A/N: For the reason it is @read_inator300's birthday and for the unwavering support, commenting and voting. I dedicated this chapter as a thank you <3. Hope You'll enjoy the rest of the story just as much. (And off course thanks to the rest of you too ^^)

- Sunday, April 3rd, 2016 -

– 2 months after the disappearance –

I'm seated in the kitchen, trying to get some homework done while my mom is making dinner. But I can't focus since my mind is preoccupied with other things. Like Stan's request to prove to him that I do love him.

His request to come out to my friends and stand by his side.

I haven't seen or talked to him in a week and the past week has been the shittiest ever since Finnley went missing. I've never felt so alone as I feel right now. The only things I've done in the past week are sleeping, eating and attending school. But I haven't paid attention because Jaimie and Evan seem to constantly be by my side, still laughing over the fact I hit Stan and the fact Stan seemed to have the idea I was going to pick his side.

It's heart breaking to have them remind me of my betrayal each and every day. Stan hasn't even been in school after the incident and James keeps sending me dirty looks whenever I see him on the streets.

I did notice Nathan hanging around me a lot more in the last couple of days. As if everywhere I go, Nathan appears. Friday, I went out with Felix and Tom. Nathan was there and every time my eyes found him, he was staring at me with a look I can't describe. On Saturday, during the soccer match, he was there watching the game with some girl I've never seen. On Saturday evening, I walked past him when I left Jaimie's house after I stayed at his home to celebrate the victory. He was just casually walking there, we shared a look, no words and he was gone within the blink of an eye.

But today I went out for a run through the woods because I felt restless and couldn't clear my mind. Conveniently enough, Nathan was out for a run too. He followed the same trail through the woods for a while and it scared me shitless. What if he was trying to get to me too? He was obviously following me around.

It caused me to panic a little and I sprinted back home, locking myself in the house, refusing to go out for anything other than school.

"Cris?" My mom's voice sounds a bit worried. "Honey, you seem a bit unfocused."

"Huh?" I look up towards her, noticing she's standing on the other side of the counter, looking at me. "Oh, I was trying to solve an equation..."

"Yeah... you've been solving the same one for the past 10 minutes. Do you need any help? Isn't Julia tutoring you anymore?"

"Yeah, but she's out for the weekend," I tell her, looking at the notes in front of me. I haven't written anything in the past 10 to 15 minutes and I'm not even halfway done with this stupid homework. "I'm fine, just tired."

"You know... if you want to talk about anything, you can always come to us, okay?"

"Talk about what?"

"Talk about why you're pouting and sad and not hanging out with your boyfriend." She sums up, taking a seat opposite from me. "Is something wrong?"

"We had a bit of a fight last week." I shrug, trying to make it look less of a big deal to her. "He's still mad."

"Why is he mad?"

"Because I didn't want to out myself to the school. Jaimie kind of forced me to prove I'm not gay and now Stan is mad because I did..."

"But honey, you are gay, or at least, bisexual." Mom takes in a deep breath. "You shouldn't listen to Jaimie. I never liked the kid anyway."

"I know I am! But I don't want anyone else to know. Jaimie's gonna beat me up and I'll be an outcast..."

"Sweety? Jaimie's never been the smartest kid in town. Now, normally I don't judge people or gossip about their private lives. But I think Jaimie might have a big thing against gay people because there's rumours going around town his mother is leaving his father for another woman."

I stare at her with wide eyes and my mouth slightly agape, feeling shocked at the info presented to me by my own mother. I never paid any attention to the reasons behind him and his two brothers always being home alone. Their mother works a lot of overtime working in the city and staying nights in hotels whenever it's getting too late to come home again. Their father is always out on little business trips. It's why Jaimie always throws a lot of parties; there's never any adults around to tell him not to. I just never figured there's problems between his parents that he isn't talking about.

But this is leverage.

Call me an asshole for wanting to hold this against him. But he has no right to call gay people sick and wrong and whatever he's calling out. He has no right to blame them for ruining his parent's marriage. And that might just be exactly the reason he's acting out against gay people. He never did that. He never had an opinion about it. He never spoke a bad word about Finnley when I told him he was gay. Sure, Jaimie is a catholic and he is religious. But not in a judgemental way. At least, not until recently.

This make's so much more sense.

