Seren P.O.V.

Warning: Mature content. Please keep comments respectful.

I lay awake through the night aware that Cyan does the same. I hear his occasional deep intake of breath. He must hear my own. I wish I could calm myself, but the memories take me down a raging river that rarely relents.

What happened with Lore--the kiss--then speaking to Cyan, it's too much. It's too much that every passing moment I find myself leaning further and further away from what has been such a sturdy foundation in my life; the church. It's as if I thought I built myself a forever home only to discover the ground has grown soggy. The floors creak and walls crack until windows shatter and the roof caves in around me. I breathe in debris that burns my lungs, uncertain if I wish to fall into the depths with the home or claw my way out, unaware of what awaits me afterwards.

When day breaks, Cyan rises wordlessly. He's ready for the day before Draven arrives. I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom when the butler knocks. It's time for breakfast. A refusal rests on my tongue until Cyan peeks into the bathroom from the slightly ajar door.

"Don't skip breakfast," he says as if he can read my thoughts, or it's because he had the same urge but knew better. "We reach Vexsis today. We should keep up our strength, just in case."

He's right. If I were in my right mind, I'd have immediately thought the same. I wouldn't hesitate to agree. Cyan waits for my response that comes in the form of a slow nod. He leaves. I follow shortly afterwards, dressed in the same suit from yesterday. I'm almost tempted to step into my shared room with Lore to get a change of clothes. Wearing this suit reminds me of the kiss. There's the faintest scent of alcohol. But when I catch Lore's gaze as he stands outside our room, I walk past him, beyond relieved that he doesn't utter a word.

Conversation passes between Lore, Cyan, and Draven throughout breakfast. I catch very brief moments where they discuss Vexsis. Though I know I should be listening with rapt attention--we are about to enter the worst place someone like me could ever go--I can't quite grasp reality. There's thoughts from last night. I still taste Lore. I still feel his heat. I hear his sharp intake of breath, see his lustrous blue eyes that ensnared me the moment I gazed upon them. Then I look to my side and see Lore here, now, the width of his shoulders and long black hair all draped over his form to show off his brilliant profile. When my staring is caught, he offers a devilish wink that has me pushing away from the table.

Lore grasps my wrist. "We're meant to stay toge--"

"I can take care of myself," I interject, ripping my hand free before I make a horrible mistake, like kissing him again.

He doesn't argue. I wouldn't have stayed if he had an argument to give. I move through the halls to the observation deck above protected by a glass dome that allows everyone to peer through the clouds to the looming crimson tear in the sky.

The Gateway is more than I could have ever imagined. Even while plainly visible from the capital, the distance never let me truly understand the grandeur. It rips across the sky like a bloodied scar. Crimson mists seeps around the black edges that glimmer like starlight. Within, the red moves like stirred wine. The captain speaks over the intercom, informing everyone that we'll be passing through in a few minutes and to either take a seat or hold on to something. Apparently, passing through can cause one to go a bit dizzy.

I grip the railing along the dome, one of many passengers watching the Gateway grow closer until red fills our vision. When the airship pushes through, the fog encapsulates us in a sea of crimson that darkens into an ebony sky of starlight, as if we can see the space we're moving between. In another flash of red, we breach the other side to peer upon rolling fields tinted blue from the sun. I didn't expect that, although I guess it's the moon that is known to be red in Vexsis. Far in the distance, I catch soft glints of shimmering white; likely the capital city.

Just then, my sight goes blurry. I almost lost hold of the handlebars. A pressure rests against my hip, easing me onto steady feet. I blink away the blurriness to look over my shoulder.

Of course it's Lore standing there. He at least releases me without my having to say so. Then again, I doubt I would have said anything. Cyan and Draven are with him, albeit a few steps away. After last night, they don't need more reason to suspect something happened between Lore and me. Although, Cyan isn't paying attention with his face crushed against the glass.

"Careful," Lore says, "Vexsis can be a bit disorienting in the beginning. The light's different, even the air is in a sense. Nothing to worry about, of course, but some are nauseous on the first day."

"I'll be fine," I say, taking a step away. I could feel his chest brush against my shoulder, his heat and his scent washing over me. I can't stand it.

