Warning: Mature content.

It was past midnight but she couldn't stop tossing and turning. Sara couldn't stop thinking about what Nora said ever since the legends talked in the Waverider café. Everything was going on smoothly between her and Ava that the thought of Nyssa didn't even cross her mind.

Nyssa was currently overseas, running her parents company while they celebrate their wedding anniversary. She was busy with work that they have barely talked to each other. The last time they saw each other was a week before their cruise, right before Nyssa left for abroad. The time difference made it difficult for them to talk. She was busy with Laurel and Nyssa was swamped with paperwork even after office hours.

Ava was going home in a few hours and she promised her that she would pick her up. However, she still had no idea what to do or how to act around her because the guilt was eating her up. Was she cheating on Nyssa? Because they both haven't talked about where they stood in the relationship but have been acting like girlfriends. She and Ava certainly never had a conversation about relationship either.

She stayed up all night weighing her feelings for both women; Nyssa was fun, exciting and has been nothing but sweet to her and Laurel. When she's around Nyssa she discovers something new about herself and the other woman. She was good with Laurel too and Laurel loved Nyssa. It hasn't been long but she has grown attached to her. But is it love? or is it just attachment.

Ava on the other hand, was familiar and comfortable. Ava was home. When she is around her she feels safe and relaxed. With Ava, there's a pull that keeps her coming back. Their memories together and Laurel will always be a big factor for her feelings for her. However she's confused if she's in love or just wishing for their family to be whole again.

She didn't realize she fell asleep overthinking. She woke up the next day without a firm decision so she picked up her phone and asked her sister to pick up Ava in the airport. She immediately readied herself to leave the house to avoid seeing her ex-wife without a firm decision.

Sara didn't waste any time. She kept herself busy throughout the day to avoid the thought of Ava or Nyssa. She was an impulsive person, the type to live in the moment and not plan for the years to come. That's who she was and if things get too much she runs the other way.

She heads to the precinct to catch up with her friends and the cases she left behind. She also met with their captain to talk about her return to duty. She scheduled her physical exam to determine if she's fit to return to work. She also visited her doctor for permission to do heavy duty exercises and field training to regain her strength.

Somehow she convinced Laurel to go with her to the gym after receiving an all clear from her doctor. She spent the rest of her day in the gym working out her frustrations. For the first time in months she sparred.

It felt good to sweat, to punch someone and to get lost in the ring. Sparring was always her thing with her sister. After Laurel was put in danger because of a case, Sara taught her how to protect herself. Before all the crazy in her life, Laurel, Oliver, his body guard Diggle and Sara would always meet up and train together.

"Are you sure you're allowed to do this?" Laurel ducks to avoid a kick from Sara. She puts her hands up in a protective stance.

"Uhuh" Sara threw a couple of jabs. "I was given an all clear" she avoids a few punches and kicks before hitting Laurel square in the face.

"Do you have any unresolved issues with me that I have to know about?" the older woman rubbed her cheek before lifting her hands up to cover her face.

Sara didn't reply. There was no denying that she had unresolved issues but it wasn't with Laurel. Desperate to forget the reminder she cleared her head and focused on throwing punches. Right jab, left jab. Her punches started to become stronger than she intended. Right jab, left jab, right uppercut. Laurel was having difficulty throwing counterpunches.

"You might wanna pull your punches there" Side kick. Laurel falls on the floor with a loud thump.

"Okay what the hell is going on?" Sara helps her up. Laurel takes their water bottles and hands her one. "Clearly you're not sparring with me because you need exercise."

"I needed to blow off some steam" she didn't want to open up to Laurel because when she does, she'll have to come to terms with a decision and she was not prepared to do that yet.

"Fight with Nyssa?" the older woman asked casually. "Or fight with Ava?" she trails. Sara ignores her.

"Okay then. But if you ever wanna talk about it, I'm all ears. I can be that and not your punching bag okay?"

They both called it a day and hit the showers. It was 6 pm when they finally headed out the gym. Laurel left for work and Sara headed on the wave rider to meet with the legends. They talked about their day and laughed at silly jokes just like they always do. It felt good hanging out with them and for a moment she forgets her dilemma.

