Thanks, Kimmy, sa pag-translate! Guys, ilabas nyo na ulit ang mga kaibigan nyong Kapampangan. Marami-rami 'to. Hahaha

Mugtong-mugto ang mga mata ni Fresia nang magising siya kinabukasan. Masakit na ang ulo niya kaiiyak, pero hindi noon nabawasan ang lungkot na nararamdaman niya. Basang-basa na ng mga luha niya ang teddy bear na bigay ni Bullet. Pakiramdam din niya'y tuyong-tuyo na ang mga mata niya dahil sa magdamag na pag-iyak.

Kinusot niya ang mga mata saka matamlay na bumangon. Agad niyang hinanap ang phone para tingnan kung kinontak siya ni Bullet. But there were no missed calls. No text messages.

Ramdam niya ang paninikip ng dibdib. Talaga bang hanggang doon na lamang sila? Maybe she shouldn't have driven him away, but he left her no choice. She couldn't ignore the problem anymore.

But maybe she should have been more patient. Maybe he needs more time. But how much time does he need exactly? Kapag nasaktan na ito? He could have died! He was strangling himself, for Christ's sake. What if she didn't wake up on time? Baka hindi na niya ito naabutang buhay.

Niyakap niyang muli ang teddy bear. "I miss you," bulong niya.

It's only been a day and yet it already hurts so much. All her life, she's been ignored and rejected. Noong nakilala niya ang mga kaibigan, doon lamang niya naramdaman na mahalaga siya. When she met Bullet, it was the first time that she experienced what it's like to love a man. And be loved back, the way she's supposed to be loved.

If what they have wasn't meant to last, then she was happy that she got to experience it, at least. Hindi lang niya matanggap na natapos sila nang ganoon na lang. He didn't even say goodbye.

--

Hanggang tanghaling nakahiga si Fresia sa kama. Wala siyang ganang kumain. She's a horrible cook so why try? Ayaw rin niyang kainin ang mga pagkaing natira na luto ni Bullet. That will just make everything worse.

Mona was right after all. Dahil ayaw niyang magkwento kagabi, ngayon siya lalapit dito, kung kailan garalgal na ang boses niya sa kaiiyak. She called her three friends and asked for their company.

Wala pang 30 minutes mula nang tumawag siya nang dumating sina Brandi at Aika. May dala ang dalawang ilang box ng pizza at ilang pint ng ice cream.

"Susunod daw si Mona. May tinatapos lang sa bakeshop," sabi ni Aika sa kanya.

Tumango siya at sinimulang lantakan ang ice cream.

"Kumain ka na ba?" tanong ni Brandi. Nang umiling siya ay kinuha nito ang ice cream mula sa kamay niya at pinalitan iyon ng isang slice ng pizza.

"Fresia, you don't have a normal stomach. You can't survive on pizza alone."

Bigla siyang napahagulhol.

"Friend, malala ka na," kumento ni Brandi. Hinagod nito ang likod niya. "Lalaki lang 'yan."

But he's not just any guy! reklamo ng utak niya. He's Bullet and I love him.

Mas lalong lumakas ang pag-iyak niya. "Fuck! It wasn't this painful last time!"

"You didn't love the other guy, Fresia," said Aika. "Of course it's not this painful."

"Hayaan mo. Let the pain linger," sabi naman ni Brandi. "Mawawala din 'yan. You'll get over the heartache. Trust me."

"Ano ba kasi ang nangyari? Baka naman pwede pang ayusin," Aika countered. "Don't give up just yet."

Tahimik lang ang dalawang nakikinig habang nagkikwento siya ng nangyari simula noong gabing umuwi ang mga ito. Aika was a little offended when she mentioned that Bullet asked if he could smoke. Aika hates guys who smoke or drink. Si Brandi naman ay apektado nang sabihin niyang may hindi sinasabi si Bullet sa kanya kaya sila nagkatampuhan. Brandi hates secrets. Para sa kaibigan niya, mas importante ang tiwala kesa pagmamahal.

