CHAPTER 9

       The next day, Gale wasn't in the bed when I woke. This left me confused. Was it a dream? A hallucination? My interaction with Becky contradicted that and my thoughts muddled.

       Wait a second... Becky Banner. Brought from the dead. Vat. SHIELD.

       She was the girl I'd seen in the weird tank thing when I'd been sneaking around on my first day at SHIELD in the first book! Woah, that was some time ago. I'd been a lot more confused then. Well, I was pretty confused right now. I'd say its about the same level of confusion.

       I almost walked out of my room in the hospital clothes that I'd been wearing yesterday. Luckily I changed into something darker and more ominious. A red, v-neck shirt and a black windbreaker with the typical SHIELD denim pants. Surprisingly, my glasses were at my bedside table, I put them on, after the temporary black dot, the screen lit up.

       "Welcome Lana, today will be releatively clear with small chances of showers. Present time is seven fifty-two am. An appointment with Director Phil Coulson at your current location has been scheduled for eight thirty am. Make a Wish Foundation Gala is also scheduled for tonight with a reminder timed two hours before."

       "Thank you SIS," I said while struggling with a brush through my hair. An appointment with Coulson? I hope it wasn't for yesterday...

       I dully noted that I hadn't had a dream in a while. I hoped that was a good sign but normally dreams helped me in my current problem. This absence of them almost felt onimious, like the calm before a storm. Soon everything was going to hit... Hard.

       After I'd inspected my room a couple of times, I asked SIS to layout a map to the designated meeting point. I brushed past the agent who'd been sent to collect me, with a brisk. "I know my way."

       "Ah okay." He muttered and ran to catch up with me. "Um, I think I should tell you that-."

       "I don't need it." I cut him off, straightening my shoulders, the agent struggled to keep up my long strides. I stood at the top of the hallway, two agents came to me, and flanked me, moving me towards a room.

       They slid a card through a slot and the door opened. The room looked rather old, the inside was an off-white colour. The paint was beginning to age and peel. There was a clear panel where obviously agents lingered behind. This place was old, I suspected it had the same use as an interrogation room but SHIELD wasn't the one for wasting things. Perhaps the room was sentimental.

       Phil Coulson was sitting at the desk in the room. I tentatively walked forwards. There was an open seat which faced the interrogation window. I guessed that was the seat I was supposed to sit in. Without invitation, I sat. I wanted to get to the point and leave.

       "Hello Alana," Coulson spoke smoothly. Please don't mention yesterday. Please don't. I internally begged. They are all assholes for doing that to me but... "I am here to discuss your rebirth."

       "Is that so?" I asked. "So what do you wanna do? Put me back down? Please." I said the last part sarcastically and ignorantly but any person who knew me would look me in the eyes and see the request.

       "No we won't do that." Coulson said evenly, "but we are monitoring for signs."

       "Signs of what?" I asked cautiously.

       "The serum that we inserted into your system contained the reside of alien materials and in the past... We've had... Problems."

       "Ah." I said, "Well you'll be happy to know that aside of being alive I don't have really any, unnatural, problems." Who was I kidding? All of my problems were unnatural.

       Coulson looked at me level in the eye. Studying me, assessing me. I probably looked a cross between innocent and dangerous. I narrowed my eyes back.

       "Oh please Coulson, don't give me that look." I sneered. "I'm not affected."

       "You were the longest... Dead. Even when we were trying to revive you, it took four months of trying."

       "You sound like someone was trying to make a baby." I pointed out. Coulson clenched his eyes and breathed deeply. I looked up, to the ceiling. "But wasn't Becky... dead longer than I was?"

       "No," Coulson spoke lowly. "As soon as her body was retrieved she was revived but kept in a comatose state until we were given the green light to awaken her."

       "Right..." I said under my breath. "Reviving people from the dead now. Zombies."

       "To be fair, you were already partially a zombie." Coulson toyed and when I realised he was joking I huffed.
We sat in awkward silence before Coulson spoke again.

       "So no... abnormal dreams? Whispering voices? Urges to create things?"

       "I had all of those before I died."

       "Right." Coulson muttered, jotting down notes. I clenched my eyes shut and breathed deeply before speaking again.

       "But... I'm tired more, even though I don't need to sleep, there's nothing that amuses me or anymore. The world is stacking up against me and I was perfectly happy dead." I blurted out. I got the feeling that I said too much, so I pulled out my chair and stood. "I think that should be enough writing down to do."

       Coulson called. "Alana." I turned back to him. "Perhaps try a diary? Something to release your thoughts? It helped for me."

       I remembered that Coulson had too, died and come back. I wondered for how long.

      "Okay. Thanks." I spoke slowly, uncertain at his sudden outburst of kindness.

