- Thursday, September 21st -

"Are you sure it's okay to ride with you guys?" I feel a bit insecure right now. Finnley drove me home to pick up stuff for practice, deciding he would drive to soccer, picking up Oliver on our way there. Nathan is riding along with us, constantly with an annoying smile on his face because Finnley is with me and we're not fighting, just talking.

"Yeah." Finnley shrugs, leaning against the doorpost of my bedroom while I grab stuff for practice. "It's my car, right? I decide who rides with me, or not."

"Oliver hates my guts."

"Yeah..." Finnley drawls. "Got yourself to thank you for that."

"Why does he?"

"Because he's about the only one who knows what happened the night I took an overdose of meds and alcohol."

"He knows what I said that night."

"Yup." Finnley shuffles his foot awkwardly. "He keeps telling me to stay away from you."

"Well, are you, after today?"

"Nah." He smirks. "I miss you, honestly. Mostly your oblivious state and your stupid jokes."

"That's what you miss about me?" I laugh out a little, before smiling at him. He smiles back and in unison we sigh in content.

"I miss all of you." He admits timidly. "But you really hurt my feelings that night."

"I know, and I'm really sorry." I stop packing my stuff, focusing on him completely. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, just don't expect me to answer every question."

"I understand." I mutter, sitting down on the end of my bed. "What's your... relationshipwith Oliver? When did you meet him?"

Finnley smirks, walking inside the room a little, his fingers tracing the back covers of some books that are on a shelve. Most of them being schoolbooks, but three of them being books that Finnley loved.

"He used to be a client." He tells me without looking at me. "The mystery lover, you know what I'm talking about, right?"

"He's the mystery guy you spend all those nights at?"

"He gave me food, clothes, let me take decent showers..." Finnley shrugs. "It was better to be with him an entire night, letting him do whatever he wanted, just so I could get decent food, clothes, a comfortable bed to sleep in."

"But he rented you." I deadpan.

"That's not how things started, really."

"So, how did things start?"

"I was outside, waiting for someone to rent me, when one of his friends came up to me, wanting a blow job. I made eye contact with Oliver and he pulled his friend away, told him to fuck off and pulled me along with him. He took me home, made me shower, gave me food, and asked me why I was there. Because he saw how unhappy I was just by looking at me."

"And then he decided to rent you instead."

Finnley snorts, shaking his head. "He gave me money just to stay at his place, eat, keep him company. It wasn't until after two weeks that we had sex. Which was somewhat consensual."

"Somewhat?"

"I didn't exactly mind." Finnley's face flushes. "It felt pretty good to have someone our age to want me. And by the time we first had sex, I didn't really know how to say no either, so yeah, maybe he took a little bit of advantage of the situation back then. But he fell for me the first second he laid eyes on me. So he just wanted me close, keep me safe."

"So, he's not a complete dickhead. But he still used you."

"Cris..." He whines in desperation. "Stop thinking Oliver is a bad guy. He isn't, okay?"

"I just think it's shady to use you like that."

"You're just jealous." He sounds like he's joking, but when I look up, he stops laughing, staring at me with a serious expression. "Are you jealous because of Oliver?"

"You know I'm a jealous monster." I drawl awkwardly. "It's just not fair..."

"What isn't?" Finnley closes the door as soon as the shower stopped running, indicating Nathan is finished with showering. "What isn't fair?"

"I really love you, and you allow everyone to use you, but you never let me come closer."

He cocks his head to the side, a small smile lingering on the corner of his mouth. "You want to use me too?" The words indicate he totally misunderstood my words, but the tone he's using, tells me he's daring me to tell him I do, in a seductive way.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know." He chuckles softly. "Can we talk about this some other time? When we have more than 15 minutes to clear the air?"

"Sure." I nod, looking down, feeling a bit sad. I want answers, but maybe we need to take the time for this conversation. I should be thankful he's willing to talk anyway. "Maybe it's better to talk when we have more time."

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"Not pushing me." He's already hugging me before I got a chance to look up. I burry my face against his chest and take in a deep breath, putting my arms around his back. "For giving me the time."

"I'll be there when you're ready to talk." I mutter against his chest.

* * * * *

"What's this?" Oliver is looking back and forth between Finnley and me. Finnley told me to sit in the front of the car, forcing Oliver to join Nathan in the backseat. "All friendly again?" He grumbles, slamming the door shut, a little angry. "Is that all it takes, Finn? A forced upon dinner?"

"That's how we became friends." Finnley retorts, smirking when Oliver's face heats up.

"You're in your snarky mood again, could be interesting." Oliver mutters, buckling up, staring out of the window.

