Fresia was so tired yesterday. Bukod sa ilang oras lamang ang tulog niya (na pakonti-konti lang), napagdesisyunan niyang magpahinga kahit isang araw man lang. After finishing the dresses, she stayed at the shop to personally give the brides their orders. Within the vicinity lang naman ang mga kliyente niya kaya mas gusto ng mga ito na puntahan nang personal ang mga damit para masabi na ng mga ito kaagad kung may problema man.

Hapon na rin siyang nakauwi. Bullet insisted that she sleep first even though she's really itching to take a bath.

"Pagod pa 'yang mga kamay mo," sabi nito sa kanya.

He stayed with her the whole day. Hindi na ito nagtrabaho. Lately, napapansin nyang parang napapabayaan na nito ang trabaho nito. When they became official, his focus was on her. Siya ang palagi nitong inaasikaso. Palagi ito sa apartment niya. Palagi silang magkasama. Napapabayaan na yata nito ang mga kliyente nito dahil sa kanya.

And then, there's also his nightmares. Hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit kahit magkasama na sila ay binabangungot pa rin ito. That's what brought them together, in the first place. Without her positive effect on him, pakiramdam niya ay nawalan siya silbi para rito.

Bumawi silang pareho ng tulog kahapon. Thankfully, Bullet didn't have any nightmare because she's hugging him all night.

--

When she woke up the next morning, though, he was already awake. Nang lumabas siya ng kwarto, naabutan niya itong nakasandal sa counter at nagkakape.

May ilang stacks ng pancakes na nakalagay sa malaking pinggan sa gitna ng lamesa. Mukhang may nakasulat sa pinakang-ibabaw noon. Lumapit siya para makita iyon nang maayos.

Happy birthday, Love.

Tumingin siya kay Bullet, kunot ang noo. Hindi kaagad nag-sink in sa kanya kung anong araw na. Ngumiti ito at ibinaba ang kapeng hawak. Lumapit ito at hinalikan siya sa noo. "Happy birthday."

Akmang hahalikan siya nito sa labi pero agad niyang natakpan ang bibig. "Hindi pa ako nagtu-toothbrush."

Tumawa ito nang mahina at hinila siya palapit. He enveloped her in his arms and kissed her hair a few times.

"How did you know that it's my birthday? Hindi ko naman sinabi sa 'yo." Kahit siya mismo, nakalimutang birthday niya. Sa sobrang busy niya kahapon, nasa trabaho lang ang utak niya maghapon. And then, they slept. Pagkagising niya, wala siyang ideya kung anong araw na.

"I asked Mona, some time ago."

Tumingala siya rito, may takip pa rin ang bibig. "When's your birthday?"

"January 30."

She made a mental note of the date. Kailangan din niyang paghandaan ang birthday nito. Maybe she'll ask Mickey or Felix about the gifts to buy for him. Pancakes lang kasi ang alam niyang paborito nito. Saka kape, mahilig ito sa kape.

A necklace with a bullet pendant would have been nice... but he has a bad memory associated with that thing.

"Medyo malamig na 'yong pancakes mo," bulong nito sa kanya. "I made it with chocolate chips and bacon bits."

"Sounds yummy." Kumawala siya rito at tinungo ang banyo. She washed her face and brushed her teeth. Pagbalik niya sa kusina, hinati-hati nito ang pancakes at sinubuan pa siya.

"I have a gift for you," sabi nito nang makalahati nila ang pancakes.

"Really? Nasa'n?"

"Mamaya pa darating," sagot nito.

Darating? Tumaas ang kilay niya. Did he mean her parents? Hindi naman siguro. Sina Mona siguro? Right. He might mean their friends.

"Ano'ng gusto mong handa mamaya?"

"I kinda want a kid's party," sagot niya na bahagya nitong ikinagulat. "You know... spaghetti, hotdogs and marshmallows on sticks, party hats, torotot..."

"Balloons?"

"And balloons!"

Tumawa ito. "Okay... but you have to help me shop."

