Amanda Jayne: Queen of Toxicity and Poor Decisions.

I accepted the crown, because one, it looked damn good on me, and two, it was the only way I could achieve that coveted queen status.

"Sorry," I said, then turned away. "My decision-making skills are lacking today, apparently."

Viktor sighed. "Amanda, don't—"

"You know damn well that this isn't good. You know it, I know it, fucking Diego knows it. This is a fucking mess, and I'm sorry."

Diego nodded. I wanted to smack the shit out of him.

"I don't mind. I already told you my feelings about the situation," Viktor said.

"Even if you're right with your weird ideas, it doesn't make it miraculously okay. I'm a horrible person, but I'm not a hypocrite," I said.

"Amanda, I know how you feel about me. You don't have to say it if you don't want to."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You know how I feel? Well, for fuck's sake, let me in on your secret, because I have no fucking idea what's going on right now."

"Then let me help you. Close your eyes," Viktor said.

I shut my eyes. "Goddammit, now you're gonna make me do the dead bird thing again. What the hell is even happening?"

"You're the one who kept putting the dead bird in your happy place, you weirdo," Viktor reminded me with a laugh.

"It's not funny."

"It's funny. Now, you know what to do. Listen to your heart and forget about everything else."

"This is bullshit," I muttered.

"Well?"

"Nothing happened. I think I should just get a plastic plant or something for companionship."

"You could probably take care of a real plant without killing it, you know."

I shrugged. "If I'm lucky, maybe." I opened my eyes and took a look at Viktor.

He was pretty, no doubt, but he was also all I had.

I couldn't lose him too. We had a completely different kind of connection, and he understood me (or at least tried to) better than anyone else I had ever met. There was no sense in risking any of that just to make myself feel better for just a moment.

I shook my head. "Viktor, this is stupid. There's just too much—"

"You said that last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. When are you going to learn that you're just scared?" Viktor said. "There's nothing wrong with that, but you should stop blaming your no's on other things."

"There are plenty of outside factors that influence you and me greatly. Matt, for example."

"What about him?"

"Do you think that he would like this?" I pointed at Viktor, that back at me. "No. He'd be pissed."

Viktor thought for a moment. "He might be irritated, but he wouldn't be mad."

"You're ridiculous."

"Maybe I am, but I believe that there are certain things that aren't worth giving up ever. You think the same way."

"I can't be one of those things, Viktor. We have to be rational and protect what we have right now, because I don't know what I'd do without you."

"But we're irrational about each other. That's just who we are."

That certainly wasn't false, but—

"Amanda, I love you. You're the only thing that matters to me," Viktor said.

"Don't tell that to Matt," I said.

Viktor smiled. "He matters too. And the triplets, and for some reason Arti does too."

A notable name was left of the list, but I ignored that for the moment.

Diego coughed.

"And Diego," Viktor added.

I let myself laugh. It wasn't the name I had in mind, but it was a name nonetheless.

"If you guys want my opinion," Diego began, but Viktor cut him off.

"We don't."

"Give him a chance." I turned to Diego. "You have twenty words. Don't waste them."

As Diego spoke, he counted the words on his fingers. "Personally, I think you guys are cute together, since you complement each other's strengths and weaknesses. How many words was that?"

"Twenty-one, if you count the question," I said.

"I only counted nineteen," Diego replied.

"I trust my counting skills more than yours."

I stole a glance at Viktor, who was already looking at me.

"Can I stay here?" I nearly whispered to him.

He nodded.

***

For the next few weeks, I spent every night with Viktor.

We didn't even do anything. He was warm in the freezing Minnesota winters, and while I certainly didn't want to stick a label on the two of us, we were probably closer to dating than not. In fact, there was no "probably" about it at all.

He bought me flowers and told me I was beautiful, and I went with him to watch hockey games and to his physical therapy sessions.

Was it a rebound for me? According to Viktor, no, since I "fell for him before I ever thought of Blaine as anything more than a friend." And that was the narrative I decided to go with.

It made things simpler on my end.

But whether we wanted to admit it to ourselves or not, the truth was that we were something we weren't before, and Matt wasn't going to like it.

I ran my fingers along Viktor's arm, since he usually listened better when I gave him a reason to. "You know, you're going to have to tell him eventually."

"Why do I have to? He's your brother," he replied.

"Yeah, but he's your best friend. And you're older than me, so you have to take responsibility. That's just the way life goes."

"He loves you more than he loves me."

"That's not true. He always believes what you say, not me."

"That's exactly why you should tell him. He won't believe you, so he won't get mad." Viktor smiled. "I'm smart."

"Let's not go that far." I pressed my lips to his cheek and wished I could have skin that soft. "Why don't we compromise? You call him and put him on speaker and tell him. If I have to do any damage control, I'll jump in."

"You think that'll work?"

I nodded.

"Fine," Viktor agreed.

I made a mental note that using the word "compromise" would be beneficial to getting my way with him in the future.

Viktor called Matt, then put the phone down on the table in front of the couch.

"This is a bad idea. You should do the talking," Viktor said.

I rolled my eyes. "No, no, no. Don't start with this. You are a fucking champion. You can handle this."

