- Monday, September 18th -

"Can you drive me? I'm really freaking out, Nate. I know you're pissed and you're absolutely right..."

"I'll pick you up at school and drop you off. But you're gonna explain to me why you're required to go to the cops."

"I'll explain face to face, okay?"

"Whatever." He still sounds pissed, but at least he agreed to drive me. He hangs up and I saunter down the stairs and towards the lunchroom to buy myself something to eat. I have to wait 20 minutes for Nathan to get here, so I guess I might as well eat something in the meantime.

I wait around on my own since the rest of my class is, well, still in class. I watched the cops leave again in their official cop car and for a second I do regret not just riding with them. Because that would mean I could stay away from Nathan a little while longer. I really don't feel like listening to one of his rants about me acting irresponsibility and hurting people in the process. Sometimes I wish Nathan would be a little irresponsible himself.

But no, I had to go and live with the most responsible saint I ever met.

Not that I mind living with Nathan, because we do have a great friendship, most of the time. But I know, looking at any of my other friends, the only link I have to a guy like Nathan, the type of guy he is, is my former friendship with Finnley; before he changed from geek to... whatever he's now.

God, I wish I could get the old Finnley back.

I miss the days in which I carried his backpack full of heavy books, the days in which I watched him study while playing a game in the meantime. Days in which he would talk about stuff I never understood because he just had an obsession for understanding as much as possible about the world and the universe we're in.

Days in which we wouldn't fight.

My phone starts ringing, waking me from my stupor state, making me jump a bit. I see Nathan's name flash across the screen and scramble up, taking my backpack with me while leaving the lunchroom behind without looking around me, bumping into a guy in the door opening.

"Hey, watch it!" The guy prevents me from falling, but he sounded annoyed nonetheless.

"I'm sorry, wasn't paying attention..." I mutter, before staring at him. It's just a matter of a second but for that single second I think I ran straight into the arms of Ahmed. But then I notice this guy is way smaller, his hair is lighter and his skin a bit darker. His build is completely different and well, it's not Ahmed and my mind played a trick with me there.

So, I'm already becoming paranoid?

I hurry towards the car and get in with a deep sigh, slumping down in my seat, fastening my seatbelt.

"What's going on?"

"Jeff and Ahmed are presumably in the country." I tell him without sugar-coating it. It is what it is, right?

"Oh, fuck." He looks at me with wide eyes. "What's gonna happen?"

"Well, they're gonna keep an eye on us and we're getting panic buttons for whenever we get in trouble and need to be saved. That's why I need to go there right now."

"And I assume they're gonna keep looking for them while keeping an eye on you guys?"

"Yeah, but for the meantime they told us to be careful and whatever. I guess not to go out on our own because they fear for any retaliation coming from them since we uncovered a big organised boys' prostitution syndicate."

"This is fucked up, Cris." He mutters, starting the car while staring outside. "You okay? If there's something I can do, anything, tell me, okay?"

"Can you, I don't know... Stop giving me crap about Stan?" I mutter insecure. "I know what I did was stupid, but Jaimie doesn't like him and he told me himself at the beginning of the night. I didn't think Stan liked him that much."

"I don't know if he really likes Jaimie that much..." He drawls. "All I know is that he started drinking like an idiot, telling me he wanted to erase the memory of you guys from his mind."

"Well, good to know. I'll stay away from Jaimie from now on."

"Do you know Jaimie stayed there with me to watch him during the night to make sure he didn't suffocate in his own vomit? Kid's showed some decency Friday night."

"Is that why you didn't come home after dropping Stan of at home?"

"Uhu. Someone had to keep an eye on him, you know."

"Nate?" I turn my head to watch him. "Why do you always get mad when I fuck things up with Stan, but never when I fuck things up with anyone else?"

His face flushes a bit, already answering my question. But I want to hear him say it out loud. I want to be sure.

"Do you like him?"

"Maybe I do, I don't know. It just always pisses me off whenever people make him mad. It's like... I can't really explain, because I never feel the need to kiss him or whatever. And everybody seems to think Stan is tough and all. That he can handle everything on his own. But every time I look at him, I feel the need to comfort him because he's still struggling over losing you and he's trying to focus on others. That's why I don't think he actually really likes Jaimie. I think it is his way to forget about you. Make himself fall for someone that is practically unreachable so he could keep hunting."

"But he really seems to like Jaimie, apparently."

"I don't know. But I admit, it got me to feel a little jealous."

