TWO WEEKS LATER

The air in the town of Whitefish, Montana, was crisp and cold in a way that numbed you all the way down to your bones, leaving teeth chattering, body trembling, and every part of you slowly frosting over. 

The town was still covered in Christmas decor, my family's porch brimming with garland and twinkle lights like a bright beacon, snowbanks high right beyond the deck— a mini winter wonderland that would stay that way until a week into the New Year.

My family loved the Christmas season and left the lights and decorations up for as long as was socially acceptable. If it were solely up to my father, they'd never come down. 

The sight of the lights and snow momentarily distracted me from the chaos of my family inside. The silence of the cold evening was deafening after all of the noise of the holiday season. A loud phone chime pulled my focus away from the view and I found a sight that made me smile. A text from Bex. 

A picture filled my phone screen. Bex, Prism and Lavender all held up wine glasses on a beach house deck with the sunset behind them. The sight of them beaming up at me filled me with gratitude. They had become my home away from home and I missed them.

BEX: WISHING YOU WERE HERE! COME HOME SOON! SOMEONE NEEDS TO WATER THE PLANTS AND I DON'T DO THAT! 

I laughed, and then the reason why I stepped outside buzzed to life on my phone. Putting my phone to my ear, I was greeted by a question by way of greeting. "How's it going with your family?" a calm southern drawl on the other end of the phone asked.

I stood on the very edge of the deck of my childhood home, watching the stars bleed across the sky, my fingers tucked into a thick set of mittens, which were wrapped around a cup of hot chocolate, my other hand clutching my phone to my ear. I watched my breath rise into the air until it vanished into the night, taking a moment before responding.

My therapist, Annie, was used to my pauses by this point. Something I had to learn to do instead of automatically saying I was fine.

Why was it that we always replied that we were 'fine' instead of taking a moment to think about the question and give an open and honest answer? Were we truly so afraid of being honest and vulnerable that we'd rather live in a place of denial than take a chance on opening up to others?

"It's good to be home," I said after a beat. "Especially after... what happened. It's nice being close to my family." I closed my eyes, remembering all of my brothers lined up on that screen, hands bound behind their backs. "I nearly lost them."

The line remained quiet, my therapist sensing that I needed a moment. My sessions had been going well. She challenged me, was insightful and pushed me to unwrap a whole mess of my issues. I still had a long way to go, but it felt good to work on myself.

"It's loud though," I added when there was a booming crash inside. "Makes it hard to think. Which is why my brother's have been more annoying than usual," I said with a smile. "I think it's their way of helping."

Annie chuckled. She had heard my brothers enough in the background to know what I was talking about. "And what are you trying to think about?"

I took a long loud sip of my hot chocolate in answer. When I didn't reply she was kind enough to change the subject. "Want to fill me in on what happened to your ex-boyfriend, Liam?"

That was an easy answer. "He got fired for being caught assisting Carter with information about me. Apparently someone dropped off a tape to the police with his conversation in that diner, proving that Carter and Derik's crime was premeditated." 

Bex claimed it was my Christmas present, the strangest one I had ever received. But from her, it was very thoughtful.

"He's been disbarred too. And with the proof against Carter and Derik, they've been charged with attempted first degree murder and will be going away for life." I let out a breath. "It's strange... they've felt impossible to stop for a while and now they're just... gone."

"I bet a particular other individual is having a hard time wrapping his head around that. Someone you didn't say goodbye to," Annie said.

I sighed, closing my eyes. I couldn't say goodbye. It was impossible, but she already knew that. "You know... there is a whole lot that happened that requires processing besides... that."

"Besides what?"

"Him."

"Him, who?" 

Annie had a sass to her that was disarming and pushed me to be honest without making me feel cornered.

I scoffed. "You know who."

"Why don't you tell me?" I didn't reply. "Why won't you say his name?"

It had been a little over two weeks since Allie had shut down the Royal Winters building, and turned everything remote for the rest of the year, wanting to assure that no more of Carter's contacts had wormed their way into the building— especially after it was discovered that Laurence's own bodyguards had taken bribes from Carter. The reason they weren't at Laurence's home when Carter arrived and set things on fire.

Needless to say, Laurence had agreed that any future bodyguards would be hired out of 'Silver Gate: Safety and Chauffers'  where Aiden— Laliana's fiancé and Tate used to work.

When my parents heard about what happened, they insisted on visiting, but after a call from Sam, they had agreed that a visit home would be better than trying to shove two more Autumn's into an new AirBNB— since the last one had been involved in a bribe and knock out gas— and that was WAY too many Autumns for an AirBNB for the holidays at the last minute.

Allie had liked the idea of me taking some time to go home and sent me on my way, promising that after the new year, the office would be open again, and we wouldn't have to work remotely anymore.

"Have you talked to him?" my therapist asked, emphasizing the lack of a certain man's name.

I swallowed. "Yes."

"Other than through email about work?"

I suddenly hated how observant my therapist was. "No." The single word stung. Everything had been deadly quiet between us for over two weeks.

"Are you going to?"

