"BABY SIS!" a chorus of voices shouted in unison from my phone, the sound warping the speakers to the point where they threatened to blow out.

Several faces smooshed together to be seen on the screen, brown sets of curly hair, and bright eyes took me in with overly large grins. Every time I called home it was a loud mess of warm greetings before my six brothers demanded to know if they needed to 'take care of anyone.' An inside joke that they had proven was not quite a joke.

"Hey guys!" I shouted over the sound of something falling in the background on their side of the conversation. My family's three German Shepherds barked in response to my voice, adding to the noise.

"Who's on the phone?" my dad shouted in the background over the sound of the tv blaring.

"IT'S LIL!" all my brother's responded, causing the dogs to howl again.

"Tell her we say hi!" mom replied, voice fighting to be heard over the television and the dogs. 

Hearing the chaos of home was a comfort, and I suddenly missed the loud, overly protective mosh pit that was my family. Everything about them was vibrant, loud and chaotic. Like my own personal carnival.

I smiled at myself in the mirror as I added eyeliner. Maybe that's why I love the carousel. It's the horse version of my family.

Adjusting my red cardigan, I took myself in in front of the bathroom mirror, looking down at my black and white polka dot dress with a bright smile.

I look beautiful. I... I am beautiful, I clarified.

It felt important to make that statement. Especially if I was going out on a date. I would need all the healthy self talk I could think up before going out.

"Woah! Looking fancy! You heading out on a date with Liam?" Will shouted over the sound of our house cat getting into a fight with one of the dogs in the background. He shoved my other brother's aside so he could see me better. Will was the youngest of the boys, a year older than me, and our small age gap had made us close. We were the smallest in a house full of big brothers and bigger personalities.

"No Liam," I said as casually as I could. I hadn't told my brothers about being dumped. I didn't wanted to bring the full force of the Autumns boys down on Los Angeles. They caused enough chaos in Montana.

Will grew quiet, even as the others continued to shout questions at him to ask me in the background. He tried to read my face, even as I ignored the screen, applying mascara.

Dash had suggested to Allie that I be set up on several more practice dates. She had agreed. Apparently, Dash wasn't intimidating enough as a long term solution, nor was he one to inspire me to build up healthy boundaries with people I didn't know. I was too comfortable with him.

So there I was, prepping to get ready to go out on my first REAL date.

Stupid Terrible Coffee Making Dash. Stupid Traitor.

Getting to know people in a potentially romantic way was utterly terrifying, so before I threw myself into the chaotic dating ring, I had called home, itching to have a bit of normalcy. But with that impulse, I had forgotten how well Will tended to read my face.

"Lil'," he said, concern puckering his brows.

"Later," I said in my best attempt to sound nonchalant.

"Okay." He picked up the phone and walked away from the others, to shouts of protest. "You get twenty four hours to fill me in before I squeal to the pummel force," he hissed, quietly, pinning me with this chocolate brown eyes.

I groaned. "Give me a week."

"If he—"

"A week," I said with a glare. "I promise I will tell you everything. Now shhhh. If the others hear, this city will be burned to the ground before the week's over."

He sighed, biting back more arguments. "Fine."

The phone was set back down in front of the others and I fielded questions. Yes, I enjoyed my new COO title. No, they couldn't crash my photo shoot in Costa Rica. No mom, I wasn't one of the models. No brothers, I wouldn't be introducing them to any models. Yes Dad, I had upgraded my locks after he sent me that video about that break in three states away.

By the time I hung up the phone, my ears were ringing from the sudden silence post Autumns Family phone call, and I felt a bit better. They were like a very loud, very comforting security blanket that promised to 'handle' anyone who ever threatened to hurt me. It was like being related to the Avengers, if the Avengers were a hurricane of noise that you heard coming from a mile away.

Walking out of my apartment, Bex shouted a goodbye after me, asking for the third time if she was allowed to track my phone for safety reasons while I was out with a stranger. Knowing that she was going to track it either way, I relented and finally made it out the door, only to collide with Allie in the hallway.

"Allie?"

"I know you have a date," she said by way of greeting, like finding her outside of my apartment was completely normal and to be expected. She held up a small box. "For you."

Opening the box, I raised my brow. "You can't be serious."

"I've seen you try to hold a conversation when you are nervous. Thought we'd try something new."

"I am not that bad! And by new you mean fun for you and terrible for me," I clarified as I held up the earpiece. "Are you seriously going to give me talking points? On a date. You? The one who hates people."

"Why can't I tell you what to say?" she asked, leaning back against the wall on the other side of the hallway, black hair falling down her shoulders like waterfalls of ink.

A new voice piped up, pulling my attention down the hall. "Because you are aggressive and blunt. She's like a shy puppy. It would just sound psychotic if she tried to copy your speech patterns. She's more like me." Laliana said, walking up and standing next to Allie, looking utterly embarrassed to be caught waiting out in the hallway.

