https://youtu.be/4oqRXI1Ck7k

Fresia feels like her head would explode. Didn't Fiona tell her? Of courase not! Her sister never told her anything. Para itong estranghero sa buhay niya. Kakaunti lamang ang alam niya tungkol dito dahil masyado itong masikreto.

But she expected a lot from Bullet. She expected him to be honest because she was honest with him. Kahit may kutob na siya noon, kahit na may nararamdaman siyang mali... nagtiwala pa rin siya rito. Naniwala siyang magsasabi ito ng totoo.

As it turns out... honesty is too much to ask for.

"Totoo ba 'yon?" tanong niya rito.

He couldn't look her in the eye.

"It's true," singit ni Ernest. "I introduced them during my wife's baby shower. They—"

"Would you just shut up for minute?!" iritado niyang sabi rito. Tiningnan niyang muli si Bullet. "I'm asking you."

"I think it's better if we talk somewhere else." Hinila siya nito patayo. She shushed Ernest with her finger. He'll probably tell her parents right away. She'll deal with them later. Right now, she needs to deal with him.

Wala sa sarili siyang nakatingin sa magkakapit nilang kamay habang naglalakad. His hand was cold. He was shaking. Nahawa siya bigla sa takot nito. A part of her just wants to go home and forget this ever happened. Pero nandito na ito. Nandito na sila sa parte kung saan pwede silang pumili kung kalilimutan o haharapin nila ang lahat.

No more lies. Everything is out in the open. But after this night, she's afraid that she will lose so much more.

Hinayaan niyang dalhin siya nito sa labas ng restaurant.

"Here is fine," she told him when they reached her parked car. "Ngayon sagutin mo ang tanong ko. Did you know my sister?"

Kinuha rin nito ang isa pa niyang kamay at ikinulong sa mga kamay nito. "Fresia..."

"Just answer the fucking question, goddamnit!"

"Well... yes..." mahina nitong sagot. "I knew your sister."

There's this indescribable feeling that quickly erupted inside her. Halo-halo ang naramdaman niya sa sagot nito. Sobrang galit. Sobrang sakit. Lungkot at panghihinayang. Gusto niyang maglupasay at umiyak nang umiyak hanggang sa mailabas niya ang lahat ng sama ng loob. Gusto rin niya itong saktan. She wants to punch him until her knuckles bleed, and then punch him some more.

But everything she was feeling just stayed in. She was too shocked to absorb it right away.

"Fresia, I came here to tell you everything," narinig niyang sabi nito. "You said that you would understand. Please understand me now."

Ramdam niya ang pag-iinit ng mga mata. When she spoke, her voice shook. "How long have you known?"

"I-I... Fresia..."

"How long... have you known?" she repeated.

Yumuko ito, na para bang nahihiya sa sarili. "A while."

Ikinuyom niya ang mga palad. Kumawala siya sa pagkakakapit nito. "A while?! Gaano na katagal?! Did you already know when I showed you that bullet? Is that why you're having nightmares even though you're with me?"

Hindi ito sumagot.

She punched his chest. "You told me that it was just coincidence. I trusted you!"

Hinawakan siya nito sa tigkabilang braso. His eyes are begging when he said, "That's why I'm here. I will tell you everything. Just please listen to me."

"Bakit?! Kasi alam ko na?! What if he didn't tell me? Would you have the heart to explain o itatago mo lang sa 'kin hanggat kaya mong itago? I trusted you! I fucking trusted you!"

Nanlabo ang paningin niya. All this time... she's in love with the man who made her sister end her life? And he thought he could hide it from her?

Pinagsusuntok niya ito. She couldn't breathe anymore. Maybe it's the truth suffocating her. There's nothing worse than knowing that the person you trust the most in the world is lying to you.

Niyakap siya nito nang mahigpit na mahigpit. Lalong nanikip ang dibdib niya.

"I wanted to tell you sooner."

"Then why didn't you?!"

"Because I don't want to lose you."

Napahagulhol siya. Nagpilit kumawala. A few days ago, pakiramdam niya ay mamamatay na siya sa pangungulila rito. Gustong-gusto na niya itong makita at mayakap. But now... she just wants to be away from him.

She pounded on his chest so hard, he had no choice but to let her go.

"I thought that you would understand." His voice sounded shaky. Mukhang naiiyak na rin ito. Pinahid niya ang luha para makita ito nang maayos. He was in tears all right.

"And I thought that you were honest," she retorted. "I guess we failed each other."

Agad siyang sumakay ng kotse. She turned on the engine. He tapped on the window, asking her to roll it down, asking her to come out. Nang magsimula siyang paandarin ang kotse ay humarang ito sa daan.

Binusinahan niya ito. Naistorbo siguro ang mga kumakain dahil nilapitan ito ng guard. Pinatabi ng security guard si Bullet. Siya naman ay kinatok at pinapalabas. Pero gusto na niyang umalis kaya dali-dali siyang nag-drive palayo.

Wala siyang pake kung nakaantala siya sa pagparada ng ilang kotse. Gusto lamang niyang makaalis mula sa lugar na iyon. Gusto niyang mapag-isa. She felt like she betrayed her sister by loving the man who caused her death. Bakit sa dinami-dami ng tao sa mundo, si Bullet pa ang nagustuhan ng kapatid niya? And of all the men that she could love, she fell for him.

