- Thursday, October 26th -

I never woke up feeling more confident about anything than I feel right now about my intention to talk to Finnley, tell him exactly what it is I feel.

It gave me a weird energy that I haven't felt in a long time, making me giddy and even a little excited.

For some reason, I don't even doubt about him turning me down. I'm actually pretty certain he won't.

He just can't.

He told me before he is deeply in love with me. He wanted me to make love to him, he wanted me to prove my love for him and maybe I fucked that part up yesterday, but I need to tell him that it was a simple miscommunication.

I would have taken the bike to school if I wasn't still scared for Jeff to show up any day now. It's been three weeks since they arrested Ahmed and things have been really quiet ever since.

He claims he doesn't know Jeff's whereabouts, but I think he's lying and knows damn well where he is. They came back on the same day, so I'm almost certain they've been planning this together for months now. He won't be able to make me believe he has no idea of what Jeff is doing or what he's planning to do.

I arrive in school a bit early for my own class, but I know Finnley's class is already in school.

My plan is simple; wait until he gets out of the classroom and tell him right there and then that I love him and I want him to be mine. I don't care if it is a way to officially out myself to a school, which is slightly frightening me since the last time I did that, it didn't go all that well. But I don't care; I'd do it over and over again if it means Finnley will know I love him more than anything.

But as soon as I look into the classroom to locate him, I see he isn't there.

He isn't in his regular seat in the back of the classroom, nor is he sitting anywhere else.

Don't tell me he isn't in school right when I worked up the guts to tell him I want him to be my boyfriend, with all of his flaws and imperfections. Those make him who he is and I love him for him and everything that comes with him.

I want to turn around and walk away, feeling rather defeated, right before someone grabs my wrist, yanking me backwards.

I instantly panic, turning around, ready to push the panic button, when I recognize Oliver as the person who is dragging me away from the classroom, down the hall and into a small empty cubical meant for studying.

He closes the door behind him after pulling me inside rather forcefully.

"What happened?" His voice demands and answer, his eyes are full of frustration, but there's some hint of worry too. Not even anger or hatred like I'm used to. "Jason told me you were with Finn last night. What happened?"

I frown, before I snort sarcastically. "You want to know what happened? Really? Are you one of those types...?"

"I know you got kicked out because Finn was crying, what happened?"

"Eeh..." Why for the love of god would I tell him anything? "We're not friends, why would I talk about it with you?"

"Because Finn left home shortly after you left and he didn't come home ever since," he snaps, slamming the table with a flat hand. "What happened!?"

"Wait, what? Where did he go?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. Now start spilling, goddamnit."

"We eeh..." I cough awkwardly. "You know..."

"Oh, now we're shy? You had sex?"

"Well, no..." I mutter, scratching the back of my head. "We were about to... you know..." I shrug. God this is awkward as fuck.

"And then?"

"I had a moment of doubt, he noticed... pushed me away, started crying..." I take in Oliver as he paces back and forth in front of me. "Jason kicked me out when he heard Finn shout at me to leave."

"Why did you doubt?"

"Safety first?" I whisper. "I wasn't wearing a condom and I thought it would only be logical since... well... he slept with a lot of people..."

"You really are dense," Oliver grumbles. "Do you really think someone as smart as Finnley wouldn't have himself checked?"

"Well... I didn't know and he didn't give me time to explain."

Oliver rolls his eyes. "Whatever..." He slumps down on a chair, holding his hair, his demeanour one of despair. "We need to find him."

"Do you think he left because of me?"

"For as far as I know him, I think he felt somewhat turned down and..."

'...He pushed me away, not the other way around."

"Shut it, Cris," he snaps in anger. "You doubted, whether or not you meant to, you gave him the idea you doubted to have sex with him." He buries his face in his face in his hands. "My god, you really are stupid, aren't you?"

"What, no? Stop insulting me."

"Stop giving me reasons to."

We have a stare-off, which I win because he eventually rolls his eyes and stares outside through the window beside me. "As I was saying, he felt turned down and if I really know him as well as I think I do, he's probably with some stranger, trying to get a better feeling about himself."

"How would sex for money help him to feel good about himself?" I exclaim, really wondering how that would help him in any way, rather than to ask me why I doubted so I could explain this stupid miscommunication.

"Because it does, for a while. For a minute, or something." Oliver groans, throwing his head backwards, his hands in his hair. "Don't even get me started on how stupid it is, but that's what he does. Or at least, what he did until you burned down the last bit of his will to live when you left him behind a couple of months ago."

