There was something incredibly peaceful about being at the sea side. The sound of the surf breaking on the sand, the smell of salt on the warm breeze, and the chill of the cold water as it covered my feet. It soothed the part of my soul that was broken and bleeding. It was still there. Still raw. But, with each inhale, it was easier to bare.

It was why being near the water had always been our thing. Mine and Mum's. How many times had we found ourselves at the pier or on the beach? Too many. And yet, not enough.

Being on the beach, I felt closer to her. After trying so hard not to think of the past, as the cold water closed my feet, only the past filled my thoughts. I could almost hear her joyous laughter. I half expected her to come splashing up beside me, her big wide smile stretched across her face as she rushed in to meet the next wave.

My feet took a step forward as if to do the same.

Some of my favourite memories of her were at the beach. For a second, past was overlaid with present as a younger, more carefree version of Evelyn Barrett splashed through the shallows, arms outstretched and face tilted up to the sun.

She was always at peace here.

Being near water was her happy place. It was only right that this was where it all ended.

Inhaling deeply, I allowed my eyes to close, my hands clenched tightly around the plastic urn in my hands. It was oddly light. I'd never really thought about this side of things – had never really wanted to.

I stared down at the plain urn, a frown etched upon my forehead. It was just wrong somehow. One of the biggest parts of life had been reduced to a single jar of ash. It was humbling and heart breaking.

How could someone who had been such a massive part of my life become so small that I could hold them in both hands?

I blinked rapidly against the sudden burning in my eyes. I would not cry. Not yet.

"I think we're here." Diane muttered, coming to stand awkwardly at my side. The unspoken thing between us continued to linger. A part of me wondered if it would ever go away. "This looks like the right spot."

I surveyed the horizon before I nodded my agreement. I had lost count of how many hours I had gone through Mum's box, surely as cursed as Pandora's. I had lost count of the number of times I had pulled out the photo of Mum standing right here, on this beach. The image was firmly imprinted in my mind. It was as if I had lived it too.

Turning, I carefully handed the urn to Diane before pulling the photo from my bag. I lifted it up and overlaid it perfectly over the horizon. My lips curled up into a smile as Mum smiled back at me.

This was it. This was the place mum had been happiest. It was only right that we returned her here.

We both stood in side my side, watching as the sun drifted slowly down towards the horizon.

"Did you want to say anything before we-?" Diane asked, her arms carefully cradling Mum's ashes.

I glanced at the urn but then quickly dragged my eyes back to the horizon. My throat tightened. After a moment, I shook my head. What was there to say?

What wasn't there to say?

Nothing that would make the slightest bit of difference. She was gone and no words I said would bring her back. Any words would only be about making me feel better. Yet this wasn't about me. This was for her. This was about setting Mum free.

I had never been one to think about the afterlife or reincarnation. It was impossible to know what comes next or even if there is a next. But, on the off chance she was watching, I only hoped she would be happy with our choice. That she would be at peace here – in the place she loved.

We stood by side, Diane and I, calf deep in the sea facing out towards the horizon. The peaks of the waves burned orange under the evening sun.  My fingers clutched at the skirts of my bright floral sundress, holding it just above the splash of the surf.

Except for the call of the birds overhead, and the boats half a mile off the coast, the stretch of beach we were on was empty except for the two of us. It had taken a sweaty trek across some sand dunes and down a steep path before we had found the right stretch of sand.

It was worth it.

It was easy to see why she loved this spot. It was as if we were on our own desert island with nothing but the sea and the sun for company. There were no distractions. We weren't fighting for a square of sand like the main beaches. We could just – be.

Inhaling deeply, I allowed my eyes to drift closed before I released my breath with a quiet sigh, the sound almost lost under the rhythmic crashing of the waves. For a moment, we were just present, both of us thinking about Mum as the waves crashed around our legs.

Neither of us made the immediate move to begin. As if, by delaying, we could hold off the inevitable.

A seagull swooped over our heads, causing both of us to duck out of the way. It called loudly as it banked low over the waves before it swept off along the dunes towards the main beach.

Diane and I exchanged glances. Then, with a sigh, she glanced down at the urn in her hands.

"I'm sorry, Mum." Diane murmured quietly. "I never wanted us to part like this. A part of me always thought we would have time to make peace. You would have time to get to know the kids. It's my fault. I know. You tried but I wasn't ready."

I turned my head as my fingers clenched around the skirts of my dress. Yet there was no hiding from her words. My stomach twisted uncomfortably with each guilt ridden syllable that escaped her mouth. I begged for the sounds of the sea to swallow them. I begged not to hear them so that I didn't have to face my own actions. My own guilt.

But, as ever, I wasn't that lucky.

"I'm sorry too, Diane." I focused intently on the surf, unable to look at her as I spoke. "I shouldn't have said what I did before."

"Which time?"

"All of them. You didn't deserve it. I was just – angry."

She sighed and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "I'm sorry too." She swallowed loud enough for me to hear. "Your comments hurt but I think that's because there was a grain of truth to them. It's easier to hold a grudge than I care to admit."

"It doesn't mean that it was right."

"No. It doesn't." She agreed, giving me one last squeeze before allowing her arm to drop. "But I think both of us have made mistakes in one way or another."

"Agreed." I nodded.

"Truce?" Diane asked.

My lips twitched up into a reluctant smile. She grinned back. The good memories were still there even if they were often overshadowed by everything that had come since.  "Truce," I agreed.

My fingers loosened their painful grip on the skirts. The seagull squawked loudly before it soared off down the beach. My feet ached in the reminder that, while the sun had been shining, the sea was still far too cold.

Diane sighed loudly before unscrewing the cap of the urn. She turned to me.

"Did you want to?"

I swallowed, glanced down at the ashes within. My hands trembled at my sides. 

"Together?"

"Together." She agreed.

Placing a shaky hand on the urn, I took in a deep breath. Then, between the two of us, we gently scattered the ashes into the ocean. They rested briefly on the surface before being swallowed by the next wave. With each ebb and flow, the grains spread further into the surf until there was no separating Mum from the sea.

Just how she would want it to be.

I released a slow breath before staring up at the horizon once more, surprised to see that sun was almost ready to set. I glanced back away from the brightness.

A part of me was disappointed. I had almost expected some instantaneous change. Yet the grief was still there. Sharp and painful. But, I could breathe just a little easier. We had set her free in the place that held her heart.

We stood for a minute or two in silent companionship, the gulls swooping and swerving overhead. Diane was quiet at my side, despite the chill of the sea water as it splashed further up out legs with each wave.

I would have stood there for hours if she had stayed with me. For once, the awkward tension between us was gone. Instead, we were united in our grief.

As terrible as the day was, this was familiar. Almost like it used to be. Us against the world.

But, as quick as the moment arrived, it was gone.

"I guess I should go. The kids, you know?" Diane commented, her hands still firmly wrapped around the empty urn.

Tilting my head down, my eyes focusing on the flashes of my pale feet though the water, a furrow formed between my brows. Was this going to be it? Would it now be weeks – perhaps even months - before I saw her again? With Mum gone, and our relationship fragile, Dad was the only common ground we had.

I sniffed loudly before nodding my head. Then, at the same time, we turned back to the shore. And, as I lifted my gaze, I was struck with the oddest sensation.

The word spilled out before I could stop them. "I've been here before."