"You bastard!" Eren screamed, he hit the back of Hannis's head with his elbow, " You son of a bitch! We could have saved her! We almost had her out!"

I stopped. Eren was taking his anger out on Hannis. He should be hitting me, screaming at me. I shouldn't even be here. It wasn't like I was a part of their family. I was an intruder.

A stranger at a funeral, who was laughing at the mourners.

"Dammit! Stop!" Hannis finally snapped, pulling Eren from his shoulder and throwing him to the ground.

"Eren!" Mikasa exclaimed, she pulled away from Hannis and rushed to Eren.

"Look." Hannis's face was a mask of guilt, "there was nothing you could have done for her, understand? Your a kid, your weak."

Eren snarled and threw a punch at him, he grabbed his fist before he could hit him. But didn't retaliate. "I'm worse." He continued, "when push came to shove I was too frightened to hold my ground ... Your mother died because I'm a damn coward!"

He wasn't the only coward. But ... I could never apologise. They could never know ...

All four of them were crying now. But I moved ahead while they stood up, I couldn't be there, it was wrong for me to be there ...

I didn't stop running. Not even when the stitch in my side made me cry even more than I already was, not even when I fell, time and time again, over stones, and the debris of houses or worse ... Bodies.

I ran through the only gate out of Shiganshina, along with floods of terrified people. I ducked and pushed and ran through the panicking mass, to the two ferries waiting by the river.

I hastily pushed through the rapidly growing line and sat in one ferry, I closed my eyes and tried not to picture Mrs Yeager's lifeless body ... The grin of the Titan ...

"Kira!"

I turned and looked, slightly unfocused at the figure who'd spoken. It was a few seconds before I realised it was Armin.

"Kira, where's Eren and Mikasa?" Armin asked, worried, "are they - ?"

" - they're fine, Hannis is helping them board," I said. I wouldn't mention Mrs Yeager. Eren would tell Armin when he was ready, "and I am too, thanks for asking."

The humor felt good. It took my mind off the worry.

"Heh, sorry." Armin rubbed the back of his head with his hand.

They were silent, but soon Armin stood up and began looking for the two.

"There they are!" He exclaimed. I looked up. There was Mikasa ... And Eren. Eren... He wore that look ... The one the Scouts wore. I wondered if I did too.

***

We all sat together, the four of us. Not looking at each other. People were muttering around us.

"Oh god, no."

"Please, this is a dream, please."

"God help us all."

Suddenly there was an outcry as the wooden bridge lifted up. People screamed and tried to push past.

"Don't leave us!"

"There's still room!"

"At least let our children on board!"

That last one made another tear fall. I wondered if I had any moisture left in my body.

The boat pushed off, and a few people jumped, trying to land on the boat. None succeeded.

Cannon fire roared from Shiganshina.

Their screams were almost too much to bear. I covered my ears and tried not to think.

No ... No ...

Mrs Yeager ...

No ...

Eren ...

... ...

Mikasa ...

...

Titans ...

...

The scouts ...

...

Me...

...

What was I? ...

...

Why didn't I help?...

...

Why was I weak ...

when I knew how strong I really was? ...

...

Why didn't I save her when I knew I could? ...

...

There was thundering other than the cannons, though just as loud...

...

...

The pounding was speeding up, getting closer ... Running? No ... A titan couldn't run ... Unless it was an Abnormal ...

...

...

There was a thundering blast from the wall, something broke through... It couldn't be an abnormal, this was something different ... A second titan... No...

The dust cleared and the body of a huge fifteen meter was revealed. It had a head of white hair and strange armoured plates of muscle over it's skinless body. It opened it's mouth and a hiss off steam emitted from it's jaws.

No one could take their eyes off the new hole. Screams began again and the people who were left behind started running again.

The Titans had broken through wall Maria.

***

"We're dead. We're dead and standing at the gate of hell." One boy muttered next to me. I looked sideways at Eren. He hadn't moved. What was going on in his mind?

I knew exactly what was happening. He was thinking about Mrs Yeager... His mom, dying.

Suddenly he stood up. He walked over to the edge of the boat. I couldn't see his face.

"What's wrong? Did you see something?" Armin asked, putting a hand on Eren's arm. Eren pulled away and slammed his hands on the deck.

"I'm going to put a stop to this!" Eren snarled. The three of us looked at him in amazement.

"I'll kill them all. Every last one!"

"Eren..." I whispered. He... He was going to kill them? Was ... had he gone crazy? Had grief and trauma drove him insane? He knew it was impossible for someone like him to kill one...