She came home after dinner. Laurel was being bathed by Nana Anne at this point and she prayed that Ava was in her office. She wasn't. She sat in the living room with Laurel, helping her color.

"Mommy!" the little girl beamed when she saw her. "Look mama and I colored" she takes the paper and ran to Sara. The shorter blonde welcomed her daughter with open arms.

Her heart ached when she saw the drawing. It was a drawing of a house that was meant to be the mansion and outside was Ava holding Laurel's hand and her holding the other. There was sloppy hand writing on top of each person; Mama, Laurel, Mommy.

"This is so beautiful little bean. Good job baby" she kisses Laurel.

"Laur, honey. It's time for your bath" Ava smiled. "tell Nana Anne okay?"

"okay mama" the little girl disappeared to find her Nana upstairs leaving her parents alone.

"Sorry I went home late. I had a lot to do today" Sara turned her back, not wanting to talk to Ava any longer.

"Hey wait. Come here" Ava pulls her back and hugged her from behind. "I missed you"

"I'm tired Aves" she wriggles herself out of Ava's embrace and headed straight to her room. She hears the other woman call her but she didn't look back.

She exhales when she closed the door. Suddenly she feels like she couldn't breathe. What the hell am I doing? She silently cursed herself. She can't avoid Ava forever but she can stall as long as she can.

She takes another shower to clear her mind. Just as she was about to hop into bed she hears her phone ring at the bedside table. She rubs her hair with a towel before checking the caller i.d. Nyssa.

She sat down the bed and waited for the ringing to end. When it finally does there were a couple of text displayed on the screen

Nyssa: Big presentation to the board today. Wish me luck.

Nyssa: I can't stop thinking about you.

Nyssa: On a break. I finally have free time.

She hears the phone ding.

Nyssa: I miss you. Can't wait to hear your voice. Call me back

Sara groans in frustration. She threw the phone across the bed and laid down. She has to make a choice and she has to make it fast. But what if she can't afford to lose them both?

***

She didn't want to say anything but Ava could no longer deny the fact that Sara had been acting strange around her ever since her short trip to Ivy Town. Before she left, she and her ex-wife had begun rekindling old flames, or so she would like to think. How could she not? The past few days Sara had been intimate; she would occasionally (and intentionally) brush their skin against one another, call her nicknames that make her swoon and casually hug and kiss her.

Ava, no matter how much she denied, is extra in all aspects. She liked to give everything her best and she didn't want to fall short when she learned that Sara and Laurel would be picking her up at the airport. With the way things were going before she left, she didn't want Sara to feel like she was the only one making an effort to 'fix' things; so she personally bought and arranged a bouquet of peonies (as established , extra), Sara's favorite.

While Ava was away, Sara would leave her messages with smiley faces and send her pictures of Laurel. Although it was something the shorter blonde always does, she noticed a couple of differences: Sara was more involved this time, caring even. She would send 'good morning' texts and 'wish you were here' texts. It was so out of character that Ava didn't want to assume but it almost felt like Sara was missing her which made her more excited to come home. However that wasn't the case when she arrived.

The excitement she felt when she saw the car arrived, plunged as quickly as it escalated when it pulled up and revealed that there was no Sara but only Laurel and her little girl. Even her ex sister – in – law noticed her disappointment. When she arrived at the mansion, Sara wasn't home to greet her. When the detective finally did come home, after dinner, which happens almost never, she only apologized and went straight into her room leaving her utterly confused. That was two days ago. Ever since her return Sara was always out running errands or in the precinct trying to process her return to work.

Which lead to the present where Ava is standing outside of the guest room, with a fist up in the air, ready to knock and talk to the other woman like an adult. If she had done something wrong, she wanted to make it up to Sara because things were finally good and she didn't want to ruin whatever it is they're trying to salvage.

She knocked three times but there was no answer. "Sara?" She called out but again there was no reply.

"Can I come in?" she tried again. Having no response wasn't (technically) a 'no', so she twisted the door knob as a last resort. Surprisingly, it was open.

Ava pushed the door ajar enough to see Sara's form in the dimly lit room. She was welcomed by the smell of cinnamon and vanilla from the scented candles that illuminated the bedside tables. Sara barely peeked from the book she was reading.

