- Friday, October 27th -

"Am tired." Finnley murmurs repeatedly with a sleepy voice.

"Just sleep." I whisper, caressing his hair, smiling down on him. We're in the car back home and Finnley just decided to lay down with his head on my lap, staring up at me. I bet he isn't too comfortable, but since he's drunk out of his mind I guess he doesn't mind, as long as he's able to lay down.

I called Jason to tell him we found Finnley and that we're taking him home. He instantly asked him in what state we found him and when I told him Finnley was pretty drunk, he asked if anyone was willing to help him to keep an eye on him.

Off course, I didn't hesitate to say I would stay with him during the night to make sure he's doing fine.

I have no exams or classes tomorrow, so I have no reason to sleep anyway. Besides, it's offering me a chance to be with Finnley for a while, even though mister pretty boy himself managed to drink enough until he was barely able to walk on his own. Oliver and I had to help him downstairs and to the car. As soon as one of us would let go, he'd instantly would slump down like dead weight, causing him to fall once when I let go of him to open the front door of the apartment. After that, Nathan made sure all doors were open for us to pass.

I smirk because Finnley started to hum, his head swaying on the tune that he picked. His eyes are closed and he seems to enjoy himself.

"Is he always like this when he's drunk?" I ask curiously, looking up and into the back mirror to find Oliver staring at me already.

"He can be a real pain in the ass, if that's what you mean." Oliver sounds serious, without so much as a hint towards a smile.

"He seems to enjoy himself."

"Am awake, kiddo." Finnley murmurs, opening his eyes to look up at me. "'Am-joying myself."

"Good." I chuckle while he reaches his hand up to touch my face.

"You pretty." He looks like he's enchanted by me, which gives me a warm feeling that's heating up my body from inside out. "Ho-youdo that?" He lolls his head sideways a bit, now looking confused.

"Do what?"

"Your skinsperfecto."

"Thanks." I smirk again and Oliver and Nathan both laugh a little over Finnley's current state. "You don't look so bad yourself either."

"Am hot." He tries to wink, I think, but he fails, closing both his eyes, one after the other about three times, before he laughs out loud, giving up and closing his eyes. "Soooo hot."

"Very..." I whisper, still amused while looking at him.

"Keep the flirting to a minimum until we're gone," Oliver grumbles in annoyance, crossing his arms, sliding down in his seat a bit.

"Oli-dollie is dzjealouzz." Finnley laughs out loud yet again and this time both Nathan and I join in, because Oliver's eyes widened and his face flushed as soon as Finnley called him "Oli-dollie".

"Oli-dollie?" Nathan laughs out. "That's hilarious."

"I told you he could be a pain in the ass."

"You'da pain in my ass." Finnley lolls his head sideways, focussing on Oliver with a drunk smile on his face. "Oli-dollie is blessed."

"O god." I groan, covering my ears. "I don't want to know."

Oliver has a pretty smug smile on his face, Nathan coughs awkwardly and once again it's Finnley that is laughing over his own joke.

"We're here, thank god." Oliver tells us right before Nathan parks the car in a spot that Oliver pointed out.

"God isn imaginative friend, y'know?" Finnley grins at Oliver, who rolls his eyes. "When I'd make up a friend li-tha, people say am crazy." He turns his finger close to the side of his head, indicating he'd be loco. "Bu-when is a group, is called religion."

"Yeah, yeah." Oliver again rolls his eyes, getting out of the car. He opened the car door beside me, gesturing for me to get out. "And religion is just a way to control the bigger mass, the bible was probably an early version of a book full of weird bedtime stories. I've heard it all before." He grabs Finnley under his armpits, pulling him out of the car in a swift movement, like he's done this before. Which he probably has, but that's not the point.

I frown at his harsh treatment, sending him a questioning look. "Maybe you could treat him a little more careful?"

"I'm religious." Oliver simply explains his sudden annoyance towards Finnley. "He does this every time when someone uses the word god, when he's drunk. He burns down my belief and laughs at me when I tell him to stop."

"Aha..." I nod, holding onto Finnley as soon as Oliver pushed him in my direction.

"Hi there." Finnley smiles slyly, his arms around my neck and mine around his waist, holding onto him tightly to make sure he won't fall. But I guess he sobered up enough in the past 45 minutes to be able to stand on his own a little, swaying to and fro a bit.

"Hey." I laugh at him, mostly because he doesn't even realize he insulted Oliver's belief in God. "Let's get you inside. Can you walk?"

"Canya help?"

"Sure." I grin, pulling his arm around my shoulder again, following Nathan and mostly Oliver up the stairs, dragging Finnley a bit because he's damn slow when he's drunk.

