- Friday, September 15th -

Getting tackled by Oliver on Tuesday caused me to spend two days in bed with a killing headache, before the painkillers helped enough on Friday for me to go back to school again. I just sat there, listened to whatever the teachers were talking about, to dazed because of the painkillers to take notes or respond to Sam and Paul constantly talking to me.

After the last class finished, all I did was go home and get back to bed. Nathan picked me up by car so I wouldn't have to go back home by public transportation. We ordered in some food because I wasn't capable of cooking and he didn't feel like it since I haven't really eaten much since Tuesday anyway.

I watch as he clears up the coffee table since we ate seated on the couch. Or more, I was laying down, munching down my fries while refusing to get up. He was seated on the other couch, every so often looking at me in worry.

"Can you grab a cola for me while you're in the kitchen?"

He nods, taking the plates towards the kitchen, returning with two cans of cola, offering me one with a straw so that I don't have to get back up.

"Does your head still hurt?" He asks while he takes our plates with him to the kitchen, returning with my drink.

"Nah, I'm just lazy, you know." I smirk when he rolls his eyes.

"Planning on going out tonight?" He lets himself fall back in the couch, sighing deeply.

"Not sure, maybe it would be better if I stay home tonight and get my head some rest."

"That's pretty wise of you, you know?" Nathan smirks, probably because he doesn't believe I will indeed do what's right. But ever since I ran into Finnley two weeks ago, I don't really feel like going out.

I really can't handle alcohol that well and I really do stupid things when I'm drunk, just like Jaimie.

But I do miss seeing Finnley and he's been in my mind all week already.

"I might go out anyway." I admit in a whisper, making him laugh out loud.

"Knew it." He shakes his head in disbelieve. "Well, I'm going out too. So let's make a deal."

"What deal?"

"If your head starts hurting again, we go home."

"You really don't have to babysit me, you know. I'm not a baby, I'm nineteen."

"Your mom already gave me a speech on not taking you to a doctor after you hurt your head again. And you might be nineteen, you sometimes act like a three-year-old."

"I do not." I grumble, turning around to watch him. "You know, you should get laid again, you're turning in one of those boring nerdy students who spend all of their time either gaming, reading or studying."

"Excuse me?" He pretends to be insulted. "I can take care of myself."

"Hand jobs really suck once you found someone to do it for you."

"Are you talking about Stan again? Seriously Cris, because sometimes I wonder why you guys broke up in the first place. He's still checking you out, you're still fantasizing about him..."

"I didn't mean Stan." I roll my eyes. "Yeah, he knew how to please me, but it didn't feel right anymore."

"Not after you nearly had Finn, over a dozen times."

"Well, Finn is history." I shrug. "I don't want him anymore."

"Yeah, right." Nathan laughs out loud again. "I saw you and him two weeks ago, you know..."

"You saw us?"

"Jaimie and I went to look for you, saw you and Finnley, left you guys alone."

"Next time, please drag me away from him."

"Why? Because you still want him, but you don't?"

"Oh, shut up." I groan, rolling over and rising to my feet. "I need to find someone else, maybe a girl, to forget about him."

"Both you and Finnley should swallow pride and admit that you want each other more than anything. It's getting annoying to see you both miserable because of the fight you have. Which is, by the way, complete bullshit."

"Nate!" I call out in frustration. "You know whyI never wanted to see him again!"

"Because you felt like he kept playing with you." Nathan nods. "But maybe he's just afraid to really take the last step to be with you and is waiting for you to do it. For you to stop letting him walk away from you."

"That's bullshit, you know? He knows I won't turn him down..."

Nathan shakes his head, his elbows leaning on his knees, his hands supporting his head, covering his face. "It's not about turning him down."

"Then what is it about?"

"Cris, please, start thinking..." Nathan groans, peeking through his fingers to me. "He's been used, like an object, for months. By several men and women."

"I know, and he choose to continue letting people use him."

"And he wants to be 100% absolutely sure you're not like them!" He calls out in anger. "He lost his trust in people, he lost his trust in you, Cris. And I bet it's easier for him to just keep going on, letting people use him, because he knows that's what they do. But you never fought to keep him with you. You protested, maybe. But only in words, never in actions. You always let him walk away."

"What does he want me to do? Force him to finish what he started? Because how would that make me any better than the rest of them?"

"Not to finish what he started, but to prove to him you want him to stay."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"It does, you just refuse to see it."

"Whatever. I'm gonna take a shower and I'm going out."