"Hey" Ava greeted quietly, trying to discern the vibe of the room. By this time the door was wide enough that she could enter "I knocked and you didn't answer" she smiled awkwardly, still no reply from Sara who was clearly trying hard to focus on the book.

"I'm reading" the shorter blonde replied a few moments later; her voice cold and unapologetic.

Ava's heart started beating fast. She recognized this Sara; this was her after a fight, or a vulnerable day. This was the Sara that is cold, stubborn and distant – something she does when she has too much on her plate and doesn't have a clue on how to unload her burdens.

"Can I come in?"

"The door is gaping open and this is your house. Do I have any choice?" she could see Sara's eyes running along the texts in the book but Ava wasn't sure if she's really reading or just making an excuse not to talk to her. Ava clears her throat and calmed herself down.

"Well it's your room and I don't want to invade your privacy" the taller blonde takes a step forward.

"Doesn't feel like it" Ava froze in her track.

"Do you want me to leave?" Ava didn't know why it hurt so much hearing those words from Sara's mouth. Maybe it was the coldness in her voice or the fact that she had missed her or that she was high on hopes that they could finally start over but instead they were slipping back to their old ways.

"I didn't say that" still Sara haven't glanced at her once and its getting on her nerves. If this were months back then they would've fought by now – screaming at each other to lift off the weight they've been shouldering. It worked before and maybe it could work now. If fighting was the only way Ava could coax the truth out of Sara then she left her no other choice.

"Put down the book Sara" her tone was stern, commanding. It's the tone she uses on her employees and the tone that Sara loathes. She knew it work when Sara tensed, and stopped reading.

"Are you really going there?" Ava felt a little victory when Sara put down the book on the bedside table. Sara's piercing blue eyes finally met hers. Even in the dim room, her stare still sent shivers down her spine. Sara could be as scary, hard headed and dominant as her. It made things exciting and brought fire into their relationship but when uncontrolled, their flames burned them.

"I just need to talk to you" Ava replied a little softer.

"We have nothing to talk about Ava" so it's Ava now.

"Yes we do" she takes a couple steps closer so she's a few feet away from the foot of Sara's bed. Ava crosses her arms across her chest and stood her ground. "Please talk to me" Ava gestured to the edge of the bed and Sara raised her brows in confusion. Ava sat on the mattress and tapped on the empty space beside her.

She felt Sara's warmth the moment she was beside her. She could also smell the faint perfume she always wore. She had missed her a lot and it took every ounce of her willpower not to touch the other woman. Ava was silent for a moment. Trying to gather the thoughts and questions she prepared for before she entered. After a while, Sara broke the silence

"You wanted to talk. Talk" the shorter woman still couldn't look at her straight in the eyes.

"Why are you avoiding me?" the taller blonde started. She could feel Sara shift uncomfortably in her seat.

"I'm not avoiding you" lie. Ava could tell.

"You could do better" Ava scoffed. "Sara" she gently held the other woman's hand. Sara didn't flinch and she took it as a sign to hold on tighter. She looked at the other woman intently, searching for answers. "What's going on?" she tried once more, hoping that Sara would just tell her.

"Nothing. I'm not in the mood that's all" the shorter blonde pulled her hand away from her.

"You've been avoiding me. You're acting...different" Ava wanted to tell her how much she loved what they had the past couple of days and that she missed it. She missed Sara's silly jokes that made her blush, the way her hand snaked her waist when she hugged her from behind and the way Sara cared for her. She waited more than a year to feel those again, and she didn't want it to end without any explanation.

"I'm acting the same way as I was before" Sara replied.

"By before you mean before you told me you love me? Before you kissed me on New Year's Eve? How should we be acting really? If we were more than friends then certainly this shouldn't be it. If were acting like exes then this would be casual. But the past few days didn't feel like we were just friends or exes Sara" Ava's voice cracked. Her jaw ached from trying too hard to stop the tears from falling.