As soon as Oliver opened the door to the apartment, Jason appears in the hallway, looking Finnley up and down, groaning in frustration. "Just take him to bed already."

"Will do." I nod, helping Finnley into his bedroom, feeling weird to be back here so soon, with a drunk and humming Finnley at my side. I let him drop to the bed. He immediately crawls under the covers, pulling them around himself.

"Eh, Finn? Wouldn't you take your shoes off?"

"You better do that for him, because he won't." Oliver appears behind me and I look at him a bit weird.

"Can't you help?"

"Hey, you want to marry him. Better know how to take care of him, right?"

"Right." I look back at Finnley, who's eyes are now focused on me completely, the smile on his face is gone. He remains silent, but his eyes follow my movements when I lean in to untie his shoes, pull them off his feet along with his socks.

"Why'd you not ha-me?"

"I do what now?" I sit down on the bed beside him after I got rid of the second shoe and sock, pushing back his hair.

"You'd zuppose'ta hate me."

"Why would I hate you? I know I said stuff... but I don't hate you. I love you, Finny."

He smiles at the name, closing his eyes contently for a few seconds, before his face returns to the sad state it was in a minute ago. I notice Oliver took a seat on the chair in the corner of the room, staring at us in curiosity.

"I'd failed'ya."

"You failed me?"

"Waz zuppose'ta keep'ya safe."

"Finny, what are you talking about?"

"Nothin'." He murmurs, moving around in bed a little until his face is close to my legs. "d'ya hate me?"

"I just told you, I love you."

"Ya'don hate me?"

"Nope." I smile, playing with some of his hair. "Don't know why I would ever hate you."

"'sgood." He mumbles, his eyes closed. He yawns, snuggling his whole body close to me, the covers pulled up over half his face. "'sreally good."

He falls asleep within a couple of minutes of silence.

"You have no idea what he was talking about, do you?" Oliver gets up from the chair while I still sit beside Finnley, ever so gently playing with his hair.

"No, is it important?"

"It pretty much is. I guess he's a bit too drunk and tired to be his talkative drunk self. But promise me you'll tell him you don't hate him in the morning, when he's sober."

"I will." I smile at Oliver. "You're leaving?"

"Nathan is going to drop me off at home. Just offered me a ride and it beats sleeping on a couch, right?"

"I guess it does." I take in a deep breath. "Thanks, Oliver. For helping me to find him."

He taps his foot a couple of times, before he turns back around to look at me. "Just... promise me it was worth it. Promise me you'll make him happy."

"I'll do everything within my power to make him happy." I tell him seriously. "I promise."

"Good, cause I'm still watching you." He smiles again, salutes me and then leaves me alone with a sleeping Finnley to take care off for the night.

* * * * *

I wake up in Finnley's bed by myself, at first a bit confused because I didn't immediately recognize the room. I've only been here once before at that was yesterday evening, and my mind was occupied with other things.

But after looking around, I recognize the room, and mostly the stuff in here. There's piles of books on the floor against the opposite wall. There's a closet full of books, every inch of it filled. This is most definitely Finnley's room, yes.

I stretch and yawn, before I go through some of his clothes to find something comfortable to wear, deciding on some sweatpants and a hoodie that both fit me perfect.

I leave the bedroom behind and head into the living room to find Finnley there. I watch as he is curled up on the couch, drowning in the sweater he's wearing that is obviously not his own sweater. He's hugging a pillow to his stomach and he's crying with sobs escaping every so often.

"Finn, what's wrong?" His eyes snap in my direction and instantly he starts the cry harder. It breaks my heart a little bit to see him like this, compared to him a couple of hours ago.

"I'm sorry, Cris." He cries out. "I'm sorry for fucking up everything..." He buries his face in the blanket and I hurry my way over to him, pulling him in my arms. "I don't understand, Cris? Why don't you hate me? It made so much sense when you told me you hate me."

"But I don't." I murmur in his ear, still holding him close to me, although he is trying to wiggle his way out of my hold. "Stop moving, I'm not letting go."

"But why don't you!?" He cries out, his tears soaking my hoodie in no time.

"Why would I hate you Finn? I really don't know why. You've never done anything to me. Sure, it's frustration me whenever you refuse to answer a question and yes, I'm very very jealous a lot. But you never hurt me and I have no reason to hate you."

"I failed to protect you. You even got depressed because of it and it would make so much sense for you to blame me."

"Blame you for what? Protect me from what?" Is he talking about the abduction?

"Jeff and Ahmed would never be after you if it wasn't for me." He pulls back to stare at me, his fists curled up in the hoodie. "If it wasn't for me, none of it would have happened to you..."

