- Sunday, April 17th, 2016 -

– 2,5 months after the disappearance –

It's a little over two weeks since the fight with Jaimie, who got suspended after Evan and Felix explained the events in the locker room. I've been at home ever since, recovering from the concussion. The first week with just bedrest and boring days while I sleep a lot due to the pain and the painkillers. After one week, my head was still too fuzzy to concentrate on school and the doctors told me to go out, but not do too much.

The exercise of going out and walking around town with Stan and sometimes Emma, Felix of Julia would help me to regain some strength. It's annoying to be exhausted after walking around the block, but after a couple of days I was strong enough to head out a little longer and watch the soccer match from Julia's team.

I haven't been near my own teammates since Felix told me Jaimie was spewing shit around about me being gay. As it turns out, Felix supports me and he is in a fight with Jaimie and Tom for throwing shit around about me. So, I have now three real friends, and a doubtful fourth in Emma, left. My reputation is nowhere to be found and Nathan is back to following me around ever since I ran into him when I was walking around the block with Felix last Tuesday.

In the timespan of two months my life tumbled down and crashed to the ground. First because my best friend went missing, then because Emma started bugging me about Stan, the fight with Stan and the bullying coming from my old friends like Jaimie and Tom. It's a mess, but since I can now solely rely on a little less than a hand-full of people I do know who my true friends are, and who aren't. Maybe I don't mind not being popular, having to keep up my reputation and pretend to be someone I'm not. It's less exhausting to just focus on three or four people instead of wondering about what kids in school think of my actions.

But I'm not doing great, to be honest. Instead of receiving one or two notes from Finnley every week, he went silent after the note that came in the day after the fight. And while I'm trying to accept all the changes in life, that very fact puts me on edge, because I keep wondering if he is still doing okay.

"Cris?" Stan sounds annoyed. "You fucking killed me, dude." Stan nudges me in my side, waking me up from my stupor. We're at my home, playing a stupid game he wanted to play and apparently, I just killed him in the game. "Is your head hurting again? Should we stop playing?"

"I'm a bit tired." I lie, not feeling tired at all. My head feels fine right now.

"Babe..."

"No."

"Cutie."

"Yes?" I grin slyly, causing him to laugh softly, pulling me in his arms.

"You should get some rest." He whispers, nuzzling his nose in my hair. "In your condition, you shouldn't play videogames for too long."

"Yes dad."

"Oh, I'll be your daddy alright..." He wiggles his eyebrows and I scowl, slapping his shoulder. "But we'll keep that for when you're fully recovered."

"You're the worst," I mumble, trying to hide the smile that crept on my face. "Cheesy, horny bastard."

"Yours truly." He helps me to get up. "Now go to bed, get some sleep. You're supposed to go to school in the morning and it'll be hard enough without a headache bugging you."

"Do I have to go?" I whine, following him upstairs while he's holding my hand. "I don't want to see Jaimie again."

"Oh, but he'll leave you alone, alright? Let me take care of that idiot." He leads me into the bedroom, swinging me around and releasing my hand halfway in the spin, sending me flying to the bed. I laugh amused when he crawls over me, trailing kisses from my neck all the way up to my bruised eye, kissing it gently.

"I love you," He whispers sweetly. "I can't wait until you're healed enough."

"I'm fine, I told you a couple of times already."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to blow your mind right now. Sorry." He chuckles before he kisses me all over my face. "Go to sleep. I'll pick you up in the morning."

"You're not staying?"

"Got some stuff to take care off. Like giving Jaimie a warning, you know." He winks. "To leave my cute boyfriend alone."

"Can't you do that after I fell asleep? I want to cuddle for a bit."

"God, you are turning in a woman more and more each day."

"Hey!" I call out offended. "I'm not a woman. I just love to cuddle with you."

He smiles widely, kissing me in a calm and collected way. "Okay, we'll cuddle until you fell asleep, stop pouting."

