Asaeh,

Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl and they lived under different skies. He would have given everything for her, but he was to have the lives of his people laid upon his shoulders and that alone was enough separation. It seems to him that yesterday he saw her in the square and thought what a terrible death she would bring upon him. And she has. And the heartbreak is that he does not love her less. He managed to make his escape and reach her. Luck or destiny favored him so as to grant him the pleasure of kissing her hand. Her skin was as soft as a rose and her eyes shone like onyx stones in a field of clouds. And when she spoke, her voice enchanted that artless boy and taught him the meaning of magic. In the moment, he thought about everything that meant anything to him and he decided that all together it meant nothing. The only worthy thing in the world was her. The more she spoke, the more fascinated he became and they grew to develop a love as fond as those which God crafts from the womb. She was his daydream, his reason, a kingdom greater than all. He cursed his blood and his crown, everything that had the fearlessness to create the man that he must one day become. But now that she has gone, I am left with nothing but pieces of her.

Perhaps now that you are truly gone I can be him.

This place is becoming desperate for a victory to gain honor and fame, a son to carry on our names, and the power to become everything we dream of. And I must give it to them. Ilojl says that I must let go of all the foolishness I still hold fast to. I must do some difficult things now, things unworthy of you to know about. It is not in my heart for you to see me this way, but I need you to know so that you will not be afraid of me, Asa. Perhaps now that you are gone and I can be him, you will forget me. But if you find yourself in the same hell I face and cannot cleanse your memory of my hands then I beg you to forgive me. Listen not to the news from the east of the man who dwells in that land and does terrible things. They will tell you that I slay men, and capture armies, and make peace with my enemies, the same ones that crushed your neck, my darling. My name will follow crimes and power and the sort of legends which are only found in stories. But you must know, the sins that will follow me will not be done out of hate. And the goodness that will follow me will not be done out of love. I am finished feeling the emotions of the fallen. And you must know that I will do these things as the man I must be. I will do all of these things and more and I will be him. But if you ever come back to find me, please do not look at him. Do not kiss him. Do not call him by my name. By the love you once had for me, I beg, do not say that you loved him once.

Yesternight, I told N that I was in love with you and she kissed me. She kissed me as I cried and thought of you. She held me and whispered in my ears the secret cure for this harrowing illness. She held me as the day faded through my fingers and we made empty loveless love in the name of healing and called it romance. With tears in my eyes, I pretended it was you again. I touched her hair and kissed her collarbones and laced my fingers with hers as I spilled my emptiness into her. But I saw her as you and I thought: Asa, I miss you more when you are here. If I must live in this agony forever I would rather have you gone completely and my heart ripped away from my chest. The gold, the glory, and every single thing I believe in I would have given up for you. Once upon a time, I would have given everything.

And I have loved you with the passion of stars, but it seems now the sun has risen.

Once upon a time,
The night