Cyan POV

Time ticks away. I remain on the couch doing what I do best; think.

I don't know how much time passes before Arline returns. Likely hours passed based on the sun being up when Draven was here and now the sun has set. It must be after dinner because Arline steps in with a plate of food. Her brows furrow when she huffs, "I've been searching everywhere for you. What are you still doing here? You missed..."

Her voice trails off. Setting the plate on the coffee table, she takes a seat next to me. Her hand rests on my shoulder, gently nudging me. "What's wrong? You're as pale as the dead."

I tear at the fraying strings along the edge of my shirt that I've abused ever since Draven's confession. The poor cloth will have to be tossed after tonight. Looking at Arline, I try to tell her but the truth sits on the edge of my tongue. I know what she's going to say; that I should tell Draven how I feel. That's what she has always said. Arline has always believed in our connection, and I always wanted to feel the same. That's much easier to do when you're not at war with your own body, when your mind rests at ease. What's that like having a quiet mind, not being anxious, not hating yourself?

"Cyan," Arline whispers. Her eyes hold concern. I don't blame her. I'm acting weird.

Swallowing hard, I manage to breathe out, "I... Draven, after you left he, uh, he said that he l-likes me."

I'm baffled to discover Arline maintaining a serious expression. I expected a knowing smirk, maybe a taunt, but she sits calmly. Resting a gentle hand on my back, she asks, "Did he say anything else?"

"He said he doesn't expect an answer now, but if I feel the same then he'd like to give us a try and that I shouldn't belittle myself. He'll wait."

"What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything."

"Because you want to take time to think about it?"

"I guess? I don't know. I-I know that I like him too, but..."

Arline frowns. "But you're worrying about it again, aren't you? That he'll get annoyed with waiting or that you'll never give him the physical aspects of a relationship that he may want."

Of course she knows, we've gone over this hundreds of times. I've tried getting accustomed to physical contact and I have gotten better. Arline, for example, can touch my shoulder or grasp my hand and I'm fine. We practiced first, doing chores together while she held my hand or gently patted my arm while we spoke. Little things here or there that amounted to normalcy, but it took time. A lot of time. Same with Lore. Sometimes he had to hold me to calm me, but then I'd break out in hives because of the contact.

Draven though, it feels more complicated with him because he makes my heart race. I know what I want to do. I want to hold his hand. I want to hug him. I want to kiss him. I want... to have sex. It's not like I don't have that drive. I most certainly do, but part of me hates that and another part knows that's stupid. I become so irritated that I can't react so easily to these desires. I want Draven and he's right there and yet I can't reach him. It makes me hate myself.

"Hey, look at me," Arline whispers, taking firm hold of my hand. "I understand why you're worried. I understand that this is a lot for you, but if being with Draven is what you want then you have to give it a try. Yes, it'll take time for your relationship to develop, more than it does for most others, however, that's what a relationship is. If you aren't willing to spend time together, to be patient, to learn, to grow comfortable, then they aren't the person for you."

Arline nudges me playfully with her elbow. "Hell, how many years did he wait to say this? Not to mention that he puts up with all of us without having a complete breakdown. If anyone can put up with your crazy ass, it's Draven."

"True. I am a handful," I laugh, taking a relieved breath. "I just... I always feel like I'm not enough and Draven will eventually see that, then everything will be ruined."

"Aren't all relationships like that?" she argues. "The fear of losing an important relationship by taking the next frightening step happens to everyone. Sometimes there is loss, but sometimes we get so much more. We have to ask ourselves if that's worth the risk and if, when our time is up, will we regret never taking that chance?"

Smiling, she pushes my dinner plate closer to me. "Take some time to eat and ask yourself what you will regret most. You'll come to a decision." With that, she pats my thigh and leaves.

My stomach rumbles. I reach for my plate while it's still warm and stuff my face wondering over Arline's question.

What will I regret more; saying no or saying yes? I feel I already know the answer. All this time, I've been running around Draven wishing for him to care for me in the same way I do for him while also completely terrified of the prospect. My life will continue like this, always wanting a relationship while berating myself for being incapable of fulfilling the aspects of it that I legitimately want. If I run now, I'll continue running the rest of my life. I'm tired of running. I want to be brave. I want to stand my ground and take a chance.

I want to take a chance with Draven and see where that chance takes us.

