- Friday, May 13th, 2016 -

– 3,5 months after the disappearance –

I stayed in the playground for about half an hour after Finnley left, taking in the spot I last saw him in, thinking about the short conversation we shared. It took every last piece of willpower to not listen to my own mind and run after him. I promised and he asked me to trust him; so, I do.

I went home after that, falling asleep on the couch since I was completely exhausted. I dreamed about the meeting, only we never met in my dreams. I kept on searching for him, waiting for him to show up; but he never did.

I woke up with tears still streaming down my face, thinking I dreamed all of it, feeling worse than ever.

It's his note to ask me to build a sandcastle that reminds me we did indeed meet, we did talk, and I did kiss him. It takes a while for me to fully realize is wasn't a dream; it was reality and I had felt complete with him in my arms.

Evidently, I feel as shit as possible to not have him with me during school, or any other activity I'm in during the days that follow.

The biggest dilemma right now, is breaking up with Stan. Because that kiss with Finnley made me realize I'm not in love with Stan, I just like the attention, I like him treating me like I'm the most important in the world, but he doesn't give me the same feeling Finnley did by just one simple kiss.

Maybe Emma was right, and I did try to replace Finnley with Stan. The only difference is the fact Stan actually seduced me and asked me to be his boyfriend, while Finnley kept his flirting to innocent hinting.

Stan may have made me realize I am in fact attracted to boys on a much bigger scale than I would have ever thought; he's just not the one.

And that very fact caused us to fight and I'm too afraid to actually break up with him. I tried to tell him, but he kind of lost it and right now, he's pacing up and down in front of me, while we're outside, in front of school. He's obviously trying to hold back on the shouting, since there's a couple of people around us and I don't think he'd want their attention with the risk of being dumped publicly.

"You're not breaking up with me, are you?" Stan eventually stops pacing around, staring at me with dark eyes.

"Eeh..." I should be a man about this, but something in his posture scares me. Don't think of me as a dickhead for doing this during school; he kept asking about it, demanding an answer right there on the spot about my change in behaviour. "I just don't feel like I love you enough to be with you." I admit while staring towards my hands, who are trembling because of the nerves going through me.

The thing is, Finnley did tell me Stan is a puppet in something big. Something that has to do with his disappearance. Although, Finnley is obviously free to leave when it pleases him, since he was able to meet me at the playground.

But Stan is part of it and that fact, combined with my much bigger feelings for Finnley, caused me to do this; trying to break up with him.

"I don't care. You're not breaking up." He sounds annoyed, he seems jumpy and overall, he didn't seem to expect me to do this.

"Well, I think that's exactly what I'm trying to." I cock my head a bit, staring at him with a curious tone in my voice. "You can't force me to stay with you..."

"You can't." He shakes his head, stepping closer to me, cupping my face, forcing me to keep my eyes locked with his. "Don't break up. Or do, but don't tell anyone."

I pull up an eyebrow in response. "Why not? I'm not into you enough."

"That bullshit Cris." He snaps, still holding onto my face, now with a little more force. "You can't fake the way you enjoy whenever we have sex." He hisses. "You can't fake the way you look at me, or hold me, or constantly want to cuddle with me." He sums up. "Not only is it a lot of bullshit to claim you don't like me enough, you're ungrateful too."

"Stan, you're hurting me..." I whine, trying to release his hold on my face. "Let's talk about this..."

"We aretalking about this." He snaps. "You're ungrateful for wanting to break up with me. You took every little fucking present I gave you. I was good enough for you when you wanted all the fucking booze in the world, you liked me enough whenever you wanted a spliff. What is it Cristian? Did you find someone who's offering you more? Did you find someone else to use? To get everything without paying even a fucking dime?"

"That's not fair... I offered to pay every time..."

"You know what isn't fair? You, accepting all of this, using me, and then dumping me because you found something better. You're just a slut, Cris."

"There isn't anyone else!"

"No?" Stan hisses. "No cute blonde geeky whore that you cheated with in the playground?" He whispers full of hatred. "Didn't you kiss him like the little slut you are?"

