about. Is it really time?" I said to myself.

The light was getting brighter, and even though I should've felt at peace, I didn't; I felt scared, and sad. I didn't want to leave my life behind, did I?

Just then, the light started to dim, and out of the light came a familiar figure.

"Caleb?" I asked as the figure came closer, and sure enough, it was my brother. I had only faint memories of the last eight years, and I had seen pictures of him around the house that looked like who I saw before me.

Caleb smiled, immediately warming my heart. "Hello, Annie."

I got up and hugged him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to help you." He replied.

I gave him a confused look. "Help me with what?"

"I'm here to help you make a decision." Caleb explained. "Well, I can't tell you what to do, but I'm here to escort you to wherever you decide to go."

"I have a choice?" I asked. "Well, isn't it obvious what I chose?"

"I can tell you're debating whether this was the right decision or not," Caleb replied. "So you have a second chance. And what are you doing here, anyway?"

Caleb was right, I wasn't sure if this was the right choice.

I felt tears slowly fall down my face. "I pushed the button." I said quietly.

"What?"

"I pushed the self destruct button." I said louder. "I was just tired of fighting, but now I'm not sure if I should stay tired or if I should try again."

"Just think, what do you want to do?" Caleb asked. "Do you want to come home with me, or stay with the others?"

I hesitated, not knowing what to choose; this was the hardest decision of my life.

"Annie," Caleb began. The light got brighter, and Caleb smiled and held out his hand. "Come home with me. Please, you'll love it here."

It was really tempting; I could finally be reunited with my brother! We could be eternally happy together, and we wouldn't have to worry about scary diseases trying to take us away from each other.

"Annie, come home." Caleb was still smiling and had his hand out.

I smiled back and reached my hand out, but just as my hand was about to touch his, I paused.

"I...I can't." I said, my heart breaking.

Caleb's smile became a little smaller, but he nodded. "You know what you have to do."

"I have to go home. To earth." I said as I looked back at him. "I don't want to leave you, believe me I don't, but my whole life is on earth. Even though I barely remember him, the boy who loves me is there. My parents are there, my friends, family, and I...they've dealt with enough tragedies for a lifetime, and they can't lose me too."

Caleb smiled wider. "You're a very wise person, Annie. I'm proud to call you my little sister."

"Thank you, Caleb. I love you." I said as we hugged.

"I love you too. Now, go home." Caleb took my hand and we walked through a tunnel. Then he winked and walked into the bright light. It slowly disappeared behind him, and I woke up back on earth in my hospital bed.

I gasped and saw Brennan and Katie next to my hospital bed crying, but they immediately grinned when they saw me.

"Annie!" Brennan cried.

I gave him a small smile. "Hi, Brennan."

He engulfed me in a hug. "You scared us so badly! You...you were dead."

"I was?" I asked. "Well, I guess I kind of knew."

I explained to them both about what I saw, and what Caleb told me.

Brennan held my hand and gave me a small smile. "I'm just glad you're here."

"Me too." I said as I smiled back at them both and we had a group hug.

•••

"We all believe it's best if we move Annie's surgery up immediately," my doctor explained to my mom and I the next day when she came into my room. "Given her current condition, if we don't amputate the leg as soon as possible, the cancer could get even worse."

"When do you want her to have it?" Mom asked.

"Unfortunately, our only open day is next Saturday." The doctor frowned.

"But that's the day before Christmas Eve!" Mom said.

"Are you telling us that I have to stay here during Christmas?" I asked.

The doctor slowly nodded. "I'm very sorry. I wish we could still wait for January, but we can't."

"We understand. Thank you." Mom said. "So will she have to stay here until then?"

"I'm afraid so." The doctor nodded again.

"Great, I'm going to spend about half of December in the hospital," I thought to myself as I mentally rolled my eyes.

"Feel better Annie, okay?" My doctor said before waving and leaving the room.

"I don't want to stay here any longer." I said in an annoyed tone.

"I know, Annie, but you have to. It's for the best." Mom replied as she held my hand.

And nodded and gave her a small smile before getting comfortable. "I'm tired, I'm going to try to sleep."

"Okay." Mom kissed my forehead before going to sit down.

Because of all the medicines I've been taking to make my the pain in my leg go away, including chemo, I've been in so much pain that I can't sleep.

But today all the exhaustion caught up, and I wasn't having any chemo today to keep me up, so I decided to take a nap.

I wish I didn't have to spend my favorite holiday in a hospital; but hopefully my friends and family will make it great.

•••

A/N: Heyo, another chapter ?! What?!

lol I had an idea right after I published the last one, so I quickly got to work and I didn't want to wait any longer! So here it is!

I know it was kind of boring, and it took place towards the end of the last chapter, but I needed a chapter dedicated to Annie pushing the button (I mean, it's the title of the story) and that her surgery was being moved up.

So what did you think of this chapter? Are you sad Annie's spending Christmas in a hospital? Have you ever had to do that? My mom said she did when she was young, which sucks :( I'm glad that I didn't have to spend a hospital visit during Christmas.

So I'm excited for tomorrow (aka in 5 minutes) but at the same time I'm not; I'm getting a tooth pulled in about ten hours (yippee) but it's my older brother's birthday and my friend (who likes bratayley guys! Follow her Instagram is @/bratayleylovesedits) is coming over so yessssssss and I also get a sim game lmao

Also I have a funny story:
So my band is weird and a couple sections have 'mascot' (the tubas have a flamingo and the clarinets have a styrofoam mannequin head; don't ask) so last week my section leader (I'm a trumpet btw ;)) made me bring a lobster I have. So I brought my TY lobster and a made an Instagram for it 😂 now the flamingo and head and lobster will have an Instagram showdown 😂 (jk idk but it's pretty funny).

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If so please don't forget to vote comment and share because I love your feedback!

Thanks, until next time ;)