* * * * *

"Can I talk to you?" Jaimie pulls me away from the dancefloor we're currently on. Stan's been trying to talk to Jaimie, Jaimie's been ignoring him. Nathan keeps sending me looks, while Felix is constantly on my back for being out here instead of resting.

"Talk about what?"

"Me," he grumbles, still pulling me along the hallway and outside. "I wanted to talk to you sooner, but Felix told me what happened at practice..." He sends me a sorry look. Jaimie still feels guilty for hitting me in the first place. I keep telling him that I got trauma to the head twice after that, so he isn't the one to blame, but he still blames himself.

But he's the only one that I know didn't really want to hurt me that bad. I'm just really happy he protected me from Mike once, and that he's here for me ever since.

"Stop blaming yourself. I'm fine." I grin widely. "I wouldn't be here if I wouldn't be fine, right?"

"Eh, forgive me for not agreeing with that. We both know you wouldn't stay at home unless you couldn't move..."

"Oh, shut it. I'm fine, really."

"Good, because I want to talk to you."

"About you. What about you?" We take a seat on one of the benches, him lighting a cigarette.

"Stan," he mutters, offering me a cigarette.

"Nah, bet I'll go dizzy if I smoke now." I wave a hand. "What about Stan? Do you actually like him?"

"No, that's the thing. I don't." He sighs deeply, sliding down on the bench a bit, looking pretty miserable. "But I'm curious..."

I snap my head in his direction, pulling up an eyebrow. "Curious? About Stan?"

"Boys in general." He shrugs. "It's kinda hot when you think about it, doing something half of the world thinks is a bad thing. You know I like to be a rebel."

"That's really not a good reason to lead on Stan, you know?"

"I don't want to do that, but he's the one that's all over me. He's always there when I'm drunk and stop caring about kissing a guy. But I have been thinking about... experimenting... you know?"

"What's your point, Jaimie?" I chuckle softly. "Why did you want to talk to me?"

"I need your advice." He sits back up, turning towards me. "What do you think I should do about this whole situation?"

"Well, tell Stan exactly this, what you just told me." I shrug carelessly. "Tell him you don't have any romantic feelings, but that you are curious. Let him take you home, experiment, and thendecide if you really don't like boys."

"No." He shakes his head, eyes wide. "I will not go home with him."

"Than what, Jaimie?" I laugh out loud. "Why do you want my advice if you're not going to do anything with it? If you're curious and you want to experiment, Stan's your man. He's good, he really knows how to please a guy..."

"Can't you... I don't know..." He shrugs while his face flushes. "There's this one guy..."

Now I'm interested. So Jaimie, who was completely freaking out when he found out I was bisexual, is interested in a particular guy? "Who's the guy?"

"If I was going to experiment with a guy, hypothetically speaking off course, because I'm not saying I actually will."

"Who's the guy!?" I call out.

"Finnley."

"What!?" I shout out, making people turn around to watch in our direction. "No way."

"Is it that surprising? I always date blonde girls and he's pretty... well... hot, for a guy..."

"No." I shake my head. "Jaimie, you can be a good guy, but you're ought to stay away from Finn."

"But he's hot!"

"You could pick any fucking guy you want, because if you haven't noticed yet, you're hot. Hell, I'd help you to experiment! But no, you're not using Finn."

"If you call it using, it does sound bad." He mutters, slumping down again. "Did you mean that? The part about yourself?" His face flushes again.

"I more or less meant you can get a lot of guys if you want. Just not Finn. He's already messed up and he doesn't need another guy using him for whatever reason they have to use him."

"Cris, it's okay." Jaimie holds his hands up as if in surrender. "You're right about him, I didn't think about it like that, okay?"

"Well, next time, think about stuff."

"Says who?" He chuckles, nudging me softly. "You always act before thinking too."

"And it's not a good thing." I laugh a little before sighing. "So, you think you're bisexual too, or what?"

He shrugs, his face nearly looking like a tomato. "I noticed I'm not that interested in girls anymore since Stan started... turning me on."

"So, he does turn you on?"

"The thought of being with a guy does, not Stan, really. I wasn't lying when I said I don't like him."

"Sucks, I think you two would bring out the best in each other." I laugh out a little, thinking about Jaimie and Stan actually getting together. It just never really fits in my head. They'd be constantly fighting over who would be the guy and who's in control. Jaimie sure as hell wouldn't accept Stan planning a date and Stan loves to spoil whoever he's dating.