My eyes widen at the revelation of him knowing I met Finnley a couple of nights ago. How could he know? Was he there all along? Did we not notice him watching us?

"You are not breaking up with me, do you hear me?" He grabbed hold of my throat, chocking me a bit in the process. With his other hand, he grabbed hold of my hair, forcing my face upwards, before he forcefully kisses my lips. "I decide when we break up, not you." He spits out. "You're going to that party with me tomorrow, whether you like it or not." Out of the blue, he releases me from his hold and I slump down against the wall a bit, grasping for air, feeling shocked at his sudden aggression towards me. Sure, he's been angry before, shouting, screaming, calling me names. But he never hurt me physically up until this point.

And he fucking knows I saw Finnley.

Didn't Finnley tell me I couldn't tell anyone but Nathan about meeting him? For it would risk his and my own safety if the wrong people found out?

And I'm pretty sure, since Stan is a puppet in something big, he's one of those people who weren't supposed to know.

* * * * *

"I don't want to go to that party." I whine, looking at Stan, who came over to my place after school ended, telling me he wanted to make sure I looked good.

"Stop crying like you're a girl." he grumbles, throwing me one of the jeans he bought me. "You're coming and we're going to show my friends you're still my boyfriend and we're crazy in love, got it?"

"We're not! And I'm not gonna lie!" I really don't want to go with him, because I have a really bad feeling about this. Finnley disappeared on a Friday night after we went out. What if Stan is planning to do the same to me tonight, right after a party where none of my friends – my two friends to be exact – is there to help me, or even witness him doing something to me?

I knew I should've told Felix or Julia, or both, about Stan taking me to a party. I shouldn't act like such a pussy and just refuse to go to that stupid party. I don't want to and I don't like Stan that much anymore.

"You're not going to lie? Like you lied to me? Like how you didn't tell me you know where Finnley is?"

"I don't! I haven't got a clue! He asked me to meet him there and he told me not to follow him!" Yeah, I couldn't keep pretending it never happened, because when I tried to before, he hit me in my stomach and it hurts like hell. He snapped, telling me I was a lying, cheating slut and I even did feel a bit guilty, since technically I did cheat on him.

"Stop acting like a fucking pussy! I don't want you to embarrass me tonight." He threw a flannel shirt at me halfway throughout his sentence. "Get dressed, we're leaving in 15 minutes."

"I'm not going Stan." I take in a deep breath. "We're done."

"We're not done!" He shouts. God, I wish my parents would be home right now, but they're still at work. It's such a mess and I can't help but feeling scared.

"We are! Even if I wasn't too sure about breaking up before, I am now after you fucking hit me!"

"Don't make me do it again." His voice is low and full of anger, while he stepped closer, closing the gap between us, grabbing my collar. "I won't hesitate. Stop whining, start listening."

"I don't know who the hell you think you are, or why you even think I will let you boss me around, because I..."

His fist already made contact with my stomach again. I double over, gasping for air, feeling a bit shocked he hit me again. How the hell did I end up in an abusive relationship? More important, how can I get out without him doing something to me? Or to Finnley, for that matter.

"Listen to me." His voice is an angry whisper. "We're going to that party, we're showing that we're a happy couple. If you behave, you'll be fine. I promise."

But what good is a promise coming from a guy who won't accept me breaking up with me? Or beating me because I won't do what he tells me to?

But then again, what if I behave and do what he wants me to for one night? He's done so much for me and never did he break a promise to me yet. If he tells me that one night, pretending we're in love, will leave me okay, I should at least try to believe him.

I basically have no other choice anyway.

"Okay." I nod, gripping my stomach while standing up straight again. "Fine, I'll go with you. We'll show your friends we're a happy couple. But if you break your promise, we are over."

"I won't break my promise." He sighs. "I'm sorry Cris." He cups my face. "I didn't mean to get angry with you. But you can't break up with me right now."

I should be able to break up with him whenever I want, but right now I'm too afraid to have a discussion with him about that.

Right now, I just want to get through the night without getting hurt, physically or mentally.