Maybe her life is destined to be fucked up from beginning to end.

--

Bullet was talking to the security guard of the establishment to get him off his back when he heard the sound of the crash. Dali-dali siyang tumakbo patungo sa pinanggalingan ng tunog. Nahintatakutan siya nang makitang nakabangga sa isa pang kotse ang kotse ni Fresia.

Agad niya itong nilapitan at tinulungang makalabas ng sasakyan. He checked for bruises.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" he asked. "Come with me. I'll take you to the hospital."

"I'm fine!" angil nito. Itinulak siya nito palayo.

"Baka merong masakit sa 'yo." Nanlalabo na siguro ang mga mata nito kanina kaya hindi nito nakita ang daan. Pulang-pula ang mga mata nito sa kaiiyak. Seeing her like this causes him so much pain. Lalo na't alam niyang siya rin ang may gawa nito.

He wished that he didn't leave. Kung sana hindi siya umalis... kung sana ay nagkaroon kaagad siya ng lakas ng loob, siguro ay nasolusyunan kaagad niya ang problema. Maybe this is why regret always comes last. Because one needs to fuck things up first before he reaches regret. Kung wala naman siyang ginawang hindi niya pagsisisihan, wala naman siyang pagsisisihan, e.

He never should have cheated on Leila. If her death was inevitable, then maybe meeting Fresia was inevitable too. Maybe things would have been different if he didn't succumb to his anger.

"I am in pain!" Fresia blurted out in anger. "And it's because of you!"

Dinuro-duro siya nito.

"Nagsisisi akong nakilala pa kita!"

--

Mas mabuti pa sigurong napalakas ang pagkabangga ni Fresia. If she knew that she will get into an accident, sana nilubos na niya. Best case scenario, magkakaroon siya ng amnesia at makakalimutan niya ang lahat.

But she didn't die. Ni wala siyang galos sa katawan. The only part of her that's hurting is her heart.

"You don't mean that," mahina nitong sabi. He looked like he was hurting too.

It doesn't matter if she meant what she said or not. Bahala na itong isipin kung ano ang gusto nitong isipin. She just wants to get away from him. So when the owner of the car she crashed yanked Bullet in the arm to confront him, she took the opportunity to escape.

Agad siyang pumara ng taxi at umalis sa lugar.

--

Nagpaparada si Fresia sa bahay ni Mona. Since it's Sunday night, sigurado siyang nasa bahay lamang ito. But what she didn't expect was to see Felix there. May hawak itong wine glass.

She mentally cursed. May date pa yata ang dalawa. Nakakaabala yata siya.

"I-I'll just go to Aika's," paalam niya sa kaibigan.

"No. He's just about to leave, anyway." Mona pulled her in and gave Felix a look. Ito naman ay pilit na ngumiti, ibinaba ang wine glass at saka tumayo.

"I'll see you tomorrow," sabi nito kay Mona. Saka siya nito tinapik sa balikat bago lumabas ng pintuan. "Bye, Fresia."

Nang makaalis si Felix ay agad siyang pinaupo ni Mona. Pinuno nito ng wine ang baso saka ibinigay sa kanya. She drank it all in one go. Tuloy, pakiramdam niya ay umakyat sa ulo niya ang alak.

"Hindi mo na dapat sya pinaalis. Nauna naman sya rito, e."

"Mas kailangan mo 'ko," sabi nito sa kanya.

Hindi niya napigilan ang mga luha. Tatlong tao lamang sa mundo ang pinagkakatiwalaan niyang hindi siya sasaktan at pababayaan. And so far, kahit tatlong taon pa lamang silang magkakaibigan, Aika, Brandi, and Mona have never let her down. Not even once.

Mona made her lean on her shoulder. Hinagod nito ang likod niya at hinayaan siyang umiyak.

"Take your time. I'm all yours tonight."

Bahagya siyang natawa sa statement nitong may double-meaning. "Adik ka."

"At least I made you laugh."

Yumakap siya sa kaibigan. "Sana kasi naging lalaki ka na lang. Para ikaw na lang ang minahal ko."

"Beh, kung naging lalaki ako, mas lalo kang masasaktan kasi hindi kita type."

Ngumuso siya. "Bakit? Sino ba ang type mo?"

"Si Brandi," diretsahan nitong sagot. "But you're not here to talk about that, are you?"

She shook her head. Itinaas niya ang mga paa sa couch at umayos ng sandal kay Mona para mas kumportable ang pagkikwento niya. She's sure that she won't have the energy to get up after telling her friend everything.

She doesn't even know where to begin. When Mona started asking questions, that's when she was finally able to tell the story, bit by bit. The missing bullet, her sister's secret lover, Bullet's love affair with another woman, the initials on the bullet... it all made sense now.

She didn't even know why she didn't see the signs. Was she that blinded to not see the danger ahead? Hinayaan niya ang sariling mahulog dito. Ngayong hindi na siya makaahon, saka naman niya malalaman ang totoo.

"Sana kasi... nalaman ko nang mas maaga," himutok niya sa kaibigan.

"Maybe you're not meant to learn about it until now. May mga bagay kasing hindi napipilit. May mga bahay na kusa na lang nangyayari. You can't force things to fall into place when it's not the right time yet."

Well... things did fall into place. Biglang buhos sila. Isang bagsak. At tumama lahat sa kanya.