- Thursday, September 21st -

"Ready to go?" I jump in my seat, turning around to find Finnley in the door opening. "I thought I said meet me outside, but since we're both here anyway..."

Sam grins towards me, starting to pack his stuff for the second time today to go home. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tell Alex if he wants to talk to someone, I'd be happy to be there for him."

"I will, bet he'll appreciate the offer." Sam smiles thankfully, Finnley frowning in his direction with crossed arm and a hostile attitude. But he keeps his mouth shut.

"Maybe he's willing to get out of the house if we're both taking him out? You know, just some fresh air..."

"Maybe, I'll let you know." Sam nods towards me, helping me to scramble the notes together and putting them in my backpack.

"Ready?" Finnley is still frowning towards Sam, but he's addressing me with his question.

"Yeah, let's go and buy groceries."

"Yay, let's go and pretend to be friends." Finnley holds his hands up in mocking cheerfulness.

"God, love the attitude, really. Not." Sam snorts in response. "Ten points for trying, minus twenty for failing to be funny."

Finnley pulls up an eyebrow, not impressed by Sam at all, casually leaning against the doorpost. Sam passes him, sending me a wink before he really takes off.

"What Alex were you talking about?" Finnley follows me out of the room and through the hallway.

"Moreno." I feign a careless attitude, secretly enjoying the fact I now know more about Alex then he does. At least, I think. Because I don't think Finnley ever saw Alex again after he got dumped for not bringing home enough money.

"Alex Moreno?" Finnley speeded up and starts walking next to me. "You know him? You talk to him?"

"He's Sam's best friend from highschool."

"Is he okay? Did they warn him too?" I wish Finnley would be as worried about me as he seems to be about Alex.

"Now I'm good enough to talk to?" I smirk in his direction, telling him I don't care that he is trying to talk, but that I think it's stupid he only talks to me when he's gaining information.

"Well, you forced yourself upon me. I'm just trying to be nice here."

"Really, Finn?" I laugh softly. "You're not that nice, you know. I honestly hate this side of you."

"Well, deal with it." He shrugs. "I'm not the same guy I was when we were still friends."

"I still think of you as a friend, just... not my best friend anymore." I swallow back the lump that formed as soon as I said those last words. God, it hurts to say it out loud. It hurts to admit out loud that he is no longer my best friend. It's really gut-wrenching and I hate the twisting feeling it caused in my stomach.

"You hate me, but you still think of me as your friend?" He sounds surprised and a bit disbelieving.

"Yeah, well..." I mutter. "I don't hate you. I didn't mean those words. Did you even read my text?"

"What text?" He frowns.

"The answer to your question."

"You never answered the question, Cris," he deadpans. "You ignored the text and you couldn't give me an answer last week either."

"Huh, I did send you a text, last Saturday."

He turns his head to look at me, shaking his head a bit. "You didn't send anything, Cris."

"I send you a text, telling you my biggest mistake was to let you down that night, all of the things I said, that's my biggest mistake. Hurting you that night."

"Sure, now that you found out I lost the will to live because of your words, you're sorry. I bet it helps you sleep at night to apologize for it."

"No, Finn." I snap, pulling him to a stop when we're outside. "I didn't know that yet when I send the text. And I amsorry. I shouldn't have said anything. But I felt hurt and you broke my heart and..."

"You never send a text, Cris." He retrieves his phone from his pocket, unlocking it and opening our conversation, before he shoves it in my hand. "Read. I'll get the car."

I frown in surprise, both because he gave me his fucking phone without making sure I'm not gonna snoop around in it and the fact he's telling me he's got a car and he's driving? I didn't know he got himself a license, or a car?

I shortly watch Finnley walk towards the garage, sauntering towards the exit so I can get in when he's there, while scrolling back through our conversation. I find his question, but not my answer.

It's not there.

How the hell did it not get send?

I shake my head, wondering why my phone told me he received the message, if he clearly didn't.

I'm still staring confused towards the screen, when a new message comes in from Oliver.

Oliver Twisted:

Loraine keeps asking when you're coming to visit again. I'm telling you, she's in love with you :p (16:04)

Runs in the family... ;) (16:04)

I'll pick you up "round 19:30, ok? (16:05)

Maybe you can come home with me. I miss the massages after practice ;) (16:05)

Ugh. I shudder at the thought of Finnley and Oliver together, but I can't stop reading they're conversation. I keep scrolling back, reading how Oliver is constantly flirting with him, suggesting for Finnley to sleep over at his place again. But much to my pleasing, Finnley's responses are somewhat distant and cold, not at all enthusiastic to stay with Oliver.