"So, you do like him in a romantic way."

"But it's different than the feelings I had for Finn. I constantly wanted to hug Finn, watch him in everything he did. It confuses me, because I don't ever feel the need to be around Stan all the time."

"But he is also completely different from Finn. When you fell for Finn, he was a really geeky, sweet and loving person. Stan is more of the macho guy that has big words and pretends he loves to be on his own, fight his battles alone. That he doesn't need anyone. So maybe, just maybe, you just think you don't want to be like that with him, because you're just afraid it'll scare him away when you start to act clingy."

"Like the way you keep acting tough around Finn, pretending it doesn't slowly kill you on the inside whenever you guys fight? Because you're afraid he will like you less when you show you're not that tough?"

"That's so, utterly, completely different." I laugh out. "Because with Finn and me, I'm the one that acts tough. Between you and Stan, he's the one."

"So, you admit you're just acting like it doesn't bother you."

"I do, because it does bother me, a lot."

"And is it possible your whole bad boy attitude, your stubbornness and your fake uncaring attitude are scaring Finn away, like Stan is scaring me away?"

"This was not about me and Finn, really. It's about you and your feelings for Stan." I laugh out. "O my god I can't believe you like Stan."

"No, I can't either. But I guess it's real. I guess I do like him."

"But you think he doesn't like you back."

"I think he's still secretly in love with you and I'm nothing like you, at all."

"You know, Stan really liked Finn too, maybe not in a romantic way, but he told me he really liked Finn when they first met and when they started hanging out. You're much like how Finn used to be. So maybe Stan does like you and you just need to tell him about your feelings, so that he can at least think about having some feelings for you."

"Not right now." Nathan shakes his head. "Because right now I bet he's just pretty much upset, not because you kissed Jaimie, but because you kissed Jaimie."

* * * * *

"You guys understand what to do with it?" the guy who gave me my little device with the panic button looks at me a little tired.

"Push the button whenever I'm in trouble because of Jeff and/or Ahmed." I nod. "When I see them, when they come up to me..." I sum up the instructions.

'...When you think you're being followed by either one of them." He names a reason to use the button.

"Whenever you think the police will actually be in time whenever either one of those idiots are there to kill us for ruining their business." Finnley mutters in annoyance, staring at the button full of hatred. Like the thing is going to explode around his neck. Because they're offered in the form of necklace so that we can carry them around easily.

"We will always have someone close to you. You won't always be able to recognize them, but they're there. Whenever you push the button, it takes a maximum of five minutes to get someone on the spot with you."

"What if we accidentally push them? You know? By a move or whatever?" Liam is playing with his necklace, casually leaning in a chair, not impressed by any of this.

"If you hit it by accident and you know you did, give the station a call to call off the dispatch of any assistance. If you don't know you hit in by accident, you'll be surprised, but they won't scowl at you for it happening. It happens, it's not your fault when it does."

"And with sports?" I curiously stare at the device, hearing Finnley huffs, which he keeps doing every time I speak up. "Like when I have soccer practice?"

"It's best to keep it within range. Maybe give it to your coach or take someone with you who knows about this, letting him keep it for you during practice or a match."

"And what are yo expecting us to do when they show up in front of us?" Finnley waves the device around. From the very first second, he's been acting hostile towards the police. I get it, because over a year ago they promised us that when we testified in the case, we would be safe. Now we're back at square one. I feel pissed off too. But we all knew Jeff and Ahmed managed to stay off the radar ever since. We all knew a day would come on which they would be back. I'm just happy we got a warning and they're actively trying to protect us.

"You said these things tell the station where to find us exactly, but you seriously don't expect me to stand there in front of them, waiting for them to arrive, right?" Leave it to Finnley to come up with this logic. I didn't even think about that.

Jason, Liam and I all start agreeing that we will run as soon as we see either one of them.

"It will keep sending out a location until a police officer deactivates the device by letting the operator know they located you."

"And what if they hack into the system and find a way to follow us because of these?"

"Finnley..." he cringes at the name. "Finn, we promise you they won't be able to locate you through it. First of all, you need to push the button for the signal to be activated. Until you do so, it won't send out any signal at all."

"I just have a hard time believing you guys, because you also told us we'd be safe if we'd testify and look at us now. Because of that, we're their main focus for retaliation."

"We'll do whatever we can to keep you safe. We promise."

"Whatever." Finnley slides down in his seat, still with an air of hostility around him. Liam smirks because of it and Jason grins.