--

One hand on the cart, the other, on the phone. His hand on the cart, the other, around her waist. Si Bullet ang kumukuha sa shelves ng mga kailangan nila. Siya naman ay nagbabasa ng birthday greetings sa phone.

"Spaghetti or lasagna?" tanong nito.

"Pwede both?"

Ngumiti ito. "Sure."

Nagpatuloy siya sa pagbabasa ng mga message sa phone nang madaanan niya ang mensaheng ipinadala ng ina. They always forget her birthday. This is why she wants a children's party. Noon kasing grade 3 siya, masayang-masaya siyang umuwi, thinking that her parents prepared something special for her. Tanging ang mga kasambahay ang nakaalala ng kaarawan niya.

Mabuti na lamang at hindi siya nag-imbita ng mga kaklase sa bahay nila kundi ay napahiya lamang siya. Her parents came home late that night. May dala ang mga itong pasalubong sa kanilang magkapatid. Tig-isa sila ni Fiona ng stuffed teddy bear na may stethoscopes sa mga leeg.

Bumawi naman ang mommy niya nang malaman nito kung anong araw ang nakalimutan nito. Kinabukasan, may uwi itong malaking cake. Ang daddy naman niya, binigyan siya ng lab coat.

"Someday, you'll grow into it," she remembered him saying.

She did not grow into it. In fact, isang beses lang niyang isinuot ang binigay ng ama. Halloween party sa college. Zombie doctor siya.

Limang taon na rin yata silang hindi nagpapatiang magkakapamilya. Normal na araw lang ang birthdays. Kaya naman nagtaka siya nang makatanggap ng mensahe mula sa ina. But when she opened the message, she was disappointed that it wasn't a birthday greeting. Kahit HBD man lang sana, ikatutuwa na niya.

No. It was this message: I've set the date for you to meet Ernest. You remember him, right? He's your sister's colleague. He had dinner at our house a few years ago. He's free this coming Sunday. I also gave him your number. So kapag tumawag sya, sagutin mo, okay?

The next message has the time and address of their date.

Sumimangot siya. May ilang co-doctors ang daddy niya at si Fiona na nagpupunta dati sa bahay nila para mag-dinner. Hindi niya makakalimutan ang mga panahon na 'yon dahil doon lamang sumasarap ang pagkain nila. Doon lang din sila nagkukumpletong mag-anak sa hapag.

Second year college siya noon nang mag-dinner si Ernest sa bahay nila. Katrabaho ito ng ate niya. Akala nga niya ay nagdi-date ang dalawa noon, but Ernest was already engaged to someone (to her parents' dismay).

Nawala ang tingin niya sa phone nang biglang may humawak sa tigkabila niyang pisngi at itingala nang bahagya ang mukha niya. Bullet was frowning. "What's with the long face?" he asked.

"Naalala mo no'ng sinabi ko sa 'yo na may gustong ipa-date sa 'kin ang parents ko?" tanong niya. Nang tumango ito ay ipinakita niya ang mensahe ng ina. "They're still insisting on it."

Lalong nagsalubong ang kilay nito. "Did you tell them no?"

"They don't take no for an answer."

"Call your mom. I'll talk to her."

Agad niyang itinago ang phone. "No."

"I'll just set the records straight." Inilahad nito ang kamay. "Give me your phone."

"No!" mariin niyang tanggi. "I'll handle this, okay? Birthday ko so huwag kang makulit."

Bumuntong-hininga ito. "Fine."

They continued shopping. Matapos ang halos dalawang oras nilang pag-iikot sa supermarket ay nakuha na nila ang lahat ng kailangan. Before heading back home, dumaan muna sila sa isang flower shop. Bullet made her choose the flowers she wants to decorate the house with. And he insisted on paying. He paid for everything. Ni singkong duling ay hindi siya nito pinag-ambag.

Nang makauwi sila, pinilit pa niya itong hayaan siyang tumulong, kahit man lang sa pagkakabit ng mga dekorasyon. He plans on doing everything, which she absolutely opposed to. So he ended up taking care of the food while she decorates the living room.

