- Friday, April 29th, 2016 -

– 3 months after the disappearance –

It's all one big blur after I threw up, took painkillers and fell asleep in the backseat of his car. I remember him cursing over it. Over the fact he didn't notice I still didn't fully recover, blaming himself for dragging me all the way out here. I wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault, but I couldn't get the words out. I think he gave me a little more than I'm supposed to take, but he was panicking and I wasn't clear-minded enough to notice the fact he gave me three instead of two painkillers. I took three once before, somewhere in the first week after Jaimie beat me up, and I had been in a weird state for hours, like I was high out of my mind. Somewhat similar to the time I smoked a spliff with Stan, that night we had sex for the first time. The bad feeling of not being able to even lift a finger, let alone move on my own.

I don't think he took me home straight away. Because I remember a very vague moment of laying in the car, engine still running, but no Stan behind the wheel. The door to the driver's seat was open and I vaguely recall hearing him argue with someone that sounded a little like Nathan.

But I figured my mind was playing tricks with me. Because I didn't recognize the place we were at, the buildings I could see had been moving around a little and rays of light blended it with one another, dancing like the wind. I was hallucinating again, but since the pain was gone and I only felt sleepy, I didn't mind.

I fell back asleep, probably with a grin on my face because of the beautiful colours I was watching.

It's a weird dream, because I felt like I was flying, before it turned into a bit of a nightmare. Finnley was a couple of meters away from me, calling out for help while someone was dragging him away from me, while I was in between Nathan and Stan, both pulling on one of my arms, telling me not to listen to the other and come with them.

Stan got pissed because I was letting Nathan touch my arm and I was shouting at them to let me go because I needed to help Finnley. Little to no avail, because soon Finnley disappeared into thin air and I was back in a car that was driving, while the backseat was a little less comfortable than it was before. It felt a bit like I was on a boat out on the ocean, gently swaying to and fro.

At that moment, I wasn't even aware if I was awake or asleep, but somewhere along the ride, I must have actually fallen asleep because the first thing I remember, that didn't feel like I was hallucinating, was Nathan waking me up.

That's where I got confused. I don't remember a lot from the night, and even less about the ride back to our town.

Why is Nathan waking me up? Where is Stan?

"Cris, we're home." He gently pushes my shoulder, leaning over me while I'm in the backseat of what I guess is his car. "Wake up."

I'm to dazed to do much, but I want to bolt out of the car and run as far away from him as possible.

"You need help?" He sounds pretty casual for a guy who for some reason drove me home instead of Stan dropping me off.

"I'm fine." I mutter, trying to get up while my arms are like pudding and my head feels like jelly.

"Here, let me help," he mumbles, pushing me up to a seating position; offering me a hand to help me out of the car.

"Why are you here? Where is Stan?"

"Don't know, don't care." He shrugs. "You remember anything?"

I frown, trying to recall some memories. "A mirror maze?"

"Right." Now he looks really worried. "Do you know what he gave you?"

"Who gave me what? Stan?"

"Maybe this isn't the right time to talk to you..." he drawls, while he leans on the top of the car while I'm seated on the back seat with my legs out of the car. "I don't trust Stan and I think he's got something to do with Finn's disappearance." He's staring down at me, while I'm trying to keep my eyes open to look back at him.

"Stan is the good guy," I deadpan. "He is trying to help me to figure out what happened to Finn."

"Yeah, by pointing fingers towards me." Nathan rolls his eyes. "Listen, Cris..." He takes in a deep breath. "Finn started acting weird shortly after he started to hang out with Stan and his friends. He refused to meet, he told me to stop bothering Stan. Which I wasn't even doing because let's be honest here; I could care less about Stan or whatever the hell he's doing in his daily life..."

"Why would I trust you?" I cut his story short. I know Finnley was acting strange. But that could have easily been his fault.

He chuckles. "I don't have an answer to that, but I do have a question. Why would you trust Stan?"

"Because he's my boyfriend."

"Yeah, and that's what got me worried." Nathan steps back so that he is now capable of fully looking at me. "I've been keeping an eye on you ever since Finn send me that note, asking for a favour. Because I truly believe he wants me to make sure you're safe."

"I'm fine. Stan and Felix take care of me..."

"Could you, just for a second, listen to me?" He snaps, acting a bit restless, looking around us. "I don't know if Stan is going to show up, or one of his friends. Or worse; James. I don't know how long we have before I need to go. But let me tell you this, Cris. Ever since you started dating him, he's been cutting you off from your friends. Each day, you look less like you, and more like... Finn." The name comes out in a whisper. "Not just your change in clothes, which I assume Stan bought for you, but you seem to float around just like Finn was right before he went missing. You seem lost and Stan is doing that to you."

"He's not..." But if I look at it from his point of view, he might actually have a point here.

What if Stan is the bad guy and I've been blindly falling for his lies? Did Nathan save me from the same thing that happened to Finnley by getting me away from Stan tonight? I was in no way capable of defending myself. What would he have done to me if Nathan didn't intervene? Where the hell is Stan anyway?

- Monday, May 9th, 2016 -

The conversation with Nathan confused me, not only because he made me doubt everything I thought I knew about Stan, but also because I was still a bit high on painkillers. After sleeping until noon the next day – my parents told me to stay home after Nathan woke them up because of my state – I find it hard to recall the events from the night before. And I have trouble recalling every word that Nathan told me.

Stan called a bunch of times, texting me with questions if I'm okay. Once the tone-of-voice in his texts got a little angry and worried I answered him I was fine. I ignored the questions about Nathan and if he did something to me or told me any weird shit about him.