"Strange how another world looks so similar, isn't it?" Lore asks. "Is it what you expected?"

"No," I admit, observing the land beneath us.

Though we're high up, I see the plots of land below no different than the farms on earth. I know vampires add fruits, vegetables, and grains to their blood meals, but I can't deny that whenever anyone mentioned farming on Vexsis, I imagined metal rooms where mortals were locked up with tubes draining the blood from their veins.

"We'll reach the capital sometime around lunch," Lore explains, although I already know. It's his poor attempt to make conversation, to lead up to; "So I think that means we have time to talk."

Lore grasps my wrist once more when I try to make my escape. He tugs me towards him. I stumble over my feet. I said I'll be fine, but Lore was right. Vexsis is a bit disorienting. The colors alone make my gaze drift, like I know something's amiss and I'm searching for what needs to be fixed.

"Seren, last night--"

"Was a mistake," I interject, attention drifting to Draven a few steps away. Sure enough, those orange eyes of his are focused on us. I try to keep a calm facade when I hiss, "Forget it happened."

"I can't do that. More importantly, I don't want to."

"Well I do." I rip my hand away. "And stop making a scene. Draven's--"

"Already aware something happened after you evicted him from his room last night. Pretending won't fool him, so how about we take this chat to our room if he makes you so uncomfortable?"

"No, absolutely not. I'm not--" risking being alone with you because I want you. I want you so bad it hurts. I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I want to run my fingers through your hair. I want to do so much more. I don't know if I can say no to that desire anymore.

"You're not what?" Lore challenges. He takes a looming step closer. I stand my ground, even when I feel his chest against mine, when he leans in like last night. Like he's going to kiss me, like he wants all the same things I want.

"You don't want to be alone with me?" he asks, gently gripping my wrist so his fingers rest over my pulse. "Are you afraid of what will happen?"

Not might, but will. What we both know will happen and I can't...

Suddenly, Lore releases me. He retreats. The absence of his heat leaves me freezing. His eyes darken when he asks, "Was last night a joke?"

"What?" I hiss.

"Last night--our kiss--was it a joke? Am I a joke to you?"

"No. Don't be ridiculous."

"I don't find this to be a ridiculous question to ask, all things considered."

"All things considered, you're smart enough to catch on to the fact that I like--" I bite my tongue too late. Finished thought or not, Lore knew what I was about to say. So do I. He watches me for a brief moment, as if he expects me to dare to complete that sentence or he desperately hopes that I will. When I don't, his hand grasps mine.

Lore has us speeding down the steps in the direction of our room.

"Wait a second!" I call.

"You're crazier than I ever thought possible if you think I'll wait any longer," he says. His fingers slip between mine, linking us.

We could stop. I could pull away, tell him to drop it, that I wasn't about to say what he thought I was, but the words never pass my lips. My heart won't allow the lie. My heart doesn't even want to acknowledge that what's about to happen is going to be a bigger mistake than last night.

Only the heart can silence the mind and that's why I do nothing to stop Lore from kissing me the moment we're alone in our room. Right now, my heart doesn't give a damn what my mind has to say. Lore's here with me. We're alone. All I want is him. We have this moment, so we must seize it. Bask in it. Never let it go.

I press my hands against Lore's shoulders. He grunts when his back meets the wall. My tongue runs over the roof of his mouth, tasing him. A soft moan escapes his parted lips when I retreat for air. Then his hand is on the back of my neck, bringing me in for another kiss. He doesn't taste like mint tonight. He tastes like red wine, but far more intoxicating, like I've gotten drunk off the mere brush of his tongue over mine. Holy Mothers, I can't stand this infuriating dhampir that's always a step ahead of me, as if he's playing with my mind, and now my body. But I don't want to break away. I want to keep a firm hold on his hips, kiss his lips until they swell, and mark his neck so any pest that gets too close knows to back off. I'm doing that now, sucking at the pulse point of his neck.

What am I doing? What are we doing?

Lore's fingers tangle themselves in my hair. One powerful tug and I retreat, moaning when Lore returns the favor, hungrily kissing my neck. All my life, I've known not to let a vampire or dhampir near my neck. Now, I don't want Lore to stop.