Nang matapos siya sa pagkikwento ay hati ang dalawa. Aika wants her to give Bullet a chance. Ayon dito, hindi pa raw panahon para matapos ang kwento nilang dalawa. Brandi, on the other hand, wants her to end it with him for good. Strike two na raw si Bullet. If he cheated on someone before and now he's keeping something from her, then it's a sign for her to let him go and move on.

Nagtatalo na ang dalawa nang dumating si Mona. She brought a tray of freshly-baked cupcakes.

"Sorry natagalan, ha. Isiningit ko lang 'to, e."

Ipinatong nito ang tray sa gitna ng kama. Saka ito tumabi sa kanya at yumakap. "Are you okay? Sabi ko sa 'yo kagabi magkwento ka, di ba? O, ngayon iiyak-iyak ka na."

"Mona!" atungal niya. Yumakap siya sa kaibigan. "I miss him."

"Ngayon lang 'yan!" Brandi told her.

"You miss him because you love him. You love him. Don't let it end this way, Fresia," said Aika.

Brandi rolled her eyes. "Stop talking like you know anything about being in a relationship!"

"That's below the belt!" reklamo ni Aika.

"Hoy!" saway bigla ni Mona. "Lumabas nga muna kayong dalawa!"

Nang sumunod ang dalawa at lumabas ng kwarto niya, saka siya inalo at pinagsabihan ni Mona.

"Alam mo, Beh, ang mga lalaki magsasabi sila sa 'yo ng problema kapag handa na sila. You can't force them to speak when they're not ready. It's not that he doesn't trust you. Maybe he's just scared."

"Of what?!"

Umiling si Mona. "Hindi ko alam. Hindi ako manghuhula."

Sumimangot siya. "Mona naman, e."

"Kidding aside, I think what he's scared the most right now is losing you. Maybe what he's been keeping from you might drive you away."

"And this is what? His way of keeping me? He left me, Mona! Wala man lang text kahit 'K. Thanks. Bye'!"

"But he loves you."

"I'm not even sure about that," she admitted. How can you just leave someone you love?

Mona cupped her face. "He loves you," pag-uulit nito. "Ramdam naming lahat. Kita naming lahat. Kahit magkalayo kayo, sa 'yo lang sya nakatingin. Kapag nakangiti ka, ngingiti rin sya... na para bang masaya syang nakikita kang masaya. If that isn't love, then I honestly don't know what is.

"Maybe he has a grave reason for keeping something from you. And if you love him, friend, then trust that he will come back and tell you everything when he's ready. Don't let your relationship go to waste. We're rooting for you both. Even Brandi. Kahit bitter 'yon, alam no'n na masaya ka kay Bullet."

--

Dumiretso si Bullet sa Pampanga. He can't stay in his pad during this cool-off or whatever period this is. Alam niyang magtataka ang lola niya. Ayaw na niya itong bigyan ng alalahanin pero wala na siyang alam na pupuntahan. He can't stay with Felix or Mickey, because they're close to Fresia's friends.

This is far enough. Makakahinga na siguro siya kahit papaano.

He knew that it was his guilt that changed everything. Kung dati ay kailangang malapit siya kay Fresia, ngayon ay nakakatulog siya nang maayos-ayos kapag malayo rito. He's still having nightmares, but it wasn't as bad as the other night.

"Nokarin ya ing girlfriend mu?" bungad na tanong sa kanya ni Manang Sinyang pagkapasok niya sa gate.

Hindi niya kaagad nasagot ang matanda. Dumiretso siya sa loob ng bahay para hanapin ang lola. Nang makita siya nito'y nagtanong din ito tungkol kay Fresia.

"Eme kayabe? Pepalutu ku pamong kaldereta."

"Busy ya pu, Lola," sagot niya sa matanda.

Nagkatinginan lamang ang dalawang matanda. They might have noticed the blank look in his eyes... or his droppy shoulders perhaps? Wahtever it is, he couldn't hide his feelings from these two. They could immediately sense that something is wrong.

Dumiretso siya ng kwarto para magpahinga. Malungkot siyang ngumiti nang maalala iyong nangyari dati. This is where he threatened to kiss her. This is where he teased her with the granola bar. This is where they sorted things out.

Fuck!