- Monday, April 4th, 2016 -

I'm all the more confident about the whole situation after my talk with my mother yesterday. Jaimie is hiding shit from me too, so in the first place, my guilt for not being honest with him is gone. I don't know if the gossip is completely true, but every rumour has some truth to it, right?

And I'd just like to believe Jaimie isn't that bad, just upset and mad about his parents. He's been my friend for years and he always had my back. I'm sure, whenever he gets over the initial shock of me coming out, he'll be right beside me, like he always was.

Which will solve my problem with Stan as well. Because if I come out and have him back with me, and eventually Jaimie by my side, I don't care about the rest of the school. I'll have them and along with Julia that would be enough to get me through the last four months of the hell called highschool, even if those months would be without Finnley by my side.

I woke up feeling kind of liberated. Because I decided with confidence, I will come out for Stan and I will show him I really do love him.

There's just the minor issue of oversleeping after having trouble to fall asleep at night, but I'll just come out during lunchbreak instead of before school. Let's just hope Stan will be in school, because I won't come out without him present to witness it. I need him there to see it and to be with me.

I rush towards school and get a pass for being late. I take my regular seat beside Jaimie in class and stay silent for the entire morning. I just listen to him, or Felix, or Evan or whoever whenever they tell me something. I answer their questions like I would normally do, and I try not to fall asleep in the meantime.

I already texted Stan I needed to see him, that it was important and that he needed to give me a chance to tell him what I needed to tell him.

No response.

As soon as the bell rings, telling me it's lunch break, nerves take over my mind and I hurriedly search the lunchroom, the hallways and even the space behind the locker rooms to find him. But he's not there. In a last attempt to find him, I head over to the space behind the bleachers, knowing this is where the shady type of people hang out during school. This is where I initially went to ask around about Finnley getting Ritalin.

But when I'm walking past the locker rooms to head towards the soccer field and the bleachers, I hear Jaimie's voice sneering at someone.

"We told you we don't want your type of people in this school." His voice is full of hatred and it makes me a bit scared to go in.

"Fuck you Jaimie. I'm not scared of you." It's Stan and he doesn't sound too impressed by Jaimie's words.

"Oh, but you should." I can hear the sound of something being smashed against the lockers and without a second of doubt I go inside.

Jaimie is escorted by Evan and Tom, who are holding Stan by his arms. He's got a nosebleed and a cut lip.

"Hey!" I call out, rushing to stop Jaimie from hitting him again. It's too late, Jaimie managed to hit him in the face. Stan's head smashes back against the locker and he slides down to the ground, groaning while Tom and Evan let go of him, allowing him to fully fall to the ground. I step in between Jaimie and Stan, pushing Jaimie away from him. "Knock it off."

"What are you doing here, Cris?" Jaimie seethes, clenching his jaw in annoyance. "I'm just making sure that fag won't bother you again."

"Stay away from him." I roll my eyes. "I don't mind him being around me, okay?"

Jaimie snorts, bawling his fists. "What, now you okay with him?"

"Yeah, I'm okay with him." I snap. "I like him..." my voice falters a little, insecurity taking over from the confidence I felt this morning. "A lot..." I drawl, looking around to see if Stan is listening. He's staring at me with a little anger, but there's also some sort of gratefulness in his eyes. "I'm gay, I like him. Hell, I've never been more in love with anyone..."

"I knew it." Jaimie spits. "You're one of them disgusting fags." He grabbed my collar, smashing me into the lockers, a jolt of pain erupting from my shoulder, that hit a lock painfully hard. "You know it's wrong. Why would you even want to be like that?" He snaps his head towards Stan. "It's a sin. It's sick and you're not like that."

"I am." I snap, trying to get him to let go of me. "Jaimie, knock it off. It's not wrong, it's not sick. It feels right more than anything..."

"Shut up!" He shouts, right before hitting me in the face. "It's not right!" He hits me again, causing my head to spin, a throbbing headache erupting from the back of my head. "It's disgusting and you're sick for accepting it."

"Yeah." I mutter, my head lolling sideways after he hit me a third time. I spit out some blood. "Just like your mom, right?" I hiss in his face. His eyes grow wide and both Evan and Tom stare at him confused. "She's like us, isn't she?"

"None of your damn business, fucking fag!"