       I spun on my heel and briskly walked out, brushing past the agents that moved to intercept my path. I just wanted to get back to Stark Mansion and get ready for the stupid Gala.

       Meet @ mansion? I sent to Dad. I got a reply a couple of seconds later.

       Which one?

       You know.

       I steadied my breathing as I came to the resident section. I'd really like to talk to Becky and maybe even Gale (not) more. But right now, after my meeting with Coulson about my state of mind, I felt the need to just be alone. Alone with my thoughts.

       I needed to finish the mission for my mother. I had to stop the whole project of bringing people back from the dead. It wasn't right. Immortality wasn't meant for mortals. Especially the ones who were rash and stupid.

       The only thing was, now wasn't the time.

       Now's never the time. My mind sneered.

       Fine. I said to myself. Tomorrow then. Instead of moaning and whinging, getting into fights or committing suicide. I'll do it all tomorrow. Make up with Gale. Say sorry to Tony and James and die that night. Two days. That's all.

       I ran at the wall, as I ran, I felt my body separating and with a slight woosh I fell into the heavily furnished living room where the other Offspring and I had the singing contest. That was some time ago. After a quick inspection, I found the place was vacant except for FRIDAY who reported that Pepper was on her way and Dad wasn't far behind. They were a good half an hour and so I was left to self to wander.

       A diary. I thought. Maybe I could start that now, but a diary really wasn't my thing. My eyes snagged on a security camera and an idea began to blossom. A vlog perhaps.

       With some help from FRIDAY, I found a portable webcam and set it up on the desk of my room. I sat in the seat expectantly, gathering my thoughts. I clicked record on the camera and began talking.

       "My name is Alana or Lana Stark... Uh it is, one thirty-two pm on the eighteenth of March. I'm supposed to do this because apparently it helps. Talking to a camera." I laughed. "But I'm not much of a diary person so, uh, I think I should do this instead." I stopped and sat in awkward silence, looking to the camera like I expected it to say something.

       "I'm not going to bother with my life story because a diary should already know that stuff. Uh but some backstory. My genetic father is Tony Stark and my mother is Death or at least the personification of it. I was born in a test tube by SHIELD which I should be grateful for but I was experiment for soldiers. So, uh, not really. A lot of things happened between my birth and my death. But apparently I died a heroes' death, I mean I sacrificed myself for a stupid reason so I guess it's a heroes' death. Anyway, I was bought back to life by SHIELD, again, for a mission. Because there's a whole bunch of supervillains banding together and stuff nowadays, apparently they need more heroes. Frankly, I would rather be dead. It's easier there. Because I was Death's daughter, I was with her a lot. But the afterlife was divided into these three sections; Heaven, then a place where all the boring people go and the there's Hel. I-." I stopped, taking in a shaky breath, trying not to think about what had occurred in Hel.

       "Yeah I'm not going to talk about that. I haven't thought about Hel for a long time but it was a very big part of my afterlife, one that I'd really just forget. I don't want to be alive either. Life is pain, struggle, I went out with a big heroic bang and then I was bought back and now I just feel like I'm screwing up that heroic choice. I'm fighting with my ex cause after I died him and my sister got together. Then there's my father, trying to figure out why I'd want to kill myself. It's too much. It's too hard being alive and breathing and loving and hurting. You never realise until you die how much it is to live." I stopped, looking at the reflective surface of the lenses, I laughed slightly.

       "I think I'm talking too much. But I also think I'm depressed, isn't that all the normal signs? But what I've gone through, I think any other normal person would be dead or seriously depressed like I am so... I think that's okay."

       "Lana!" I heard Pepper call. "I'm home."

       I stopped recording the webcam and stuffed it under my pillow. "In here." I called back, walking out, plastering a grin on my face. Pepper had a bag looped around one arm with keys in one hand and a dress on a hangar, covered by a coat.

       "Oh my goodness Lana, it's past two o'clock! It starts at seven!" Pepper cried slightly.

       My eyebrows furrowed. "A time difference of five hours?" I questioned.

       "Well there's the travel and getting ready, we might just make it." Pepper said, rushing me towards my ensuite.

       "To be fair, Dad is always late." I shot back, closing my bathroom door.

       "Except for this one time," Pepper said certain. I felt sorry that she had to deal with someone like my father and me now.

       Not for long. My mind reminded me. I thought of Dr. Gulliver and the other, thirty or so people that I'd have to kill. I wonder if I'd be caught. Would Pepper look at me differently once she realised I was a murderer? Of course she would, she'd look into my eyes and see the glare that I had when I ripped their souls from their bodies. She'd take my hand in hers and realise they were the same sender fingers that sent the Mist splitting through an innocent.