"Ah, come on Oli, you love it when I have these moods."

"Not when he causes them."

"Stop acting like a jealous twelve-year-old, Oli." Finnley chuckles, steering the car onto the main road.

"I'm not a twelve-year-old." He responds, sounding a little less angry, a little more amused.

"But you're jealous." Finnley responds in a sing-song voice that makes me chuckle. I watch backwards, seeing that Nathan is taking in the conversation in amusement.

"Shut your mouth, pretty boy." Oliver is trying to remain cranky, but I can see he's fighting a smile because of Finnley's cheerful mood.

"And you loooove pretty boys..." Finnley murmurs with a smile.

"O my god, what did you feed him?" Oliver stares at me with wide eyes. "Finn, are you drunk?"

"What, no?" Finnley calls out, pretending to be hurt by his assumption. "Never drink and drive Oliver, that's why I got you, remember? To drive when I drink."

"Or to carry your drunk ass up the stairs." Oliver laughs softly.

It's actually weird to see Oliver in this way. If this would be the first time I met Oliver, I might have liked him. I realize he's actually happy just because Finnley is. That's... pretty sweet, actually.

So, maybe not throw him out of the car at maximum speed. Maybe keep him around because he might actually be okay – to Finnley, that is.

They throw insults back and forth, teasing and joking the rest of the ride and I can only think this might be one of the best days I've had in a while, because it makes me happy to see Finnley with a genuine smile on his face.

He parks the car in the parking lot, him and Nathan – along with my panic button – walk towards the canteen, while Oliver and I go around the back towards the locker rooms.

"What did you do that made him this happy?" Oliver stops me from walking further as soon as we're out of hearing range. He offers me a cigarette, which I decline politely. "Haven't seen him like this in a long time."

"Eh, I apologized, I did already but he never got the text. I let him read it. Apologized a couple more times. We had a somewhat good conversation..." I shrug. "Agreed to talk more when we have a little more time."

"Well, he might fall for that shitty apology you send him, but I don't trust you."

"I don't care if you trust me, wait, what? You saw the text? You deleted it."

"I did, yes. You can't go and apologize for the shitty things you said, the day after upsetting him so much he was thinking about trying to kill himself, again."

That feels like a blow to my stomach. He thought about trying it again? Because of me? I fight back tears that threaten to escape, grimacing at the thought of crying in front of Oliver. Let's not give him any other reason to belittle me.

"I'm sick and tired of cleaning up after you made a mess of him. It took me the whole goddamn night to calm him down and talk him out of it."

"I didn't mean to... he was the one that started about..."

"NO!" Oliver shouts, slamming me against the brick wall, holding me in place with an arm against my throat. "Don't you dare to blame him for anything." He hisses in anger his face close to mine. "Whether or not he started a fucking fight, you couldn't act like a goddamn man and admit you made a huge mistake."

"That's not what I wanted to say!" I cry out, trying to push him away. I can barely breathe with his arm on my throat. "I tried to explain, but he wouldn't listen..."

"You did something, alright? Something to make him cry, something to mess with his head, again. Why won't you just leave him alone?"

"Because I love him!" I shout back in frustration. "And I'm not gonna let him down again! I refuse to let him walk away any longer!"

Oliver huffs, before – with one painful push against my throat – he steps back. "If you love him, you better start getting your fucking shit together and prove it."

"I will." I call out in between coughing, grasping for air. "I will prove it!"

"I'm watching you, Evans. Make one mistake and you're mine." He sends me a disgusted look, before he grabs his bag from the ground, marching towards the locker rooms.

- Wednesday, September 27th -

Oliver has been hovering around Finnley like an eagle, ready to dive in and attack me as soon as I take one step out of line. But so far, I haven't given him a reason to and he seems to relax a little now that a week has past, and I actually managed to cheer Finnley up on a bad day a couple of times already.

Now that I'm back to hanging out with Finnley nearly every day, I feel myself relax a lot more, be happier and I am completely and utterly in love with him more than ever.

It's not like he shares a lot with me, he still runs to Oliver for that. But he sits with me during lunch at school and that very familiar habit cheers me up each and every day.

Today he agreed to join Nathan and me for our weekly movie-night on Wednesday, which we decided upon to have one night a week without stressing over homework or other things. Just a night to relax.

I invited Stan too, because I've been trying to get Nathan to admit his feelings to him, so far without a result.

He complained a little over my decision to invite Stan, but since Finnley will be there too, he really couldn't object any further, since I used the excuse this would be a great time to be with the four of us without people intervening.

"But, you live around here somewhere?" Stan flopped down on a couch, staring at Finnley, who's been acting a bit uncomfortable so far. "When you're not staying with your aunt?"

