Brennan's POV

It's sad to say, but I'm now sort of used to Annie being in the hospital.

But even though I'm used to it, doesn't mean I'm okay with it.

It breaks my heart to stand over her bed and watch her sleep with machines attached all over her body. It hurts to see her barely breathing, or when she is breathing, I can tell it's a struggle. It hurts to see her try to eat, but she can barely swallow a spoonful of Jell-O, or if she does, she most likely throws it up.

It just hurts to see the person I love most in pain.

And it hurts just as much to not be able to tell her I love her.

I can't hug her, I can't kiss her, I can't make jokes with her, because she most likely won't understand or remember what they mean.

It just hurts, not just for me, but for everyone.

"It hurts." Annie said one day when Katie and I visited her in the hospital. Her family had to run errands and we wanted to keep her company. She was trying to relax, but her leg was bothering her a lot.

Katie nodded and held her hand. "We know, Annie."

"Not just my leg, but my head too." Annie said.

"Do you have a headache?" I asked.

Annie shook her head. "This is too hard and painful." Then she started crying.

"Oh, Annie," Katie pulled her in for a hug. "I'm so sorry."

Annie noticed Katie was starting to cry. "Please don't cry." She said. "It just makes it worse for me."

Katie nodded and wiped away tears. "I-I'm sorry. I'll step out for a minute." Katie walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind her.

I still stood next to Annie's bed as she laid back with her eyes closed, trying to ignore the pain. "I hate seeing everyone I love in pain; I'm the one that's supposed to be in pain, not them."

"I know Annie. It's just hard for us to see you in pain." I said. I reached out for her hand, but quickly took it back; it would probably be awkward if I held her hand.

"It's just really hard." Annie said as she was still crying. "I don't want to do this anymore."

"Do what?" I asked as I sat on the edge of my bed, although I was pretty sure I already knew the answer.

Annie sniffed and sat up, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Live."

Even though I knew she would say it eventually, it still shattered my heart when she said it. I started to cry, silently. I could feel the tears swell in my eyes.

Annie stared into my eyes, noticing I was crying. She reached out and wiped away my tears before pulling me in for a hug.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Me too." I replied as she pulled away. "Annie, do you remember what I called you after you got diagnosed? Do you remember what I said to you?"

Annie sniffed. "No. What did you say?"

I felt it was the right time, so I reached out and held her hand. I didn't break eye contact.

"I told you that you were a self destruct button." I slightly laughed. "That became your new nickname from me."

Annie nodded. "I-I think I remember. I'm sorry..."

I hugged her. "It's okay. If you feel it's time to press the button, then do it. It's your choice."

I pulled away and saw the look in her eyes; the lifeless, sad, confused, numb look in her eyes. I could tell she was ready to let go, she had done enough suffering. This was heartbreaking for all of us, especially Annie, and the only way the heartbreak could end is if she let go.

"A-are you sure?" Annie asked, more tears pouring down her face.

I nodded and gave her hand a squeeze. "I'm sure. And I know you don't remember us together, but...I love you, Julianna." Then I stood up, the same look still in her eyes, and left the room.

Katie was still standing in the hallway. She had her face buried in her hands, but when she heard me close the door, she looked up.

"What did you say to her?" She asked as she walked over to me.

"I...I told her that if she was ready, she should let go." I said, trying to fight the tears; but they won. I started crying, and I slid down against the wall until I reached the floor.

Katie sat next to me and hugged me as I cried. I brought my knees to my chest and just cried. I knew that I had lost this battle, I knew that no matter how much hope I had, it was all gone now.

Especially after what happened next.

We started hearing the machines in Annie's room go wild, and they were beeping all over the place.

"Annie?" Katie thought aloud as she got up and opened the door. She gasped and started sobbing. "Annie, oh my god!"

I got up and raced in the room after Katie. Annie's machines were beeping like crazy, and doctors and nurses starting running in.

"She's going into cardiac arrest!" A nurse screamed as they began to try and treat Annie.

"Julianna!" I screamed, trying to get closer.

"You need to step back, young man." A doctor said as he pushed me back.

I watched in horror as a bunch of doctors and nurses were speaking their own diverse language of medicine. I watched as they tried to save Annie.

Then her machines started slowing down and the heart monitor did one long last beep.

"No." Katie whispered under her breath before she buried her face in my chest and cried. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and let her cry, which was something we seemed to be doing a lot of today. I was in too much shock to keep crying.

The doctors and nurses held their heads down and stopped whatever they were doing. I looked over and saw Annie with an oxygen mask on, her body pale and lifeless on her bed.

"We're sorry." One nurse said as they walked by me and left the room.

"Time of death..." one doctor began, but I couldn't bare to hear it, so I left the room.

I felt the tears start to slip out again. It was official, I was heartbroken. I felt empty, numb, and broken; I had just lost the love of my life.

After all the doctors and nurses left her room, I slowly walked in.

Katie was still there, standing next to Annie's bed and touching the soft, small strands of hair on Annie's head.

"I just..." Katie gulped. "I just can't believe she's gone."

"She didn't say it back." I said quietly.

"She didn't say what back?" Katie asked.

"She didn't say she loved me back." I said. "I told her, right before I left this room, that I loved her. She just stared at me with this empty look in her eyes, and now she's gone."

I bent down next to her bed. Her eyes were closed, and she looked lifeless, yet...peaceful.

"I'm so sorry, Jules." I whispered as I hugged her. "I'm so sorry."

I continued to cry as I hugged her. It didn't feel real, all I wanted was to wake up from this nightmare and find out that Annie never had cancer, and that she was fine, and we would be happy together, whether we were friends or more than friends.

And at that moment, I had lost all hope. I had lost my faith, I was heartbroken and alone.

But then my hope reappeared just moments later, a tiny spark came back.

And that spark began when I heard one small beep from the heart monitor. Then two, then three, then it was continuous.

And finally, all my hope was restored when Annie gasped and opened her eyes.

"Annie!" I cried, a wide smile forming on my face.

Annie slightly smiled. "Hi, Brennan."

•••

A/N: this chapter almost killed me, okay?!

And did you really think I could kill Annie off in this chapter? If so, sorry...

Also I've finally got an ending planned! This story will probably end in a few more chapters, I'd say at the most 10 more chapters before this story is over. I don't want it to end, but all good things do come to an end, right?

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If so please don't forget to vote comment and share because I love your feedback!

Thanks, until next time ;)