I found Viktor in the dining hall the next morning, sitting with Diego and Jackie. Without me. But whatever. I didn't give a fuck.

I slammed the notes I had written on the table in front of him. "Here you fucking go."

He looked up at me, his eyes widened in surprise. "Are you okay?"

"I'm great. I was just waiting for hours and hours for you after the game, and you never came. So yeah, I'm fantastic."

A bit of an exaggeration, but he got the idea.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were waiting for me. Here, let me get you some coffee or something. I'll make it up to you," he said.

"I don't want you to make it up to me. I always waited for you before, so why would it be any different now? I just want the truth from you. Where were you?"

I had learned that it was better not to accuse people right off the bat. That usually caused "conflict."

It was better to let him work himself into a corner.

"I was with Jackie," he replied.

I didn't respond right away. I didn't expect the truth to come out so easily.

I looked over at Jackie, then at him. "Oh."

Jackie frowned, and she held up her hands in surrender. "Don't freak out. It's nothing."

I shrugged. "I'm not freaking out."

"That went better than I thought it would," Viktor mumbled to himself, then spoke louder. "It's not what you think. We're not together or anything."

I rolled my eyes. "Mhm."

"I'm serious, Amanda."

"Mhm."

"You don't believe me?"

I shook my head. "Not one bit."

"Why not?"

"I understand that you're busy and all that, but a few times, you've been late to something we planned or just left me overall. And apparently, you prefer spending time with Jackie over me. I'm not mad or whatever, but I'm slightly fucking irritated."

"I'm sorry, Candy Cane. I really am. Let me buy you dinner or something. Please."

I let out an exasperated laugh. "What is this? Some ploy to get me to like you?"

Jackie nodded.

I stared at her for a moment, then looked back to Viktor. "What the fuck is going on?"

Viktor covered his face with his hands. "Dammit."

"This is getting interesting," Diego finally said with a smile.

Jackie frowned. "Shh."

I tapped my fingers on the table and waited for an explanation as patiently as I could.

"Do you want me to say it?" Jackie asked.

Viktor shook his head, then grabbed my hand. "We'll be right back."

I felt my face fall as he took me just around the corner, for a little bit of privacy.

"What's the deal? I just don't get any of this. First, the thing from Blaine, now this? It just doesn't make any sense to me," I said.

"What thing from Blaine?" he asked.

"Oh, right. I'm not supposed to know about that." I grimaced. Whoops. "But just tell me what's going on."

"You know about the list?"

I nodded.

He sighed. "I just want you. That's all. I'm so pathetic, like you'd say, but that's it."

"And what about Jackie?"

"She was helping me."

His vagueness was going to be the goddamn death of me.

"With?" I asked.

"With everything. What you like, what you need, what you think, what you believe."

"That's not going to work. I don't let her in to my soul the same way I let you in."

"I want more. I want Amanda in her purest form."

I took a deep breath. "After all I've done for you, you still think I owe you?"

His eyes widened. "No, no. Not at all. I feel like I owe you."

I looked up at him, but words wouldn't come to my mind besides, "Pull your fucking shit together."

I didn't say them though. They wouldn't help the situation at all.

I put a smile on my face. "The only thing you owe me is your loyalty. I'll go through hell for you, and all I ask is that when push comes to shove, you'll do the same thing for me. I don't need or want anything else from you. Just your pure, kind, sweet self."

"But—"

"No. No buts. Viktor, I love you for you. It's different than I've ever cared about anyone before. You've done so much for me. You don't owe me a goddamn thing, besides loyalty and transparency. That's it."

He pushed my hair out of my face. "You don't get it. You do the same for me."

"I do get it. That's what you don't understand. I'm just as human as you. I'm not this robot, incapable of feeling anything. I probably feel just as much as you, but I don't understand it or know what to do with it."

He didn't answer, so I continued talking. "I don't know how to express love except through undying courage and honesty. I just don't. It's that lack of emotional intelligence you pointed out in me some two years ago. Look, I don't know how to put my thoughts into words, but I will promise you this: I will be whatever you need, if you just be you. There's no one in the entire world that I love more."

Everything I said usually traveled straight from my brain to my mouth, but when I spoke to him, the words took a pit stop at my heart. There was no one who broke into my soul the way he did. And what terrified me was that he didn't even realize he was doing it.

"Amanda." He rested his hand on my forearm. "I don't understand how someone so amazing as you can be so convinced that you're nothing more than loyalty and courage. You're everything."

"I mean, I'm a couple other things too, like coffee and sarcasm, but other than that, I'm not much. I'm not nearly as deep as you. I'm straight-up cynicism, misunderstanding, and abrasiveness."

"And kindness, and caring, and—"

"Okay, that's enough. I can't take any more emotion from us. I'm done." I moved my arm away from his hand.

He got my point, and that was all I needed. I didn't need his speech of how I was actually an angel or some shit.