"I made a mistake"

Ava's heart broke a little more. She shouldn't be surprised about this. Sara could be impulsive and irrational at times. They weren't clear about what they were before she left but that didn't mean that Sara could just go from hot to cold without notice. She shouldn't be getting angry too because she came here to fix things with Sara even though there wasn't anything in need of fixing. However, Ava wasn't angry because of Sara, she was angry because she expected more when she shouldn't have. She knew she was not supposed to let her ex-wife get closer to her after that cruise. She knew the risk but she allowed it anyway.

"Sara, look at me. Look at me and tell me that what we had the past week felt like a mistake to you. Because it didn't – not to me" she held both of Sara's hand in her own. The other woman still had her eyes on her lap.

"It not feeling a mistake doesn't mean that it isn't Ava" Sara stood up. "What are we really? What are we doing?"

"So what?! What do you want then?" when Ava stood up she towered over Sara. "We'll just go back to normal? Like the past few days never happened? Do you really expect us to just ignore each other again?" She prayed that the next word that comes from Sara's mouth was 'no'.

"I don't know!"

"Well then figure it out Sara!" she could tell how frustrated Sara was. She too was losing patience. "You can't just be all over me and pull away when you feel unsafe!"

Ava could feel her adrenaline kicking and her heart racing. This was too familiar: screaming at each other and fighting. There was a rush that Ava used to feel addicted to. It made her breathe easy, like weight was being lifted and this was her distraction – this was her escape.

"Let's just end this...whatever this is. For Laurel's sake" Ava scoffed. If she didn't know any better she would've broken down by now, heart torn to pieces, but she was overcome by anger and frustration.

As twisted as it may seem, fighting with Sara before made her forget who she was really angry at. Fighting was their sport before, but now this was exhausting. She wanted it to end but she could feel herself being pulled into it.

"Laurel's sake? Sara stop using Laurel as an excuse because we all know why you're doing this. You're terrified of being vulnerable, of opening yourself up to me the same way as before. You're not ending this because of Laurel; you're ending it because you're a coward!"

"That's rich coming from you! You left me and Laurel! You ran from all the pain, the guilt and the responsibility! I faced it all alone! I raised Laurel alone for the past year! I had to do it all alone because you left! Because you were the coward!"

"So were still not past this?! I have been doing everything I can to fill what I've lost Sara! I made mistakes and I'm still paying for them" Ava harshly wiped out the tears that were blurring her vision. Sara was crying too. She wanted to reach her, wipe the tears and kiss the pain away.

"I loved you! I gave my heart to you. I gave all of me and then you left! You can't blame me to be terrified of loving you again Aves." Sara was sobbing and Ava's heart broke into pieces. "you broke me" the shorter blonde dropped and sat on the floor, unable to hold herself up any longer. "You broke me"

"Look at me" Ava crouched down and cupped Sara's cheeks. The taller blonde could see the pain and hesitation in Sara's eyes. Sara was struggling just as she was.

"I'm so sorry Sara. I'm sorry. I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere. This is real. We're real. My love for you is real and so is your love for me. I know you are scared, I know you're having doubts. Sara you can't tell me not to go in my corner and be in yours when things get terrifying" She takes Sara's hand and kisses it.

The shorter blonde lets her. They both sat on the foot of the bed holding each other in silence. Finding peace and comfort in each other's arms.

"I love you" Sara croaks out; her throat, sore from all the crying.

"I love you" Ava smiled.

"I'm sorry Aves. I didn't mean anything I've said" Sara's baby blues find their way to her own.

"Shh" she kisses Sara's temples. "I know" she whispered.

They were close. Too close that she could feel the warmth of Sara's breath. Close enough to see the specks of freckles on the other woman's cheeks. Ava's eyes traveled from Sara's own down to the tip of her nose – red from crying, and to her lips, soft and a little swollen.

She didn't want to assume that Sara had already made up her mind. Ava wanted to make sure she and Sara were in the same page. "I wanna kiss you" Ava whispered, out of breath.

"Kiss me"

Ava didn't need to be told twice. She leaned in to capture Sara's lips in her own. It started out gentle, afraid she might scare her away, but when the other woman leaned in closer, their kiss deepened. She wanted to remove Sara's doubts, take away her pain and uncertainty. She wanted to show her how much she loved her, how much she wanted this – whatever it is they have. She kissed her passionately, lovingly.