I looked down. I ... I would too, I'd kill them all if I could. I would help him get his revenge. It was the least I owed him, after today. I'd do anything, and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to look him in the eye one day, and tell him the truth.

***

This was a miserable place. They only had bread, no apples. I tried to picture my apple tree, was it still standing? Or was some titan using it as a toothpick?

I bit into my roll, but the dryness made me cough. I didn't need to eat now, I'd lasted longer without food, and they had a huge tank of water in the centre of the courtyard, as well as cups for people to drink from, so I was fine.

It's been two days since the fall of Wall Maria, and people were still flooding in. It was a wonder that anyone got to eat at all.

I decided to just eat. I needed it, even if it could go to someone who deserved it more. But wasn't that the case? Wasn't there always someone who needed it more?

"I think this was where they used to store all the dry goods," I heard a voice behind her say, "now it's where they coral the refugees."

"Hey! Guys!" I waved a hand at them. They came over. Weird. Eren had something around his neck, but I couldn't see what it was.

"You guys look awful." I commented.

"Likewise." Eren tried to smile. He looked like he'd forgotten how to.

"Give it here, friend!" A man behind us snarled, "all I've had for two days is a mouldy bitter crust!"

"Not exactly a dignified existence." Mikasa said sadly.

"Hey guys!"

We turned to see Armin with four loaves of bread in his arms come running up to us.

"Armin..." Eren muttered to himself. He didn't seem fully connected, dazed. As though he wasn't fully there. It was almost like he was reminding himself who he was, who everyone was.

"Glad I caught you." Armin smiled, "Grandpa scrounged a little extra by telling the powers it'd be eaten by kids."

"That was nice of him." Mikasa took a roll Armin handed to her.

"No, you guys share the last one. I just ate." I held my hands up as Armin tried to give the last one to me.

"Tch." A soldier of the Garrison regiment sniffed at them.

"What's his problem?" I asked.

"Just ignore it. There's a shortage. The man's probably hungry," Armin stuffed the last roll into my hands, and I pushed it into my satchel. I'd managed to sneak it past the guards when we got on the boat.

"Either way, I'd make that last," Armin nodded at the bread in Eren's hands, "they were already dealing with famine before we arrived so its an ugly situation. That, and this far in there's a greater disparity between the haves and the have - nots."

The soldier who'd glared at us was talking to his friend, "nothing more gratifying than seeing our rations go to animals."

We turned and I clenched my fists, who was he calling an animal?

"Guess we gotta beef up the herd though," the man spoke louder, "eat up, the Titans like a little meat on their bones!"

The others gasped, but Eren and I snarled. He made a move but I cut him off, walking steadily towards the soldiers.

"Kira, wait!" Armin exclaimed.

"Outta keep you in cadges, serve you out in the front lines as a buffer - "

I didn't even think, I just kicked him hard in the shin. He stumbled back, "Gah! Dammit! You picked the wrong man asshole!" He threw a punch and I reeled back, dodging it by inches. He threw another almost instantly and it hit me in the jaw. He swung his leg and kicked me to the ground.

"Hey, man, that's a girl-" the man's friend said.

"Shut up!" The soldier ordered. He was just another bully, like the kids who came after Armin.

"You spineless cowards, all of you!" I yelled, "you ... You don't know what it's like!"

The soldiers looked at me, shocked.

"Have you even seen one? Seen what they can do?"

The soldier snarled, "you little piece of-"

"She's sorry!" Armin stepped between me and the soldier, "she didn't mean it, she's just hungry. We all get that that way, don't we?" He smiled apologetically, "speak our minds out of turn once in a while?" He bowed slightly, "forgive her, I beg you."

The man sniffed and glared at me, "yea, well, keep in mind who's given up their share so you can eat, in case you haven't noticed, we're all hungry"

"Bastard!"

Eren tried to run at him, but Mikasa grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him back, dragging him to a spot where there were less people. Armin and I followed them.

"I can't do this!" Eren pulled away from Mikasa, "I'm going back to Wall Maria. The Titans have to pay for what they've done to us!"

"I'm going too." I said almost instantly. I could protect myself. And Eren would need that.

"H-hey now, your not serious, that's just your stomachs talking." Armin said hastily.

"No it's not!" Eren stood up, "wake up! The guys standing between us and them are just a bunch of talk! To hell with all of them! Here!"

He threw the roll at Armin, he stumbled and caught it, "yea? What're you trying to do? Starve?" Armin asked.