I don't know how late it is and I don't really care. If I don't do this now, I'll change my mind so, on trembling legs, I search for Draven. The estate is quiet and dark. My breath catches around every corner, hoping to see Draven but only catching a shadow. Even through the endless nerves, my feet become lighter. I'm rushing through the halls and checking the rooms because I'm so out of it that I don't even stop to realize what time it is until I've checked a dozen rooms. Every part of me trembles as I approach Draven's bedroom. My knock is so quiet I barely hear it. I'm about to knock again when the door opens.

My breath catches in my throat seeing Draven standing there in plain trousers and a sleep shirt. It's unlike him. I rarely see Draven in anything other than his uniform. While he's always a looker, I can't deny that seeing his hair unkempt and disheveled makes my mouth run dry.

"Were you asleep?" I whisper, worrying I may have woken someone with my earlier searching.

"No," he answers, gesturing over his shoulder. I catch a glimpse of a book on his bedside table. "I was reading. Trying to anyway."

Because of me? is what I want to ask but don't have the courage to because all that courage is going towards everything else right now.

"Did Arline bring you dinner?" he asks, resting a hand against the doorframe. "You didn't show up so..."

"So you asked her to bring me dinner?"

His grip tightens, then he nods. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me yet."

"I... I did, um, I..."

How can I speak when he's looking at me like that? Not a stern expression, something almost hopeful, like the hope whistling through my veins. My gut twists into a knot, as do the strings on the end of my shirt because my fingers won't stop fiddling with them.

"You don't need to say anything until you're ready," he says, noticing my fidgeting.

"No, I need to. If I don't, I'll keep running so," I try at least five times to swallow the lump in my throat before--fucking hell--literally squeaking out, "I-I like you too, Draven."

Pride surges within me having done the impossible; I made Draven blush. Not like how I do where I'm red up to my ears, something softer but still incredibly noticeable across his cheeks. I notice how he holds his breath and it makes me feel like less of a fool for doing the same.

"I'm scared," I admit, continuing to toil with the strings along my shirt. "You know that I haven't... I've never been able to do what most others do so easily. I'm a complete mess in more ways than one and a total troublemaker."

"Yeah, you are," he agrees, smiling sweet enough to make my teeth ache.

"Regardless of that, I still want to give us a try too." I'm happy to say the word makes us both smile. It feels good, like maybe this can work, although, "I don't really know what to do now."

This is the part where the newly formed couple is meant to hug, kiss, or passionately make out, which are all things I would love to do if I could.

Draven glances into his room, then asks, "Are you tired?"

I shake my head.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

"A walk in the middle of the night?"

"Fresh air is good for you, especially you. I imagine you'll fill the lab up with smoke tomorrow before lunch."

I bite back a giddy smile. "Probably, I grabbed a few things from Vexsis that I'm eager to look over."

His eyes widen.

"Nothing crazy. I might have slipped a watch off someone's wrist, grabbed a pretty neat remote control toy when we were out... and yanked a shiny thing out of one of the car engines."

"Cyan."

"It was little stuff. No one will even notice it's gone!"

Draven rests his forehead against the open door, trying to hold back a smile. But then he lets it slip across his face and I hope this becomes the norm because I really like it when he smiles. It's a little crooked, like he's the one who is about to get into trouble.

"Will you always be this much of a troublemaker?" he asks, stepping out of his room to walk beside me down the hall.

"I hope so. It's fun." I gaze at his hand swaying close to mine, then up at him. He tilts his head when I ask, "Can we... hold hands? Just for a minute. I think I can do that."

We held hands in town too. By accident, but we did it and I want to do it again.

"This can be the start of our practice," I add.

"Okay," he says, grasping my hand that immediately heats up. He links our fingers and I want to scream with joy. "Practice is all about repetition, so I guess we'll have to do this every night."

Draven steps out into the cool night air, but I've never felt so warm.

"I'd like that," I whisper, clutching his hand tighter and hoping that I really will feel this again tomorrow.

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WOO HAPPY NEW YEAR! Wow these fluff episodes are falling on some perfect dates. What a way to start the year, Draven and Cyan are officially dating lol They even managed to hold hands on purpose lol Our boys have a lot to work on, but they'll work on their relationship together :) It's nice to have some relaxing chapters, isn't it? ;)

As a reminder, if you enjoy my writing I do have books available on amazon. Speak the Truth is a trilogy and if the physical version isn't available in your country, the eBook should still be. You don't need a kindle to read it, just any type of program capable of reading eBooks. Look for Speak the Truth Twoony on amazon! ^^ And keep your eyes open for future books. I hope to have four more added to amazon this year ;)