Part 25 :: FINAL
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[Ashton's POV]
I tugged at the tie that was wrapped around my neck as I stood in front of the full-length mirror in Charlie's room. Today was the day. It was finally time to say goodbye to my grandmother and to this desert town. There was no doubt in my mind now that leaving Page was the right thing to do. I needed a new start.
"Ashton." I felt Charlie's hands run down my back and I turned around to face her.
Much like me she was clad in all black, the long silky dress flowed down to just above her ankles and the doc marten boots she wore. On any other day, I would admire her for how beautiful the color looked on her but today it just made me sad. Charlie ran her hands up my arms reassuringly before she laced our fingers together tightly.
"You ready to go?" She asked.
"No."
Charlie gave me distressed look but pulled me toward the door anyway. It's not like I couldn't go, it was my grandmother's funeral after all. The lingering knowledge that my mother would be there irked me still, but again there was nothing I could do about it. I just hoped she took what I said to heart and left once the funeral was over. There would be nothing left for her here if she stayed because I planned on leaving and never looking back.
Mr. and Mrs. Brennan stood in the front hall waiting for us. Both of them had unreadable looks on their faces as we left their house. Charlie's parents parted ways with us as they headed toward their car, while Charlie and I walked to my truck parked at the curb. My eyes squinted up at the bright sun, happy with the fact that it wasn't raining today. It would have only made it that much worse.
Michael had called me this morning to tell me that he would meet us at the church just outside of town, where the funeral would to be held. My grandmother had never been religious while I was growing up but I had learned that her and my grandfather used to attend church while he was still alive. It was the same place that she'd be buried, so it only made sense.
My nerves started to build the closer we got. The parking lot was almost deserted when we got there, but what did I expect? There weren't many people around who appreciated my grandmother as much as I did.
We were silent as we moved across the parking lot toward the stark white building. I could see Michael standing by the door looking like a lost puppy and for a second I wondered if I looked the same. Michael took a few steps toward us before he pulled me into a quick hug. If it was any other day I probably would have pushed him away with a sarcastic remark, but today I embraced him like he was the last person I knew on earth.
"Come on," Michael motioned to the door that Charlie's parents had just disappeared behind, "There are already people inside."
"Why were you out here then?" I asked as the three of us stepped over the threshold.
My eyes darted around the practically vacant church, while Michael spoke in a soft tone, "Funerals don't really settle well with me."
"Yeah," I gulped, feeling my nerves start to build once again, "Me neither."
I felt a pair of eyes on me and I quickly turned to my right to see my mother standing along with the few others who had decided to show up. She stood silently as the older couple talked quietly to each other. I looked away and down at Charlie to see her was already staring up at me.
"It's going to be okay." She smiled slightly and I wondered how she was able to do it with such sincerity.
Michael took the lead as we made our way up the main aisle and I made sure to keep as much distance between my mother and I as I could. I slid into the second row of pews. My eyes were fixated on the large pine box off to the side of the alter that held what remained of my grandmother.
I chose not to speak at the funeral, instead I listened to the priest say a few kind words and prayers. Charlie's hand clutched mine tightly as she and Michael flanked me on either side. My mind raced with memories of my grandmother. She was the one who had taken me to my favorite lookout spot for the first time and she was the one who told me everything would be okay when I used asked if my mother would ever come and see me.
I knew life was going to be different now, but I had to embrace it because I knew it was what my grandmother would have wanted. She has always been my biggest supporter and I wasn't going to let her down by wasting my life away in the town.
My eyes turned to the sky as everyone else watched as the coffin descended slowly into the ground never to be touched again. Tear stung my eyes but I refused to let them fall. Not here, not in front of Charlie and Michael and most definitely not in front of my mother. I didn't need to give her a reason to come over at talk to me once the ceremony was over. It was like her eyes had been trained on me since I had entered the church earlier today and it was unsettling to have her watching my every move.
"Mr. Irwin." The priest finally looked in my direction as the coffin had been fully lowered into the ground.
He motioned to the large pile of red dirt off to the far side of everyone and I nodded my head in understanding. Charlie gave my hand one more squeeze before I took a step forward. My hand clutched a small amount of dirt and as I stared down at the coffin six feet under I finally felt myself crack.
The dirt fell from my hand as I wiped what tears had escaped with the back of my sleeve, "Goodbye, Gran."
I stepped back and immediately attached myself to Charlie once again. She seemed to be the only person keeping my emotions in check. I kept my eyes on the ground beneath my feet as my mother stepped up next. Since we were the only two blood relatives, the priest informed everyone that the ceremony was completed and we could all adjourn from the gravesite.
Charlie led me away from the site but I turned back and watched as a few men with shovels began to fill the whole with what dirt remained. It was over. That was it. She was gone.
"What's that?" Charlie's voice caught my attention after we had said our goodbyes and thank yous to the people who had stayed until the end.
She stood by my truck and I watched as she plucked a white envelope from behind one of the windshield wipers. I came toward her and stopped next to her, looking down to see my name scribbled across the front.
"Who's it from?" I asked quietly.
Charlie looked hesitant to open it but did once I continued to stare at her. It was now just the two of us, the parking lot complete empty of cars. As she unfolded the paper I loosened the tie still around my neck far enough until I could take it off. I proceeded to roll the sleeves up on my shirt, my eyes darting to Charlie as she stood silently a few feet away. Her entire body was rigid as she read over the contents of the letter.
"Who's it from?" I repeated myself and she jumped slightly as if I had just pulled her from a trance.
