As I packed the last of my clothes into the suitcase, I mentally chastised myself for not getting it done earlier. Viktor and I were to leave in an hour and a half, and I still had several people I had to say goodbye to. In fact, I hadn't really said goodbye to anyone at that point.

I had a short list of people who were worth one, and it was made up of the people invited to my graduation party: my family, Arti, and Blaine.

Mom told me I was being ridiculous with my guest list. She told me about how she had a grand party and a pretty dress, with people coming and going all throughout the day. I considered myself to be ambiverted, but parties were never something I enjoyed. People congratulating me for something that really wasn't even an achievement was far from my idea of fun, especially people who just showed up for the cake or some shit.

It was my own fault for being a difficult person to get along with, but that was me, and if anyone didn't like the way I spoke, it sure as hell wasn't my problem.

Even so, I wished I gave her the chance to throw me one of those stupid big parties, just for her sake.

I folded one more pair of socks and searched for a small crevice I could stuff them in. The suitcase filled up rather quickly, and I took a step back with my hand pressed to my chin. I didn't want to rearrange the entire thing, but I wasn't sure that I'd even be able to zip it closed if I couldn't find a place for one pair of socks.

I heard a creaking coming up the stairs, and since I left my bedroom door slightly open, I peeked into the hall when a figure appeared.

"Hey nerd," I said.

"Shit, you weren't supposed to look out here. I was trying to scare you," Blaine replied with a laugh. "Just pretend you didn't see me, okay?"

"That's not going to work. I know you're there, so you can't scare me."

He nudged the door even more open. "What are you up to? Still packing?"

"Just finishing up. This is the last of my stuff that I'm taking, except for some sentimental shit."

He laughed. "You look like you're struggling."

"Nope. I'm doing just fine."

"Do you want my help? I'm a little better with spatial awareness than you are."

I smiled. "Says the boy who's been in, like, three car accidents in the past year."

"I never said my decision making was all that great. Here." He took the pair of socks from my hands. "Wow, this is some fucked up shit right here. If you fold everything more vertically, you can get more stuff in there."

I watched him rearrange my clothes. I didn't stop him, but I said, "Don't touch my stuff."

"It's so much more efficient, and I know that's your kink."

I laughed. "I like getting shit done in a timely and compact manner."

"Unless you're pissed about something. Then everything has to be drawn out for the drama."

"You're more than welcome to just finish rearranging this and leave."

He smiled and wrapped an arm around my waist, placing a kiss on the side of my eyebrow. "You know damn well I'd never do that."

"You're about to. You have places to be, as do I."

The smile fell off his face. "Well shit."

I took a deep breath. "So what are you thinking? You know, with us?"

He thought for a moment, then let go of me. "I've been thinking, and rationally speaking, I'm not exactly sure that a long-distance relationship would work out for either of us. You've got a lot on your mind, with your mom, sisters, you know, and we complement each other pretty well while we're together, but..." He trailed off.

"I agree," I said.

He rose an eyebrow at me, but I kept talking anyway. "It's like, I'm not afraid of what you'll do without me. You're too goddamn loyal, and you've always stuck by me, whether we were just friends or not. I'm more afraid of what you won't do without me. You'll stop yourself from having any fun, just because of me. And I don't want you to do that. You deserve to do all the stupid shit you want."

Blaine put his hands on his face. "Fuck, you weren't supposed to agree with me. I don't want to break up or anything."

I cracked a smile. "Then let's not think of this, whatever it is, as a break-up. We'll think of it as a..."

"A mutual parting of ways, thank you and goodnight." Blaine finished for me.

"Whatever works for you, I guess."

"So technically speaking, we're not together anymore, but from an emotional standpoint, I don't think much is going to change between us."

I shook my head. "Probably not. But you're free to do whatever and whomever you'd like, not that my disapproval has ever stopped you from doing whatever the hell you want."

He laughed. "I like it when you tell me not to do shit. I always have. And I especially like your face when I do exactly what you told me not to."

"I know."

And I had always liked telling him not to do stupid things. And I especially liked it when he gave me a "fuck you" smile and did it anyway.

I loved him way more than I had originally planned.

Amanda, you weak piece of shit.

"So did you get a chance to talk to Arti yet?" I asked.

"Not yet. I'm gonna head over to her house after I'm done here."

"Be prepared for tears. She's a mess," I said.

He chuckled. "Can't really blame her. And in that case, I should probably get started on my other goodbyes. I still have a few more things I need to take care of before I leave," Blaine said.

"And you had the audacity to call me out for not being finished?"

"Yep."

"Fuck you."

"You're just going to have to wait, Amanda. It's going to be a while."

I let out a sigh. "Don't miss me too much, okay?"

"I won't. I won't miss you one bit."

I smiled. "Good."

He leaned down to my level, and kissed me for the last time in a while.

When he pulled away, I gave him a smile and said, "There's a box of cookies with your name on it in the kitchen."

"You're the best. I love you."

I looked down at my suitcase, which was a mess from Blaine's partial rearrangement. More efficient my ass. "I love you too."

***

"Is that the last of your stuff?" Dad asked me, after I handed him one last bag to put in my car.