He even cancelled plans with Oliver tonight, telling Oliver I'm coming over for dinner.

Somehow, this conversation cheers me up a bit, because I'm certain Finnley isn't into Oliver as much as I though he was.

But then why would he constantly hang around Oliver? Why would he kiss him in public? Does he do all those things to piss me of? Does he know it turns me into a jealous monster?

I jump up when a car honk sounds right in front of me.

"I told you, you didn't send me an answer." Finnley holds his hand out of the window, asking his phone back.

"Oliver texted, I accidentally opened the conversation when I was scrolling." God, that lie is the worst I could come up with. I hand him back the phone, walk around the car and get in the passenger's seat. "It wasn't there, but I did send it."

"Show it." He nods his head towards my phone. "Let me read it now."

"Oh, eh, sure." I grab my phone and watch Finnley park the car on the side of the road so that he is no longer blocking the exit of the garage.

"I didn't know you got your driver's license."

"Aunt Cady wanted me to be able to drive myself. She got sick and tired of driving me around." He smirks.

"And she gave you a car too?"

His face flushes, he shortly shakes his head, before he points to the phone again. "Your answer."

"Right, here." I hand him my phone since I've got nothing to hide anyway and watch him read the long-ass answer I gave him almost a week ago. His face remains neutral all throughout the message, and I feel like he's taking his sweet time to read it, because he's a quick reader and even I wouldn't take this long.

"Why did you say those things?" He mutters, starting the car again after handing me back the phone. "Or better, why didn't you let me explain myself?"

"Because I felt so hurt. Like you broke my heart because you kept telling me you loved me, but none of your actions proved you actually did..."

"But you got mad because I did things with strangers. Which is hypocrite, because you still slept with Stan multiple times a month. The only difference is that people payed me and you and Stan had an agreement."

"It's not so much the fact you slept with people..." I murmur, staring at my answer, trying not to think back of that night again. "I admit, that made me jealous too. But the fact you slept with them for money. You kept telling me you hated yourself..."

'...still do."

I sigh, turning my head to take him in. His eyes are sad, focused on the road but yet he seems to be thinking about other things. '...That you hate yourself and you hated it that people used you. I got pissed when I found out they never forced themselves upon you, they just flashed some cash and you let them do whatever they want."

"Not whatever they wanted." He shakes his head. "I never went further than hand jobs or whatever."

"In that case it's okay, right?" I respond sarcastically. "If you didn't have actual sex, it's all fine."

"Don't do that, Cris." He sounds like he's crying and when I look back at him there's actually a tear rolling down his cheek.

"No, don't cry." I whisper, leaning in to wipe the tear from his face. "I didn't mean to act like that. I just wish you would realize it isn't healthy to live like that. But you keep pretending it doesn't matter. That it's normal."

"I know it isn't normal," he snaps. "Neither is it normal for my own goddamn mother to keep sending me messages full of prayers to healme. Telling me that I'm sick and need help and begging me to let her help me. It isn't normal to sleep with a fucking stupid slut once and then for that bitch to go and hire someone to fuck you over because you don't fucking like her the way she likes you! It isn't normal for your best fucking friend to leave you behind when you need him most!"

I have no idea how to respond to that, because I don't know what it feels like to have your own mother telling you those things. I don't know what it feels like that Emma betrayed him like that, put him in that situation. I don't really know what it feels like for you best friend to leave you alone in a moment like that. I only know what it feels like to bethat friend. Finnley might have hurt me a lot, at least he never left me. I don't know what to respond to it, at all. How to make it right, because I can't make it right. Instead of responding seriously, I decide on trying to lighten the mood a bit. "See you still curse a lot these days."

He rolls his eyes, lolling his head backwards shortly, before he smirks.

"Idiot." He mutters.

"Fool."

"Kiddo."

"Pretty boy."

"We're here." He parked the car, staring to me with an amused look in his eyes. Those beautiful bright green eyes that I see shining for the first time in a very long time. They always seem so empty, except when they're full of longing or lust.

"Can you forgive me, for what I said?"

"Maybe someday." He nods. "But not completely right now." At least it's an honest answer.

"Are you willing to give me a chance to prove that I still care about you, that I want to be there for you. That I am going to be there for you?"

"Let's just see how tonight goes, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." I nod, feeling a little disappointed because of the slight rejection I got. But at least he's not telling me to fuck of anymore.

"Let's call it a truce, for now."

* * * * *

Tonight, I saw some of Finnley's old habits, his old personality. And it gave me a really freaking good feeling. Like I fell in love all over again.