"If I can get you to stay for a little longer with that pout, it's staying."

He snorts, shaking his head, before he rolls over and pulls me in his arms again. "Go to sleep, cute fool."

-Tuesday, April 19th, 2016 -

I hate school more than ever. I've been back for two short days – I'm allowed to leave as soon as my headache comes back around. But my god do I hate this school. Everybody is staring shamelessly when I'm walking by. Felix, who shares most classes with me on Tuesday, keeps me company as much as possible. Jaimie avoids me like the plague, Tom keeps laughing at me and Evan is generally acting awkward. I can tell he isn't that much against me being gay, but he doesn't want to be on Jaimie's bad side.

Jaimie is sporting a black eye and I assume Stan's got something to do with it.

Stan is by the way constantly picking me up after class, escorting me to the next, telling me to ignore the impolite and childish people staring at me.

It does however feel great to be able to hold his hand while we walk from class to class. Since Jaimie outed me to the entire school – thus the entire town – I don't have to hide it anymore.

Tuesday after school, Stan was already gone because of something with his mom. I wanted to support him, but he told me to stay in school, telling me to stay close to Felix.

The two of them became somewhat friends, although Felix isn't too fond of Stan since he knows about him dealing drugs.

Since Stan was already gone, I walked towards the bus with Felix. I managed to stay in school the entire day, although I missed morning classes because I had a slow morning.

"You want me to go home with you? To make sure nobody bothers you?" Felix looks around us, probably trying to see if any of Jaimie's friends is close by.

"Nah, I'm fine. I'm not a little kid that needs a babysitter. I'll throw some punches if I have to and if they hit my head again, I get another couple of weeks' vacation."

We both chuckle, before Felix shakes his head in disapproval. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"Thanks Felix, I appreciate your support."

"Well, we're friends, right?" He winks while the bus pulls to a stop behind him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya!" I wave and get in the bus, taking the seat I always sat on with Finnley. Which instantly has me worried again over his lack of communication.

The ride on the bus home is boring and somewhere halfway down the route my headache starts to annoy me. I take some painkillers before leaning my head against the cool glass, closing my eyes for a short while. I know every bump on this road like the back of my hand and I can blindly tell where we are along the road. About two stops before mine, I sit up straight to prevent from falling asleep, feeling a bit drowsy because of the painkillers.

I decide on walking a bit further, since it'll help me to stay awake and prevent me from falling asleep and ending up on the other side of town.

I should not have done that, since the second the bus is out of view, I can hear a car slow down behind me.

Off course it's Nathan, who is parking the car while I'm picking up speed.

"Cris, wait!" His voice sounds begging, taking me by surprise a bit.

"Leave me alone Nathan." I snap, turning around to see him walking up to me. "If you do something to me, Stan will come and kill you. Is it worth the trouble?"

Nathan closes his eyes shortly, shaking his head. "I'm not going to hurt you!"

"Did you tell Finnley the same?" I take him in from head to toe. He's again wearing a sweater that belonged to Finnley – the green one I thought looked good on Finnley – and some cut-up jeans that's barely covering his legs because of all the big holes.

"I didn't harm him, goddamnit." He snaps, pulling something out of his pocket. "I'm just doing what he asked me to." The note in his hand is all too familiar. The handwriting, the paper he used, the way he's signing the note with the letter F.

"You remember I told you he looked after Martin because I asked him to?" Nathan is by now standing within reaching distance and I snatched the note from his hold.

"When did you get this?" My eyes are wide, looking at the note. Did he send a note to Nathan?

"About four weeks ago." Nathan snatches it back, staring at it while I can see worry in his eyes.

"Did you get more?"

"No, why?"

"I got more..." I admit timidly, shuffling my foot, feeling confused and unsure of how to handle this situation.

"What did they say?"

"Confusing stuff." I shrug. "But at least those notes gave me hope he was alive..."

"Why are you talking in past sentence?" He squints his eyes, daring me to say something wrong, to which I step away from him a little.