Hindi basta-basta ang party na pinaghahandaan nilang dalawa. She asked for a kid's party, pero dahil si Bullet ang punong-abala, he put a twist to the theme. Party raw para sa mga isip-batang katulad nila. So mga pagkaing pambata ang kakainin nila pero adult version... if that makes sense.

Spaghetti and meatballs will remain as is. The lasagna will become lasagna bites. 'Yong binili nilang ice cream, gagawin nitong ice cream bombs, which is basically ice cream wrapped in sliced bread that has been flattened. Pagugulungin daw iyon sa cinnamon powder at asukal bago i-deep fry. So he prepped that one first. Inilagay nito ang mga inihandang ice cream bombs sa freezer para tumigas nang husto.

"Will you make me a cake?" she asked after putting the HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign on the wall.

"I asked Mona to bake one. I'm not much of a baker."

Tiningnan niya ang ginagawa nito. He's making a cookie dough.

"Kailangan na ba nating lutuin lahat 'to? Baka seven pa ng gabi sila pumunta rito." Her friends have jobs... except for Aika, but they'll all be going. Kahit si Brandi na bihirang-bihirang magpakita, pupunta rin. Sila lamang pito ang magpa-party sa apartment niya. Tomorrow, she'll go out with her consultants to eat somewhere nice after work. Kasama yata ang tiyahin niya. Hindi siya sigurado dahil pauwi pa lang ito bukas. She might not make it in time.

Then on Sunday...

"I'm just preparing them, para mamaya, luto nang luto na lang," sagot nito.

--

Lasagna bites. Ice cream bombs. Spaghetti and meatballs. Hotdogs and marshmallows on sticks. Pigs in a blanket. Nacho chips with guacamole dip. Fruit kebabs. Onion and cheese rings. Potato wedges. And grapefruit mimosas for drinks.

Siya na ang nag-ayos ng mga pagkain sa lamesa (except for the ice cream bombs na hindi pa naluluto) para makapagpahinga si Bullet. Marami man siyang handa, hindi naman napakarami sa quantity. Pakonti-konti lang.

Naliligo pa si Bullet nang dumating sina Mona at Aika. Aika has a huge sushi platter with her. Si Mona naman, may dalang isang layer ng red velvet cake.

"Beh, happy birthday!" bati sa kanya ni Mona. Inilapag ng mga kaibigan ang dalang mga pagkain sa lamesa (na halos hindi na magkasya sa dami).

Brandi came in next. Wala itong dalang pagkain. But she brought the gold letter balloons that spell out her name. May dala rin itong regalo. Felix and Mickey arrived last. May dalang ilang bote ng alak si Mickey. Si Felix naman... isang teddy bear na mas malaki pa sa tao. Hindi iyon halos magkasya sa pintuan niya.

It even occupied half of the couch.

"Bullet asked me to buy the biggest stuffed bear I could find," Felix told her. "I think this is as big as an actual bear."

She looked at Bullet who's leaning on the wall next to the kitchen. Nakangiti ito.

He told them to gather around the table. Sinindihan nito ang kandilang dala ni Mona. Twenty-six... that's what it says. They all sang her the birthday song. Even Felix's voice sounded nice for once. Then she made a wish and blew the candle.

Kanya-kanya silang kuha ng pagkain at inumin. Kwentuhan. Tawanan. Kulitan. They even put on their party hats.

Brandi taught them all the good poses. Kaya nang mag-pictorial sila, ang gaganda ng kuha. May isa lang siyang napansin. Habang sina Mickey at Aika ay parang close na close na... si Mona naman, buong gabing iniwasan si Felix.

--

Pasado alas dose na nang matapos sila. Her friends helped her clean up the mess before going home, so nang sila na lamang ni Bullet ang maiwan, wala nang kalat sa sala. Nakatabi na rin ang mga natirang pagkain. They left the dirty dishes, though.

"What did they give you?" he asked while they were washing the dishes.

"Aika gave me a kimono." Hanggang hita niya ang haba noon. Matagal na niyang gusto iyon. And finally, she got one. "Mickey gave me a keychain."