Just thinking about all those things made his heart ache. Parang pinipiga. The last time he felt this way was when Leila died. He thought he was past this kind of pain. Hindi pa pala. May isa pa palang babaeng magpapasakit sa kanya ng ganito.

Would telling her the truth make any difference?

--

Maghapong nagkulong sa kwarto si Bullet. He doesn't feel like doing anything. Ilang beses na siyang kinatok ni Manang Sinyang para kumain pero nagkunwari lang siyang tulog. Kanina pa rin siya nakatitig sa phone, iniisip kung dapat ba niyang tawagan si Fresia.

He knew that hearing her voice will make him want to come back. So he stopped himself from contacting her. Inilagay niya ang phone sa bedside table at saka kumuha ng isang unan para yakapin. He'll just imagine embracing her this way. He'll just imagine that she's back in his arms.

And for a while, that worked. Yumakap si Fresia sa kanya at ngumiti. For a moment, he was able to breathe a sigh of relief. Yumuko siya at masuyo itong hinalikan. He took his time to savor her lips, memorizing their taste.

But he woke up. And it was back to being a pillow.

--

The next day was no different. Bullet didn't even want to get up. Mukhang mali rin na umuwi siya. Hindi tuloy siya makainom ng alak. He should have gone to Mickey instead. Para malaya siyang makapagpapakalunod sa alcohol.

Instead of getting drunk to momentarily forget, he was forced to confide in his grandma and Manang Sinyang. The two cornered him in the kitchen. Katatapos lamang ng dalawang magsimba. Naghahanda si Manang Sinyang ng almusal nang bumaba siya.

"Ayayalata kung atin kang problema," bungad sa kanya ng lola.

Bumuntong-hininga siya at naupo sa tabi ng matanda.

"Atin kayu bang problema?" tanong nito sa kanya.

"Atin pu," pag-amin niya. "Madagul ya pu, Apo. Ali ku balu kung asalese ke pa."

Hinawakan siya nito sa kamay. "Bakit ali neman salese? Apisabyan yu na wari?"

"Ali pu."

"Sibukan yu na waring pisabyan?" singit na tanong ni Manang Sinyang.

"I ran out of chances, Manang."

"Bakit? Dapat pisasabyan yu agad habang atin pang panahun! Makasira talaga keng relasyun pag ala kayung komunikasyun."

If these two women know what he's talking about, will they give him the same advice?"

"Komplikadu ya pu, Manang."

"Egana gana namang bage keng yatu maging komplikadu dahil gagawan na ning taung komplikadu," pangangaral nito. "Pero pag kaluguran me ing metung a tau, andyang makananu ya pa yan ka-komplikadu, gawan at gawan meng paralan. Makanyan talaga. Linugud ka, e. Keburyan mu 'yan. Sayang naman kung sukuan me mu!"

"Istu ya i Sinyang, Apo. Ali ku balu nanu ing problema yung adwa, pero egana ganang problema, atin solusyun. Emu dadalan keng pamag suku. Ena naka man dinan problema ning Apung Ginu kung ali me agyung lagpasan. Pagsubuk ya yan. Alagpasan me rin yan."

"At saka gusto namin si Fresia, Hijo. Napakagandang bata! Naaalala ko ang mama mo sa kanya," dagdag ni Manang Sinyang.

"Puntalan me, suyuan me," sabi sa kanya ng lola. "Kung kaluguran naka talaga, apatawad na ka rin. Magka-ayus kayu rin adwa. Matwa naka, Apo. Importanti ya ing bawat oras. Kung ali ka kumilus ngeni, apag lakwan na ka ning panahun. Emu paburen atin kang pag sisyan keng bandang tawli."

--

Ilang oras din niyang pinag-isipan ang sinabi ng dalawang matanda. Handa na ba siya? Paano kung lalong gumulo? But at least she knows the truth, right? She deserves to know it.

But he didn't want to lose her.

And what has lying done to you? You already lost her!

She probably hates him too, because he left without even telling her why. Wala man lamang siyang pasabi. Isa siyang malaking duwag, pero kailangan na niyang maging matapang ngayon. He already lost a lot. He doesn't want to lose her too.