I attempted another subject change. "Did I tell you that my friend Prism and my brother Finn are flirting? Well its more like Prism flirting by sending chocolate videos to my brother and him just smiling at his phone and sending back his thoughts on how those chocolatiers can improve before sending her images of rare flowers." 

I continued talking, itching to distract my therapist with gossip instead of information about myself. "I mean it's better than Bex and Will, who continue to prank each other from long distances. Or rather Bex pranks, and Will is acting weird ever since Bex helped save his life. But both of those are better than my friend Lavender having a weird hate relationship with my brother Jack... Don't know what's going on there either..." 

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Are you going to talk to him?"

"Yes," I said after a long pause. I can't stay in Montana forever. I'll see him again an a few days at the office.

"Why haven't you done so yet?"

I paused again, unable to come up with a good reason for why it had taken me so long to talk to Laurence.

I love you Lily Autumns...

My heart pounded at the memory.

A part of me was afraid that he regretted what he'd said. That everything after Carter left him agreeing that all of that time being cautious was the right thing to do. His house was gone, Royal Winters was working remotely, his face was plastered all over social media in a negative light, and every conversation since then had been filled with the bare minimum requirements for work needs.

Laurence hadn't reached out, and that left me confused. He had promised to find me. But he hadn't. I had called him after two days, but he didn't answer. I would have gone to his home, but there was no home to go to. 

And when my family asked me to come home, I did, knowing I couldn't wait for him forever. 

Had he said he loved me in a moment of fear? Did he mean it? He had wanted to finish our kiss, but was that still true?

"A part of me is afraid."

"What are you afraid of?" she asked softly.

I placed a hand on the deck railing, fingers brushing up against snow. "That he'll change his mind. That he won't want me."

"Why do you think that?"

"He's done that before. Change his mind." I watched the sky as snow slowly drifted down, swirling through the air with a magical sparkle that didn't match the way I felt. "He's been silent."

"Is that the real reason, Lily?"

"I..." No.

I finished my hot chocolate, placed the mug down with more force than was necessary, and forced the words out. "I'm afraid that when every other excuse is gone... he won't think I'm good enough." 

It was the reason I hadn't reached out to him over his work email. Even if he failed at answering or reaching out in every other way, he always responded to work emails. 

"Well that's stupid," my therapist replied. "You've grown far too much to let lies like those take up free rent space in your head."

I let out a wet self deprecating laugh. 

"You know I'm right. Sometimes it's hard to accept the truth after a lifetime of wrapping ourselves in lies. We are all works in progress Lily. Just because you aren't where you want to be yet doesn't mean you don't deserve good things. You don't fault Laurence for his flaws and you need to show yourself the same grace."

Tears bloomed in my eyes and I had to blink several times to keep them at bay, to make sure I wouldn't end up with twin icicles on my face. I suddenly felt far less alone standing out on the cold deck than I had a moment ago. 

"You had family, friends and your boss come to your rescue when you needed them in that house. That should speak volumes."

I nodded, my voice cracking on my reply. "Okay."

"Now I want you to say the truth out loud," Annie said.

"Right now?" I asked, glancing behind me to make sure none of my brothers had wandered outside.

"You need to say this when you most need to hear it. Go on."

I sighed. "I am a fighter," I started softly, going through the list of things I liked about myself. "I am clever. I am honest. I am kind. I am compassionate. I am fun. I am open to new things. I am brave. I am strong. I am smart." I took a deep breath stumbling over my newest one. "I... am worth loving."

"Say the last one again," she urged.

"Why?"

"Because you still can't say it like you believe it."

"I do believe it."

"Then say it again and again until it sinks into your very bones and every time a lie tries to tell you otherwise you can use the truth to club the lies to death!"

I paused. "A little gore-y, Annie."

"A lot of honest, Lily. I'm waiting."

"I am worth loving," I said softly.

"Again."

"I am worth loving," I said more loudly.

"Again. Like a war chant. You are fighting against the lies that try to beat you down, so use it like a sword of truth, Lily."

"I am worth loving!" I shouted out into the night, my voice booming. "I am Lily Autumns and I am worth loving!"

"It's true you know," a voice said to my left.

I let out a screech and nearly threw my phone at the unseen person. I had enough sense left to put my phone back to my ear and quickly say, "Hey I gotta go... The 'Him' is here."

"Oh! Good luck Lily. You've got this. Just remember what you've been saying."

"Hard to forget what I was just shouting out, considering HE heard me loud and clear," I muttered into the phone before hanging up.

Then I turned and looked down at the bottom of the deck steps. At Laurence Royal, who stood in the snow, in front of my parents house, in Montana, wearing a black peacoat and looking for all the world like the leading man in a classic romance movie.

---

Thank you for reading chapter thirty seven! I hope you are enjoying the story! Or are at least curious to see where it goes! Add this story to your reading list to know when the FINAL chapter drops!

UPDATE DAYS - A NEW CHAPTER EVERY FRIDAY!

AHHHH LAURENCE is in Montana! 

Will they finally get their moment together?

Why didn't Laurence reach out sooner?!?

Also, what is going on with Lavender and Jack? Is there something there?

What about Bex and Will? 

Or Finn and Prism?

What will happen next?

CHAPTER QUESTION - When it's cold outside, what is your favorite thing to do?