"When are you going to get sick of their charity?" I asked, "too much is handed to us! We need to learn to stand on our own two feet!"

"To what? Get killed by a titan? I know I used to think our future was beyond the walls, but it's like you told that man, I'd never seen what they could do to us!" Armin countered

"So that's it? This is just the way life is? We just take what we're given and be thankful for it?" Eren stormed.

"Look at us! What choice do we have here?"

"We can damn well leave! If you wanna scrape by on the charity of cowards that's your thing! But I'm not a parasite!"

Mikasa threw a punch at Eren's head and knocked him back. He landed on the ground and glared at Mikasa.

"Have you looked in the mirror lately? all of us are parasites. We couldn't run from certain death without help, tell me differently. Don't take your shortcomings out on him."

Eren sat up. I stared at her as well. This was the most Mikasa had ever spoken in... Forever.

"For God's sake we can't even find food on our own. We're Parasites, cowards. Titans are at the top of the food chain, Period."

She plucked the roll from Armin's hands, "Pride be damned, we do what we need to live. Your mom didn't ask us to be brave."

She walked forwards and shoved the roll into Eren's mouth. He started choking.

"Mikasa!" I exclaimed.

"Eat it! Mom asked us to stay alive. I'm not about to let her down."

Eren closed his eyes and started crying.

I watched them mourn, and felt the horrible guilt all over again. Was this what it was going to be like? Forever? With my guilt and their grief?

***

A few days later, throngs of starving refugees were put to work in the frozen wastelands in a last ditch effort to raise food. But the cold, hard ground yielded nothing. The following year, 846; the refugees old enough to serve in the military were tasked with the duty of taking back Wall Maria.

Of the two hundred fifty thousand sent, nearly twenty percent of the surviving population, not even two hundred made it back. But while it did nothing to drive back the Titans, their sacrifice did at least lessen the effects of famine within the interior.

***

Armin was crying. His grandfather's hat in his hands. We knew how he felt, the three of us, but we didn't know how to comfort him.

"We have to find a way to stop them." Eren said softly. Armin, Mikasa and I looked up at him.

"Our lives will never be our own until we do. This world will never feel like home."

Mikasa's face showed dawning realisation. I already knew where he was heading with this.

"That's it. Next year I'll be applying to join the cadets." Eren said, sliding down the wall to sit next to Armin.

"To become strong enough to fight back."

"..."

"I'm with you." Armin said quietly, not looking up.

"Huh? You don't have to -" Eren started.

"I do!" Armin exclaimed.

"So do I." Mikasa said.

"Dammit, I'm not trying to drag you in!" Eren protested, "look, there's no point in following me to my death!"

"Yea. And if I can help it then it won't be your death." Mikasa said.

"I'm coming too." I smiled, "I don't care what you say, Mikasa, you'll all die if I don't come along."

Eren looked down, and I inspected him carefully. He seemed to be resolving something.

He stood up, "all right, together then."

I looked at their familiar faces in turn, and wondered what the hell we were doing.

***

"STRAIGHTEN THOSE SPINES, PISSHEADS! THE ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTH CADET CORP BOOT CAMP STARTS NOW!"

A shaven-headed man in his thirties walked forwards, "ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, I AM COMMANDER KIETH SHADIS AND YOU WILL GROW TO HATE ME! TRAINING IS GOING TO BE A WHITE-KNUCKLE RIDE THROUGH HELL! IF I'VE DONE MY JOB RIGHT EACH OF YOU WILL BE WAKING UP IN A COLD SWEAT FROM MEMORIES OF THIS PLACE EVERY NIGHT FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIVES! RIGHT NOW YOUR NOTHING, LIVESTOCK! BUT OVER THE NEXT THREE SOUL CRUSHING YEARS YOU'LL LEARN TO TAKE DOWN YOUR OWN GOLIATH. REMEMBER THIS MOMENT WHEN YOU COME FACE TO FACE WITH HIM! BECAUSE HERE'S WHERE YOU ASK YOURSELF, AM I GOING TO FIGHT? OR AM I GOING TO BE FEED? AM I GOING TO BE GROUND UP INTO PULPY HUMAN GRISTLE BETWEEN BOULDER SIZED INCISORS? OR AM I GOING TO BE THE ONE TO BITE!"

I listened to every word. Bite? Oh, I'm going to bite all right.

I glanced at Eren's face, You avenge your mother, Eren. I'll be right behind you, Picking off the stragglers.