- Thursday, November 9th -

"Cris?" Finnley shakes me carefully, kneeling down beside me on the bed, forcing me to wake up and open my eyes to look at him. God, he's cute in the early morning. His just-out-of-bed-look is to die for. He's wearing one if my hoodies and his own sweatpants. "I'm going to visit Nanny. Your parents are out for work. You think you'll be okay on your own for a while?"

"Huh?" I rub my sleepy eyes, before I grab his wrist. "I'm coming with you, just give me a minute."

"You don't have to." He chuckles leaning in to kiss me lovingly. "You can sleep some more."

"No, I'm coming. I'll sleep more when we're back."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute to shower really quick."

"You have half an hour, then I'm leaving with or without you." He pecks another kiss on my lips before he leaves the room again, disappointing me because I was secretly hoping he'd shower with me. But I guess his mind isn't occupied with sex right now. His mind is probably occupied by the problems that come with being in this town again; his sick grandma, his condemning parents, Emma and maybe his brother.

I curse the fact I hurt my head again because I can't think of a worse time not to be able to take his minds off of things constantly. I tend to sleep nearly the whole day since the painkillers simply put me out for a couple of hours after I took them. Finnley, on the other hand, doesn't sleep during the day and that means I leave him alone for short amounts of time.

Yesterday I slept after we arrived, until my mom called us down for dinner. When I woke up because of her, I found Finnley seated at the end of the bed, staring at me, but not really seeing me. It took me three attempts to gain his attention, waking him up from his thoughts.

I take a quick shower, taking a part of the prescribed painkillers beforehand because I don't want to end up with a huge headache, forcing Finnley to take me home too soon.

Once I am dressed, leaving the bathroom, Finnley's already dressed, his hair styled and everything. He looks kinda hot, although I like his messy hair better. Mostly because nowadays I'm the one that's causing it to be messy most of the time.

"Ready?" He's twirling the keys around his finger casually.

"Let me grab something to eat in the car." I mutter, noting I still have about 15 minutes of the promised half hour. "And something to drink."

He follows me through the house and into the kitchen. "I already packed you something." He walks towards the fridge, handing me a plastic bag with fresh made sandwiches.

"You didn't have to..."

"I did, because I want to go. I haven't seen Nanny all week and I'm a bit impatient."

"Okay, let's go." I grab a can of Red Bull to help me wake up further while we're in the car. "Let's visit Nanny. Do you have other plans for afterwards?"

"Not really." He shrugs. "I don't know how long I can stay."

"They won't send you away easily, right? Visiting hours are until tonight..."

"Yeah, but there's more family that might visit..." He coughs awkwardly. "I don't want to wait around for them to arrive."

"You want me to wait in the hallway so I can warn you in time?"

"Nah, I'll be fine. We'll leave in time."

* * * * *

We've spend some time in hospital with his grandmother, playing card games with his grandfather, who is constantly by her side. I don't really know how long we've been there since I forgot my phone at home. That's the downside for me to hurry in the morning; I tend to forget stuff.

Finnley gave me some money to go and grab some snacks around lunchtime while he takes a seat in the "living room". It's this large open space with large windows, a small garden on one side, lots of tables and a TV for the visitors and patients to watch.

There's a closet full of games, like puzzles and board games and there's free coffee, thee, hot chocolate, and off course water. If you want something different, you have to go buy yourself something.

So, that's what I'm doing. I'm grabbing some snacks, two bottles of cola and some biscuits, because Finnley said he was craving those. He always got biscuits whenever he saw his grandparents.

I pay for the snacks and drinks, putting them in a plastic bag the girl behind the register handed me. I try to find a clock while I'm walking back, bumping into Finnley halfway down the route.

"We're going." He casts his glance downwards, fiddling with the keys to the car.

"We are?" I frown, while he started to hurriedly walk further towards the exit, me following in a quick pace to catch up. "What's wrong, Finn?"

"I want to go home."

"Finn." I whisper, pulling him in my arms once he got to a standstill, waiting for the turning doors to offer us a way out. He's shaking uncontrollably from head to toe, grabbing my hoodie with his fists, holding onto me for dear life. "Okay, let's go home."

He nods, allowing me to guide him further towards the car. I'm still a bit confused about his current state, helping him to step behind the wheel, before I hurry around the car to take a seat in the passenger's seat. "Just go whenever you're calm enough."

"Can't you drive?"