I know I shouldn't have pissed him off, I will regret this later, but in that moment, it felt absolutely right to put him in his place. It's Stan who pulls him off of me after Jaimie hit me twice, tackling him to the ground.

"Get your fucking hands off him." He snaps. "I will kill you if you ever lay a finger on him again."

"Like I'm scared..." Jaimie snorts, Stan still pinning him down.

That's when the door flies open; Felix storming in with two teachers following him. They pull Stan away from Jaimie and soon I'm alone with Felix and Mr. Roberts, who seems to fume in anger over yet another fight on school grounds. Last week, both Jaimie and I got away with a warning, but I don't think we'll be lucky this time.

* * * * *

"You're a bloody fool for pissing Jaimie of like that." Stan is pacing up and down my bedroom. I'm on my bed, covers pulled over me, cuddling a pillow to my stomach. There're times in which I felt better. My head is still throbbing, and I threw up twice. With a slight concussion and some stiches in the back of my head I've been send home. I'm not allowed to leave the bed right now.

"Well, he asked for it." I mutter, following Stan around until I become dizzy again. "Could you stop pacing up and down? It's making me dizzy."

He chuckles. "You don't have to follow me with your eyes."

"I haven't had a chance to look at you in a week. I've got some catching up to do."

"You should go to sleep." He sighs deeply in content. "But thanks, Cris." He whispers once he went on and lay down beside me. "For doing this for me."

"I'm not sleepy, just a headache."

"You want some painkillers?" He already got up to grab the bottle of pills from the drawer in my desk.

"No, they make me drowsy."

"That's good, you need to sleep." He chuckles again. "God, you fool," he mutters after getting me a glass of water.

"A cute one, might I add."

"Yeah, you're a cutie." He helps me to take some painkillers, before pushing my hair back, studying my face from up close. "Even with a smashed-up face you're too cute to stay mad at."

"Hey." I nudge him gently. "This smashed-up fool got beaten up after coming out for you."

"Yeah, that might not have been the best idea ever. I'm sorry for asking you to do that. You just really hurt me, not only physically..." He sighs deeply, pulling me in his arms. I rest my head on top of his chest, closing my eyes to focus on the soft thudding of his heartbeat, the gently inhalation of air causing his chest to rise and fall.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, waving my fingers between his. "I was really scared. But I'm happy I did it anyway. Jaimie's no friend if he hates me for being me."

"There will be a day that it won't sound hypocrite coming from you." Stan chuckles again. "Because not too long ago that could have been you, beating the crap out of someone for being gay."

"No!" I call out, regretting the loud noise I caused myself. "I would never beat someone up over it."

"But you would have judged them, shunt them out." Stan plays with my hair and I enjoy every little touch coming from him. "But you're forgiven," he mumbles. His voice sounds a bit weird and all of the sudden, I am deadly exhausted. "But only because I know what the struggle is like to come out and admit being someone that everybody calls sick and wrong."

"I'm really sleepy..." I admit, right before yawning. "You'll stay with me? I want to sleep in your arms."

"Off course I'll stay." He pulls the covers over himself too and I nuzzle my face in the croak of his neck, taking in his scent. "Sleep tight, cutie."

"Thanks, handsome."

I fall asleep in no time, due to the painkillers knocking me out. Sleeping with those painkillers in my system is weird, because I haven't dreamed and whenever I wake up I still feel like I haven't slept enough. It's the painkillers in my system, constantly making me drowsy, taking a while for the effects to wear of enough to not be sleepy, yet not have a massive headache.

But when I wake up, Stan is gone, and I feel like it was just a dream for him to be right here next to me, holding me in a loving way. For a couple of seconds, I'm confused enough, thinking it was all a dream. That I didn't came out in front of Jaimie, Evan and Tom. That Stan didn't forgive me yet. But as soon as I sit up and the dizziness takes over, I'm reminded of the fight in the locker room.

There's a glass of water on my nightstand, along with the bottle of pills and four envelopes. Three of them containing cards; wishing me well and telling me to get better soon. One coming from Julia, one from Felix and the other coming from Emma. I regard them, since the fourth envelope doesn't contain a post stamp and by now, that exact fact always makes me excited and jumpy.

All though right now I shouldn't be too excited, because I'm still recovering from the fight. I rip the envelope open, put the 45 cents in the jar along with the rest of the change I've been keeping under my bed, before I take out the note;