       I pressed my hand to the sensor pad of the shower, hot water sprayed from the jets, running down my impure skin.

       I'd killed before. The agent that tried returning me to my cell after the battle with Chen. I'd killed the Chitarui soldiers, Thanos.

       Those were self-defence. My mind reminded me. Not murder.

       Without bothering to scrub, I stepped out of the shower, blasts of hot air instantly evaporating any residue on my skin. Pepper passed in a bag.

       "It's a bit girly, I'm aware." She said from the other side. "But I thought a softer, younger look would be more approachful, especially at a children's charity event."

       I slid the dress out of the bag, the dress was pink but not light, just full-blown pink. There was a wrap of fabric that'd rest on my left shoulder but aside from that, my collarbone would be on display. There were straps on the dress that rested partially down my arms. The rest of the dress was long and swished around my ankles. I slid the dress on, understanding Pepper's need for a young look but still wishing that I could attend in leather blacks.

       "What's our role there?" I called to Pepper who I sensed was on the other side of the door.

       "If Tony's impressed enough, he'll donate a few million to the charity." Pepper called back.

       "A few million." I whispered, my breath taken away. "You know, just a few million dollars, no biggie."

       Pepper laughed. "I think that's the thing I had to get used to. Seeing a nice, lavish house is fine and cars too. But when you hear numbers being thrown around like it's no, big deal. It's shocking."

       "Exactly." I agreed.

       Once I was sure the dress was sitting right, I exited. Pepper looked me up and down, nodding in agreement. "It's perfect." She pulled me over towards a vanity mirror. "Do you know how to apply properly?"

       "Yeah." I grimaced. "I should have it." Pepper grinned.

       "Okay so I found lipstick and eyeshadow of the same colour as the dress, it'll contrast nicely with your eyes. I've got some foundation and blush, plus there's the eyeliner and mascara and I thought these earrings would be nice. If you've finished with all of that, just bunch these parts of your hair into a half-ponytail. We have thirty minutes, I'm just going to have a shower and get ready." I nodded my understanding, tugging at the parts Pepper had told me to draw upwards into the partial ponytail. Pepper disappeared and I dragged a brush through my hair repetitively until I didn't encounter any knots. I pulled the parts back that Pepper had instructed me to and tied them into a partial ponytail. I looked at my hair from different angles and nodded in agreement.

       I tried with the small globs of foundation, spreading them across my skin, smoothing it out, perfecting it. To add colour to my pale face, I dragged a brush of blush across. My face usually didn't have colour so this was slightly odd. I added the eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara. When I exited the room, Dad was there in a suit. Pepper was arguing about him drink alcohol at this time of the night.

       "... you promised not to at charity events!" Pepper whispered forcefully.

       "Yes, but they're serving it there anyway!" He whispered back.

       At the click of the door closing him and Pepper turned to look at me. I bit my pink-tinted lip nervously.

       "Stunning." Tony complimented. "Now I'll have to focus on fighting off every guy who comes your way." He grinned and nodded.

       "I can handle myself." I scoffed, then winked suggestively. "In any way that I please."

       "Like women, there will be no handling of men as if they are goods." Pepper interrupted exasperatedly.

       "Dad's fault." I said, the same time Tony said. "Lana's fault." Pepper sighed loudly and shooed us to the car.

       "... but why can't I take the suit?" Tony asked, pouting.

       "Woah." I interjected. "If he gets to take the suit then I get to drive."

       "You've driven like once,"

       "Twice." I corrected. "When you were chilling with Thanos."

       "What?"

       "Yeah, the Lambo, not sure which one though."

       "Why the lambo?"

       "It was my birthday."

       "When is your birthday? Hey, Pepper, if she gets to drive the lambo than I'm definitely taking the suit."

       "There will be no driving from either of you,"

       We both groaned at the same time.

       "It's is not becoming to show up in an Iron Man suit."

       "Becoming my ar-." Tony started then got slapped up the back of the head by Pepper. I giggled and poked my tongue out.

       We got in the car, Pepper driving, Tony in the back complaining because 'I called shotgun first,' he wouldn't let us hear the end of it but as we reached the edge of New York, Pepper agreed to swap places with Tony. So then Tony was driving, I was in shotgun and Pepper was in the back on her phone, managing a problem at Stark Industries.

       Tony looked over at me and grinned. "You look like your mother." He said softly. I narrowed my eyes playfully.

       "I thought my mother was a fearless, scary person." I teased. Tony nodded.

       "True. But there were moments and times where she'd loose that scariness and I'd see only her beauty. She was someone I had to fight for, I had to gain her trust, win her love. She wasn't a girl who you could just win over like that. Especially near the end. That's why we broke up."

       "Why?" I asked, my words a whisper.

       "Because she was pregnant with you."