"You know I'm not allowed to drive with the meds." I mutter, grabbing his hand. "Just... talk to me if you think it'll help."

He shakes and nods his head in the same time, shrugging in one movement. "I don't think it will..." He takes in a couple of deep breaths, which helps only slightly; he remains shaky.

I just stare towards the hospital, waiting for him to calm down far enough, or to start talking. I don't know what to say right now without giving him a feeling I'm trying to push him into talking. I just stare at random people who enter or exit the building, until Finnley's grandfather and a young guy walk outside.

The guy kind of reminds me of both Finnley and Charlie in some way, so I think it's safe to assume this must be Sydney. It's the first time I'm able to take him in. To see what he looks like, noticing he's most definitely Finnley's brother, even though he's not even close to being as handsome as Finnley is.

But maybe I'm biased because I love Finnley and to me he's the most beautiful person in the world anyway.

"Can you please tell me what happened?" I ask, curiously but careful.

Finnley huffs, wiping away a couple of escaped tears while his eyes obviously follow Sydney and his grandfather towards a car. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess, Cris," he whispers, turning sideways to face me. "I bet you didn't think you'd be in a relationship with a boy who cries more than any girl you've ever met."

"It makes you human." I shrug it off. "It's kinda cute too, but it hurts me to see you sad like that."

"Cheesy." Finnley forces a smile on his face. "He was send to boarding school." It's out of the blue, causing me to frown and for a second to wonder who he's talking about, before it dawns me he's talking about Sydney. "It was this really fancy, exclusive catholic boarding school for derailed kids. Mom threatened to send me there once I admitted to her I am gay."

"But she didn't."

"I got abducted and when I got back I was 18 and she couldn't anymore." He shrugs again. "But Syd was like... 14." Finnley sounds uncomfortable.

"And he got send there because he thought he was gay?"

Finnley shakes his head, taking in a couple of very deep breaths with his eyes closed. "Because he derailed and he... did... stuff... that wasn't... okay." He swallows hard, turning his head away, a slight second too late to hide the fact tears started rolling down his cheeks.

I might be oblivious, I might be a bit slow because of the meds and the injury itself, I'm still not stupid. "He did stuff to you, didn't he?"

It takes him a while, but then he nods and I feel my heart sink. I get goose bumps all over my body and just stare at him in shock, unable to make a sound.

"I was seven..." Finnley mumbles. "It went on for a couple of weeks, until mom found out because she found pictures that he took..." He clears his throat.

It's like I lost the ability to speak at all. To make a sound whatsoever. I have a million and one questions I want to ask but they're all fighting to be asked first, while my heart tells me not to ask a thing. Begging me not to push him because he should tell this on his own terms, whenever he feels like telling me anything.

"She went ballistic, asked me all these questions but I was seven. What was I supposed to know? He told me it was normal and I thought he was telling the truth..."

I simply nod, still staring with wide eyes, dry throat and hundreds of questions flying through my mind, turning me dizzy a bit.

"Her reaction told me it wasn't normal and then I started blaming myself for being so stupid to believe it was. That I never told them or whatever..." He shrugs, still not looking towards me. "They send him to that boarding school and once he was finished they refused to take him back in."

But he's back now and I don't understand why. Whywould they take him back in after doing that to Finnley?

As if Finnley is capable of reading my mind he slides down in his seat a bit, covering his face with his sleeve-covered hands. "Now they think I asked for it... That I wanted it because I'm gay." He started sobbing, words coming out with every forced breath and all I can do is pull him in my arms and hold him to comfort him, to protect him from evil that has long been cut out of his life; that's making a new appearance.

"I don't know what to say..."

He shakes his head, still hiding his face in his sleeves. "He... always ca-halled me Fi-Finnley... whe-when... you kn-know..." He pushes his face harder against my chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

I've never felt as sad, as powerless as I feel right now. To think Finnley went through this and so much more and still ended up having to move out. Still being shunned by his own parents that failed to protect him not once, but twice, before they let him fall without trying to catch him.

To think I was friends with Finnley when he went through this and never noticed a difference until we started going to highschool.

I know Finnley started to tell people not to call him by his full name right after summer when we we're seven-year-olds. But I was seven and I didn't pay attention to it. If I was allowed to have a shorter version of my name, why not him too?

But to think his own brother laid a hand on him multiple times. To think that same brother is allowed back in their family and Finnley, as a victim, is in the car with me, crying his eyes out, abandoned and condemned for being gay.

