I've been continuously overwhelmed these last few months. Moving from one issue to the next; I am once again faced with a problem that I don't know how to address. I don't know what to think, how to feel, if what I'm feeling is okay, or if I've somehow become warped from an endless life of trials.

Lore is the serial killer the church searches for. I've assisted in one of those murders. Lore used Draven to make Jakoby forget about me. Lore killed some, if not all of the parents of the children he has adopted. Draven has assisted in much of these endeavors, including what they no doubt are planning with the Red Moon. I never surmised what the church had been doing, and I never surmised what Lore has been doing.

Draven said it himself; Lore has rules, but those rules are warped and I can't stand by them. Harming someone who needs help, someone like me who may be able to become better, is not acceptable. But saving children from terrible homes and bringing down the corrupt system abusing all of us by whatever means necessary; I stand behind that. Some things cannot be tamed by flames. They must be ripped out by the roots. Lore is willing to do that, and so am I.

I don't know if my decision is right. I'm unclear if my feelings are distorting my judgment, but the truth remains; I love Lore. I want to be with the children. I hope to help Lore raise them, to give them lives far better than we ever had. The Seymour Estate has become my home and those within it have become my family, a true family. Not one that beats me. Not one that would condemn me. Not one that would ever do me harm. A lot like the family that I lost and now I understand what it's like to be wanted, to have a place of comfort. I will stay. Under a few conditions.

I hurry to Lore's room, unsure if he has woken up yet. Opening the door, I find him seated on the side of the bed donning a quiet expression. He spots me, sitting rigid and knuckles bonewhite against the bed. Perhaps I worried him by not being here. Maybe he thought I had run off after learning the truth, I'm not sure.

Shutting the door, I approach to take a seat beside him. He offers a cordial smile. "Good morning," he says. "Did you sleep alright?"

"At first, but I woke up earlier and couldn't go back to sleep. I had a lot to think about, even more after I spoke with Draven."

Lore tilts his head, silent questions brimming in his eyes when he merely asks, "About what?"

"A bit of everything."

He averts his gaze like a scolded child, one who knows they're about to get into even more trouble.

"I know what you had him do to Jakoby."

He clenches his eyes shut, gnawing at his bottom lip.

"You must know that I'm not okay with being manipulated."

"That isn't," he crosses his arms, growing increasingly uncomfortable. I can't believe that's possible. Lore's always in his element, but now he doesn't know what to do. Shifting on the bed, gazing at the wall, so out of place that it's visibly unsettling. "Had the two of you worked towards a real relationship, you may have remained infatuated with the church," he adds, looking at me as if he expects me to agree, to thank him for his brilliant plan.

"Was that the only reason?" I counter, noticing the stiffness to his jaw.

Rising, Lore paces the room, looking more like my panicked self than his usual charming demeanor. Then he stops and stares me down to ask, "So what if I was jealous? I hated that you went on that date, but you never liked me being with anyone either."

"I never brainwashed them into forgetting your entire existence, Lore. You manipulated me and Jakoby."

He glares at his feet, toes curling against the rug. A furious red simmers beneath his cheeks, though I can't say if the blush is from embarrassment or frustration. He probably never suspected to be caught and that worries me, that he may have kept such a big secret from me forever, that he may have more secrets or one day try to hide even more from me and I'm a fool to still be here. To actually want to stay.

Standing up, I approach him to speak firmly, "While it is true that a relationship with Jakoby may have prevented me from seeing the truth behind the church, the way you went about it was wrong. I'm not okay with how you handled the situation or how you kept it a secret from me and probably always would have, so I'm saying this here and now; if you want me to stay, if you truly care about me, you will never do something like that again and never keep secrets from me."

As if testing the waters, Lore slowly reaches for my hand. When I don't shake off his hold, he brings my knuckles to his lips, whispering against them, "I'm sorry, Seren. I won't and it won't happen again." He releases my hand, frowning. "Though I feel you have more to say."

"I do. Last night, I can't do that again."

Lore furrows his brow, visibly confused.

"I've killed enough in my short life time, Lore. As much as I agree that rotten bastards like Aja deserve justice, I can't...I don't think I can be the one to deal out that justice. I have enough nightmares to worry about. However, I will help in bringing down the church and the monarchies in whatever way I can, through battle when the time ultimately comes to it, but until then, I..."

Lore grasps my shoulders, massaging the tense muscles. "You do not need to explain yourself to me. I understand. Is there anything else?"

"We will discuss together who dies and who doesn't."

It's Lore's turn to tense. His hold almost hurts. He releases me, stepping away to eye me skeptically. "Draven spoke about more than Jakoby."

"He did." And based on Lore's reaction, Draven wasn't lying, although I never suspected he was. Shifting my weight from one foot to the other, I ask, "What happened to the parents of the children?"