"What? A hyper dork?" Allie replied dryly.

"I write for a living," Laliana pointed out.

"Yes. You have to prep... and outline... and edit... and edit again. It's not the same as actually talking out loud without days of questioning every word as a fall back. And you always refer talking to new people as a very rough first draft. Lily doesn't need that."

"But Lily doesn't need you to scare her date either!"

"Better than just sitting there silent," Allie replied.

"Ummmm can't I talk like myself?" I asked, holding up my hand in interruption.

The other two girls look at each other before looking back at me.

I stood up straighter, crossing my arms. "NO. That's not what I meant. I mean that I am not taking talking points from either of you. I am going to be myself."

A proud smile crossed Allie's face at my pushback. "Fine. But keep the earpiece in. We'll be nearby if you need us."

I blinked at them. "Why?"

Laliana laughed. "Don't let her fool you. She's excited about the prospect of helping. She's a secret romantic."

Allie look insulted. "I AM NOT!"

I moved past them. "Fine. But keep yourselves muted. I'm not taking suggestions. My life isn't a television show. I just want to get through the date without embarrassing myself and..." Stopping in my tracks, I sighed, memories of months with Liam forcing their way to the surface. I turned to look back to Allie and Laliana.

"What am I even doing? The last time I dated, it went terribly."

Laliana and Allie looked at each other. "I thought you said that her date with Dash went well?"

"It did," Allie replied.

I threw up my hands, exasperated. "Yes. It was great. That's not... That's not what I meant! I..." Liam flashed through my brain and my confidence began to dwindle. I sunk to the ground in the middle of the hallway, feeling like a wilted flower.

"I don't know if I can do this..."

You are boring. I want more... whispered its way back into my mind.

Allie crouched down before me, her determined gaze boring into mine. "You don't have to date anyone if you don't want to. The list is meant to guide you. Not to put you out there before you are ready."

Her dark eyes were a life raft to the current of panic going on inside of me. "Confidence takes time to build. It's more than a few words. It's like training for a marathon. It takes time, practice and endurance. You've been doing the practice, but you haven't been tested yet. It's okay to be scared when you face your first obstacle."

Laliana crouched down too. "Yeah. It's okay to be nervous and unsure. That's the real reason we are here. We are your crew working as your self talk to help you until you learn to do it yourself."

Allie gave me a pat on the shoulder in what I assumed was as supposed to be a comforting gesture. "You've got this. You are worth taking a chance on. If you don't want to, that's okay, but we've created a situation where you have backup ready to pull you out if it's not a healthy date, or if he's sketchy."

Laliana nodded encouragingly, her smile warm. "Yeah. You know how sometimes girls have their friend call them 10 minutes into a date in case they need an excuse to leave? That's us. We are your cocktail of self talk and excuses to leave."

"You can try now, or we can try again in a few weeks when you feel more comfortable."

Laliana reached out and squeezed my hand, far better at the comforting thing than Allie. "Either way, we support you."

Allie stood up, holing out her hand to help me off the floor. "What's it going to be?"

...

I sat inside a rustic Italian restaurant with the sight of garlic bread before me like a drool worthy temptation. Far more of a temptation than the man on the other side of the table who was so incredibly nervous, that he had spent the last five minutes taking about his collection of stamps and staring at the table cloth.

Apparently I was his first date on the dating app, and he made me look like a confident goddess by comparison.

"Do you have a favorite movie, Daniel?" I asked, hoping to get him onto a topic that we both could participate in.

Daniel had bright red hair that was kept short and large green eyes that were framed behind a set of round glasses.

"I don't own a television," he said to the table cloth.

"What about music?" I asked, over the sound of Allie groaning in my earpiece. "What did you grow up listening to?"

His face burned red with embarrassment. "Ummm... nothing. You'll laugh."

"Okay, this sounds promising. Ask him what it is, promise not to laugh and flirt a little about whatever it is. It will make him feel more comfortable," Allie said, ignoring my 'keep yourself on mute,' policy.

I offered Daniel a smile. "Oh come on, I'm sure I won't laugh. What is it?"

"Well... umm..." Daniel proceeded to play with the table cloth in between his fingers. "My sister plays the bagpipes. And growing up, we shared a room and we listened to a lot of bagpipe soundtracks..."

"I got nothing," Allie said. "He's... Nope. That's just—"

I heard a scuffle on the other end of the earpiece before Laliana's voice came on. "It's unique. Does his sister still play? I bet that was a bonding experience." 

Jumping on Laliana's line of thinking, I smiled at Daniel. "Do you play too?"

"No."

"Are you and your sister close? You grew up sharing a room, I bet that made for some great memories."

"We were close. She's in a coma now."