"Let's just grab a drink and see whatever happens." He suggests, standing up. "But please, keep me away from Stan."

"I can't promise anything, honestly I came out here to get my mind off of a certain someone myself. If I find someone to have some fun with for the night, I'm out of here."

"So the fact you kissed Finn two weeks ago doesn't mean you guys are back on speaking terms?"

"We're even further apart from becoming friends again, really."

"You're mad at him, you told me you hate him a couple of times already, yet you always protect him from everyone, whenever you can."

"Because I don't hate him. I want to, because I just want him out of my mind. But on the other hand, I want him so badly. So I figured I need to find someone who's gonna take my mind off of things and since Stan is occupied with you, I need to find someone else."

"Or, you do hit on Stan and take him home, so I can have a carefree night without worrying about what I'm doing when I end up drunk." He wiggles his eyebrows. "That's a win-win situation, right?"

"I'm not hitting on Stan. We have agreed to not sleep with each other anymore."

"Bummer, guess I'll keep my fist ready to knock him off of me again if needed."

"Just don't kiss him, and you'll be fine."

* * * * *

I got a serious problem here. Because I saw Finnley and Oliver, hanging out around a group of girls and guys that seem a little older. Oliver kept sending me warning looks and Finnley kept sending me cold ones. Each and every time he saw me looking in their direction, he would kiss Oliver.

Why does it hurt me so much to see him with another guy? It's not just the fact it's Oliver. I would hate to see him with any other guy.

I might have told Jaimie that it would be wrong to use Finnley for experimenting, which it is, really. But there's also a part of me that got jealous only thinking about Jaimie touching Finnley in any other way than a friendly way.

I ended up downing glass after glass, shot after shot, every time I would feel a spark of jealousy, trying to drown those awful feelings. Jealousy is never a good thing.

"I think if you keep eye raping Finnley, you're not gonna find someone to have some fun with." Jaimie chuckles, appearing in my peripheral vision.

"He's trying to mess with me by kissing Oliverevery time I look." I groan, lolling my head backwards, stumbling against Jaimie because let's be honest here; I'm drunk as fuck.

"If you want to get back at him, just kiss someone. And pick someone he would hate to see you with."

There's only two people I can think of, and neither is a realistic option here. I could go for Stan, but since we agreed on not sleeping together anymore, he's out of the question. Besides, I bet Finnley got used to the idea of me and Stan together.

The other option is Nathan, because I know he cares a lot about Nathan and he actually has liked him for a while in the past. Not as much as he liked me if I should believe him, but enough to be in some sort of an exclusive relationship for a while.

But Nathan isn't an option either, because he would know I would use him just to get Finn out of my head and jealous at the same time.

The thing is, I wonder if he would be jealous if I kissed any guy at all. If he likes me as much as I like him, he would hate to see me with anyone, right?

"Jai?" I turn in his direction. "You wanted to experiment, right?"

"Uuh, maybe?"

"You'd experiment with me?" I wiggle my eyebrows, stepping closer. "Just use each other for different reasons?"

"Wait, what?" He chuckles nervously. He's tipsy, not drunk. But maybe drunk enough to play along. "You want us... Are you serious?" He looks at me with a doubtful look. "Or are you drunk?"

"I'm drunk, but I am serious." I chuckle, closing the gap between us, staring into his eyes before I focus on his lips. "Just use me to figure out your feelings..."

"Maybe that's not a good idea."

"You're a pussy, Jaimie." I groan. "Not too long ago you told me you wanted to experiment. Now, here I am, do what you want."

I see him swallow, his eyes flickering up and down between my eyes and lips, he drinks his whole glass of beer all at once, ditches the glass and stares back at me. "You think it would get him jealous to kiss me?" Jaimie smirks. "That's a compliment, right?"

"Shut up." I laugh out. "Yes, or no?"

He swallows again, now avoiding looking at my face, but his hand reached out, grabbing the front of my shirt. His eyes flicker back to me, and over my shoulder again, before he slowly nods. "Yes."

I pull Jaimie towards me, connecting our lips in a very careful kiss. His hand is on my chest, the other on my waist. He's pretty much waiting for me to make a move and I get it, because the only time he kissed a guy, he decided to kiss a guy who instantly tries to take all control.

I feel a hand grabbing my arm right before I got a chance to put it around his neck, yanking me away from Jaimie. For a second I believe it's Stan who saw us and is about to kill me for hitting on his crush. But it's Finnley and his hold on my wrist is extremely painful, dragging me away from Jaimie.

What the hell?

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