This isn't right. I'm a paladin of the Holy Church. Here, like this, with a dhampir, I'm...

He kisses beneath my jaw, down the slope of my neck until his teeth graze the skin of my pulse. A shiver passes through me, one he notices based on the smirk I feel atop my goosebump covered skin. I should be terrified that he'll bite, that his blight will make me woozy. Maybe this is all a very elaborate trap. But then Lore leans up to kiss my lips instead, gentle and quick and far more powerful than any bite. I'm not woozy. I'm completely drunk off him.

I shouldn't be. I can't be. I can't be.

We stumble from the wall. Lore kisses me hard. His hands come down to work at the buttons of my shirt. One after the other until the garment hits the floor. I don't know when I removed his jacket or began to work on the buttons of his vest. All I remember is seeing the fabric drift to our feet, his shirt almost joining them until I feel Lore's hand slip beneath my pants.

"Wait," I mutter, taking firm hold of his wrist. I bite back a whimper. My body absolutely despises me for not letting Lore continue, but sudden terror rises in my gut. "I, uh, this... we-we shouldn't be like this."

"Why not?" he kisses me, bites at my bottom lip, reminding me why I'm a fool for not giving him everything. But the voice remains in the back of my mind, screaming like a terrified caged animal. Terrified of a rod beating against my knuckles, terrified of disappointed eyes, terrified of losing what little I have left, terrified of what this all means and where I--where we go from here.

"You know why," I say, but kiss him anyway.

Lore grasps my chin. We break apart, breathing each other. His nose brushes mine. My eyes flutter open, captured by Lore's gaze; the bright blue of clear ocean water drifting over the shoreline. I fear where that ocean will take me. At the same time, I can't wait to see where we'll go.

"Do you want me?" He asks, kissing me slowly. "Because I want you, Seren."

I grip his hips so hard I fear I might bruise him. "The church--"

"Does not control you," he interrupts. "Your life cannot revolve around them, around what they want of you. You must decide what you want from this life."

"I... I don't know what I want. I don't even know where to start."

Lore takes my hand to press a long kiss against my palm. "Start here," he says and drops to his knees. "Start with me."

Watching Lore lazily kiss at my hip, I couldn't say no even if I wanted to. I don't really think this is much of a choice. Not that I'll voice that now, as my pants and underwear fall around my ankles. Lore pushes me back to the bed where I sit up on my elbows to watch him kiss my trembling thighs. It's not as if this is my first time, but I somehow feel even more nervous when Lore grips the base of my cock. A low groan escapes me, one that has him smirking. He pumps his hand slowly, continuing to kiss at my thigh, then my hip. It feels too fast, like too much. I can't concentrate or think and that's probably for the best. A tsunami of emotions swells within me, accompanied by immense pleasure when Lore's warm breath brushes my arousal. Then I can't hold back the moan when his mouth moves over my cock.

To think the always witty and snarky Lord of Silra is now using that often annoying mouth for far more pleasurable reasons. But even like this, he has to be a bastard. He moves slowly at first, almost lazy as he sucks my tip. His hand works my base, pumping me in time with his mouth. My thighs tremble, breaths coming out uneven then quick when Lore suddenly takes me to the hilt. I throw back my head, moaning after his ministrations quicken.

My mind goes numb. Not thinking of anything other than this moment. Desperate for another, for this to last forever. Everything is too intense, his touch, this pleasure, the sensation of drowning in my own feelings that can't determine which direction to go. My fingers twist into Lore's hair, the other grips the bed as if I need it to remind me this is reality. To keep me grounded as Lore drives my senses wild. My hips wish to thrust into his mouth, into the overwhelming heat continuing to envelop me until my senses fire off like broken wires. White begins to line my vision. I fall back onto the bed when my orgasm hits me. Pure pleasure rippling through me as I cry out Lore's name like a broken record. I feel his smirk against my hip when he kisses my trembling thighs.

"You know, back at the club--" Lore kisses my hip. "When we were playing partners--" He kisses my chest. "I wish I had gotten your pants off then--" He marks my neck. "I knew I'd like what you were hiding from me." He kisses me hard, resting his body against me.