Viktor took a deep breath just as Matt picked up.

"I thought you forgot that I exist," Matt said with a laugh. "What's up?"

"Hey, how are you?" Viktor said with the fakest chill I've ever heard in my entire life.

And I used to talk to Blaine, the king of fake chill, daily.

"I just wonder how the hell three little girls can go through so many clothes so fast. I'm so far behind on laundry, it's ridiculous." Matt laughed. "But I'm good. How are you feeling?"

"Everything's healing well, so I couldn't be happier. You remember Amanda, right?"

"My sister Amanda? Yes, I remember her fairly well."

I bit my cheek.

What an intro. 10/10.

"She's been going with me to all my appointments. She's such a nice person," Viktor continued.

"Most people wouldn't call her nice, but yeah, she's got a heart of gold."

I smiled.

Although I'd never admit it, Matt's approval always meant a lot to me. He was my big brother, and we were much closer than a lot of other siblings were. When he was happy, I was happy.

I hoped he would reciprocate.

Viktor looked over at me and mouthed, "I don't know how to say it."

"Just do it," I mouthed back at him.

"Matt, please don't get mad at me," he said.

"Why would I get mad at you? Did you lose her in a doctor's office or something? I mean, I once did that on purpose, but fuck, dude—"

"I didn't lose her. The problem is that I gained her."

Matt hesitated. "Huh?"

"Hi Matt," I said.

"Oh god," he muttered.

"Turns out I kinda like Viktor. Sorry," I said. "Look, I know this puts you in a shitty situation, and I'm sorry, but I don't know, I guess I just—" I sighed. "I just suck at making good decisions."

"Amanda, stop. I saw this coming from a mile away."

"Really?"

"Yeah, everyone did, except for you."

I looked down at the ground. "Oh."

Everyone must have had Amanda binoculars or some shit, since they all seemed so good at predicting my feelings.

"Just don't hurt each other, or I'll beat you both up. God, this is weird," Matt continued.

"Sorry," I said.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault you finally caught a bad case of feelings."

That was a little bit my fault, but I didn't say anything.

"So that's all you wanted to talk about, Viktor?" Matt asked.

"That was the main thing, but I still want to talk to you," Viktor said.

"You don't have to. Run along, children. Have fun," Matt said.

Viktor frowned. "You're mad at us."

"Do I seem mad?"

"A little, yeah," I said.

"Well, I'm not. You've done a lot for me the past few years, and I should do something for you, Amanda. He's brought me so much joy, and it's about time you let him do the same for you."

I paused to look at Viktor.

He smiled at me.

Viktor already brought me plenty of joy. I didn't necessarily need him as a boyfriend or anything along those lines for him to make me happy.

I nodded anyway. "I think you're right."

That was the thing about him. He stole a small piece of my heart from the first moment I met him, and despite my efforts to steal it back, he held it above my head, just right above my fingertips.

Of course, I tried kicking him until he gave it back, but that stubborn ass never did.

"Wait, what the hell is that? Natalie, no!" Matt cried.

"What?" I asked.

"Uh huh, Leah, you've been caught."

Viktor smiled and shook his head.

"Sorry, I have to go. I don't know what the fuck Nat and Leah are doing to Melissa, but it's not looking too good," Matt said, then yelled, "Put your sister down!"

Matt hung up the phone, and Viktor and I both stared at the "call ended" screen.

"Hm," Viktor said.

I nodded, then climbed up onto his lap and kissed him.

"Candy Cane, I want everything for you," he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Everything. You deserve everything." He smiled. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

I shook my head. "I don't want or need everything. I'm happy with what I have."

I ran my fingers through his hair, then pressed a kiss to his lips.

"Amanda?"

"Hm?"

"You still want to go, right?"

"To what?"

"That banquet. Remember? I asked you about it about a month ago."

"I completely forgot about it. When is it?" I asked.

"Saturday."

"Shit," I muttered. "Yeah, sure. I'll go."

"You don't sound excited about it."

"I'm not. You see, that kind of shit is for people with class. I don't have an ounce of it."

"You're a little classy when you want to be," Viktor said.

I glared at him. "Thanks."

That seemed a little rude, so I continued talking. "It's not that I don't want to go, because I definitely do. It's just that I don't know what you're supposed to do at these things, what you're supposed to wear, if murder is condoned or frowned upon—"

"Murder is definitely frowned upon."

"That answers just one of my many questions, Vik. There's still a lot I don't know," I said.

"Then I'll ask someone who does know. How about that?"

"Who?"

"Caroline."

I bit my cheek at the mention of her name.

"I know you don't care for her, but she knows about this kind of stuff. Her dad has been the coach of Winterview's hockey team since she was eleven," Viktor said.

"Doesn't mean I have to like her or trust her worthless opinion."

"She'll be willing to help, I'm sure. All she wants is her dad's approval, and helping out his player will help that cause."

"Just fucking dandy," I muttered.

"Please just try. I need this."

I took a deep breath, then nodded. "Fine."

I certainly had no intentions of playing nice, though. If her claws came out, mine would too, and I kept mine much sharper than she could ever dream of having.

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