After a couple of days, I decided to let it all go for now, since I have to recover and that is my main focus right now. I don't want to focus on who to trust and who not to trust. I don't want to think of Stan being the bad guy, or Nathan lying about it, or whatever is the truth. Stan did so much for me and it makes me feel ungrateful to think bad about him. But then again, Nathan brought me home when I needed to go home and Stan for some reason didn't bring me straight away. He didn't do anything to me and if he would be the bad guy, he could have easily abducted me right there and then. I wouldn't be able to fight back.

But he just drove me home, woke up my parents and told them about me throwing up, asking them to keep an eye on me throughout the night.

He could have left me with Stan, he could have dropped me on the doorstep without waking up my parents to alarm them.

Nathan helped me to get home; Stan didn't.

But maybe he was trying to get me home and Nathan got in his way because he doesn't trust Stan. Maybe it's just al one big misunderstanding.

Ugh, I don't want to think about this right now. Stan is obviously worried and he's taking good care of me. That's all that matters.

I stayed home for the rest of the week, growing more and more antsy about the lack of notes coming from Finnley, or the growing anger in Stan's words whenever I don't respond to his texts.

On Monday, I'm actually nervous to go back to school. I wanted to stay at home, but my parents wouldn't let me since I missed enough school already. If this continues, I might need summer school to actually graduate.

I'm waiting for Felix to grab the right books from his locker, watching Jaimie, Evan and Tom walk in the hallway. I lock eyes with Jaimie, who casts his eyes down the second I caught him staring at me. He ignores me completely while they pass, Evan sending me some sort of look of sorrow, while Tom remains sending me disgusted looks.

"Ignore them." Felix' voice sounds irritated and I notice he's staring at them while they walk away from us.

"As soon as I'm recovered enough, I'm going to beat the shit out of Jaimie." I hiss past clenched teeth.

"No, you're not." Felix chuckles, closing his locker. "I heard them talk last week, about you being absent again."

"Yeah, let me guess, they were happy I wasn't here."

"No, actually, Jaimie feels bad for doing that to you. He said he didn't mean to hurt you like that. Apparently you said something that send him into a frenzy."

"He was saying bad stuff himself. Hurtful shit."

"I'm not saying he's innocent. He should've never hit you like that." Felix follows me towards my classroom. I haven't seen Stan today, and I notice I feel a bit relieved. I was afraid he'd be mad since I've been ignoring him a lot.

"So rerun from last week." Felix sits down next to me, placing the right books on his table. "Gaming, my place, tonight?"

"Yes." I smile.

"You're not gonna cancel for another one of your wild dates, to stay away from school for another week?"

"No man. Sorry for that."

"No problem, I get it. The boyfriend needs attention too."

"Yeah, well, tonight, it's you, me and some stupid game."

"It's not stupid, don't insult my babies."

"You and your stupid Xbox," I mutter, holding back a laugh.

"Look at those two fags al cuddly. Got another boyfriend Crissy-boy?" Tom sneers after entering the classroom.

"Ignore." Felix grabs my arm, squeezing it to warn me. "I don't care. Besides, if we ignore it, the fun will be gone soon enough."

"I hope you're right..."

"Believe me, I am."

* * * * *

"I've got a stupid question." Felix walks in his bedroom with two bags of chips, a bottle of cola and a bowl of popcorn.

"You wanna make me fat?"

"You seem like you can use some food." He chuckles, dumping the bags of chips on the bed before placing the popcorn and the bottle on a little side table he placed next to the bed.

"Okay, hit me with the stupid question."

"So, you're dating Stan, right?"

"Yeah..." I drag out the word a bit. "You need advice on how to date a guy?"

"O, god no." He shakes his head. "No homo. No offense."

"None taken." I chuckle.

"You're friends with Julia, right?"

"Yeah..." Another drag of the word.

"Could you... I don't know... introduce me to her?" His face flushed and he's avoiding eye contact, pretending to be really busy with turning on the TV and the Xbox. Call me negative, but I'm suspicious right now. It seems as if all people do lately, is using me. Maybe Felix just pretends to like me because I'm friends with Julia. I didn't even know he liked her like that.

"Is this why you've been hanging out with me?"

"What? No!" He calls out, turning around with a shocked expression on his face. "Oh shit. I didn't want to give you the impression it's about her. Shit." He mutters. "No, dude. It's fine, forget about it..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, well... I do like her. But you already showed interest and I didn't want to get in your way. But now you've got a boyfriend so I figured it wouldn't matter. But no dude, I'm not using you to get to her." He sounds upset, to which I smirk.

"It's fine, Felix." I chuckle. "I'm sorry, I'm a bit on edge lately. It feels like everybody is using me, you know? I feel like Emma used me just because I was friends with Finn, or Jaimie being friends with me because I was popular..."

"Jaimie really liked you, he's just being a douche because of his parents."

"And because I'm gay," I deadpan.

"Nah, dude?" Felix sits down next to me, handing me a controller. "I don't think he minds you being gay. He's just pissed his mom was cheating with a woman."

"He beat me up over it."

"Yeah..." Felix nods thoughtfully. "But no, I'm not like that. If I was, I wouldn't have gotten in a fight with Jaimie. I don't know if you noticed, but associating myself with you made me unpopular too. They even kicked me off the team."

"What?" I choke on a sip of water I just took. "They kicked you off the team?"

"Yeah... said I was just like you guys and they didn't want my gayness around."

"Dude, that's horrible."

"Yeah, well." He shrugs. "I don't really care anyway. I don't want to be associated with those guys. But I do hope Jaimie will turn around and realize he's being stupid."

"Well, thanks for being a true friend. I don't have much of those left."

"You're welcome." He smiles. "Let's just have a fun night, and warn me in time when your headache is acting up again."

"I will." I nod, appreciating him, his concern and his support.