If his confession will backfire, and he knows that it will, then at least he told her the truth. She will understand. If not now, then someday. Probably.

One thing is for sure, though. He will try his very best to win her back.

--

Fresia stared at the clock. It's already six in the evening. Kanina pa tawag nang tawag sa kanya ang ina, kinukulit siyang makipagkita kay Ernest. Wala na yata talagang konsensya ang mga magulang nila. Her mother didn't even ask if she's okay.

She almost lost her voice for crying out loud! She literally cried out loud. Dinala siya sa isang karaoke bar ng mga kaibigan. They sang their hearts out. Para siyang tangang kakanta-kanta kagabi, lasing at brokenhearted.

She woke up with a hangover. Mona was kind enough to make a soup before leaving her this morning.

Wala pa rin siyang natanggap na tawag o text mula kay Bullet. Kalimutan na ba talaga? Then fine! Mabilis siyang naligo at nag-ayos. Ernest was already waiting for a while when she's finished. Pasado alas siete y media na kasi nang makaalis siya ng bahay.

Ernest was a colleague of Fiona. Annulled na ito at may isang anak. He wasn't a looker, but looks don't matter to her parents, as long as he's a doctor. She will meet with him to tell him no, personally. It won't work for either of them. Kabi-break lang nila ni Bullet (if it's breakup already). Hindi pa siya handang mag-move on.

--

Ernest was already waiting in the restaurant when she arrived. He was looking impatiently at his watch when she walked to their table. Agad na nagbago ang mood nito pagkakita sa kanya, tumayo at ngumiti.

"Sorry I'm late."

"It's okay." He pulled a chair for her. "Sorry hindi kita nasundo. Dumiretso na ako rito pagkagaling ko kay Annicka."

"Annicka?"

"My daughter."

"Oh."

She called the waiter for the menu to fill the silence. Kinumusta siya ni Ernest habang kumakain. He told her that he had a thing for her back then, but she was too young. Gusto sana niya itong barahin at sabihing sampung taon pa rin ang tanda nito sa kanya pero pinigilan niya ang sarili.

He's nice. Siguro dahil pediatrician ito kaya ganoon. He was used to being plesant. Pero wala siyang maramdaman sa mga titig nito. Hindi lumulukso ang puso niya sa tuwing ngumingiti ito. She was passive, just going through the motion.

Nasa gitna ito ng pagkikwento tungkol sa experience nito sa panggagamot sa isang bata (she forgot the details. She wasn't interested) nang bigla siyang makaramdam ng kilabot. Agad siyang napatunghay, napatingin sa may pintuan ng restaurant. It's as if her eyes knew where to look at the exact moment.

Their eyes met.

Hindi siya makagalaw habang nakatingin sa papalapit na si Bullet. His eyes were sharp. His expression, grim.

Napamaang lamang siya nang tumigil ito sa tabi niya.

"Mona told me where to find you," he said. Walang hello. I miss you. No apologetic look. No begging for forgiveness stance. It's like... he was angry.

"Excuse me..."

Her breath hitched. Patay. Hiniling niya na sana'y hindi magkaroon ng gulo.

Bullet turned to Ernest, who was pointing at him, mouth open and eyebrows scrunched in concentration, as if trying to remember a memory.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" tanong nito kay Bullet.

"What?"

Ernest's eyes shone. "Ah! Sabi na, e! You used to decorate my kid's room!"

Bullet's angry expression turned into confusion. "Do I know you?"

"Y-You know him?" tanong naman niya kay Ernest.

Nakangiti itong tumango. "Yeah. I think... I mean, pamilyar ang mukha niya. Bumaling ito kay Bullet at saka itinanong, "Ipinakilala pa nga kita kay Fiona dati, di ba?"

Siya naman ang napakunot ang noo. "What did you say?"

Biglang lumakas ang kabog ng puso niya. No... this can't be. Bullet didn't know Fiona. But the bullet... the initials... Were purely coincidence! He told her so.

But why does he look so pale now?

"Didn't Fiona tell you?" pabalik na tanong ni Ernest sa kanya. "They used to go out before."