* * * * *

"You're Cris?" A guy named Mike offers me a hand. "I heard a lot about you." He grins widely, before looking at Stan, who is by my side, his arm casually around my shoulders, keep me close to him.

"Yeah, nice to meet you, Mike," I answer with a voice lacking enthusiasm. "I hope you heard good things."

"Sure." He winks. "You got yourself quite a looker." He addressed Stan with his last remark and I blush in response, keeping my head down a bit.

"Yeah, he's cute, and he can be really sweet." Stan answers with a laugh, before he kisses my cheek. "And he's easily embarrassed, which is cute." His voice lowered to a whisper and I think I'm the only one who heard it.

"Let's grab a drink, it is after all my birthday." Mike pulls me away from Stan's hold. "I want to get to know Stan's boyfriend a bit better." He tells me, his arm replacing Stan's around my shoulder, but not after Stan send me a warning look, following close behind us.

"Stan, James was looking for you. Don't worry, we'll keep Cris entertained for the time being." Mike keeps dragging me away from Stan, which I don't mind at all right now.

He doesn't seem very happy to leave me on my own right now, but he has no other choice without things looking a bit too clingy for his liking. Wasn't he the one who told me not to act too needy a while back?

"So, how old are you Cris?" Mike lead me to the kitchen, stopping in front of a table covered with bottles of alcohol.

"Eighteen." I answer, taking in all the sorts of alcohol, wanting to grab the vodka, because I need a fucking drink.

"No, dude." Mike grabs the vodka, putting it back in his spot. "Let's grab an adult kind of drink." He is holding whisky, which I never tasted before. But I don't mind, as long as it contains alcohol to help me get through the night.

Mike poured me a drink and asked a couple of questions about me and my everyday life. He asked a couple of questions about my relationship with Stan, hitting a nerve when he asked me if Stan is treating me the right way.

I decide on behaving the way Stan asked me to, telling him we're fine and I couldn't wish for a better boyfriend. I thought it would be hard to lie, but a part of me does realize Stan was there for me when I needed someone. He helped me to pull through after Finnley disappeared, he helped me to deal with losing most of my friends. That might have been partially his fault, but I would have figured out I'm bisexual someday anyway. I'm just happy it happened in a moment in which I had three friends looking out for me.

The other part in me knows my relationship with Stan isn't healthy at all. I should be able to break up with him, or even refuse to go to a party I didn't want to go to anyway, but here I am, pretending to be in love with a guy who forced me to go to a party I didn't want to be at.

And I end up drunk before Stan is back at my side, since Mike kept pouring me drinks, asking me questions, and laughing over all of my jokes. I swear he was flirting with me, flattering me with compliments and his interest in me. I just wonder if it's a good idea to be around a guy who is obviously flirting while Stan and I are in a fight because I cheated on him with Finnley. But since I am here against my will, trying to entertain myself while Stan is nowhere to be found, I can't help but feeling a bit rebellious. I just hope Stan will fucking see there's more people interested in me and I don't specifically need him in my life.

But in order for him to become a bit jealous and at least fight for me to stay with him, instead of forcing me, he needs to be there to hear Mike flirting with me.

For the record, Mike isn't my type. He's too much of a macho, and I'm not attracted to him like I am to Finnley, or used to be to Stan. But he isn't ugly. He's handsome enough to use him to make Stan jealous, because since I'm drunk, that's pretty much all I want. I don't want him to be aggressive, I want him to be jealous and fight for me. To prove to me he isn't the bad guy, he's just afraid to lose me.

And I'm fucking drunk out of my mind, laying on a couch, listening to Mike laughing over a stupid thing I said that I don't remember.

He pushes back some of my hair, looking at me with amused eyes. "You're really funny Cris." He chuckles, before he gets up. "I'm getting us another drink, stay here."

I'm not capable of going anywhere since my legs kind of gave in on me. I hope Stan won't get angry since I'm too drunk to properly walk, but I recon he won't make a big fuzz about it at the party. As long as we're here, I'll be fine, right?