"Umm," She clutched onto the piece of paper for dear life, but didn't say anything for a long while.
The wind picked up around us and I watched as the desert sand whipped around the pavement in tiny cyclones. Charlie's hair blew around her face as she held the paper out to me, "I think you should read this."
I gave her a confused look as I took the slightly crumpled paper from her hands. Her change in attitude scared me a little as I took a chance and looked down at the letter I now held between my fingertips.
Ashton,
I know you don't want to see me again and I understand how much I must have hurt you. I left you while you were still so young and I'm sorry for any pain I may have caused you.
I was hurt when you said you didn't need me anymore, but seeing you with your girlfriend just proves to me that you really don't need me. There is nothing I can show you or that you can learn from me because I'm sure my mother has taught you well enough. I love you, Ashton. I have since the day you were born and even after you told me you hated me. You are my son and that will never change.
Hold on tight to the things you love because you'll forever regret it if you let them go.
My eyes were hazy as I read over the words my mother had written down, and for the first time it felt like everything was going to be okay. I smiled down at the letter, my heart warming up to the idea of possibly letting my mother back into my life at a later date.
"Are you okay?" Charlie asked as she ran her hand over my arm.
I nodded my head, the growing smile on my face shocking her. I wouldn't be surprised if she thought I would have crumpled up the letter and called my mother a bitch. But I wasn't going to do that, I was going to push her from my mind and focus on what was right in front of me.
"I love you."
I could visibly see Charlie gulp as she stared up at me with wide eyes. I hadn't meant to say it. I wanted to wait, but it just slipped out so easily.
"Ash. I-" Her face was growing redder by the second and the smile on my face seemed to grow with each new shade her cheeks turned.
"You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know." And I was telling the truth. It really didn't bother me if she thought it was too early or if she didn't feel the same. It gave me just the slightest bit of relief that she knew.
She leaned up and kissed me lightly. I could tell she was nervous, but I only smiled and led her to the passenger's side of my truck and opened the door for her. The drive back to Charlie's house was silent besides the soft sounds of the Smiths playing through the speakers.
"So tomorrow..." Charlie shifted her weight from one foot to the other as we stood in her driveway.
"Tomorrow." I repeated.
She sighed loudly and grabbed my hand, "This is going to be a good thing, Ash."
I nodded, feeling excitement starting to build inside me, "I know. I'm ready for a change."
Charlie bit at her lower lip and stared down at our hands for a brief second before turning her gaze up to meet mine, "My parents are going to drop me off at yours around 6am."
"And I'll be waiting outside when you get there." I reassured her.
She nodded, dropping my hand and wrapping her arms around the back of my neck. Our lips met for only a moment as I place my hand firmly against her lower back. We parted ways and I watched as she headed up her driveway and onto the porch. I turned to leave once I saw the door close behind her.
My foot tapped against the pavement below my boots as I sat out on the front steps of my old apartment. I inspected the rust build up on the rims of my truck that was parked in front of me and smiled to myself, wondering how long it had before its engine finally died.
There was a slight glow coming up from behind the horizon and I knew this was the best way to start a trip. I glanced down at my phone as I received yet another text from Michael. He had flown to Los Angeles just last night and was already settling in to our new apartment.
My eyes darted upward as a car horn sounded through the quiet air. I stood from my spot and headed toward the Brennan's car as they came to a stop behind my truck. Charlie hopped out of the passenger seat, her father exiting from the driver's side. Her mother must have said her goodbyes at their home since she was nowhere in sight.
Charlie peck my lips quickly before she turned and headed for the trunk of her father's car.
"Ashton." Mr. Brennan held his hand out for me to shake.
"Good morning, sir." I replied with a smile and watched as Charlie moved around us with her army green duffle bag in hand.
The hatch to the bed of my truck was already open, everything that I owned already taking up some of the space in the bed. Charlie added her bag to my things as she made her way back to the other car to get her other bags.
"I told you." I looked up at Mr. Brennan with questioning eyes, "You've finally gotten your chance."
I nodded, a shy smile forming on my face, "I guess you were right."
"You're a good man, Ashton." He clapped me on the shoulder and gave me a reassuring nod of his head, "Look after my daughter, will you?"
"Of course." I didn't even hesitate.
He gave me a slight smile before going over to his daughter so they could say their final goodbyes. I left them to it, stepping off the sidewalk and into the street, going around to the driver's side of my truck and pulling open the door.
I looked up to see Charlie had made it to the other side of the car already and stood in the open doorway as well. She smiled as we both climbed into the front seat, shutting our doors behind us. I turned my keys in the ignition and the engine roared to life.
The sun was just now peaking out from behind the most distant rocks and light filtered in through the back window, illuminating the street ahead of us. I was ready. There was no turning back now.
"Ashton?" I turned to look over at Charlie, tilting my head in question.
"I love you too."
My heart jumped into my throat and I felt a grin spread across my face. I leaned across the seat and pulled her into a kiss. I could feel her relax under my touch and I pulled away after another moment.
"Are you ready?" I asked and Charlie nodded her head, her cheeks still flushed.
I switched gears into drive and stepped down on the gas.
There was now nothing but open space and endless roadway just waiting for us to travel it. My eyes glanced in the review mirror for just a second, taking in the last look of my tiny hometown. I had no reason to miss it. And as I stared down the road ahead of us, Charlie's window down letting the warm morning air blow through the car, I knew I was making the right choice. Los Angeles would be the start of a life I have always been dreaming of, and the beginning of a whole new adventure.
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