Never Be the Same - Camila Cabello

     That night, everything was silent. Literally, no one spoke a word to each other, other than a quick goodnight.

When I entered my room, fully prepared to knock the fuck out, I decided to keep my door open a crack.

I had a feeling Nic would be paying be a visit sometime soon. He was probably going crazy thinking about what had happened between Torez and I. There was an unbelievable amount of thick tension wafting through the air and everyone noticed.

How could they not?

After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I climb into bed, a heavy sigh leaving my lips as I settle under the warm covers.

If Nic wanted to talk, he would have to come very soon otherwise he'd have to wait until the next day. I mean, it wouldn't be a bad idea actually...

I laid in bed for an excruciating long ten minutes, just staring up at the darkness.

The fact that I was mentally and physically exhausted, you would have thought I'd be passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

But no matter how much my body was screaming at me to shut the fuck down for the night, my brain wasn't having any of it.

It didn't want to stop the endless amount of stress that was piling up.

I mean, damn, if I wanted to resort to sleeping pills every night due to over thinking so much, I would have just stayed home. It's not like my house offered any peace and quiet both physically and mentally.

Another fifteen minutes passed before I could finally feel the heaviness of sleep coming.

My eyes barely registered when a large figure slipped into my room soundlessly.

I didn't bother to say a word, just pulled the covers down on the side of the bed I wasn't on.

Nic slipped in beside me easily, careful not to make too much noise.

I turned to look at him, although I was only able to see his outline.

"I know w--" My soft words were cut off immediately.

Nic's lips were on mine in a quick kiss--his way of telling me to shut up.

When he pulled away, I could see the small grin on his lips. I couldn't help how contagious it was. He was.

"Sh. Just get some sleep baby."

I didn't have to think twice about it.

We laid there for a few minutes, just listening to each others quaint breathing.

Just as my eyes finally shut, a signal that my brain was done going against my wishes, Nic's strong arms pulled me to him protectively.

Everytime, no matter where we were, even if we were supposed to be mad at each other, Nic would always cuddle me without fail. It was some kind of mindless ritual.

I snuggled deeper into him, basking in the warmth he offered.

The last thing I recall before my body and brain shut off completely was the way he snuggled his nose into the crook of my neck. And I could have almost sworn he had said something like, "I wish you remembered."

* * * *

Once again, I was rudely woken up by the lovely morning traffic and people. Although this time, I didn't have a splitting headache. And a large firm arm was draped across my stomach this morning.

Keeping my eyes squeezed shut, I smiled to myself as I started to thoughtlessly run my fingers through the head of sandy brown hair that was rested on a portion of my stomach.

I seemed to have forgotten everything that was going wrong in my life in that moment.

This brought back happy memories that had engraved themselves into my mind from months ago. The memories that didn't involve jackasses and conflicted drama.

It's official, I thought. I definitely miss those days.

Turning to glance at the alarm clock I sigh softly.

It was 6:30. Earlier than I had woken up the day before.

Looking down at the boy who basically used me as his pillow the whole night, I took my time running my eyes over his body in the morning sunlight peaking through the windows.

He was on his stomach, his left arm tightly draped around my own stomach, his cheek resting right next to my body. He was shirtless, allowing me to admire the very defined muscles all over him.

His chest was rising and falling slowly, signalling that he was still in a peaceful slumber, unlike myself.

I don't know how long I just stared at him, but when I finally tore my eyes away, I stealthily slipped out of his hold and pushed myself off of the bed.

Stretching my arms above my head, I yawn rather unflatteringly.

Deciding to grab a quick breakfast before getting ready for the day, I tiptoed my way out of my spacious room, careful not to wake up Nicholas. 

How he could sleep through all the ruckus just outside the window was beyond me. He was definitely a very, very heavy sleeper.

I successfully made it out of my room and into the kitchen without making a sound.

It wasn't until I started rummaging through the fridge that I nearly jumped out of my skin when a light airy voice spoke from behind me saying, "Morning."

Twirling around, I raise a hand to my beating heart, trying to control my breathing when I looked into a pair of familiar blue-green eyes.

"Jesus, Katrina! I was about to swing," I hissed, dropping my gaze, to the cool tiles below my feet, hoping she didn't see the way I bit my lip, a nervous habit of mine.

She laughed softly, wrapping her light pink robe tighter around her.

I looked down at my clothing. I was wearing the same tank top and pair of shorts from yesterday, minus the sweats.

"Liar," she stated matter-of-factly, slipping past me casually.

When I turn to watch her, she begins the process of brewing a pot of coffee in one of the over the top expensive Keurigs the hotel had provided us.

"Wanna know how I can tell? That you're lying through your teeth?" After washing the water reservoir from the high tech piece of equipment, she turned to look at me with a knowing smile.

She didn't wait for my response before she spoke again. "You don't look into someone's eyes when you lie--actually now that I think about it, that's pretty ironic seeing as you're the supposed bad girl back in Darlo."

She offered me a canny wink before turning back around. "Aren't you supposed to be like the master of lying and all that?"

My arms crossed against my chest defensively.

"I'm not a fucking bad girl," I spat out venomously.

