I can see it in his eyes, he's losing hope.
He's given up.
He no longer sees what he has to live for...
I want to help, to let him know...
But how can one broken, save another lost soul?
A. E

Jane

-

I was so close to having her.

If it wasn't for that milf then we'd have more time and she'd clearly see that I wanted her back... wanted things to work... wanted us to work.

I groaned aloud as I walked down the stairs, ignoring the many sounds coming from behind the locked doors that lined the hall I just passed. The big, tall, muscular bouncer saw me as I headed towards the door and he held it open for me causing my stupid brain to think that he too didn't want me here when in actuality, he was just doing his job.

I was in my car and headed to my mom's place within a few short minutes to pack my stuff and go but I still wasn't sure what I would do. Carrie and I haven't really spoken since I got back and I was yet to know if she and her wife would be living at our old house where we were renting together or someplace else. Veronica's parents were wealthy folks and it wouldn't be a surprise if they'd given the happy couple a house of their own.

Should I just call and ask? I debated but decided against it since it was their wedding night. I drove in silence as I listened to the song lowly playing on the radio and I allowed the wonderful vocals of Pink to wash over me. In no time I had parked my car and I unconsciously prepared myself to deal with a house full of my judgmental family.

The house was of course filled with loud talking as still music was playing and people were drinking. I noticed my mom's best friend first and my mind couldn't stop from going back in time when my aunt Rosa overheard me, pre coming out to her.

I smiled at the random memory as I watched her drunkenly talking to another of my mom's friend and I raised a brow at the remembrance of him. He was her boss and lover at one time but I think I heard someone say they had broken up.

"Hey kiddo."

I turned to see my uncle and aunt approach me and I smiled warmly in greeting. "Hey uncle Austin... aunt Rosa. Are you guys leaving?"

"Yeah. We have a long drive ahead of us and we'd like to get home before the sun comes up."

"Oh... well I guess I'll see you when I see you."

My uncle smiles at me and heads out leaving just my aunt and I awkwardly smile as she stares at me.

"So are you officially back?" She asks and I wrap my hands protectively around me.

"I'm not sure." I murmur.

"Don't you think you've been away from home long enough? It's your final year at Uni and I'd think you wouldn't wanna throw away 3 years of your life."

"I know, I just... I don't know."

"Is it because of that girl?"

My downcast head snapped up to her and I held my breath as I searched her face for disgust or even disappointment but all I saw was genuine concern.

"I... it's complicated?"

"I'm trying not to judge or preach on you kids... I mean, it would be hypocritical of me to say something when I just left the wedding of two women."

She took a deep breath and touched my shoulder. "You know my views on this... but I just want you to be happy. These days, if an elder scolds a child, they want to commit suicide and whatnot so I'm done preaching. Do whatever makes you happy okay."

"Tell that to my mother." I grumbled.

"She's just like me in some sense of the word but hey, if I can still love you guys despite your sin, I'm sure she can too."

With that said she squeezed my shoulder before releasing and headed out the door to her husband who waited patiently in their car. I waved goodbye before locking the door and turned to see Andy staring directly at me from the middle of the stairs.

His face was devoid of any emotion but when he stormed down the rest of the stairs and past me, I knew something was wrong. Following behind him quickly, I called his name and practically had to run behind him before pulling him to a stop.

"What is up with you?" I demanded.

"I'm leaving." He snaps but made no eye contact with me.

"What? Why? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Are you serious?"

"Yes, I am! Was it my mom? Because I know how she-"

"Just stop it! Stop with all the lies and the secrets. I know we've only known each other for a few months and our relationship had moved way too fast but I didn't take you for a liar."

"I'm honestly confused as to what you're getting at."

Andy rolls his eyes before running a frustrated hand through his hair. He looked as though he was trying to reign in his temper and I was still trying to figure out why he was so mad.

"Is she the reason you left?"

"What? Who?"

"The girl you were with tonight."

Oh gosh, he knew.

"I don't know what you mean." I lied.

I watched as he sighed before bracing his car, his expression tired. "Come on Jane, it's me. From that first day I saw you sitting by yourself in the cafe, crying your heart out and looking like your world was over, I knew you were running from something.

I took you in; a complete stranger, and made my home yours. I got you a job with me, working at the same cafe I found you at and I never once pressured you to tell me what was wrong. I waited and waited for you and even though you opened up and accepted my friendship... my help, I knew you'd never trust me enough to tell me what happened that day.

Even when we got together after barely a month of knowing each other, I knew. You wouldn't go further than us kissing. As much as you said you loved me I knew it wasn't real."

"I-"

"And I'm okay with that... I honestly am... I knew you came out of a bad break up and I respected your choice to wait... but then you came back for your cousin's wedding... and I thought... maybe now she'd open up to me. Maybe now she'd trust me with why she ran away, because I knew that was what happened. But you didn't.

And then I I find you crying your heart out in the car and it reminded me so much of the day I found you and all I could think of was, you saw him again... the guy that broke you... but I was confused, because it was clear to me that you had sex with him, from all the marks on your neck... but I didn't say anything, thinking you'd come to me first... apologize or something... but you didn't."

"Andy-"

"And then I heard and saw how you interacted with your family and then I saw your cousin get married to another woman and how you looked longingly at them and I thought that maybe that's why you ran... because you were in love with your cousin's girl."

My head snapped up to him and I wanted so badly to let him know how wrong he was.

"But it's not her is it... it's the girl that came with the teen. Your jealousy was unmistakable tonight and then when they left you just got angry and disappeared."

"Andy stop... please."

"You're in love with a girl?"

It was a question but it was rhetorical because we both knew the answer.

"Andy."

"And the only reason I'm here is so your family wouldn't despise you... that's why you ran."

He held my gaze and I could literally feel my heart ripping.

"You used me so it'll be easier to come back here knowing your homophobic family would be happy to see you with a guy... but guess what... I'm not just some guy Jane... I loved you but I'm not going to compete with someone who clearly has your heart."

"Andy I'm sorry." I cried as I tried and failed in holding back my tears.

I wasn't crying because I loved him, we both knew I couldn't and he understood that. I was crying because I was stupid and I hurt him just as I did Ryder in the past. I was crying because I was torn. I wanted to be with Darcy, I honestly did, but he was right. My family would just go right back to hating me for being with someone who reminded them of my father and I couldn't have that.

I didn't want her to change who she was but I couldn't be with her freely knowing that they'd disapprove and kick me back out into the cold..

And finally, I was crying because as much as I didn't want to admit it, he was my safe haven. When everyone else had failed me... he was there and I was okay.

"I know..." he says gently, pulling me to the now. "But not as sorry as I am."

He closes the gap between us and places a soft lingering kiss to my lips before pulling away. "Good bye Jane." He whispers and I watch in torn agony as he gets in his car.

My eyes catch a glimpse of his packed bags in the back seat before his car speeds out of the driveway and I close my eyes as once more someone has left me.