I'm not sure how long we've been stuck in this frozen wasteland. Weeks, I know that much. But how many weeks? How many days, how many nights? Where ARE we? I don't know those things. All through the day I bend, the motion of my numb arms the only thing keeping me upright.

All through the night I shiver, the absurd amount of furs I wear not nearly enough to keep me warm. The cold here is all pervasive, soaking through every part of me. I just want to be warm.

But I don't even remember what 'warm' feels like anymore.

The temperature has been constant for awhile, so I know another drastic drop is coming soon. I don't think I'll survive it.

Suddenly something hits me from behind, and I'm knocked forward into the ice wall that I've build to keep the wind off our sled. Zuko crouches over me as huge talons rip chunks off the top of the wall.

A huge white bird screeches at us. I shove Zuko off of me, glaring at him. "Get off me!" He sighs, following me up as I bend the entire ice wall, sending it upward in a razor sharp spike. The bird avoids it, but is distracted while doing so, allowing Zuko to hit it with several fireblasts that send it flying away, screaming all the while.

I restore the ice wall, already missing the slight protection it gives from the driving wind and the snow that wants to force its way into every crevice of my body. My teeth chatter and once again, I can't feel my body from the shoulders out or the hips down. I lock myself in my bending position, and start up again.

A breath stirs the fur of my hood and I frown. How is wind getting in? I turn slightly to see that it's not wind, but Zuko. He's leaning close to me, his amber eyes hard. "What do you want?" I ask him, pinching my lips together.

"A thank you would be nice. I just saved your life AGAIN."

Suddenly I'm furious, for really no reason except that I am. I lash out at him, sending a blast of freezing cold water at him. He raises his right arm to block it, and the water slides under his sleeve and down his arm, and hits his chest, soaking him.

He cries out as he's tossed backward through the ice wall, shattering it. "How's that for a thank you?" I snarl, then go back to bending, forcing him to run after me to catch up and jump on the sled.

Once he's on, I rebuild the ice wall. He doesn't speak to me for the rest of the day, and slowly my anger fades. I feel a twinge of guilt--I've never used my bending in anger like that before. I could have seriously hurt him, even killed him. What was I thinking?

I was thinking that it's cold, and I'm tired, and I don't want to be here, and I don't know how to deal with him being near me. I don't know how to act around him. I don't know how to hate him anymore.

What does hate even mean? Uncle once said that there's a fine line between hate and love, that they're very similar in nature. All I know is that I don't know who I am anymore, who I've become.

And I don't know how I feel about anything anymore, not Zuko or Aang or even Lia. I'm just... lost. I'm lost, and I'm confused, and I'm afraid.

I'm afraid... and I don't even know what I'm afraid OF. So I lash out and I'm angry, and a part of me hates myself for that anger. That's not who I want to be. But I don't know how to change myself.

I've got my memories back, but I still have no idea who I am.

**__**

Late that night, when Katara was asleep, Zuko pulled his right arm out of the furs. He used one of his swords to cut away the sleeves of his shirts, until bare skin was revealed. He didn't feel the cold on it--nothing could be colder than the bite that had hit him from Katara's waterbending.

Up the inside of his right arm, in a long, spreading line, the skin was mottled red and yellow and dark purple, almost black. He'd never seen anything like it, and it felt like ice when he touched it. It was also hard and firm, there was no give like skin was supposed to have.

He couldn't move the muscles in his arm, and his hand was virtually useless. Zuko dug through his pack with his good hand, finding some healing cream Kanna had given him. He rubbed it on the strange wound, but nothing seemed to happen. With a deep sigh and a sense of utter hopelessness, Zuko tied the ruined ends of his sleeve around his arm, and pushed it back into his fur coat.

Then he leaned back against the side of the sled, his eyes finding Katara in the darkness. She slept fitfully, as she always did if she slept at all, and Zuko wondered why. Her hair fell across her forehead, and the fingers of Zuko's good hand itched to brush it away. But he was afraid she'd lash out at him again.

He knew better than anyone what that felt like--to be so angry and not know why. To be so confused that you lashed out at everyone around you, just so you could feel something else.

He had seen that same haunted look in Katara's eyes that he had felt all those long years he searched for the Avatar, believing it was the only way to get back what he'd lost. Kara had shown him differently, shown him that the only way to get back his honor was to find it in himself.

But he didn't know how to return the favor, didn't know how to help her. He didn't even know what she'd lost.

Zuko felt his eyes drift shut, and had enough presence of mind to wrap the fur blankets around him. He was never colder than when he was asleep.

_____

0.o KATARA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Sometimes I dislike my own characters. -_-' LOL five comments, but you guys know that. ;)