The title that people had given me a few years ago was really starting to piss me off. Just because I spoke my mind and didn't give two shits about what anyone has to say doesn't mean I'm some type of rebellious outcast.

Every time someone brought it up, it only made me more pissed off.

I didn't want the fucking title in the first place!

Kat didn't even flinch at my sour tone, only shook her head as she turned to face me once again.

Shifting from one foot to the other, she settled her gaze on me, scrutinizing me.

"Have you seen Pres?" She asked softly.

Taking a slow, deep breath, I blinked.

Calm down, Adalyn. Don't lash out. It was a simple question, so just give her a simple answer.

Pulling my hair into a loose ponytail to distract myself, I shrug. "No, clue."

She looked at me expectantly for a few more seconds before nodding and turning back around.

I take that moment to turn back to what I had started doing before she came in here.

I decided on toast seeing as we don't have much of anything yet.

None of us had gone grocery shopping yet.

Maybe I would take the responsibility today. To clear my head for a while.

After finishing off my light breakfast, I wave to Kat awkwardly before making my way back to my room.

Nicholas wasn't where I had left him.

A defeated sigh left my lips. He probably went to get ready for the day.

It took me nothing but five minutes to straighten up the room--something that became a natural habit of mine, surprisingly.

Just as I finished picking out my outfit for the day, there was a light knock on my door.

"Come in," I called out without so much as a thought.

Out of all the people I was temporarily living with, I never thought it would be him that was paying me a visit.

Especially after last night.

I quickly stood up, my hands automatically forming into fists at my sides.

"What the hell do you want?" I seethed, all the anger that I felt last night coming back so fast, it kind of scared me.

He raised his hands in mock surrender which only made my blood boil even more.

I took a threatening step towards him.

Get out, I yelled in my head. Get out, get out, get out you fucking confusing douchebag fucktard! Get out! I'm pretty sure you don't want a repeat as much as I do!

"Please, Ada." He started quietly, managing to hold my gaze.

He must have seen the way my chest was rising and falling quicker than normal.

"I-I just want to talk, I swear." He shook his head, causing a few strands of his dark hair to fall in front of his eye.

No, don't do that! Only Nic is allowed to, not you!

I gulped loudly, trying to keep my mouth shut for as long as possible.

"Look," he started again, only to cut himself short dramatically.

"One minute," I whispered lowly, my tone dangerous.

When he realized what I had said, he nodded quickly.

"I just wanted to apologize. I'm sorry for what happened yesterday. You must be so fucking confused right now--"

Yeah, you don't know the half of it, dickhead.

"--I-I just...I'm trying. I'm trying to let go of the grudges I hold against people. I really am, Ada. B-but fuck..." He ran a hand through his hair, looking drained.

"It's a lot harder than it looks. Especially when it's you."

I blinked furiously, evidently taken aback.

What the hell?

So it's harder to let go of his grudges when the bad blood is between us. But...no one else?

What the fuck...

"It's difficult to explain, when I don't even know what the hell I mean by it. But it's true."

I couldn't help the dry laugh that escaped my lips a second later. "So, what? I'm the reason we share this mutual resentment?" I curled my bottom lip into my mouth.

He shook his head, once again running his hand through it. This time, he ended up yanking at it angrily.

Even though I had taken a step towards him a moment ago, we were still on opposite sides of the room.

At least this offered some kind of restraint against my ever growing desire to pummel his face in.

An angry growl left his lips a second later.

So what, he's a fucking dog now? Who am I kidding, he's always been a rabid mutt.

"No, Adalyn, that's not what I'm saying!"

He reached me in three large steps as I just stood frozen.

His jaw was set, lips in a deep frown, his eyes blazing. "I mean, hating you is the only fucking way to keep you at a distance! It-It's the only way I can control it..." His words had lost all its venom by the end of his sentence.

Shaking my head, I cast my eyes down.

"What?" I whispered, my heart beating furiously in my chest.

We stood there for a few long seconds, just trying to control our breathing.

All of a sudden, I realized just how close we were standing.

We were almost sharing the same breath.

The need to get away overtook me, but I didn't have a chance to react.

I didn't have a chance because Preston was already spinning sharply on his heels, his need to leave just as great as mine.

My head was swimming and the headache that was forming felt much, much worse than one caused by a lousy hangover.

"Preston, what the fuck does that mean?" I practically screeched right before he turned the corner.

There were so many thoughts, so many emotions that I felt like I was going to implode.

I didn't realize my whole body was trembling until my legs became weak and I had to take a seat.

The fact that I couldn't even make it to my bed without falling worried me to an extent.

Why? Why was the happening?

I slowly sat on the floor, gripping my hair in my hands.

I could have pulled all of my hair out right then and there, but it would be little to no help.

My breathing hadn't slowed, even though he was gone. I started hyperventilating, the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

Resting my elbows on my knees, I start to rock back and forth like a scared child.

What the hell was happening to me? Why was my body reacting this way, even though my brain was telling me to grow a pair and stand the fuck up?

I couldn't.

* * * *
I hope you all had a wonderful New Years! This is the first chapter in 2018, but it definitely won't be the last ;)
Here's to a better year & more crap I call my writing!❤️