"What made him stop after that? Because honestly, this is really confusing." I let myself fall on a chair, staring at him confused. "First you tell me he is probably sleeping with some stranger because I turned him down unintentionally, then you tell me he stopped sleeping with strangers when I left him behind months ago. What is it, Oliver? Does he or does he not sleep around because I turned him down?"

"It's two completely different things." Oliver cries out. "My god, could you please, for the sake of my sanity, at least try to think right now? Do you even have a brain?"

"I asked you to stop insulting me, because it isn't helping me right now."

"And I told you to stop giving me reasons to, but you didn't do that either, now did you?"

"I can't believe there's people in this world that like a person like you."

"Those people never give me a reason to act like a jerk."

"You only act like a jerk to people who hurt Finn."

"Be happy I'm there for him. Without me he wouldn't even be alive today."

That hits home pretty hard and I feel defeated and I really start to feel bad about myself right now.

"Let's call it a truce," I mutter. "Because right now I just want to find Finn."

He takes in a very deep breath, before he looks back at me again, a neutral expression on his face. "Meet me at Todd's, tonight at ten. I think I know where to find him."

"Can't you just tell me?"

"Can't you just tell me?"He repeats in a mocking voice. "I said I think I know, and I'm not letting you go there by yourself. Deal with it. Todd's at ten, agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Don't be late and maybe take one of your friends with you. That Nathan guy, or whatever his name is. Finnley seems to like him."

* * * * *

"Just explain to me why you out of all people agreed to go look for Finnley togetherwith Oliver?" Nathan is steering the car into a parking spot nearby an English pub called Todd's. I have never been there before and since Nathan instantly told me I wasn't going here by myself, and Oliver also told me he wouldn't let me go here by myself, I assume there's a good reason to not come here that often. So, then why did Oliver tell me to meet him here?

"He said he had an idea on where to find Finn." I shrug. "And he told me he wouldn't let me go out here by myself when I asked him why he wouldn't just tell me where to look for Finn."

"Well, at least he's smart enough to tell you not to go out here alone."

"Yeah, and why exactly is that? Because apparently Finn is out here somewhere."

"Because this is the shady part of town, Cris." Nathan turns in his seat after he parked the car. "Lots of shady people, drugs dealers, thieves, gang members. You name it."

"But Finn is here?"

"It surprises me too that Oliver thinks he's around here." Nathan sighs. "Let's just hope he's right and we find Finn tonight. Because it's pretty much freaking me out he left on his own."

"Let's go." I take in a deep breath. "It's nearly ten already and he told me not to be late."

Nathan and I get out of the car, double checking if we didn't leave any valuables in the car, making sure we locked it properly, before I follow him down the street, around a corner and into Todd's.

I scan the pub to locate Oliver, noticing he's in the back of the pub, talking to two guys.

I nudge Nathan, pointing out Oliver, before we make our way through the pub towards Oliver.

"You're right on time." Oliver takes a look at his watch. "At least you can read the clock..."

"I didn't give you a reason to insult me, so you shouldn't," I grumble, crossing my arms defensively.

"Whatever." Oliver brushes my comment off with a dismissive wave of the hand. "This dude is Zach and that's Curtis." Oliver points to the guys. Zach has brown hair that's short, a snakebite piercing and what seems to be contact lenses in his eyes, since his pupils are red. He kind of creeps me out from the first second I saw him. He's wearing all black, tight clothes. Since he pulled his sleeves up to his elbows I notice his right arm is covered in tattoo's, while his left arm has one.

Curtis has dark brown hair that seems uncut and is a tad bit long. He's wearing regular clothes and he doesn't scare me the way Zach does because he seems somewhat normal.

"Hi, I'm..."

'...not important." Oliver cuts my sentence short, making me huff in response. How rude can a person be? "They're both gonna keep an eye out for Finn while we go and look for him." Oliver ads, sending me a warning look, I believe telling me to keep my mouth shut.

"And where are we going to look?"

"Visit an old friendof mine." Oliver doesn't sound very happy about it and something about the way he said the word friend, tells me they're really no friends at all. "Let's go." Oliver gestures for me and Nathan to follow, which we do, sharing a weird look.

It's because Oliver seems to know people around here that I decide on letting him boss us around. But in any other situation I would have knocked his ego a couple of times to shrink it a bit.

"So, you hang out here a lot?" I casually ask, totally with the intention to suggest he's one of the shady types that hang out here. Wouldn't surprise me at all.