I heard Laliana go quiet. "See! Told you! Nothing!" Allie shouted from further away, nearly making me pull out my earpiece. "You can't respond to coma with anything good!"

"I'm sorry about your sister," I said.

Daniel looked at me for the first time, brow going up in confusion. "Why? You don't know her."

I had no idea where to go from there. So far we had covered stamps, bagpipes and comas. It made me miss Dash's coffee... because at least with a cup of coffee with the risk of a battery inside the cup, was a fun conversation.

Just then, the waitress came up to take our order and I was left in a near panic. The idea of sitting through an entire meal of painful conversation was more than I was ready for. "Um... Can you give us a minute?"

Once the waitress was gone I looked up at Daniel. "Are you okay?" I asked softly.

He blinked, not understanding. I continued, determined to be brave and honest instead of playing into what people normally did on first dates, pretend. "You seem nervous."

Daniel rubbed his neck and sighed. "I... Well... I don't really want to be here."

I burst out laughing. "Yeah. I figured that out."

He gave me a relieved smile. "Is that okay? I think I just jumped into a date before I was ready for one."

I held out my hand. "Hi. I am Lily, and it's totally okay for us to call it a night."

Daniel took my hand with a warm smile. "Hi Lily. I'm Daniel and thanks."

I had never been so relieved to have taken so long to be seated at a restaurant. We hadn't even ordered drinks yet. There was nothing keeping us chained to the table. So stood up and walked out the door.

...

I found Allie and Laliana two blocks away sitting in an ice cream shop, laughing their heads off. I shoved the double doors open with dramatic flair and glared at both of them. "You both SUCK."

Laliana and Allie looked at each other and burst out laughing again. "That was fun," Allie said with a rare grin, a bowl of chocolate ice cream in front of her.

"Yeah. Can we do it again?" Laliana asked, fingers excitedly clutching her ice cream shake. "When's your next date?"

Allie scooped up a bite of chocolate ice cream. "I scheduled one for..." She placed the spoon into her mouth with a dramatic pause before finishing her thought. "Ten minutes from now... here."

Laliana took a long, loud sip of her shake, eyes wide. "Ohhhh this is going to be interesting. We get a front row seat!"

"Why on earth did you do that! And why did you schedule it for now?" I asked, frustrated.

Allie took another bite of ice cream. "Based on Bagpipes profile I assumed it wouldn't go fantastic."

I stared at Allie, mouth dropping open.

She shrugged, unfazed. "And you were brave enough to go, and leave when you weren't comfortable."

I dropped into the open chair across from her. "So... you planned a date... that you knew wouldn't go well... all so that I could practice leaving?"

"That's... diabolical," Laliana said, staring at Allie with wide eyes. "And you've done some crazy stuff."

"That was practice. He is a shy person and seemed harmless," Allie said, pointing her spoon at me. "Admit it. He was relieved to leave too."

"Yes, but—"

"So he got to go out, learn in a safe way that he wasn't ready, and go home, having met someone kind enough to not be offended."

"I hate that you were right because that means you'll keep doing crazy things," I said with a furrowed brow. "And you really should stop doing crazy things."

"You are welcome for helping you, and for giving you an easy warm up before setting you up on your real date," Allie replied dryly. "Also, I'd move tables because he isn't expecting to find three people on this date."

Muttering, I moved over to another table and settled down before an incredibly handsome man walked through the door. Dark hair fell into his face, framing his dark blue eyes. He wore a casual button down shirt and black slacks. A perfect combination of casual and put together.

Holy crap.

Allie shot me a look as if to say, You are so welcome.

"Lily?" he asked with a smile, apparently recognizing whatever picture Allie had posted of me on the dating app that Allie was in control of.

"That's me," I said, taking his outstretched hand, blue eyes taking me in with open curiosity.

"I'm Jake." He looked around the ice cream shop. "Never been here before."

His eyes fell back on me. "You must like ice cream."

Forcing myself not to glare over at Allie, I shrugged in what I hoped was a casual way. "As much as anyone. Seems like a nice place." I spun toward the menu. "Why don't we order?"

The lady behind the counter was in her early sixties, wore a quilted looking apron and had a warm smile. "Welcome to Frosty Taste. How can I help you dear?"

My mind, in a very helpful fashion went blank.

Oh come on! Not now! Just pick something! Don't just stand there looking terrified. Then she'll know ordering things spontaneously scares you!

"I'll have the pistachio small cup," Jake said, buying me a moment.

My brain bolted back into 'somewhat functional mode.' "And I'll have a medium chocolate brownie burst cup."

I didn't even get a chance to pull out my credit card before he had swiped his, and tucked it away without drawing attention to the act.

Points for that.

I was planning to pay for both of us, so that was a nice surprise.

"So..." Jake said as we settled down at a table where Allie and Laliana were unfortuntely in my eye-line. "You do like ice cream."

