It's Tuesday morning. I'm freshly dressed and although there's some fault lines running through my conscious, I don't feel as unsettled as I usually am. I think it's because of yesterday. That warm feeling of satisfaction sits comfortably in my stomach. The only thing keeping a potential smile at bay is Patrick's words echoing through my mind. No, this shit isn't perfect or sane, but I know what I'm after and I think I'm slowly getting there. Ryan is ever so subtly shifting himself into something more open with me.

The last item of clothing I nearly forget is my letterman jacket. I pull open my drawer and take it out. I stare at the details for a bit before putting it on. Even with the disturbing meaning resting over my body, I don't let myself give in. I look over to Dallon who has his stuff collected. He sees me and I put a smile on my face.

"Ready for the day?" I ask.

He looks away from me, "Sure."

Statistics moves by quickly as the session falls into an independent study. I get a jittery feeling when the bell rings and I head to the next class. I'm anxious in a good way to see Ryan. Any negative thoughts dissipate as he walks into the room. I let a smile creep onto my face as he sits next to me.

"Hey." I say.

"Brendon." He looks at me and gives me a single nod.

I stare at him quizzically, but let my expression rest, "So about yesterday." I give him a nudge.

He looks at me with a blank expression, "What about it?"

It stings, and I'm more flabbergasted than anything, "Really? I get it, here isn't the place, but-"

"Alright, everyone take out your books." The professor starts.

I slump in my chair a bit as class gets started. Maybe he is just acting like that because this isn't the time to talk about it...

Any sliver of downtime is silent between us, and I let it be until the class comes to an end. I wait for him to gather his stuff as I stand on the outside of our seats. I contemplate words to say, but I continue with the silence as I walk with him to the club. When we get inside the door, Tyler and Josh are in one of the back corners. I don't care too much about their presence as I turn to Ryan and throw my arms around his neck. I give him a nervous smile as I let our bodies stay a fair distance apart.

"So... yesterday." I restate.

He takes my arms off him, "What do you want me to say about it?"

"I just... I don't know. You made us official to everyone amongst other things."

"You didn't give me much of a choice." He says, flipping through one of the journals at the front desk.

"I didn't give you a choice?" I question, "You marked me."

"Doesn't matter now." He says as he writes stuff down in the notebook.

"Ryan." I start, but before I can initiate anything else, the others walk into the room. I distance myself from the brown haired boy and take a seat a few rows back. The meeting consists of job summaries and Gerard doing some research for Josh and Tyler. Even when Ryan isn't preoccupied, I don't bother with him. I don't understand what crawled up his ass and died.

In the midst of playing some free game that came with my phone, I hear Frank's voice, "Hey, man."

"Hey! What's up?" I ask.

"Gerard and I are having a little get together on Friday, feel free to come by."

"Sure, as long as there's booze and drugs, I'm always up for a good time!" I say with a smile.

"Great! Besides, it'll be a nice way to get to know each other more." He also puts on a smile.

"Absolutely!"

"Right on, man." He curls his fingers into a fist and I do the same with mine. We bump knuckles before he goes back to accompanying Gerard.

Entry 6

Ryan has been irritatingly distant lately. He won't even kiss me. This is a total flip flop from Monday and it just... kills me. Yesterday evening when we met for the club session, it almost felt as though he was taunting me merely by his presence. Josh and Tyler were out and Gerard left early. Frank trailed along after cleaning up some weapons and I debated just going to my dorm room. I decided not to, because Dallon had been acting weird lately. I asked him for help with some work for Statistics and he just got up and left. It's like I hopped into some weird twilight zone. Even when Ryan and I were alone, he didn't bother with me. Sure, I could have asked why, but I don't think my efforts would have made an effect. Somehow, I continue to torture myself in second period when I still sit by him. I don't know what to do. Thankfully, I'm going to Gerard and Frank's place in a bit. I fucking hope there's enough drugs and alcohol... I need to get my mind off of this.

I double check my text from Frank as I approach one of the dorm's doors. I knock a couple times before the door opens. Gerard greets me as I walk inside. I can already smell smoke in the air as I see Frank on a queen sized bed with a bottle of beer in his hands. Tyler and Josh are snuggled up on a lengthy couch against the back wall.

Frank sees me and says, "Hey, Brendon! Whatever you want, just ask for it. We definitely got some good shit."

"Awesome!" I say with a smile.