It started at the grocery store, where a homeless guy was sauntering around, begging for change. Finnley first ignored his beg for money, just smiling towards him, getting a smile in return and a gentle greeting.

We got groceries, I decided on wanting to eat spaghetti because Finnley's aunt is the best in Italian food. Finnley went on and got some other stuff his aunt asked him to get and payed for it with cash.

I can't help but wonder how he got the cash. Did his aunt gave it to him, or did he "work" for it? Because I saw how much it is and it doesn't seem logical for his aunt to give him that kind of money just for groceries.

But then he went on and gave the homeless guy a salad, some sandwiches, a bottle of water and some juice. And that's the Finnley that I fell in love with all those months ago. The caring, sweet boy that doesn't care how others look or act or talk.

The homeless guy thanked him for yet another meal, blessing him for his kindness. It proved to me Finnley gives him food more often, not just to impress me now that I'm here. The guy even knows his name.

Then we drove home, he parked the car outside in front of the double garage and went around the back to go inside.

Aunt Cady welcoming me with a warm embrace and a sincere welcome, telling me to pretend to be right at home.

Finnley helped her putting away the groceries, cutting some vegetables for the spaghetti and talking casually to her about his day, constantly pulling me into their conversation like we didn't just call it a truce and never had a fight to begin with. Like it's normal for me to sit here and watch them cook.

I didn't miss the loving way his aunt constantly looks at him, with pride and everything. In a way his own parents used to look at him until they found out he's gay. It's heart breaking to think that Finnley had to move into his aunt's house to have some sort of a normal home situation, a loving environment.

After he helped her cutting up the vegetables he gestured for me to follow him. We walk in silence, until we enter the main living room and his youngest cousin jumped up from the ground where she was playing.

"Finn!" She calls out. "Can we do a tea party?" She's jumping after she hugged him shortly. It's pretty sad he even won't allow his damn cousin to touch him for over three seconds, but I guess that's just Finnley.

"I brought a friend over." Finnley gestures to me. "Remember Cristian?"

She stares at me, nodding and smiling. "Hi." It's pretty insecure but she only saw me like three times before. It's a miracle she even remembers me.

"Hi Liv." I smile back at her.

"Will you join my tea party?" She asks me with happy eyes.

Finnley is holding back a chuckle.

"Eh, I don't know what the plans are right now..."

"I think a tea party." Finnley mutters amused. "You don't want to say no to Liv and her tea parties."

This, I remember from the time he just moved her. Liv would scream and start fake-crying whenever he was on the phone with me, telling her the tea party had to wait.

"I guess a tea part it is..." I chuckle.

"Yay! Tea party!" She calls out happily, grabbing both of our hands, dragging us upstairs and to her room. She introduces me to three of her stuffed animals and dolls that are joining the tea party and for a while I feel really uncomfortable, because I never had to babysit a girl before. I have watched my younger cousins once, but they're both boys so I always knew what to do.

But it is also heart-warming to see Finnley like this, playing along with her imagination. He would make a great father one day, that's for sure.

After about half an hour, his aunt called for us to come down to set the table. We left Liv behind in her room to play along without us, thankfully going downstairs to set up an actual diner table with normal sized plates and glasses instead of the miniature ones that Liv has upstairs.

Dinner was nice and for my standards pretty busy, seeing I was raised an only child so never had dinner with more than four people. Jason got home from school a couple of minutes before dinner was served. Him, along with Liv and her sister Lara, aunt Cady, Finnley and I sat down during dinner, having casual conversations about little nothings, all of us avoiding certain subjects, like the fact three of us are wearing a panic button right now.

I wonder how aunt Cady is dealing with all of this. Having taken in two boys that are both troubled to some level, right before her husband died, raising her own daughters by herself. Must be though, but I never had a feeling she felt sad or lonely. But then again, she has four kids around her that all love her to some degree. Even Jason calls her aunt Cady and that's always making her smile.

Overall, I'm happy aunt Cady invited me over for dinner, because it feels really, really good to see Finnley relaxing a bit, not fighting with him over every little thing. And maybe it even feels good that we didn't once kiss today. Just been with each other like we used to; as friends.

All I want right now, is for him to give me a chance to prove that he means the world to me and that I will never ever let him down again.

That I will love him despite his flaws and his broken state of mind, because I really do love him and today showed me why I fell in love with him in the first place.

Maybe he's rough around the edges right now, maybe he did build up a wall to protect him from anyone hurting, but today showed me, deep down inside, the old Finnley is still present. And I'm going to help him find it back.