CHAPTER 15

       "The reason, that I took so long to be... revived, was because I didn't want to be." I said simply. A small murmur broke out through the group. Didn't want to be? I thought you couldn't choose if you died or not. I looked at the ground.

       "That's not what you need to say." Syn's voice was taunting slightly. I clenched my fists and eyes shut and breathed deeply.

       "Fine. The real reason I didn't come back, was, because to do so, I would be gifted with immortality, invincibility, when I was revivied." I took in another shaky breath. "Imagine that, outgrowing all your family, seeing them grow, wither and die, not being able to do anything about it. And throughout the centuries, maybe falling in love, just maybe, but time means nothing, a fleeting glance, then the next, they're gone, taking a little piece of you with them. Even when the Sun expands and consumes the Earth, when it explodes and engulfs our universe, drifting in space, not able to scream in agony or cry for help, dying at the cold and pressure and lack of oxygen the same time you're regenerated. You guys wonder why I'm not happy with this life. But ultimately, why I didn't want to return was because I wasn't in Hel, wasn't in pain or agony like you think. No... I was in heaven, free of worries, pain or death. No, I was at rest and I was wrenched from that and bought back. Alive." I spat the world. "I returned from heaven to fall into my own personal Hel, for eternity and now I can never, freaking, leave. I just want to die." I clenched my eyes shut and my voice hardened. "So are you happy now? Did you get your truth?" Feeling like I was on the brink of crying, I spun on my heel and stormed out. Someone tried to intercept my path but I shadow-travelled to my room.

       I heaved in a sob and began to cry, tears running down my face in rapid fire. Through the blurry gloss, I began shoving clothes into my bag. The memories popping up like weeds, pushing their way through the cracks.

Weak.

Bitch.

Worthless.

Useless.

Freak.

Go kill yourself.

       I wasn't going to kill myself though, I had a mission to complete and I intended on finishing it. Then I'd be able to die for good.

       For now, I needed to clear my head. Go somewhere far away for some time. I ran at the wall and before I hit it, was enveloped in shadows, a chill ran down my spine and I stumbled into new territory.

       It was dark, and slightly brisk, there was a sticky heat that lingered in the air, the reside of Summer fading away to Autumn. Crickets or cicadas buzzed in the bushes, I looked up, drawing out the familiar constellations.

      I was back in Australia, or more importantly, my childhood home.

       By default, I must've come here, the shadows were more prominent as it was night time, more specifically, ten o'clock at night. I frowned, clicking off my phone. I was aware Tony, some of the Avengers and maybe even SHIELD too, would be tracking me but I didn't really care. They could try all they wanted, I needed half an hour, tops, to cool off and not send a wave of Mist flinging at all the inhabitants in the Avenger's Tower.

         I scuffled my feet on the gravel and realised that I was kicking at a burn spot. Was this the spot where Tony had lifted off to pursue me? It must've been. I tracked my eye line to where I would've lifted off, then to my caravan. I rushed forwards to see if I could find anything inside.

       I was slightly disappointed when I entered, everything was stripped, the walls even hanging out slightly where the panels had been ripped out. I sighed but sat down on the couch, thinking about how a little less than a year ago, I was wishing for a cooler, better life. A lot can change in a year, heck, a lot can change in twenty-four hours.

       Twenty-four hours ago, my biggest concern was how the colours on my suit were going to properly blend with the material. Now, my secret was out and I was probably hated by everyone. I groaned and slumped back onto the couch. I wouldn't wish to go back a year and live though the apparent façade of the family that shitfaced me massively. But I did miss the innocent simplicity of the life where my dream would be to get a glance from Tony Stark and the biggest problem would be Michelle digging her nails into my skin.

      Thinking of them, where were they? Did they return to SHIELD? Retire away from the life of spies?

       Almost as if it'd been waiting for the queue, a car came roaring down the driveway, the crackle of the gravel was a sign deeply embedded in my brain to jump up and appear like I was doing something. Even so, that I bounced to the balls of my feet, my fingers outstretched, trying to remember what was my latest assignment.

       I laughed dryly, dropping my hands. I scampered to the window to look out and see who it was. A black SUV parked exactly in the same spot Michelle always did. I gingerly walked out of the caravan, narrowing my eyes at the occupant who exited.

       Her blonde hair was twisted into a bun on the back of her head. She wore a business suit with a black, leather handbag slung comfortably over her shoulder. Her eyes were lined lightly. Her walk was casual and she barely acknowledged me as she walked to the house. She unlocked the front door flicking on the lights.

       "What are you doing here?" I asked curiously, my arms were crossed.

       "I think you know the answer to that." She spoke, spinning back around to look at me. "Well, come on,"

       "I'm not going back to SHIELD, or them, at least not yet."