I look to my immediate left and notice a small circular table with a few chairs. There's a pack of cards, a half empty bottle of beer, and some cigarettes laying on it. I look back over to Frank who is now accompanied by Gerard.

"Got any weed?" I ask.

"Oh yeah, man." Frank says. He leans over the side of the bed and pulls open a drawer. He takes out a small case of rolled joints and I walk over to retrieve one. I don't hesitate as I slide the stick between my lips. Frank pulls out a lighter that sits between him and Gerard and smoothly flicks the edge to ignite it. I bend over to catch the flames.

I take a long drag, "Thanks." I say while letting the smoke exhale my lungs.

"No problem." Frank nods.

"So, you and Ryan." Gerard says.

"Yeah." I say, trying not to sound too terribly disappointed.

"Ever since he pushed you up against that wall, I knew you two would eventually get it on." He says, getting up for a moment to grab his beer.

"Really?" I look towards Gerard with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh yeah, he tends to rough up people he's interested in." He puts the bottle to his mouth and takes a sip.

"Ryan's been... distant lately." I take another long drag, unsure if I regret being honest.

"Might be because he's working on a case. He tends to isolate himself. Don't take it to heart." Gerard says.

"Okay." I reply.

"Pull up a chair, Brendon." Frank says, motioning his hand towards the table.

I drag one of the wooden chairs up to the end of the bed. While I do so, I look back over to Josh and Tyler who now have their attention on me.

It feels awkward, so I just say, "Hey, Tyler and Josh." nodding ever so attentively.

"Hey." Josh says through tired eyes and a light smile.

Tyler lets out a weakened, "Hi." with seemingly no expression although his eyes are a bit wide.

It's quiet for a while as I look back to Gerard and Frank. Their hips are touching as their legs are sprawled out in front of them. Frank is lightly tracing circles on Gerard's palm. I'm almost jealous of their relationship. They act like they've been together for a while and it seems so content.

I ask, "How did you two meet?"

"Highschool." Frank says, "I was in a gang." He looks to Gerard with somber eyes.

"His gang killed my brother. Didn't take much digging to find out." Gerard says.

Frank continues, "I became close friends with Gee that year and Mikey, his brother, was more of an acquaintance. When it happened and after he found out, he almost beat me to death, but I let him know that I never wanted his brother to get hurt."

"It felt like a betrayal on both ends, so we teamed up and took down Frank's gang. I had never wanted to kill so badly in my life. It got thrilling and we got close. The rest is pretty much history." Gerard finishes, looking at Frank lovingly.

I avert my gaze and put the blunt to my lips. I let them have their moment as I just try to process their story. Damn...

Silence fills the air again as I prompt another question, "So how did you two join the club?"

"It was last year in my Behavioral Psychology class." Gerard starts, "Ryan was in it with me, and he approached me once during the passing period. He took note of the scars on my face and said he'd faced some hell in his life. I let myself open up to him. I obviously strung Frank along and he told us about the club he was trying to revamp."

"Is Ryan pretty good at that... just finding people who might fit into The Scarlet Society?" I ask.

"Oh yeah. He picked us misfits out well. Course within the last few months he just wanted to grab who he could. I don't blame him for wanting more members, but I personally don't mind this tight knit group. Besides, with you joining, I think he'll take a break from forcing anymore hands."

"Really? I'm just one person." I say.

"It seems like he wants to be focused on you... in more ways than one." Frank winks.

Well it doesn't seem like it. I keep that thought to myself as I just shyly shrug.

"Hey, want to play some cards?" Gerard asks.

"Sure." I say.

I move back to the table as Gerard and Frank come over and we all establish a game we'd like to play. We settle on Gin Rummy. I haven't played in a while, so I lose the first session. It's a lot of fun just chatting and doing something fairly normal amongst a room full of murderers. After a while, Josh comes over and asks to join the session. It's like him and Tyler are glued at the hip because even though Tyler seems disinterested, he has an arm wrapped around Josh's as he stares at the cards in the black haired boy's hand.

Gerard and Frank seem to lower their voices, so I follow suit, although I'm immediately curious as to why.

At one point, the buzz haired boy reaches out to adjust the cards Josh sets down after he makes a play. He silently narrates the scene to himself to process Josh's move and I can't help but stare at his arm. It's completely covered in scars. Some deep, some thin, and there's a significant amount of fresh ones. All of them look self inflicted. I swallow hard, now more curious than ever as to why he did that to himself. He's the strangest amongst everyone, and I guess the saddest as well.

I can see Tyler's eyes cast over to mine and I look away.

