I gave one last wave out the window as Viktor and I left the house for Winterview.

I let him drive. He knew where he was going, hopefully.

"So what do you want to listen to?" I asked, turning to Viktor.

"Whatever you want."

"I don't normally have this kind of power. Usually Blaine handles the music, and if he doesn't, then Arti does. Or did, I guess."

He smiled. "It's still present tense. Nothing is going to change just because you're apart."

"Don't correct my English, you fucking Swede." I laughed. "And since I'm not getting any help from you, we're going with Big Time Rush."

"Seriously?"

I nodded. "One hundred percent. It was my main bonding point with Arti and Blaine. BTR holds a special place in my heart."

"You have separation issues already, and it hasn't even been an hour."

"Sue me."

He laughed, then his voice became more serious. "I'm surprised that you aren't mad at me for picking Matt to stay at home."

"Oh, I'm pissed at you for being so selfish, but there's no point in letting myself get all worked up over it again. We shouldn't have asked you to do that, and to be honest, I'm just trying to avoid negative thoughts right now, for obvious reasons."

"You've changed," he said.

"I haven't changed. I've just grown up a little."

"I guess you kind of had to."

I nodded.

Neither one of us said anything for a few moments, until Viktor spoke. "I don't want to hurt you or anything, but what exactly happened with your mother?"

I took a deep breath. "Well, I guess she had some undetected heart condition, and she went into cardiac arrest on her break. They found her about an hour later, but it was way too late to do anything to save her."

"Is it—" he stumbled, looking for the word he wanted, "is it—could you or any of your siblings have it?"

"Oh, is it hereditary?"

He nodded. "That's the word."

"I have no idea. Maybe I have the same thing, maybe Matt does, maybe the triplets do. Eventually I'll get tested for it, but it's not like I can do anything about it right now."

He nodded. "You're really brave, you know that?"

"I guess, but it's like this is giving me motivation to follow in her footsteps, you know? Like, I wasn't entirely sure that I would make a good nurse, but now, I don't know how I can't go in that direction."

"You could be anything. I was almost hoping you would be my agent or something."

I laughed. "Well, that high-powered life isn't the one for me. Everyone always told me I'd be running some company by the time I was twenty-five with my brain and mouth, but seeing Dad and how he's away most of the time—" I hesitated, "I don't think I could be like that."

"There's nothing wrong with that. I think it's sweet."

I shook my head. "It's a little weak, but I don't care. I love my people too much."

He smiled, then changed the subject. "So tell me, what did I miss of the Amanda Jayne show? How many people did you try to fight while I wasn't here?"

I smiled. "I got kicked out of a class or two for trying to start a school-wide revolution, but I didn't fight anyone."

"I'm not sure how I should feel about that."

"It wasn't a big deal. Blaine and I were going to run for student government positions for our senior year—"

"Let me guess, you were going to be the dictator, I mean president."

"Ha. Well, I was going to run, until the principal told me I couldn't, thanks to my suspension. So I helped Blaine run as his campaign manager and primary advisor."

"How did that go?" he asked.

"We won in a landslide victory. All we had to do was claim that a vote for Blaine was a 'fuck you' to the system, and we were in." I laughed. "I still can't believe it worked."

He laughed. "I thought you were above propaganda."

"Nope. I play to win. And speaking of winning..."

"Oh no. You're using the voice," Viktor said.

"What voice?"

"It's the same voice you used when you had your 'pros and cons of dating Blaine' presentation, and when you were explaining your plan to eliminate Lukas."

I laughed. "It's my official voice. It doesn't mean I'm up to anything."

"But you are, aren't you?"

"Look, I have some things that I'd like to accomplish, and you're going to cooperate with me, whether you like it or not."

He muttered something to himself, then glanced over at me. "What is it?"

"I was doing some research, and I learned that this is your last year of eligibility for the National Hockey League Draft."

"What? Candy Cane, we've been over this. I don't even know if—"

I cut him off. "Listen to me first, and then you can whine."

"I don't whine."

I laughed and lowered my voice to mock him. "Candy Cane, I need you. I can't even function without you. It's a miracle I survived without you."

"That was actually a good impression of me."

I laughed. "You're so stupid. But if you want a shot at millions and millions of dollars, you're going to have to pull your shit together. Normally, people apply for the draft as soon as they're eligible, but you're a bit of a special case, since one, you're European, and two, it took a gazillion years to convince you to play hockey in high school and college."

He smiled. "It didn't take that long. You're pretty convincing."