       "Well we might as well as sit and chat until they come for you."

       "I'm not concerned for them when they do that, I could just keep running."

       "Irrational." Michelle cut me off, after filling the water jug she clicked it on so it started boiling. "You can't run from your problems, they just grow and fester like the mould you used to clean off the bathroom walls."

       "Thank you for that wonderful visual." I muttered and slumped into a chair at the island table.

       "No muttering." Michelle growled. "But to be honest, your life honestly sounds like that Buffy episode..."

       "Once More With Feeling?" I filled in for her. "There is nothing that describes it better."

       Buffy the Vampire Slayer, episode Once More with Feeling basically featured the lead with the same secret as I; she'd been raised from the dead against her will and in a big featurette of forced singing and dancing (there was a curse on the town), she is forced to release her secret in front of her band of slayer buddies.

       Michelle laughed humourlessly. "You loved that show, aside from its very old effects."

       "They got better as the seasons went on," I defended.

       "We never let you watch it."

       "I just downloaded if from the internet." I shrugged, then my voice changed. "But what was up with that?"

       "Us not letting you do anything? SHIELD wanted to psychologically isolate you from the family so you grew independent of other people."

       "Well they're not wrong. But so, that was SHIELD, not you?"

       "Of course not." Michelle exclaimed, almost snorting. "No, I thought that was no way to raise a child, they should love the world they're in not hate it. Otherwise Nick's whole persona of giving them something to fight for is practically useless."

       "Right." I grumbled.

       "You can't trust anyone Lana, but you do need to play their game and become allies with them. They will exploit you and then sweep you off your feet when you're not expecting it. They will sacrifice you if it means saving the world without a second thought."

       "Seems like SHIELD is stuck in that fifty shades of grey, claiming to save humanity, whoever they are." I sighed and rubbed my face as Michelle passed me a travel mug with plain chai in it. "Any other tips?"

       "This whole villains thing might be your escape, you take them all out, even if it means killing them, they and you have no need to stay here. They'll let you go in peace."

       "And drag me back when they need me again. No please."

       "Well you'll just have to get rid of those doctors then." Michelle smirked but her voice was cold, when she turned back to me her eyes were dark. "Don't fear me Alana, I'm here to help."

       "Mum?" I whispered. 'Michelle' nodded. I felt the Mist react towards her, almost like it was happy, reaching out towards its owner.

       "These mortal forms can provide you help, but not yet, you are to complete your mission, without the help of your friends." She studied her hands like it were a new body, which it probably was.

       "I wasn't going to use them anyway, they'll just try to stop me."

       'Michelle' nodded slowly in understanding. "Not only will they try to stop you but they will turn on you."

       "What happened to Michelle?" I asked slowly.

       "She came here with intentions to warn you, but I decided to slip in."

       "Anything else to say before you leave?" I drawled out.

       "My connection to you in your unconsciousness is limited but not completely severed."

       "Is that why you're using Michelle?" I asked slowly. My mother nodded. A thought struck me, the swirling, black eyes. "Are you using Loki too?"

       A toying smile stretched across Michelle's face as she inspected her nails. "Perhaps I am, nothing too drastic, just a few, simple adjustments, thoughts, decisions..."

       "That's not right." I muttered. "Loki is becoming better, Gale was changing him."

       "You still feel for the boy." Mother grinned like the character development in her fanfiction was taking the best, possible turn.

       "How could I not?" I whispered, my voice hoarse. "My decision to break up with him was a forced hand. I couldn't continue the relationship when I'd seen what he'd done. Besides, it was also my fault. I told him to let go and move on I ran into the portal to stop it."

       "Still doesn't make what he did right, he knew about your awakening for what? Months? Yet he still goes behind your back and with your sister of all people."

       "I don't think she's my sister sometimes." I ground out. "Besides it wasn't-."

       "Lana." My mother interrupts and takes my hands in her own, they're icy cold to the touch, figured, I'm alive. "What you're going through is astronomical. Heartbreak, legacies to match, this good that you have to pretend to be, depression-."

       "Depression?" I inquire, almost pulling away from her chilling touch. She nods sullenly.

       "But you only have to pretend this façade for a little while longer, you can rest in peace, the gates of life will be closed to you. Do your mission, then return to peace, return to your home." She pulled away and I looked at my hands.

       "So do you understand? Don't trust SHIELD..." I heard Michelle say in her normal voice. I dully nodded, my mind a million miles away. I still heard SHIELD driving up the driveway –quite a nostagilic sound-, I still felt their rough hands guiding me to the quinjet and I still felt the turbulence riding back to the Avenger's Tower.

But I was still a million miles away.