"Don't talk about my dark past." I laugh, grabbing his hips to tug on the hem of his pants. Maybe I'd hesitate if I weren't so taken, so far gone that I couldn't find my way back even if I truly wanted to.

He chuckles against my lips. "We'll have to go again sometime. They really did have some very interesting toys."

I refuse to respond, fearful of what I might say, that I may agree to this becoming our norm and what that would mean. Lore has that power over me, something almost primal that I can't say no. I don't want to. It's scary and exhilarating. More so when Lore retreats, working swiftly to remove his pants that pull around his ankles. My throat runs dry upon seeing his arousal. He's the type of beauty that can make anyone stare, make anyone do what they never thought they would if only to be gifted this sight. I can't take my eyes off him.

Eager to return the favor, I guide Lore back onto the bed. He moans into our kiss when I grip his base. His cock throbs in appreciation, hips already thrusting into my hand. Moaning my name, he presses his forehead against mine. I never really had a distaste or likeness to my name, but when Lore's moaning it against my lips, I suddenly can't think of being named anything else. He groans low in the back of his throat when I lean down to move my lips over his arousal. I'm suddenly very grateful for having experience, for being able to please him. His fingers tear into my hair, gripping tight as I move my mouth around him.

I almost expect that frightened feeling to return, that I shouldn't be doing this, but there's nothing. Nothing other than the desire to please Lore like he did for me. To watch him come undone. To run my hands over his trembling thighs, taste him on my tongue, hear his soft moans, and rapid intakes of breath. He's terrible and beautiful all at once. Everything I've hated and yearned for. Too much to bear and never enough.

Lore trembles beneath me. His cheeks grow flushed with color, a rare blush that somehow makes him even more erotic. It's what I wanted, so much more than I dreamed. And when he calls my name one more time, I know he has reached his limit. His body shivers when his orgasm rocks him. I open my eyes to gaze up at him, watching as he comes undone by my mouth. I don't stop until Lore lays spent, motionless on the bed and breathing heavily. Seeing him like this almost feels against the rules. Panting, lust filled eyes, sex crazed hair, kiss marks littering his check where I add a few more just because. Lore leans into the touch, eyes still closed as he basks in the afterglow. Then I kiss him. His arms slip around my shoulders, pulling our naked bodies together until I don't know where one of us ends and the other begins.

It's strange how right this feels, like this is the way we're meant to be. Smiling stupidly at one another between our kissing. Then the lazy cuddling beneath the sheets afterwards where Lore rests his head on my chest and it's okay. Everything's okay. It's so exceedingly ordinary in the most extraordinary way that my mind lays silent as if it, too, wants to listen to my heart for once and enjoy the moment.

Lore's warm. I catch his long hair between my fingers. As expected, the strands are as soft as silk. Maybe even more so. I wrap the hair around my fingers, then brush some away from his face. His own fingers run over my stomach, discovering scars and the four birthmarks cluttered by my hip.

"They look like constellations," he says, connecting the marks with his fingers. I try to focus on that. On him. His slow breaths, the feeling of his skin on mine, the occasional tender touch of his lips against my chest, but then it returns; the fear so engraved into me that I can't even enjoy this for what it is.

The comfort of earlier has already started to dissipate. Nerves settle in my gut once more. When I blink, I swear I see the Prophet standing at the altar in Trinia cathedral. She spreads her arms wide as she preaches the Holy Mother's Doctrine; Vampires were sent to earth by the Dark Lord Elminore to test our faith, to drive us away from the Holy Mother's light. When we listened to their lies, they showed their true colors and betrayed us. You mustn't ever forget that. I see myself sitting among the crowd, sweating as if I know my future. The future where I've been with a dhampir.

I try to calm myself. Try to keep myself in the moment because I want to. I want to be here. I want my brain to shut up for five fucking minutes, please.

"What constellation would they be?" I ask, gripping Lore's shoulder in hopes that his warmth will ease me.

"Oh, that's easy." He passes me a knowing glance. "The Seren Constellation for all those who overthink everything."

"That sounds accurate."