Viktor laughed. "We were just getting somewhere. We're not done yet. Look, my point is that you're brave, courageous, cold, and dangerous. I'm just kind and scared."

"Okay, but that doesn't mean—"

"You are the only courage I have. I say I'm unsure, and you're the only one to see through it. I'm just terrified of pushing boundaries, but you aren't afraid at all."

Yet he just loved to push me, push me, push me, until I fell off a goddamn cliff.

I hesitated before saying anything. "I'm not your courage. I just force you to find it for yourself."

He smiled. "What I'm saying is you and me, we're a golden pair. What else do either of us want or need?"

"Well, for starters, I'd like a bathtub that I can have my knees and boobs underwater at the same time."

He laughed. "I'm trying to be serious, and you're defense mechanism-ing your way out of it."

"What? Me, trying to get out of a feel-y situation? Never."

I said my piece. I was done with the emotions for a little bit.

"Look, I didn't want a heart-to-heart. I just wanted an explanation as to why you were ignoring me. I got that, so thank you very much," I said.

"You started the emotional talk."

"And now I'm putting that shit to an end. I feel like you've seen too much of me now, and I'm getting uncomfortable."

"So let me just get one more answer from you. Be completely honest. Do I ever have a shot at getting you to love me?"

"I do love you, just not romantically. And if you want the truth, then I'm going to say it's not going to happen. There's no one I'm closer to than you on an emotional level, but I need some boundaries to be completely at ease. But it's different, because you're you, and fuck. This is too much. I need a fucking nap."

He laughed. "It's eight in the morning."

"So that's it? You're not mad at me?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Why would I be mad at you? You're using your emotional intelligence that I'm just trying to help you find. I feel happy for you, if anything."

I covered my face with my hands. "Goddammit. I hate you, you adorable piece of shit."

He smiled.

I smiled back at him. "And look, I know I can be difficult to talk to sometimes, but if you've got something on your mind, just be straight-up with me, okay? I hate secrets."

"Remember our secret exchange?" he asked.

"Okay, that one secret was okay, but other than that," I swept my hand across my throat, "no bueno."

"Still have a little bit of that Spanish I taught you, huh?" He smiled.

"I'm pretty sure everyone knows 'bueno', but you go ahead and let that feed into your ego."

He grabbed my hand like he usually did. "I don't need an ego as long as I have you. You'll tell me everything I need to hear."

I smiled. "That's about all I'm good for. Well, that and arguing with people. You make any enemies without me?"

"No enemies, or at least not like Lukas." He chuckled as we walked back to where we left Jackie and Diego.

Suddenly I felt like a really shitty person for leaving those two alone together.

When we got back, Jackie was missing, and Diego brushed who-knows-what out of his hair.

"Oh god," I muttered.

"What did you do to deserve that?" Viktor asked.

"I told her she has a nice ass," Diego said, and to my surprise, he laughed.

Viktor didn't. "That's not funny. You should apologize."

"All you had to do act moderately classy, and you couldn't even handle that," I said.

Diego shrugged.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure Jackie's fine, but I'm just gonna go make sure. I'll see you later, okay?"

Viktor nodded. "Yep."

I made my way back to our dorm, where I figured she would be.

I had barely opened the door before Jackie began to rant.

"I really, really can't stand Diego. I don't know who he thinks he is, but he's so rude to me. Someone needs to teach him a lesson."

I frowned. "I know. I can't relate, but I'll gladly take the lesson thing upon myself."

"No thanks. I'll just stay away from him as much as I can, so don't go trying to start an argument."

"Seemed like you had it under control enough. I don't know what you dumped on him, but it sounded like he had it coming," I said. "And anyway, you've never even seen me in full argument mode. I can ruin anyone with a few words."

"That sounds wonderful, but I caught a glimpse of it earlier, and quite frankly, the preview was terrifying."

I loved my intimidation factor.

"Okay. Just let me know if he makes you uncomfortable again. I'm sure you can handle it, but I'll give him a few of my opinions too. Consider it teamwork," I said.

She smiled. "Can I tell you something?"

"Uh, sure."

"You're different than I thought you'd be."

"I hope that's a good thing."

She nodded. "I'd say so, yes."

Was this a friendship? Maybe. I didn't know yet, even though we had been living together for about a month. It took me longer to warm up to Viktor, but I couldn't help but think that now that we were out of the figuring-out stage, we could actually be friends.

I never really made too many of those. Apparently, my face could be perceived as intimidating by people, according to Blaine.

--------------------------------------------------

What's up people? How's life treating you? Happy Valentine's Day! (You're my valentine, so deal with it.)

Is anyone doing anything fun? Have some big plans? Have a funny story to tell?

Like, seriously. If you have something to share, please do. I need distractions because I don't want to study.

But anyway, how painful do we want this story to be? I don't know how much I want to make Amanda and Viktor suffer quite yet, since I was up all last night thinking about another direction to take this story. (Why do I do this to myself???)