I nodded. "It was hard to decide what all to take with me."

"About three quarters of all this stuff is yours," Dad said with a chuckle. "Not much room left for Viktor."

"He'll be okay."

"He may have to-"

"Wait! Don't leave yet! We still have a present for you!" Leah said, swinging the front door open and scrambling toward me with her sisters.

She held out the toaster to me.

"Go put that back in the kitchen," I said.

"But how else will you make toast?" she asked with a giggle.

"I told you she would rather have the blender, you idiot," Natalie said.

I smiled. "I don't need any kitchen appliances. I can just get food from the dining hall. I paid for it, so I'm going to take advantage of it."

"Maybe Viktor will want the toaster then," Natalie said.

"Still in love, are you?" I asked with a laugh.

"Kind of, yeah. He's so cute."

I squatted to the triplets' level and put a smile on my face. "Now, you're all going to be moderately well-behaved for Matt, right?"

The three of them nodded.

"Mostly, we'll try," Natalie said.

I smiled. "I can't ask for one hundred percent. Do all your homework, brush your teeth in the morning and at night, don't do drugs, stay away from strangers, um, what am I missing? Ugh, never mind. You guys are smart. You know what you should and shouldn't do."

Natalie laughed. "Are you okay, Amanda?"

"I'll be fine." I wrapped the three of them up in a hug, and didn't say anything else.

Melissa gave a sad smile as we broke apart. "Just make sure that you do all your homework, brush your teeth, and avoid drugs."

"And especially don't talk to strangers. College people can be pretty sketchy," Leah added.

"Unless he's cute. Then you should dazzle him with your personality and prettiness," Natalie said.

I smiled. "I'll try my best."

Dad hugged me next. "God, I wish your mother was here to see you. It was always her dream to see you go on and lead the life she knew you were capable of having."

I nodded against his arm. "I wish she was here too."

"No boys, okay?" he said with a laugh, trying to undo the sudden chill that ran down my spine that happened when anyone said anything about Mom.

"I can almost guarantee that for you, Dad."

"You may be a grown woman, but you're still my little girl."

I wasn't a grown woman by any stretch, but I gave him a smile anyway. "I know, and I always will be."

He may not have always been there, but he was always there for me, and that was all I could've asked for.

"And Matt's inside?" I asked.

Dad nodded. "He's not taking this too well."

I frowned. "If I had my way, it'd be the other way around. He'd be leaving me to go back to his school in Minneapolis."

"I think that'd be even worse for him."

"I'm gonna go say my goodbye to him, and then Viktor and I'll be out of here."

Dad nodded wordlessly, and I walked up the front steps and into the house, and as I walked in, Blaine walked out, with Viktor following him. I was surprised that Blaine was still there.

"This isn't what I wanted," Viktor said.

"Sorry, but that's what you needed to hear. Just listen to that, and you'll be fine," Blaine said, not turning around.

"What's not what you wanted?" I asked Viktor.

"It's nothing, Candy Cane."

"Then why are you pouting?"

He smiled. "You've gotten a little more emotionally intelligent since last year, huh?"

I nodded. "Yep, and you're going to spill when we leave. But for now, I need to say goodbye to Matthew."

"He's up in his room." He nodded toward the stairs, and I went up there and into Matt's room without knocking first.

As a little sister, I made it my job to ignore boundaries.

"Were you just gonna sit up here forever?" I asked.

He looked up at me. "I was gonna try."

I smiled. "It'll be fine. I'll only be an hour away."

"It's just going to be so empty here. You remember how much quieter it got when Viktor left? It's going to be ten times worse, with Mom and your loud mouth gone too."

I took in a quick breath, and I felt my skin temperature drop.

"I hate to be like this, but everything's different now, and I can't stand it," Matt continued.

"I know this doesn't fix the Mom situation, but I'll come home every chance I get. Every weekend, if you want."

He smiled. "No, you go have a blast. You deserve it. You've put up with so much shit, so go achieve your goals."

"I have two goals this year. One, to get Viktor drafted into the NHL, and two, to get him to love you."

He rose his eyebrows. "How about a goal for yourself? Viktor's taken up enough of your time, don't you think?"

"Well, maybe, but-"

"No buts. Focus on yourself for once. People disappoint, and you're the only one you can keep from letting yourself down."

I smiled. As confusing as the wording was, the point was fantastic.

"Just make sure you prioritize yourself, okay? There's a reason that I'm the one staying. It's because you've got things that you can do."

I nodded. "I'll always be my number one."

"You've never been. And I guess that's another thing that I'll miss about you. You're just like Mom."

"Don't compare me to her. I'll never be as good as her. As far as I'm concerned, she should be a fucking saint."

Matt shook his head and smiled. "Girls can never take a compliment."

Whether he liked it or not, I hugged him. "We can, just in select circumstances."

"Just be careful, okay? Make the most of this opportunity."

"I always do, Matthew, and this won't be any different. I promise you that."

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Hi guys! Thank you so much for reading. I hope you're having a fantastic day, and if you're not, I hope I made it at least a little better.

Will Amanda actually focus on herself, or will her obsession with Viktor be reignited?