Chapter Ten

Scared

I was yet to graduate from college. Although hinihintay na lang din namin ang graduation day. At natapos na rin namin ang mga kailangan pa naming gawin at ipasa sa university and professors namin before finally graduating.

But finding out about a huge thing that was supposed to be shared with someone who should also be with me especially in the time when I needed him the most, and he wasn't there...

I didn't know how to tell my parents about it. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang magiging reaction nila sa akin. Will they be disappointed of me? Palalayasin ba ako sa amin...

At nagkahaluhalo na ang mga nasa isipan ko sa panahong ito.

At wala pa akong ibang mapagsabihan.

Elias, I couldn't contact him anymore... Gerald and Emma just broke up... And even my bodyguard wasn't here, too. Umuwi ng Pilipinas para puntahan din ang family niya. Kahit papaano kasi ay nakakausap ko rin naman iyong bodyguard ko at close na rin siya sa aming dalawa ni Elias.

I was all by myself. I was all alone. I felt like I was the only one facing it...

And I got scared as well... I got so scared...

Natulala na lang ako sa hawak ko na pregnancy test. Pang-ilan ko na rin 'tong subok. And all gave me the same one result. I was pregnant. Kagaya nga ng naging kutob ko na rin.

What will I do now...

What will happen to me... And to this child?

Napahawak na lang ako sa tiyan ko sa medyo nanginginig pa na mga kamay habang nasa loob lang ako ng bathroom ko rito sa kwarto ko.

And that's when Max and I met again. Sa panahon na hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. He was there and I told him about my situation. And he took care of me until I have given birth to my child...

"Ali, can we talk?"

Nagkita kami muli sa isang party na in-attend din ng family ko. Wala pa akong gana and I was only there kasi sinama ako nina Daddy.

"What is it this time, Max?" Walang gana ko namang tugon sa kaniya.

"Please, just hear me out one last time, Ali." He said. And he almost begged me to listen to him once...

At sa huli ay pinakinggan ko na lang din siya dahil mapilit din siya. And I just didn't have the energy right now...

Parang gusto ko na nga lang umuwi at bumalik ng bahay ngayon. At matulog na lang. I felt extra exhausted. Hindi ko sigurado kung dala rin ba ng pagbubuntis ko ito... I felt tired and sleepy all the time. Or I was just feeling lazy to do anything.

"I know that what I did to you back then was unforgivable... But hear me first now. Back then I was only following what my parents told me to do. And I did it because I was young... But, Ali." He looked at me in my eyes.

"It doesn't mean that everything I showed you was only because I was just told to do it... Maybe at first... But then, I started to care truly for you. I learned to value our friendship... And I fell in love with you, Ali..." He said.

We remained looking at each other after what he said.

Pero nang makabawi ako ay pinaalala ko rin sa kaniya na nagsinungaling pa rin siya sa akin at nagmukhang ginamit niya lang ako. "You still lied to me, Max. And used me to your benefit..." I said.

He shook his head. "It wasn't all that, Ali. Listen, after we broke up, I've been meaning to talk to you and see you again. But I couldn't do it because I was afraid you've told your parents about what you have found out... My family also prepared for the worst... No one could hurt a Rozovsky, could there be? But I realized that you didn't, Ali..." aniya.

Umiling naman ako sa kaniya. "I didn't anymore want to trouble my family, Max... I just want you to stay away from me." I said. And as long as I wasn't really hurt physically, or my life was put to danger, I guess it's okay.

And after I said that, natigilan ako at napahawak sa bibig ko. Gosh! I can't be sick here in front of many people! Sigurado akong aabot ito kay Daddy na ngayon ay busy pa sa kausap na mga business partners niya.

So I tried to find the bathroom in a hurry. At hindi ko na namalayan na sumunod pa pala sa akin si Max. I vomited in the bathroom and I felt so bad that I almost cried. At pagkatapos kong magmumog ay tiningnan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin. I feel like I look awful even with the beautiful gown and expensive diamonds jewelry that I was wearing tonight.

When I went out of the ladies' room I saw that Max was still there and he was waiting for me. Medyo natigilan naman ako nang makita ko siya at agad naman niya akong nilapitan.

"Ali, are you all right? Are you sick?" Hinarang niya ako.

He tried to check on me, pero tinapik ko lang ang ang kamay niya. I didn't want him to touch me.

"Ali, please, let me help you..." He said.

Napabaling muli ako sa kaniya nang dahil sa sinabi niya. My eyes remained looking at him.

At dahil pakiramdam ko sa mga panahon na 'to na mag-isa lang ako, at wala na akong ibang maaasahan... I just thought that maybe I can seek help from him...

Hindi na ako masyado pang nag-iisip sa mga panahon na 'to. At parang gusto ko na lang na masolusyunan ang problema ko...

And then that night while my Dad and the guards were busy at the party and securing the place, I ended up telling Max about my condition and what I was going through...

Maybe because I've been exhausted thinking about this the whole time. At wala akong ibang mapagsabihan. And I felt like I didn't know what to do. That I need someone to talk to about my problem...

And Max listened to me with also a shocked expression on his face as I revealed to him the truth about my pregnancy.

"I don't know what to do, Max..." I shook my head.

And I felt like crying. Pagod na akong mag-isip at hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko without Elias here...

"It's going to be all right, Ali..."

I looked at Max. And I felt like I saw the friend I knew in him once again.

But after we went home that night with my family, ang hindi ko alam na nireport din pala sa kaniya ng bodyguard ni Daddy na nakita rin ako ng ilang security namin that I was talking to Max that night at the party.

Napag-usapan ito while I was having a meal with my parents the next day.

"Who was the guy with you last night, Aletheia Hartmere?" medyo seryoso na tinanong ako ni dad.

Natigilan naman ako sa pagkain at hinarap ko sila ni Mommy na mukhang interesado rin. Pagkatapos ay bahagya akong umiling. "Just an old classmate, Dad... Back in high school." I said.

Tumango naman si Daddy sa sagot ko. Pero may dinagdag pa siya. "I think I saw that guy, I couldn't remember his name anymore. But he was also at the party last night..." He said.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Daddy.

"I hope you're not seeing that boy again. You said that you two already broke up..."

Tumango naman ako sa sinabi ni daddy. "Yes, Dad. Max and I already broke up years ago..." I said.

And Daddy already nodded after I reassured him of that...

My Dad, Mikolos Admuir Rozovsky, already said that it doesn't matter if I won't marry and stay single, he said that I can stay with him and Mom forever in our house... Pero sinaway naman siya ni Mommy at sinabihan na malaki na ako at kailangan na rin nila akong hayaan sa gusto ko...

And I somehow thanked my Mom when she said that.

Because when my Dad asked me what I wanted to do after my graduation, doon ko naisip din na magsabi sa parents ko na magpapahinga muna ako at magbabakasyon... I just told them that I want to visit many countries after graduation...

At dahil din sa pagkausap ni Mommy kay Daddy ay napapayag na rin namin siya pagkatapos.

I thanked my Mom after that who only smiled at me in return.

So after graduation, nagpaalam ako sa parents ko to have my long vacation. That they also already allowed me to do. And it was only my excuse, because I went to another country with Max... And continued my pregnancy in secret...