And I? I roll my eyes, because I think he should at least be happy they're trying to help us.

"If you guys don't have any further questions, we're going to check the devices to see if they work and you're all good to go."

We're all getting up and following him through a hallway and into another room. They check the devices one by one, starting with Jason's, mine being second.

After they're done and made sure I didn't have any other questions, I make my way through the hallways and into the waiting room. Nathan is seated in a chair, talking to Jason, who seems a bit restless. Stan is there too, probably because of Liam, while Finnley's aunt and his youngest cousin are seated in a corner, nervously staring around.

"Ready to go?" Nathan got up as soon as he notices me in the room.

"I want to wait for Finn." I mutter, staring towards his aunt from the corner of my eyes. She smiles at me and I smile back awkwardly. I'm sure she knows I left Finnley on his own in the city a couple of months ago after I promised to keep an eye on him. I'm sure she doesn't like me that much anymore, yet she still smiles at me. It's a sad smile, but at least it's better than a cold hateful look.

"How have you been?" Jason smiles towards me. "Feel like I haven't talked to you in months."

"I'm fine, you?"

"Better, now that Finn is relaxing a bit more." He shortly watches towards Finnley's aunt. "She keeps asking when you're coming to visit Finn again. Ever since he tried to kill himself she's wondering why you haven't visited anymore. She thinks it would help Finn for you to..."

"Wait, what?" I call out. "Tried to kill himself?"

"Uh, yeah, didn't anyone tell you?" Jason looks confused, staring back and forth between me and Nathan. "You knew, right?" Now he's fully focused on Nathan, who slowly shakes his head, looking very confused and shocked himself. "But I thought... Does anyone know?"

"We haven't heard from Finn in a while, he contacted me a while back and we started talking again. But there has been a hole in our contact in the beginning of summer." Nathan tells him calmly. "He told us you guys went on early vacation after graduating."

"He never told you guys?" Nathan sincerely seems lost, Liam joining us with a casual attitude. It woke Stan up, joining us too.

"What ya talking about?" Liam is still twirling the device around in nonchalance.

"Liam, did you know Finnley tried to kill himself?" Jason seems lost.

Stan chokes in the sip of water he just took, spitting out the drink again, Liam's nonchalance and casual attitude went flying out of the window.

"He did what?"

"When... wh-what happened? How did he... When did he do that?" Stan is nearly stumbling over his words.

"Wait, nobody knew?" Jason sounds shocked. Is that why none of you visited him?"

"Is this why you acted like a douche when we met the other day?" Liam looks him up and down. "Pretending I'm dirt?"

"I figured you all dropped him like a brick."

"When did he try to do it?" I ask, a shaky voice.

"Eeh..." He clears his throat. "Remember the night you left without telling us you were going home? Which was a fucked-up thing to do, because when I found out Finn didn't know where you went, I got worried..."

"He tried that night?"

"Alcohol poisoning, along with a shitload of his meds. Oliver found him in an alley, probably saved his life because he made him throw up..."

"Jason." Finnley's voice is cold and once we look at him, I get chills because his eyes are full of anger and hatred. "We're leaving."

"Finn, wait!" I follow him outside, Jason, his aunt and his cousin following us. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why would I, Cris? I was nothing but a cheap attention seeking slut, right? Who cares anyway..."

"I DO!" I shout out, my eyes watering at the thought.

"Stop blaming yourself, Cris!" He yells back. "You were right anyway and you were the first one to tell me the fucking truth. I should be thanking you, for showing me what I truly am!"

"Finn." His aunt shows up at his side, pulling him in her arms. "Stop doing this to yourself." She whispers. "Let's go home, get you a warm cup of cocoa and I'll make you your favourite diner, sounds okay?" She looks at me with sad eyes. "Why don't you come by soon, so you boys can have an old school gaming night and talk." She smiles.

But I'm focused on Finnley, who's burying his face in the croak of her neck. I think he's sobbing and I feel so broken and lost right now. Why didn't he tell anyone? Why didn't any of us know? We could have been there for him.

I should have been there for him, but I couldn't see past my own jealousy.

God, I hate myself for doing this to him. The one I love so much.

Well, not anymore. I'm not going to let him down again. No matter what it takes.

"I'd like to come by soon." I smile, noticing Finnley's freezing in her hold, staring at me in disbelieve. "I'll talk to Finn to agree on a day and time."

"Good." She smiles happily. "I'll see you soon, Cris."