"What's wrong with you?"

Mickey gave Bullet another drink. He's sitting next to Felix, drinking his 4th glass of whiskey. Napasapo siya sa tanong ng kaibigan. What's wrong? Everything.

Paulit-ulit niyang minura ang sarili. Why does it have to be like this? Why does he have to fuck things up? Ayos na e. Ayos na ayos na. But somehow, his past found a way to catch up. What a twisted turn of events.

He exhaled. "I fucked up, guys."

He ignored his gut feel before. Kahit noong nalaman niya ang pangalan ng kapatid ni Fresia ay binaliwala niya iyon. He should have stayed away. He should have left her alone when he had the chance. Ngayong hindi na niya ito kayang iwan, saka naman niya nalaman ang totoo.

"What do you mean you fucked up?" kunot-noong tanong ni Felix.

"Remember the woman I cheated on Leila with? She's Fresia's sister."

Napamaang ang dalawa niyang kaibigan. Mickey gave him another drink. Felix finished his with one gulp.

"Nakita ni Fresia 'yong nawawalang bala. Nasa kapatid nya."

Napakasaya pa nila kagabi. He thought about telling her the truth, but seeing how happy she was when he told her that he loves her, made him not go through with the plan. He loves her. At least that part is true.

"Kaluguran daka," he admitted to her last night. "It means—"

"I know what it means!" she told him, her eyes shining. "Yan lang saka mekeni ang alam kong Kapampangan."

He already lost a lot. He was finally happy to have found love again... tapos ganito pa ang sitwasyon. Fresia would be really hurt if she finds out the truth. Ayaw niya itong saktan. Keeping things from her is selfish, but it's the only way he knows how to keep her.

"May plano ka bang sabihin sa kanya ang totoo?" tanong ni Mickey.

Umiling siya. "Hindi ko alam. I don't want to lose her."

"Lying won't make the truth go away, Bro."

Uminom siyang muli ng alak nang tumunog ang phone niya. Damn it, she's calling again. Tumingin siya sa orasan. Mag-a-alas nueve na pala. Nagpaalam siya rito kanina na mali-late siya ng uwi. He just needs to be away from her for a while. He needs some space to think.

"Are you going to answer that?" Felix asked.

He exhaled and picked up his phone. Lumabas siya ng bar bago sagutin ang tawag.

"Hey, matagal ka pa ba?" tanong ni Fresia sa kanya.

Hinimas niya ang batok. "Pauwi na."

"Great! Bilisan mo, ha. Hindi pa ako naghahapunan."

"Bakit hindi ka pa kumakain?" kunot-noo niyang tanong.

"I was waiting for you."

"Fresia..." For her to endure her hunger just to wait for him... it made him guiltier. "If I'm not home in 15 minutes, kumain ka na, okay?"

"Okay. Drive faster then." She let out a laugh. "Ingat!"

--

Ideally, Bullet would have driven a little drunk and probably have gotten into an accident. That would have been an easier escape. But he couldn't bear the thought of Fresia waiting for him, probably starving right now. So he went back to the bar and gave his keys to Mickey. Felix offered to take him home.

He arrived a little later than fifteen minutes, but when he got inside, he saw that she still wasn't eating. Nakalapag lamang ang mga pagkain sa mesa. Nakaupo si Fresia roon, naghihintay.

Agad itong tumayo nang makita siya. Sinalubong siya nito ng yakap. It felt like coming home, like that one hug immediately made him forget about every crappy thing in his life.

"I told you to eat," he whispered. Hinalikan niya ito sa tuktok.

Fresia looked up and frowned. "Are you drunk?"

"I just had a few drinks," he told her.

"Nag-drive ka nang lasing?!"

He eased her frown and smiled. "Inihatid ako ni Felix."

Pinaupo niya ito at pinakain. He had to eat too, even though he's not hungry, because she stops eating when he's just staring. Nakatanggap pa siya ng hampas nang banatan niya ito ng, "Makita lang kitang kumakain, busog na 'ko."

After their late dinner, Fresia made coffee for him, para raw matanggal ang alak sa sistema niya. Naghintay siya sa sala habang naghuhugas ito ng pinagkainan nila. When she's done with the dishes, she joined him in the living room.

"Why did you drink? What's the occasion?" she asked when she's already in his arms.

"Nagkayayaan lang," dahilan niya.

She scratched his beard. "Next time, dito ka na lang uminom, para hindi ako nag-aalala sa 'yo. I really thought you drove home drunk."

He pulled her closer. He likes the way she calls her apartment home. Because that's what it's like for him. Bihirang-bihira na nga siyang umuwi sa sarili niyang pad dahil mas gusto niya sa apartment nito. She has a smaller bed, which means they'd have to sleep locked in each other's embrace. Pang-isahan ang couch nito, kaya magkayakap pa rin sila. Maliit ang table sa kusina, kaya magkatabi sila kapag kumakain. Her bathroom smells like her, lalo na kapag kapapaligo nito.

"Alam mo bang ang sarap sa pakiramdam na nag-aalala ka sa 'kin?" nakangiti niyang tanong.