"I didn't receive any in over two weeks..."

"Cris?" Stan's voice makes me jump and swirl around on my heals. His car came to a full stop close by, scaring the shit out of me. "Is he bothering you?"

"No, it's fine..."

"I told you to leave him the fuck alone." Stan got out of the car and marches up towards Nathan in an aggressive way. "If you ever come near him again..."

"Stan! It's fine, okay?" I grab hold of his arms. "He's okay, trust me."

"Trust you? Are you fucking kidding me?" He snaps. "You're having a little tea party with this dipshit and you ask me to trust you?"

"Stan! Listen to me..." I beg him, forcing him to look at me. "He didn't do anything to Finn, he was just..." I notice Nathan shaking his head with wide eyes full of fear. "leaving..." My voice falters a bit and Nathan stepped backwards a bit when Stan turned around.

"Get in the car Cris, I'm taking you home."

"But..."

"Get in the fucking car, Cris."

"Stan!" I shout, regretting it instantly since the noise caused a jolt of pain in my head and I instantly feel dizzy. The fucking painkillers aren't working properly yet. I grab my head with both my hands. "I'm... don't shout..." I whimper in pain softly, which is causing Stan to forget about Nathan for a couple of seconds, who uses the time to run back to his car.

God, I didn't want him to go. I want to know what he knows. Why did Finnley send hima note? Does it mean he isn't the bad guy in this story? Did I misjudge him from the first second? I never really gave him a chance to prove to me he wasn't a bad guy, did I? I jumped to conclusions, at first because I felt jealous for him to be Finnley's boyfriend, then I blindly trusted Stan when he told me Nathan was shady and dangerous. But would Finnley send him a note if he really was dangerous?

"Cris, come on..." Stan cupped my face, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "I'm taking you home."

"No." I shake my head, stopping the second the dizziness sends me in some kind of vertigo. "I'm walking..."

"What? No, you're not..."

"I want to be alone, okay?"

"What did that dickhead tell you? Is he talking shit about me again? I swear, I will kill him."

"No, he didn't say anything about you." I groan. "I just want to go home."

"Yes, and I'm taking you. What are you doing here anyway?" He started pulling me towards the car. "Talking to goddamn Nathan..." He's more talking to himself than he is to me, pulling the door to his car open.

"No, I'll walk..." I mutter, getting the feeling I don't want to be in a car with a fuming in anger Stan right now. "I'm fine..."

"Get in the goddamn car, Cris!" He shouts, making me winch and grab my head again. "I don't want to shout, but goddamn it. I can't fucking believe you! What if my friends would have seen you talking to him? My fucking boyfriend, for who I've done everything for! Talking with that no good of a shithead who's been trying to ruin my reputation."

I guess saying no to him right now will only make it worse. But he's got to listen to me. Nathan isn't the bad guy. If Finnley trusts him enough to send him notes, that means Nathan never did anything to him to harm him.

"You'll never talk to him again; do you hear me? He just wants to get back at me by talking shit about me." Stan started the car, driving down the road.

"But he's not the bad guy..."

"He is!" Stan snaps. "I can't even fucking trust my own boyfriend! Have you been going behind my back? Telling him where to find us? Is that why he's constantly getting in my business?"

"No! Stan! I would never do that. Please, stop shouting."

"You're so fucking gullible Cris. You would figure you got some sense about who to talk to and who to stay away from. Did Jaimie knock the brains out of your head?"

I remain silent, hanging my head down, for some reason feeling a bit ashamed.

"I already told you. Nathan is a lying son of a bitch you can't trust."

"I just think he isn't..."

"I swear to god, if you say he isn't the bad guy one more time..." He clenches his teeth, the grip on his steering wheel so strong his knuckles turn white.

Stan dropped me off at home, not saying another word, leaving me behind confused more than ever, not a note from Finnley to at least cheer me up a bit. This has been a horrible day.