"Jason and I have an apartment a couple of blocks from here." He waves in a certain direction. "But we both aren't comfortable staying there right now and since aunt Cady lives close by it's fine." He shrugs. "We both have a car anyway."

"But you're moving back there?"

He shrugs. "We stayed there last week after a party because it was easier since we decide to take the bike. But I sometimes miss aunt Cady's place and I don't mind staying there a while."

"When did you and Jason move out? Recently?"

"Eh..." He shuffles to and fro. "After I got released from hospital we went searching..." He mutters. It's one of the subjects he avoids like the plague; the fact he actively tried to kill himself about four months ago. "I needed my own place, you know..."

"Liam's been talking about inviting you guys over someday, just to hang out again." Stan switches to a different subject and Finnley instantly relaxes again. "You, Jason, Cris, Alex even, although he hasn't had any contact with the guy ever since he got dumped."

"Well, Cris' friend in school knows him." Finnley looks at me. "Jason and I never heard from him either, not after he got released from hospital over a year ago to go and live with his parents again."

"Eh, Sam told me Alex doesn't really feel the need to be in contact, because it reminds him of the worst period in his life." I tell Finnley in all honesty. "He didn't want to see me either, even though we never met." It visibly hurts Finnley to hear Alex doesn't want to see him again and for all I know he had a strong bond with Alex since they were in the same situation. So, I get why this upsets him a bit. "But you should give him time. It's really stressful with Jeff and Ahmed back in the country. Things need to cool down a bit."

"That's true." Finnley nods and smiles appreciatively at me for trying to comfort him.

"Has anyone picked out a movie yet?"

"Shawshank redemption." Stan yells back to Nathan, who walks over from the kitchen with the last bowl of popcorn and two bottles of beer, Finnley taking one. It's weird to see him drinking beer, considering the fact I once tried to make him drink and he thought it was nasty. Now look at him; all grown up, drinking beer with us.

I make myself comfortable on the couch beside Finnley, Stan scooting over to offer Nathan a seat, since I take in two thirds of the large couch – off course on purpose.

Stan turns on the movie and we settle in silence, watching the movie, any of us every so often commenting on something happening on screen.

About halfway throughout the movie, Finnley scoots closer, leaning against me and pulling my arms around him.

I shortly look down, catching an insecure look, before sending a reassuring smile, snuggling him closer to me, feeling like I'm the happiest guy on earth. No, scratch that; in the universe.

He's so close I can smell the scent of his skin with every breath I take and it's making it pretty hard to focus on the movie. It's also annoying because both Stan and Nathan every so often smirk in our direction, aweing over how cute we look.

I feel embarrassed and Finnley seems to become restless in my arms, nearly sitting back up because of them.

I send them a warning look, pulling him closer to me, pressing a kiss on the top of his head, making him sigh contently and relax back into my hold.

After that, Nathan and Stan decided to not embarrass Finnley or me any further, watching the movie without look back at us again.

Once the movie is over, both Nathan and Stan get up, stretching and yawning out of laziness.

"Is he asleep?" Stan leans over Finnley, taking in a sleeping Finnley, who is curled up beside me, his face nuzzled against my chest, my arms around him protectively. "That's pretty cute, you know. You really are a cute couple."

"Not a couple." I mutter. "But thanks anyway."

Nathan smiles, seemingly happy because Finnley is comfortable in my hold, sound asleep.

"If he' staying over for the night, I don't want to hear a sound."

"Oh tssk. Shut it." I groan, staring down at Finnley in awe. He's so damn handsome and cute and oh god, the butterflies in my stomach go crazy just by looking at him. I wish we could stay like this forever.

"Imma take a leak." Stan mutters, leaving the living room to go to the bathroom.

Nathan starts clearing the table from empty bottles of bear and nearly empty bowls for the snacks, every so often smiling happily at us.

But than Finnley's phone starts buzzing on the table and I see his aunt's name appear on screen.

I nudge him gently, waking him up carefully. "Finny, aunt Cady is calling."

"Huh?" He stares around confused, rolling over to his stomach, closing the last gap between us. I grin, intertwining a leg with his, putting an arm around his waist. "What?"

"Your aunt just called."

"Oh." He murmurs, grabbing the phone without moving anything other than his arm, still laying close to me. He calls her back, putting the phone on speaker, placing it in between our head on the couch. He's staring at me sleepily, but happy.

"Finn! Thank god, are you still with Cris?"

"Yeah, fell asleep, what's wrong?" He leans on his elbows after hearing the stressed-out voice of his aunt, staring at the phone with worry.

"Jason used his panic button."