Fresia raised an eyebrow. "Ikaw, alam mo ba kung gaano kasama sa pakiramdam ang mag-alala?"

"You were worried. Does that mean that you love me too?"

Kinagat nito ang ibabang labi, nagpipigil ng ngiti. "I don't know. May I still need a little convincing."

He was up for the challenge. He replaced her lips with his. "What about now?"

Umiling ito. She looks so cute when she tries to be flirty. He gave her another kiss.

"Now?"

Kumawala ito sa pagkakayakap niya at pumaibabaw. With a smile playing on her lips, she stooped down and claimed his lips. She was teasing him, nibbling on his lips then leaning away to watch his reaction. She was like this when they first kissed there, when she cornered him on that same couch. The only difference is that she's not drunk and she's not going to throw up all over him.

There's no mess to clean after. He could actually enjoy it without regret.

She pulled away again. Cupping his face with both her hands, she whispered, "I love you."

--

Fresia knew it in her heart. This is the right time to say it. This is the right way to do it. She can't deny the feeling anymore, so might as well give in to it. She saw his eyes dilate. Mukhang ina-absorb nito ang sinabi niya.

"You don't know how happy that makes me," sabi nito maya-maya.

Ngumiti siya. "I think I do." And went in for another kiss.

He held her head steady. Kaya kahit napupupusan na siya ng hangin ay hindi siya makawala.

"Y-You'll... suffocate... me," she said, panting.

"Sorry."

Napasinghap siya nang umayos ito ng upo. Ikinapit nito ang mga braso niya sa batok nito at ipinulupot ang mga hita niya sa bewang nito.

"I think it's time to go bed," he said in a husky voice before lifting her up.

They kissed on their way there, expertly avoiding the tables and chairs on the way, already attuned to their surroundings. Hindi na nila kailangang buksan ang ilaw sa kwarto. He already knows how many steps it would take from the door to her bed.

He laid her down gently and propped his elbow on the side of her face.

"Ang seryoso mo naman yata?"

Hinaplos nito ang mukha niya. "Do you accept me as I am?" seryoso nitong tanong.

It was an odd question to ask when you're about to make love to someone. But she indulged him with a nod. "I do."

He smiled, bent down and gave her a soft peck. Then another, a deeper lingering kiss. As he went on, his kisses intensified. The air kept getting warmer and warmer... she began taking her clothes off.

Bullet's mouth went down to her neck and licked off the sweat. Pero bigla itong napatigil nang tumama ang labi nito sa chain ng kwintas na suot niya. She mentally cursed. Are they going to stop here? Did she ruin the mood?

"I-I'll take it off," she told him.

Dali-dali niyang tinanggal ang kwintas at ibinato kung saan. But he didn't continue what he's doing. Para itong binuhusan ng yelo, nanlamig bigla.

"Bullet?"

He got off of her. "I'm sorry. I can't do it."

--

Fresia was pissed. Naiintindihan naman niya ito. He was pissed with himself too. Inunahan siya ng konsensya. He doesn't deserve to be with her, not when he's tainted with his past. She was honest with him, ready to give him her heart, body, and soul without question. But he can't even give her the truth.

So... he was thrown out of the room to sleep alone on the couch.

Bumuntong-hininga siya. Mabuti na rin siguro ang ganito.

He took a quick shower and stood in front of her door after. Idinikit niya ang pisngi sa pinto. Tahimik sa loob, mukhang handa na itong matulog.

"Good night, bandi ko," he whispered.

--

Bullet woke up later, sweating. It can't be morning already. Tahimik ang paligid, save for the noise coming from the ceiling fan. Ceiling fan? Kumunot ang noo niya. Since when did Fresia's living room have a ceiling fan?

But it was there. Its green blades rotating slowly, providing little ventilation. Sinundan ng mga mata niya ang pag-ikot ng elesi. Bakit parang masama ang pakiramdam niya? Hindi naman siya uminom nang todo. He just had... 4, maybe 5 drinks?

Pero hilong-hilo na siya. He wanted to get up and get a glass of water, but he realized he couldn't get up. Parang nakatanikala ang katawan niya sa kama.

Kama?

How the fuck did he end up in her bedroom? And where is Fresia?

Nanlamig ang buong katawan niya nang bigla siyang makarinig ng nakakatakot na tunog. Parang pinagkikiskis na metal. He didn't like it one bit. Gusto niyang bumangon pero mabigat ang pakiramdam niya, na para bang may nakadagan na kung ano sa kanya.

He opened his mouth to call for Fresia, as he could feel his lungs slowly running out of air. Pero walang boses na lumabas sa bibig niya. Ilang ulit siyang nagmura. What's happening to him?

I must be dreaming, he thought to himself. It's the only logical explanation why he's experiencing this. So he shut his eyes and willed himself to wake up.

Nang imulat niyang muli ang mga mata ay nahintatakutan siya sa nakita. The woman in his nightmares was back. May tali ito sa leeg, nakakunekta sa ceiling fan. As the blades go around, so did she.

Nang mapatapat ito sa kanya ay bigla itong tumigil sa pag-ikot. Kung dati ay malabo ang mukha nito... now she has a face.

Fiona's face.