"Not because of what you think." He simply responds. "And we're not here to talk about me, but to find Finn. So let's not pretend to like each other, because we don't."

"Note taken," I mutter, following him out of Todd's and onto the street. I instantly scan my surroundings, which I always do ever since I ran into Ahmed. Oliver gestures for us to follow him and we walk a while in silence, an awkward one might I add.

It's obvious Nathan doesn't really seem to like Oliver either. He's been eyeing the guy suspiciously ever since we met with him in Todd's.

"Can I ask you a question?" I speed up a bit in order to catch up with Oliver, who is walking two meters in front of us.

"As long as it isn't a stupid question," he grumbles, checking his phone every so often, like he's waiting for some text or call.

"Why did you tell me to meet you here? And with that I mean, why did you ask me to join you tonight, instead of just going to look for Finn on your own?"

"Because lately I can't comfort him as easily as I could before." Oliver's eyes seem empty when he looks at me. "Whenever he's upset because of you, he won't listen to me because he thinks I'm biased because I don't like you."

"Well, he's got a point..."

"Hey, Cris?" Oliver stopped walking and I turn around to look at him. "If I was biased about you, you wouldn't be here, okay? I'm not blind, I can tell you really care about him. You're just dense and stupid so you have a weird way of showing it to him and he's currently not in the right state of mind to deal with it."

"Why do you keep insulting me?"

"I think he meant this in a nice way." Nathan pushes us both to get us back to walking. "He took you here tonight because he wants you to comfort Finn. He thinks you'll be able to."

I opened my mouth to respond in a snarky way because no way in hell Oliver meant that, but I looked towards Oliver and he shrugs, before he nods. I close my mouth again, letting it sink in that he, for some reason, is offering me a chance to comfort Finnley instead of him.

So, does that mean he isn't going to try and get between us again? "Do you love him?" I ask curiously.

"Yes." Oliver nods again, without any hesitation. "But it isn't mutual, I knew that from the beginning."

"Because Finn loves you." Nathan nudges me. "And since you love him too, I think it would be time to stop these childish arguments..."

"It's scary, okay?" I groan in annoyance.

"What is scary?" Oliver seems really interested in my answer, and not in a bad way. He sounds curious, but worried in the same time.

"I don't know... When we were on that date, all I could think about was the fact I want to be with him. But I couldn't... you know... every time I tried to bring up the subject of a relationship, I just couldn't get the words out. What if I fuck up things and hurt him?"

"Well, for you to hurt him wouldn't be new..." Oliver laughs a little. "You should learn how to communicate with him."

"But he won't talk to me either. It's not just me who's bad at communicating."

Oliver stopped again, his hand on my shoulder, stopping me in the process. He grabs both of my shoulders and forces me to look at him. "Finn is ashamed, Cris. He hates himself and he's ashamed to tell you certain things. He is afraid when he tells you what it is he did in the past year and a half, you'll lose interest and leave him for good."

"But I know what he did, right? I saw him that night... He told me some things a while back..."

"What did he tell you?" Oliver grins, shaking his head a little in disbelieve. "How he met me and what our connection is, right?"

"You know we talked about that?"

"Yes, for your information, Finn shares a lot with me. He likes to talk about the things he's thinking about. It's his way to collect his thoughts and memories. I'm just the person he talks to so he won't feel like he's talking to a wall."

"So, all those things he refuses to talk about with me, he talks about them with you?"

Oliver shakes his head again, before we slowly start to walk again. "No, he still keeps certain things hidden from me. Like the renting..." Oliver sighs deeply. "I only know about it because I've picked him up a couple of times; drunk, messed up, crying because he let it happen again. When he's drunk, he talks, a lot. But he doesn't remember telling me those things."

"I've never seen him that drunk." I can't help but chuckle at the thought.

"Well, in all honesty, he isn't allowed to drink alcohol that much." Oliver looks at me. "In combination with medication and the fact he overdosed..."

"Oh, right," I instantly feel crappy again. "Off course..."

"What are your intentions with Finn, Cris?" Oliver sounds neutral but I can hear he's holding back some annoyance.

I shrug, grinning at the thought. "Marry him one day, have kids, grow old together... You know." I turn my head to look at him.

"Then listen to me." Oliver smirks. "Stop messing around with him, and he'll stop messing around too. Because the only reason he's still out here every so often, or allowing me to kiss him, is to forget about you for a while. Not to make you jealous, or to hurt you, or whatever. He's not like that."