"If the two of you spoke then you have the answers."

"I want to hear them from you."

"Isabella wasn't born to a wheelchair," Lore says, puzzling me, though the pieces fit together on their own quickly enough. He speaks of them anyway; "Her mother went a little too far after getting jealous of the affection her boyfriend had given Isabella. I learned of what occurred through the precinct. Isabella, of course, sided with her mother claiming her injury was an unfortunate accident even when everyone saw through the farce. Let's just say neither her mother or the wretched bastard will ever harm anyone again." Lore looks towards the door as if he can see the children through the walls. "Ashby and Angel's father enjoyed gambling and understood the price others would pay for his dhampir children. Unfortunately, he and his wife perished in a car accident. Too much to drink."

"And his wife, what did she do to deserve death?"

Lore wrinkles his brow as if my question offended him. "She let the bastard beat them, let him make a deal to sell them like livestock. She did nothing to protect them."

"Did he also hit her? Did he hurt her, like the church hurt me?"

"Your circumstances are entirely different," he growls.

"They are not! I killed innocent vampires and dhampir for the church, Lore. I did it because they made me believe I had to for the betterment of the world. I let them hurt children, like me. I, too, was complacent in the abuse and that's why you initially planned to kill me too, right?"

Lore rolls his shoulders, as if the mention of his previous plans makes him nauseous. Maybe that's a good sign or maybe Lore is such an excellent actor that, even now, I can't read him.

"I know the Seymour's hurt you," I say, taking hold of his arms when he tries to escape. He twists in my grasp, refusing to meet my gaze. "So many people knew what they were doing to you and they all turned a blind eye. They pretended like it wasn't happening and that was wrong. Everything that happened to you was wrong, but you of all people understand that situations are complicated. You hate generalization, but you're doing it yourself. An abused partner frightened of leaving shouldn't condemn them to death. They need help and we should give them that so that their children, so that Angel and Ashby may have lived a great life with their mother."

"They have a great life here!" He shrieks, shoving me. There's pure desperation in his eyes, the eyes of a man who wished someone would have said what he's saying to him as a child. "I give my children everything they could ever want and everything they'll ever need. More than they could ever imagine so they will never know hunger, pain, fear, only joy and comfort and love. I will keep them safe from anything or anyone who may do them harm. They will never go through what we did. My children, those who are grown, have families of their own now. They're happy and content, as they deserve to be, as they should have always had. The church, the monarchies, the vampires could drag my soul to whatever afterlife there is and I'll crawl my way out if they so much as try to harm a hair on any of my children's heads."

"I have no doubt about that, Lore." I chance grasping his hand, waiting for his fingers to relax. He shakes like he's on the verge of erupting, though the gentle rubbing of my fingers against his palm eases his heavy breathing.

"What's done is done," I say. "Angel and Ashby are happy here, but in the future, we will discuss these matters together. We give help when help can be given. We're meant to help those like us, right? The hated and the abused who have no one to fight for them."

Hesitating, he gives a slow nod, then sighs when I press a kiss to his cheek. He rests against me as if this conversation has taken a physical toll. Perhaps it has. Clearly Draven has never discussed this with Lore. He has always done everything mostly on his own, surrounding himself in more darkness. I doubt he has talked about his past enough either, dealt with the seemingly endless trauma. I hold tightly to him, making sure that he knows he isn't alone anymore.

"Let's not get angry at Draven for talking to me about this either," I say in what I hope to be a teasing tone.

Lore chuckles, a good sign. "If Draven spoke to you it's because he believes you needed to hear it. I will not get angry over that, though I do wish he had given me a warning."

"Understandable, so we are on the same page now, right?"

"Not quite yet," he says, puzzling me, then worrying me when he adds, "We should also discuss matters concerning the Red Moon."

Right, Lore's working with the Red Moon. I'm hesitant to join him even after he assured me that they're worth working with, otherwise they wouldn't have been given a chance. He's correct that we cannot do this alone. The church and the monarchies are too powerful together. As much as they hate each other, they love what they have accomplished and will assist one another to continue their parasitic ventures.

I don't know what to expect. I'm unclear on what our future holds, but I give a hesitant nod, possibly sealing our fate in a good or terrible way.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

This was something I considered heavily while writing, if I wanted to go this direction or not. When I started TSoLS, I wanted Lore to be a morally grey character. Someone you rooted for, but also understood that not everything he did was great. Yes, he loves his children, but he has taken things from them without them even realizing. Ashby and Angel may have had a great life with their mother, had she lived. They have a great life now with Lore, but lost their mother who may have loved them just as dearly and that's something we'll never know. I didn't want Lore to just be a vigilante because I didn't believe it made sense with what he went through, so yeah, this is why I warned people that this story would be dark lol

How are you feeling after this discussion that they had? What do you think will happen should they work with the Red Moon?