She could feel her heart ache and her body yearning for more. She pulled Sara on her lap, their bodies pressed against each other, desperate for more friction. She trailed kisses on Sara's cheeks, down to her neck, nibbling gently and licking – eliciting soft moans from the other woman.

"Ava" Sara muttered breathless. "I want you" Sara's blue orbs pierced hers. Her lashes flutter ever softly, her eyes dark with desire.

She pressed her lips back against Sara's, kissing her feverishly. The shorter blonde stood and pulled her up from the floor without breaking contact. Ava found her hands at the hem of Sara's shirt, taking it off in one tug. She took a second to appreciate Sara's toned muscles, from her bare arms, the curve of her breasts to her abs. Everything felt surreal. If this was a dream she didn't want to wake up.

"Are you sure?" she asks one more time. Despite wanting this with every ounce of her being, Ava wanted Sara to be sure – without any hesitation or regret. All it took was a nod from the other woman.

Ava pushed her and they both fall on the bed, pinning Sara against the mattress. The shorter blonde kissed her passionately as her hands sloppily unbuttoned her blouse. Sara, unable to be patient any longer pulled the shirt open, sending buttons flying across the room.

They both waited for a long time for this but Ava takes her time. She takes her time kissing every inch of Sara's velvet skin, worshipping her. She gives attention to the Sara's ear; kissing, nibbling, and gently tugging on the lobe, leaving Sara whimpering. She trails soft kisses along her neck down to her collarbone, to the valley of her breasts. The taller blonde found her way in the small of Sara's back. In one swift motion Ava unclasps her bra.

"Ava" Sara whispered breathily.

She takes one breast in her mouth, licking and sucking until her soft peaks hardened and payed equal attention to the other, eliciting moans from the shorter blonde. She made her way down Sara's torso with open mouth kisses, gently biting but not leaving any marks. When Ava reached the waistband of her jeans, she undoes the button with expertise. It didn't take long before all their clothes were scattered across the room.

They have not seen each other this vulnerable in a long while that Ava noticed a flash of unease in Sara's eyes. The shorter blonde shifts uncomfortably beneath her.

"God you are so beautiful" Ava whispered. She plants soft kisses on Sara's forehead, her nose and her bare shoulders until the other woman relaxed. Sara pulls her in for a searing kiss, tugging her lips gently.

"Ava please"

It wasn't like Sara to beg, or to rush into things but Ava didn't waste any time teasing. Her hand found its way to Sara's core, dragging a finger across her sex. The way Sara whimpered beneath her drove her wanton.

"I need you Aves" Sara managed in between moans, burying a hand in Ava's hair.

Ava easily slides two fingers in and stills. Sara arched her back and moaned in protest, desperate for more contact. The taller blonde teased – pumping in and out deliciously slow, working Sara up.

Sara pulls her closer until their foreheads touched. She plants a chaste kiss on the shorter blonde's nose, trailing kisses to her neck. Ava increases her pace, pumping in and out fast and knuckles deep that left Sara whimpering. When she finally found her rhythm, Sara met her in every thrust.

They haven't been connected like this in a long time. After her miscarriage, she and Sara were never this intimate. This time it isn't just sex, this time she shows Sara how much she loves her, pouring all her emotions and her soul and Sara does too.

Ava knew all too well how to touch Sara, how to curl her fingers just right to hit the spot, how to make her scream and how to make her come undone. Everything in sync, everything muscle memory. When Ava pressed her thumb against her clit, it didn't take long before Sara was an incoherent mess, moaning and whimpering as her orgasm hit her.

She kisses Sara one more time before lying next to her. The shorter blonde buries herself on the crook of Ava's neck, snaking her hand on her waist. Ava plants a kiss on Sara's forehead and pulled her closer.

"I missed you" she whispered.

She waited for a reply but Sara was quiet. When she looked down to check on her, the other woman was still, her eyes shut and was peacefully asleep. Ava smiled and kissed her on her forehead one more time.

If this was the risk that they should take, then there isn't any fiber of her being that would hesitate to dive in head first.