I'm shocked, I still have no idea what to say right now. Is there anything I could say to help him right now? The only thing I can do right now is hold him, is being here for him.

* * * * *

"Can we never talk about it again?" Finnley murmurs, rolling around to face me. We're on the bed, both just awoken after taking a nap. He cried himself to sleep while I just held him in my arms.

I drove us home, because he wouldn't calm down. I might not be allowed to drive, I couldn't just sit there in the car with him. I had to take him home.

"I'll never force you to talk about it again." I promise, putting an arm around him, pressing a kiss on his forehead. "But if you ever feel the need to talk about anything, know that I'm here and I will never, ever, judge you, or think less of you. Because I love you for who you are. Who you were, who you are right now and who you will be in the future."

"Cheesy," Finnley mutters with his face in buried in the croak of my neck. But I can tell he's smiling. "I love you too, Cris."

"Boys?" My mom knocks on the door, sounding carefully.

"Yeah?" I answer, watching how she enters the room with a small smile. "Dinner's almost ready, I thought the two of you were still sleeping."

"We just woke up." I shrug, Finnley still hiding his face in the croak of my neck, holding onto me while I caress his back lovingly. "We'll be down in a minute."

"Take your time, I called early." She shortly looks at Finnley with a smile, before she retreats back out of the room, leaving us alone again.

"I'm not hungry." Finnley mutters as soon as the door closed again. "Can I skip dinner? Do you think your mom minds if I do?"

"You need to eat something, Finny." I cup his face, bringing our lips together for a kiss. "You haven't eaten ever since we left home this morning."

"But I'm not hungry."

"Just come down. I bet when you smell her delicious food, you'll instantly be hungry."

He smiles a bit, before he shrugs. "Well, okay. But only because that means I can look at you in the meantime."

"Cute." I chuckle, before we both get up from the bed to go downstairs. I lead him the way towards the kitchen, sitting down in the same spot I always sit, Finnley sitting down across from me, next to my mom.

My parents already have a conversation. By the sounds of it, they're talking about my dad's work in a nearby glass factory.

We sit in silence, me eating thankfully because I was starting to get a bit hungry. Finnley took about three bites before he started pushing his food around on the plate.

"What's wrong?" My mom pushes away some hair, not forgetting the fact he doesn't want to be touched. By now I fully understand why he got so introvert.

"He isn't hungry." I answer after a short silence.

"I'm not feeling too well..." Finnley murmurs, still not looking up. "Is it okay if I leave the table? I think I need to lay down..."

"Off course sweety." My mom smiles, frowning in the same time. "I'll bring you some soup after we finish dinner, okay?"

"Thanks." He nods, not looking towards either of my parents, leaving the table hurriedly, causing a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

It remains silent for a while, until the soft thud of my bedroom door sounds throughout the house; instantly my mom looks at me.

"Don't ask." I mutter, staring towards my food.

"Is his grandmother okay?"

"She seemed fine today." I nod in confirmation.

"Did you guys ran into his mother?"

I shake my head, staring at her annoyed. "I said, don't ask."

"Well, I'd like to know what's wrong so that I won't say the wrong things when I'm asking him if there's anything I can do for him." She frowns, placing down her knife and fork, getting up from her seat. "Is he really not feeling well, physically?"

"It's mentally." I admit with a sigh. "And it's a bad memory that he got reminded off. He cried himself to sleep this afternoon and frankly, I don't know how to help him either. Because honestly, nobody can change what's bothering him."

She takes in a deep breath and my dad placed down his knife and fork too, turning in his seat to watch me, while mom grabs a can of soup out of a cabinet.

"Whatever it is that's bothering him..." my dad starts talking. "You might not be able to change what it is, you can support him and you can try to make sure it'll never happen again." I notice he casted his look towards the panic button that I', currently, out of habit, wearing.

"It's not the abduction." I shake my head, fiddling with the device through my shirt. "I don't want to talk about it right now, okay? If Finn wants to share, he'll share. It's really not up to me, okay?"

"Okay." My mom nods with a careful smile. "Just... if you're done eating, go make sure he's okay."

"I will, thanks." I nod, shoving away the plate with the remains of my dinner, getting up from my seat. All I want right now, is comfort Finnley. I can eat more later. I can do anything later, except prove to Finn I'm there for him. I need to prove that to him right now.