"You already asked me that," I said with a smile.

He waved his hand at my bowl. "I mean because you plan to eat all that."

Allie's eyes narrowed with suspicion and I couldn't help feeling that she was going to be the emoting version of myself. Where she made every facial expression that I would want to make.

"That's why I ordered it," I said slowly. "That's how ordering works."

Jake looked momentarily embarrassed. "I just meant that you like chocolate. Sorry... that came out wrong."

Maybe he was nervous too. I pointed to his ice cream with an amused smile. "I don't know many pistachio ice cream lovers," I said.

"Seemed like the healthiest choice."

I nodded sagely. "True. They don't sell salads here."

Jake raised an amused brow, mouth quirking into a smile. "You're making fun of me."

Taking a quick bite of my ice cream I nodded. "A little. So what do you do for a living Pistachio Jake?"

"Construction. Makes me very handy around the house," he said with a proud smile.

Taking him in, I could see the details I had missed the first time around. The calluses along his hands. The build. "What about you?"

"I work in fashion," I replied.

The second eyebrow raise was just as amused. "Really?" He looked down at my shoes and slowly traveled up my outfit until he looked back at my face. "You're making fun of me again aren't you?"

It didn't take a facial expression expert to know what Allie was thinking. She was itching to stand up and smack Jake for assuming that my fashion sense made my answer a joke.

"I am perfectly serious," I replied, shaking my head minutely at Allie.

No deaths in the ice cream shop, please.

"But your style is... old."

Allie stood up, ready to step in. She was behind Jake so he didn't see the 'intend to kill expression' on her face. Laliana put her hand on Allie's arm, forcing her to sit back down. Both girls made eye contact with me, asking an unspoken question. They were ready if I needed them. But... instead of feeling uncertain or insecure, my truths, the things I liked about myself, daily reminders of how my worth and value came back to me, an iron sword to be used in battle when a butt face was trying to put me down— however subtle.

I tilted my head to the side, taking Jake in. "I believe the words you are looking for are classic. Timeless."

"Time stamped," he replied.

"Are you for real?"

He held up his hands, defensive. "Hey. Chill out. I'm just saying that your style is.... not what I would expect. And you sew pieces of clothing together for a living. Nothing really that important."

I started laughing. This guy was a textbook jerk face and it was not going to work on me. "You are negging."

He schooled his featured, trying to look innocent. "Negging?"

"The thing that you are doing. Dissing in an attempt to undermine my confidence, hoping to inspire me to prove myself to you." When he didn't respond, I held out my fingers, counting. "You ask if I'm going to eat ALL the ice cream that I clearly intend to eat, implying that I either am overweight or eat too much. Then you make fun of my clothes and then my job. Then you tried to make me feel like I was overreacting for calling you on it." I leaned forward, smiling sweety, my smile ice.

"Listen, Bob the Builder—"

Laliana snorted, nearly spitting out her shake.

"I'm not interested in mind games. So I suggest you go because I like this place and plan on eating my entire freaking bowl of ice cream without shame. So take your sorry cup of an excuse of nut ice cream that you didn't like, and go."

Jake stood up, looking angry. "Fine! Psycho!"

Then he left to the sound of the lady behind the counter clapping.

Allie and Laliana were at my table a moment later. Laliana threw her arms around me. "That was awesome!"

Allie nodded in agreement. "I didn't mean to pick an ass, but you clearly knew how to handle one."

"I love when you called him Bob the Builder!" Laliana said.

The three of us burst into laughter, diving back into our ice cream. "I didn't know I had that in me," I admitted. I felt braver than I ever had before.

I am stronger than I realize.

Just then the shop lady came over and placed a tray of refills on the table. "On the house. Courage like that deserves acknowledgment."

"Things will get better," Allie told me. "Trust me. We've all had bad first dates."

"Yeah, I was invited to a nightclub on a first date that I thought was going to be a restaurant." She sighed. "It was called SNACKS and there weren't even snacks there!"

Allie snorted, amused. "Yeah that place sucks. Better than watching get into a fight with my ex-boyfriend outside of a ramen shop though."

As we dove into our extra helpings of ice cream and began to compare our bad dating histories, I couldn't help but smile. Even though dating could be hard, and scary, I had a supplier system, and could trust myself to be brave when I needed to be.

I am determined. I am surrounded by wonderful new friends. And I am stronger than I realize.

---

Thank you for reading chapter sixteen! I hope you are enjoying the story! Or are at least curious to see where it goes! Add this story to your reading list to know when the next chapter drops!

UPDATE DAYS - A NEW CHAPTER EVERY FRIDAY!

Would you ever let someone else listen in on a date?

What would you have done with a date like Jake?

Will Lily's next date go better?

What will happen next?

CHAPTER QUESTION - If you need to leave a date because you don't feel safe, what excuse would you use?