Finn." I cup his face, forcing him to keep looking at me. "You did protect me in every way you could. But you were there in an awful situation and you couldn't do anything else. Besides, thanks to you I never worked for them like you did. You did protect me, remember?"

He remains silent for a while, searching my face for something with his eyes darting all over it. "Do you mean that?"

"Yes!" I chuckle a little. "I don't hate you. I'm grateful for what you did for me, okay?"

"Really?"

"Yes. Don't tell me you've been feeling guilty for so long without asking me what I thought."

"Well, yes... no." He sighs. "It got worse when Ahmed and Jeff got back and I just didn't understand why you kept trying to be in my life while I was the whole reason things got fucked..."

"Finn, I love you, I really do. I'm thankful for all that you did to try and keep me safe. I never blamed you for anything, okay? I'm going to be honest here, it did cross my mind, but you can't help the fact Emma is a psycho, okay? If I blame anyone, it would be her."

"Well, you've got a point, I guess."

"I do. For once listen to me. You have to stop blaming yourself, okay?"

He nods and sighs deeply, leaning forward with his face against my chest.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Hmm hmm."

"Is this also the reason you kept selling your body?"

He shakes his head but remains silent. "Honestly, I didn't know what I was doing back then. I still don't know what I'm doing right now. But I can't seem to stop doing it."

"Whydo you keep doing it? Don't get me wrong, I just want to understand."

He pulls back to look at me again. "Everybody hates me, Cris. At least, the people I cared about. My own goddamn parents hate me. Charlie told me to go fuck myself and hasn't answered ever since. The whole goddamn town thought I was an abomination. That I'm sick. For fuck's sake; I even hate me, Cris."

"But..."

"Just let me finish, Cris." He wipes away some of the tears that escaped his eyes again. "Everybody seems to hate me, and then there's people who are willing to fucking pay for me. I look for those people to make me feel better about myself, because at least they seem to want me."

"You can't possibly tell me you feel better because of it," I whisper in disbelieve.

"I don't." He starts sobbing again. "I hate myself more each and every time. And then I go out, look for another one. Because when they pay me it makes me feel wanted for a short period of time."

"Finn, I don't know how to help you anymore," I admit with a timid voice. "Because I want you, I love you, I want to be with you every single second of every single day. But you keep pushing me away and it's killing me. Because you believe everybody hates you and it isn't true. Because I know some people really care about you and goddamn it, Finn. I love you! But you don't seem to believe me. Or it isn't enough for you, I don't know..."

"I do believe you, Cris." His voice is a broken whisper, tears keep streaming down. "But you deserve so much more than me. That's why I keep trying to push you away. You really should hate me, because I'll only hurt you and I don't want to. You should forget about me, because I'm not worth your love."

"O, fuck you, Finn." I groan, pulling him in my arms again. "I love you and I will never stop loving you. You are worth it. You're my world and I'm done letting you push me away. I won't accept it anymore."

"Cris..." He cries louder now. "I'm broken, you're not. You deserve someone that's going to make you happy..."

"Youmake me happy, Finn. Just by being with me, you light up my world. Just being with you makes me happier than anything else out there. Broken or not, I want you to be mine. I rather have a thousand pieces of little broken Finnley, than not have you at all."

"You're such a romantic idiot," he grumbles in between sobbing.

"Yeah, well. This romantic idiot loves you. I really do, Finny. I love you."

He's staring at me with a tearstained face and red eyes, doubtful, full of fear.

"I'm not going to let you walk out on me, ever again. I whisper, right before I lean in and kiss him, putting all the feelings I have for him in it.

It takes him a while longer to respond than I'm used to. It scares me, making me believe he's going to reject me, but then he pulls me down on top of him, answering my kiss. It's a slow, lazy kiss and for a while it's all we do; kiss.

"I love you too, Cris." He whispers after pulling back just enough to speak.

"Good." I smirk down to him. "Because I'm claiming you as my boyfriend, whether you like it or not."

"Such a romantic." He chuckles. "I'll be your boyfriend, yeah, on one condition."

"You're going to make a demand?"

He nods, pulling me down for another sweet kiss, much shorter than the last one. "Only if you make love to me." His voice lowered to a husky whisper, already causing a stirring in my groin.

"I guess we have a deal." I murmur, nuzzling into the croak of his neck, starting to kiss his jaw.

A/N Okay. So. For pretty much obvious reasons, the next chapter (20.5) is gonna be mature. 

For those of you who aren't comfortable reading... well, smut. you can skip to chapter 21 and you won't miss anything important for the story.