"Are you doing that now? Overthinking."

I get the feeling he already has the answer.

Pushing up onto his elbow, Lore leans in for a kiss and another. His hair tickles my cheeks. Then he hovers above me, pressing a hand against my chest, over my heart that he no doubt feels racing. I wish it wouldn't. In all earnest, I truly wish it wouldn't. I wish to tell him that, but the words rest on the tip of my tongue. My mind's spiraling, as if carried into a riptide that swirls me about so brutally that I haven't the energy to utter a word.

His hand starts to feel heavy. A boulder atop my chest, crushing the air out of my lungs. I gently push his touch aside to sit up with my back to him. The air chills my skin once heated by Lore's proximity. My hands grip the edge of the bed, knuckles bone white.

I knew before we stepped into this room that I'd feel like this afterwards. That my mind would roar with memories of a frightened child seated in a pew, surrounded by peers who, if they knew what I've done now, would condemn me. And I don't know what I'd say or do; would I kneel and beg for forgiveness or stand tall and admit the truth?

"This is nothing to beat yourself up about," Lore says, garnering my raised brow that morphs into a scowl at his teasing grin. "This was an inevitable turn of events. I am very attractive. It's no wonder you fell for my many charms."

That's so like him to say, to turn a pivotal moment into a trivial one. He leans against the headboard acting as if we've exchanged handshakes and nothing more. I don't know if I'm irritated or impressed.

I step out of bed, very aware of Lore's eyes on me as I redress, although I hesitate upon buttoning my shirt. Once more, I peer down at myself; an unrecognizable man in a suit bought by a dhampir rather than the robes I've always known. I hear movement on the bed. Looking back, Lore has gotten up as well. My eyes glance south, admiring what might not have been seen during the moment, until he's covered by his own trousers. He's working on his shirt when I fully face him, ruffling my hair.

"How doesn't anything phase you?" I ask. "What we did--"

"Was perfectly natural."

"Natural between people who can be something but we're--" I gesture frantically between us. Lore rests a hand on his hip, head tilted in questioning. "We're sworn enemies. I'm a paladin of the Holy Church, a church that openly condemns your very existence; do you really think we belong together?"

Lore's eyes grow stern when he hisses his words through clenched teeth, "Are you forgetting to whom you speak? I'm a dhampir. Ask any vampire or mortal, we don't belong anywhere." He tugs on his jacket, muttering the last few words as if he isn't aware of it himself. "We're just the ones you all fuck in secrecy."

Based on the slight widening of his eyes, I don't think he meant to say that.

"Lore--"

"Stop thinking about the church," he interjects, deeming what he said less important, or desperate to run away from his own admittance. I know the feeling. And I know that cold look that freezes me in place. "Stop letting them dictate your every thought. They aren't always right. Question them, always."

"I don't know if I can face the answers. I don't know if I can face what little is left of me when all I've ever known is thrown away," I whisper, unsure of what to do when Lore walks around the bed. Do I put distance between us? Do I let him any closer? My body shivers, remembering his heated touch. Then he rests his hands on my neck, cradling me like a delicate piece of glass.

"That's not true," he says softly. "There will be only you afterwards. Not Seren, Paladin of the Holy Church, but you."

"What if the real me isn't much better?"

"You are so much more, Seren. I needn't ask about your past to know you've always been a good man, regardless of what the church did to you and made you believe. The true Seren is in here. You only need to let him out. Let him thrive and see where he takes you."

I don't need to see where he'd take me. I know he'd still take me to you.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

*sips tea* Well, well, well, our pent up boys have finally done something. And they've talked. Seren seems to be having quite a few admissions, even if they are not out loud. Is this the first of many rendezvous or is this a one and done? Can Seren handle what has happened? We love the tension, the drama, the romance!

Also, if you're unaware I have a story on tapas called The Matchmaker Prince. It's an adorable romantic comedy about an author who falls in love with the fairytale prince he created when the prince comes to life. It's a very sweet and funny love story available on tapas. Season one completed this weekend so there's 78 episodes to binge if you're interested on checking it out. I left an external link or you can go to tapas.io search for The Matchmaker Prince and give it a try!