"Well that was fun." Gerard concludes with a smile on his face since he's won for the second time.

"Sure was." Josh says with a smile.

"I never got to ask about you guys." I say in Josh's direction.

Josh looks to me, "Oh... well I don't mind talking about it. Tyler, you're fine with me telling Brendon our story?" He looks over to Tyler who gives him a slow nod.

"Well, in highschool I had associated with individuals who smuggled various drugs. I didn't have a lot of money, and when my grandma got sick I wanted to do everything I could for her. I ended up being a member of the group, but eventually noticed how sketchy it was, so I tried to leave. It was a bad idea, so I made my attempts at running away from them and eventually came across a burning treehouse near a backyard surrounded by grass and tall trees. I saw a boy standing beside said treehouse."

"That was me." Tyler says with his eyes cast near the ground, "a voice in my head... he's much quieter now, but at the time he told me to burn my dog so I did it."

Josh wraps his arm tightly around Tyler, placing a quick kiss to the side of the boy's head. Josh continues the story, "I'm such a caretaker at heart that when I saw him again at this school, I made sure I was by his side. I learned he was schizophrenic and manic depressive and that his parents didn't believe in mental illness. He was also a part of the club at the time and he told me about a life he took."

"It was Blurryface. He told me to do it. Ryan saw me do it, and he helped me take care of what happened." Tyler says, there's a crack in his voice like he's about to cry.

There's a pause before Josh looks back to me, "He calls the voice in his head Blurryface. He used to see it manifest into a figure with an obscure meshed face, thus the name. A good few months went by where I had to find a dealer to get the medication he needed. That voice was telling Tyler to take my life as well as his own, so times got rough. I also dealt with getting back at the members of the group from high school. My biggest focus was on Tyler throughout all of that... I managed to get what I needed for him, but he still has bad days. I never thought this would be my truth, but as long as I can keep him safe, that's all I really care about."

"And God..." Tyler pauses, "God will forgive us."

I just now notice the thin chain hanging around his neck. I watch as he grabs the cross between his fingers.

Josh softens his voice further and talks to me a bit more closely, "Tyler's parents were heavily religious, and that carried on to him. Belief is something that helps to keep him going."

"I see..." Is all I can muster. I can't begin to imagine what Josh has gone through... not knowing if your partner is going to kill you or themselves...

"Josh and Tyler have special circumstances for the club." Frank says, "They kill for survival or by circumstance. The club is a safe space for them. Gee and I kill just for the thrill of it, although we can still be driven by revenge."

I ask, "What about Ryan and Dallon?"

"You'd have to ask them that. They're both so cryptic, but they're the most ruthless out of all of us. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Dallon was a psychopath. No one fucks with him."

"Does he also get distant with jobs too?" I ask, "He's been pretty much ignoring me the last few days."

"Oh no, that definitely wouldn't be the reason for why he's distancing himself from you." Gerard says.

I'm almost afraid to ask, "What is it, then?"

"Well..."

Frank interrupts, "You took his man."

I feel a knot in my stomach, "I... what?"

Gerard playfully pushes Frank's shoulder, "Ryan and Dallon were uncomfortably close last year. Ryan clearly didn't have feelings as opposed to Dallon. At one point they were a bit too close, it got awkward, and then they just stayed friends. Dallon acts like he has this claim over Ryan even to this day, so he probably doesn't like that you're with him."

"Oh..." I say. Great, I love when things get complicated.

"Don't worry too much about it. Not like he's going to kill you or anything." Frank says.

That didn't feel reassuring in the slightest, "Right."

Gerard says, "Don't worry. If the relationship you have with Ryan continues, he'll be the one to beat Dallon's ass if he tries anything. I don't think Dallon would bother anyway because he's very compliant when it comes to Ryan's commands and expectations."

"Well, I mean... if something happened between me and Ryan that doesn't end well..."

"Ryan would kick your ass. He never needs anyone to do extra lifting, even if Dallon offered relentlessly."

I awkwardly clear my throat, "Good to know."

The evening eventually comes to an end, and I feel anxious going back to my room. I definitely can't look at Dallon the same. 

A/N: I love how freakishly long I take to update chapters... NOT. Last week was crazy, I was getting my costume ready for Halloween so I didn't give myself the time to write. This chapter is a bit shorter than what I had planned, but I'm hoping to write the next one sooner than later. Also.... be prepared for the next chapter because... SPOILER ALERT... hella NSFW lmao.