"Well, your indecisiveness fucked up a lot of your chances, but we're still going to pull this one off. You're playing for a nationally ranked team, I have the power of the internet on my side, and we are going to make your dream come true. I'll do whatever I have to."

"Playing in the NHL isn't my dream."

"Well, I haven't heard a different one from you, so we're going with my dream for you."

He shook his head. "I don't have a dream, except for you."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh my god, are you going to start with that shit again?"

"Blaine said you two broke up, so I was just seeing what would happen if I said something like that."

I frowned. "We didn't exactly break up, but whatever." Then I remembered what I wanted to talk about. "Speaking of Blaine, what were you two talking about when he left today?"

"I told you it was nothing," Viktor replied with a smile.

"Last time something was nothing, I ended up concussed and suspended, and you could've been killed. So feel free to elaborate on that."

"It's not a big deal, Candy Cane."

"So then telling me should be easy."

"It doesn't matter. Just let it go."

"When have I ever let anything go? Never. So answer me," I said.

"You said earlier that you let go of your anger toward me about the—"

"I'm going back to my original, bitter ways."

He shook his head. "That's like a butterfly going back to a caterpillar."

I looked at him. "And the world needs caterpillars."

"They just eat leaves until they become butterflies."

"Well, it's not like butterflies are the most productive members of society. They just fly around and look pretty. I have bigger dreams, Viktor. I'm not going to be a butterfly. I'd rather eat." I laughed.

"What are your dreams?"

"My dream is that you tell me what you and Blaine were talking about earlier."

"Your real dreams, Amanda."

"I'm serious. That's all I can think about right now."

"I'll tell you eventually, just not now."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I threw my hands in the air. "Why do you do this? You just love to withhold information from me."

"I'm sorry. I'll tell you if you want."

I shook my head. What a fucking sheep. "So now you're going to give in. Unbelievable."

"What am I supposed to do? You wanted me to tell you, and now you don't. It doesn't make any sense."

"It's the principle, dude. You're giving in, just like always. Don't you have anything that you can stick to?"

He didn't reply.

"Viktor, it pisses me off that you have no morals or values that you don't deviate from. If you can't stand for something, even if it's fucked up, how can you even define yourself as a person?"

"Being an individual doesn't make you a person. Being able to function in society does."

I rolled my eyes. "Spoken like a true sheep."

"We can't all be wolves that just terrorize the poor sheep, Amanda."

I laughed. "I'm going to take that as a compliment."

"Um, of course it was."

I smacked my hand against the dashboard of the car. "Fuck, you were doing so well, Viktor, and then you blew it."

"So you want me to be mean. Is that what you want?" he asked.

"No, I just want you to have a fucking backbone. But we can work on that, I guess."

"I think you'd be proud of me, then. Did I ever tell you why I didn't fit in with the hockey team right away?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

He smiled. "So when we were all getting our jerseys done before last season, I tried to make sure that everyone knew what number I wanted, but since I was a freshman, I got one of the last picks. No one took the number fifty until the person right before me, and I told him I wanted it."

"That's it?"

"I told him that about a hundred times."

"That's lame. You have to pick your battles, and it was just a number."

"It's not just a number."

"Did you end up getting it?" I asked.

He nodded. "I did, but now my nickname is 'spädbarn.'"

"I don't know what that means."

He frowned. "It's Swedish for baby."

I let out a laugh. "Oh my god, that's amazing."

"I hated it at first, but now, it's kind of funny."

"It's just so fitting, and that's what makes it funny. And I guess that makes us Candy Cane and Spädbarn."

He smiled. "That's cute."

I nodded. "It really is. But you know what's even cuter?"

"Hm?"

"When you tell me the answer to what I ask."

He shook his head. "Then I'm going to try this whole 'having a backbone' thing. I'm not going to tell you."

I smiled. "Good. That's a start."

He smiled back at me. "It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I hate saying no."

"Was your conversation with Blaine about me?"

"You're not making this any easier." He shook his head. "I need every bit of help I can get."

"What? With me?"

"Dealing with you, yes."

I smiled.

"And not everything is about you, you know. I'm friends with him too," Viktor continued.

"Okay, okay. I'll back off for now."

It was definitely about me.

Probably.

Definitely probably.

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Good whatever time of day it is for you! How are you doing? Thank you for reading this, and for commenting and voting (hint hint).

So is the Blaine-Viktor conversation really as important as Amanda thinks it is? What was it about?