Bullet chuckled. "He's such a cheapskate."

Ngumiti siya. "Pero mahal daw naman 'yong alak na nakalagay sa loob kahit hindi pa aabot sa lalamunan ko 'yong laman."

Mona gave her a box of her favorite cupcakes, the ones with the strawberry filling. Brandi gave her an expensive bottle of perfume. And of course, kay Bullet galing ang pinakamalaki at pinakamahal na regalo.

"Hey..." untag niya. "I just realized something."

"What?"

"You haven't kissed me yet."

His lips curved up to a smile. "Really? Nawala yata sa isip ko."

"So..." She bit her lip and waited.

Hindi naman siya nito pinaghintay nang matagal. With his soapy hands, he pulled her close and bent his head down to kiss her. He smelled like her kitchen. Delicious. His lips tasted liquor and ice cream, both bitter and sweet.

She already got what she asked for, but she wanted so much more. Lately, kissing him does not seem enough anymore. Hinapit niya ito sa batok There's nothing innocent about this kiss. All the pent-up emotions, all the frustrations... she relayed to him a message that they both understand.

She wants him. And he's not turning her away again.

--

They finally did it.

Bullet should feel triumphant. He's been waiting for this to happen ever since their first kiss. But he knows that he fucked up again. His dishonesty made her believe that everything is okay. As their feelings for each other grow deeper, the more he's pressured into telling her the truth.

But how can he break it to her when she's sleeping peacefully like that, convinced that nothing is wrong?

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and stared at her. Pinagsawa niya ang sarili sa pagtingin dito. How long can he keep this up? How long until he finally has the courage to tell her everything?

Will she still look at him the same way after knowing the truth? Maaatim man lamang ba nitong tumingin sa kanya kapag nalaman nito kung ano talaga ang nangyari dati?

He held his breath when she stirred. Kumunot ang noo nito habang ang kamay naman ay parang may hinahanap. Nang hawakan niya ang kamay nito ay saka ito kumalma.

Hinalikan niya ito sa noo bago siya pumikit para matulog.

--

Pakiramdam ni Bullet ay natutulog lamang niya nang bigla siyang magising. The noise woke him up. The noise coming from above him.

Tiningnan niya ang kisame. Bigla kumabog ang puso niya nang makita ang pamilyar na ceiling fan. It was going around slowly, na para bang hindi ito makaikot nang maayos.

I'm dreaming again, he told himself. I need to wake up.

Sinubukan niyang gisingin ang sarili. He tried to move his fingers, but like the last time, he was trapped inside his own mind. Mag-isa na lamang siya sa kama. At patuloy sa mabagal na pag-ikot ang ceiling fan.

His eyes darted to the door. If he could just will himself to be outside the bedroom, then he'll be okay. If he can just picture himself standing up, then—

Napabilis ang paghinga niya nang bumalik ang tingin sa ceiling fan. Fiona's back. Nakasabit na naman ito sa ceiling fan. Ang masaklap, hindi nito inaalis ang tingin sa kanya. Her eyes were fixed on him, kahit habang umiikot ito, hindi siya nito nilubayan ng tingin.

Her heard a sound, coming from the cemented ceiling. He saw a crack.

Sa bawat ikot ng ceiling fan ay nadagdagan iyon nang nadagdagan. He was already panicking. Kailangan niyang makabangon! Sinubukan niyang sumigaw pero ungol lamang ang lumabas sa kanya. It was barely audible.

His eyes widened at the horrible sound of the cracking ceiling. The fan slowly gave away. Fuck! He needed to escape!

Fresia! he tried to call. Inisip niyang katabi lamang niya ito. Maybe that way, she'll appear and get him out of this nightmare.

But no Fresia came to save him. Hanggang sa tuluyan nang bumagsak ang ceiling fan, and Fiona with it. Noong una ay nasa ibabaw lamang niya ito, hindi gumagalaw. But when he tried to scream again, she moved her head., her wide eyes fixed on him.

Dahan-dahan nitong inilagay ang mga kamay sa leeg niya.